[Closed] Anxiety and stress.

Serious questions - are you sleeping ok? How much per night on av? Do you wake up in the middle of the night frequently?

I sleep on average 11 to 6.30. I go to bed at 10, sometimes read. Yes, I usually wake up approx twice a night and my mind is racing. It takes me 45 mins to an hour to get back to sleep, unless I've been on the beer in which case I sleep through.

Been through the same and came out the other side after massive meltdown and am now a changed, more positive and less stressed person, it is possible to change.

An ex suggested to me: just ask yourself "does this really matter?"

"just chill out a bit" is a gross misunderstanding of the situation, I fear.

Have you spoken to a doctor? A good friend of mine was exactly the same, recently started receiving medication and is a different person, their "old self" again. They're kicking themselves for not asking for help earlier.

Not that I'm suggesting that drugs are the only answer or even the first thing to try, but "seek help" is what I'm trying to say.

Probably unfortunate - but you sound quite similar to me...

Couple of questions.

1). Has your level of stress and anxiety increased - or has it always been so?
2). What in particular do you fret about...?

J

Oh gosh, that sounds tough. From my own personal experience I would say that, for some people, sport actually takes over thus creating stress based around training and performance.

As an example, I used to run and became so obsessive that when an invite came to a wedding I said no cos I had a half marathon to run the next day.

There comes a time when one realises that beating oneself up about shortcomings, regardless of what they are, is just not worth it.

It sounds as though you've reached that point and need to work out your own way of dealing with it. Lists (ongoing) are brilliant especially when you need to refer back.

Edit: blood tests including vit D and B12 as well as ferritin.

Jamj1974

1) always been
2) everything. Yes, really. For example tonight was/ is my last piss up before quitting for 3 months. My road club then organised a 9am ride tomorrow and I'm in knots about which to proceed with - one affects the other obviously.

Cougar in 2001 I had a massive panic attack at an airport which rendered me unconscious due to the culmination of a "perfect storm" of major life issues. What followed was 6 months of pills (never again thanks) then 6 months of CBT to get me over those issues. I've never been anywhere near that bad since though.

A 'top-up' course of CBT?

Sack the ride off and gets leathered, you'll be able to ride again.

I read a book and it had a profound impact, "the power of now", I didn't read it all but the concept changed my view on what I should be thinking about.

Also remember that the brain is a muscle and if you trained it to have control over your thoughts as much as you train your muscles for sport you'd not have half the problems. My mind used to be as out of control as a feral child.

I'd prescribe you a quarter of weed.

What line of work? I have an oc type personality and gave up drink years ago, and much better for it.

So some of this is pressure you are directly putting yourself under... You mention CBT-based meditation, but perhaps some counselling directed at your tendency to apply pressure to yourself may be helpful...? If you keep doing this to yourself, there is a chance you may breakdown. It took me 15 years of working under pressure - but finally work-based stress ended up pushing the buttons that led to a crisis for me.

I would suggest taking action sooner rather than later would be best. I left it too long.

It is the trying to get rid of the anxious feeling (and associated symptoms/thoughts) thats maintaining it. How much time do you spend researching it and generally thinking about it, in the hope of stoping it? This is what maintains it in my experience, the resistance to having those feelings of anxiety.

Instead let the feeling be there, including the physical and mental symptoms, without wishing it away and your general nervousness will gradually lower over time. Note you will feel nervous and agitated initially, what you need to practice is leaving this feeling be there and it will reduce and go away over time.

If you get an anxious thought just tell yourself everything usually sorts itself out over time and move away from trying to 'solve' that anxious thought. They are usually meaningless anyway and if you think about it you cannot resolve an anxious thought about a future event as the event hasn't happened, so you're wasting your time. For example "what if the plane I'm going on this weekend crashes?" Trying to resolve this anxious thought is pointless, there may be a small chance of it happening but it highly unlikely. What i'm trying to get across is see it at what it is, an anxious thought, and don't get involved in trying to resolve the thought, dismiss it as an anxious thought and move on with what you are doing in the present time.

Same applies if you feel nervous in certain situations (social anxiety say), let the feeling be there (facing) and don't try to stop it (acceptance).

I see a lot of people fighting their feelings and in most cases it is this resistance that perpetuates those feelings that they are desperate to get rid of. Just accept you have a lot of anxiety at the moment and that you are not going to add more to it by fighting the feelings.

I used to suffer from an anxiety disorder so know what it feels like and its not nice but best of luck. A good read is Dr Clare Weekes or an ebook by ex anxiety sufferer Paul David. But in general try and stay away from reading every book you can on the subject.

Best piece of advice anybody ever gave me was an older colleague who said: "You're too intense, you need to get drunk more often."

I used to be laid-back and relatively care-free. I'm now a lot like you describe. I've analysed why on many occasions and that's a different post for a different day.

In the meantime the thing I found helps more than anything is to be more tunnel-visioned. We're often encouraged to take on multiple projects at once, be they work or personal, and that plate-spinning can definitely lead to stress and anxiety. Recognise that not everything can be done simultaneously, not everything can be done today and not everything can even be done this week/month/year. You get the idea.

I often get anxious at the kids' bedtime, simply because it's the time of day when dinner needs clearing up, kids needing putting to bed, the washing up needs doing and at the same time I'm thinking of what I need to do after I've done all that. Trying to do all at once was not healthy. As a practical example of something that worked for me, even the simple act of washing up is something I now focus 100% on, rather that it being something I'm doing whilst thinking of something else that needs doing. I suppose this is meditation of a sort.

+1 for the "power of now" (Eckhardt Tolle). I'm allergic to self help books but this one is significantly deeper and more significant than anything else I've seen in that genre.

@seosamh I'd prescribe a sensible national drugs policy and an extensive research programme so we actually had a chance of predicting which people would be genuinely helped by weed/ecstasy/mushrooms/lsd and which would flip out altogether and be consigned to the loony bin. Both outcomes are possible.

Sideshow, don't disagree with you at all, though I'd suggest those susceptible to issues would mostly be under 18, not to say dismiss problems after youth though. The research should be done. Still suggest a wee smoke wouldn't go a miss in this case.

Have a look at Mindfulness - that's all about focussing on what's happening right now rather than being dragged off by your racing mind. Plenty of YouTubing about it - [url=

Mark Williams[/url] and [url=

Kabat-Zinn[/url] are two leading figures, plus the [url= http://getsomeheadspace.com/ ]Headspace[/url] site.

I sleep on average 11 to 6.30. I go to bed at 10, sometimes read. Yes, I usually wake up approx twice a night and my mind is racing. It takes me 45 mins to an hour to get back to sleep, unless I've been on the beer in which case I sleep through.

You need to make a change quickly, as that is not enough sleep and you will find yourself in ever decreasing circles.

If this carries on like this you will start to get panic attacks, and could develop into CFS. As your body will just want you to stop. At this point the recovery time will be long and drawn out.

I was in exactly the same position as yourself and i ignored the early warning signs (loss of sleep) and burnt out. It took me 2 years to recover fully, which included months off work and medication. Bike racing takes alot out of you, both pysically and mentally, the mental aspect is not to be underestimated either as the constant worry about ' am i doing enough training? ' or ' im scared im going to loose my gains ' overcomes everything else in your life, which is a bit silly really because in reality nobody looses fitness that quickly, especially if you have been cycling alot in the past.

My advice would be firstly cut right back on alcohol and stop drinking caffine, replace hot drinks with herbal tea which will de-toxify your system. Increase the fruit and veg in your diet. Take two to three weeks OFF the bike completley. Re-evaluate your competition goals, make them realistic bearing in mind you will need to cut back your training. And most importantly talk to people, dont coup things up emotionaly let it all out.

Sorry if any of this seems harsh, but this is coming from experience.

Oh gosh, that sounds tough. From my own personal experience I would say that, for some people, sport actually takes over thus creating stress based around training and performance.

Probably the root of the problem.

Kryton you have described exactly how I feel mate, fancy a pint?

Mine developed into Cfs, lost 2-3yrs of my life and wish I'd done more earlier and seen the warning signs. The good thing here is you are getting some help/advice (although I'd steer clear of weed, tried it and made me worse)

I should add that while Cfs was one of the worst periods of my life, the recovery has been amazing and one of the best experiences ever

Xcracer1 puts it exactly right. It could have been me writing that! - right down to the bit about Dr Claire Weekes.

It's the constant "getting things straight" in your head wrt a particular problem or anxious thought that gives anxiety its cyclic nature.

You really have to do nothing and accept it all. This is incredibly difficult at first but when it clicks it all becomes obvious.
Doesn't mean you'll be "cured" just that you'll cope with your personality much more easily.

This website is quite good : [url= http://www.anxietycoach.com/anxietytrick.html ]Anxiety tricks[/url]

You really have to do nothing and accept it all. This is incredibly difficult at first but when it clicks it all becomes obvious.
Doesn't mean you'll be "cured" just that you'll cope with your personality much more easily.

Thats ignoring the root cause and 'trigger' , which wont solve the problem, its merely suppressing part of it short-term.

Rest, Sleep and Diet are the fundamentals here.

The point being there often isn't any "problem" to solve.
If there is a concrete problem then obviously it needs resolving. I'm not sure the OP mentioned anything concrete?

I used to sort of suffer from similar. My mind used to race and refuse to shut down . I used to call it '100mph head' and once up to speed it took ages to get into a deep comfortable sleep.
I have a much more laid back approach now and really should care more . I drink hot Ribena after work which makes me want to sleep from about 9 ish .
A work colleague once told me of a story about his grandson , who during a non- crisis family crisis stated simply " No -Ones going to die Grandad " . I now use this when its all gone horribly wrong and nothing is working .
I try to get 8 1/2 to 9 hrs sleep a night , which is great recovery time.

I've suffered terribly in the past and got through it with meditation/diet/rest. Still bites and this year has been monumentally hard. We had a 3rd child(unplanned) with lots of difficulties, my wife had a major post natal breakdown. I had to carry the lot for a while inc all baby and child care. It's all a lot better but I've taken on more work and the last 4 weeks have been tough with exhaustion. I have had a whole year of bad sleep, starting with baby feeding and the stress of a wife loosing it every night until the drugs worked. Got loads of exciting things going on but to be honest I can't do them all and the responsibility to my family means all the personally exciting stuff I have to decline on. This has pissed me off a bit.

It sounds like you're doing the right things already mate.

Just beware placing too much pressure on yourself to change and getting frustrated if you judge yourself not to be making sufficient progress.

It sounds like you are your own harshest critic and maybe that's the key?

[/amateur shrink]

Kryton - best of luck for 2014 and I hope you find the answers. As a first step, write down your top 5 NY resolutions and then cross 4 of them out. Relax, simplify things, turn any electronic devices off and give yourself a break. Not easy I know but best of British!!!!

Thanks everyone so far, I'm sure this thread will be of help for others too. There's a fair bit of material there and despite being sceptical of anything "spiritual" I was drawn to and have ordered The Power of Know.

It sounds like you are your own harshest critic and maybe that's the key?

I think this might be true chakaping, I have a very negative view of myself as seen through others eyes, and also am intolerant to my own failure. A good example of this is the pressures of Racing as mentioned already - today's Turbo session was rubbish and I mentally chastised myself for the failure to complete more than 3 of the same nine intervals I completed last Friday - despite knowing I'm on a comedown from a family emergency involving my daughter and therefore tired from stress and lack of sleep. AND knowing that at 41 I'm about to start my first Cat 4 road races ever, so I can't possibly expect to be winning or even placing high, yet I am pushing myself hard, yet I believe not hard enough.

And so it goes on through life, decorating not achieved fast enough, back garden a tangled mess I could go on....

I've made a start though - as THM suggests I turned off my phone for Christmas and Boxing day for the first time ever, and today said "no" to some urgent work I was asked to do, due to my family issues. I know that makes life difficult for someone else and its not like me to say no but hey.

Know where you're coming from, OP. One thing thatz I've found really helpful is to carry a notebook, and whenever I feel like my head's starting to boil is to make a list of everything I'm stressing about. Then pause for a few minutes before looking at the list again. Just venting onto paper seems to help. More importantly, I usually realise I've been stressing over nothing very much.
Oh, and Steve Peters +1.

'100mph head'

100 mil of Sertraline and get out riding works for me!

Bananas.

It looks like a clear case of self obsession !

Power of now free download
PDF Format:

I bet if I pointed out the fact that you are going to die, rather than you thinking, good point life is just futile existentialism you' d think "****! I'd better get my shit together quick and start enjoying myself asap"

We've evolved over hundreds of thousands of years to be anxious about surviving the next day or week and its only in the past hundred or so years this has changed.

Stop thinking of yourself as a person and realise you are just a lump of meat and your emotions are only there to keep you alive in our some what unnatural modern way of life.

Seeing the big picture doesn't help much when surrounded by kuntz at work and stressed out of your ****in mind though. But remember you are just getting too caught up in the experience of being a human. Its only a effing game.

I used to have 100mph head - managed to get control over the speed it runs at so I can slow it down considerably when I need to. Amazing the difference it makes especially to sleeping - I used to be jealous of my kids sleeping like babies but now I sleep better than they do.

On the subject of feeling you aren't training hard enough - you may need to step away (as hard as it seems) until you calm your system down otherwise it won't get better soon. Pushing yourself too hard will only result in something giving - my experience was like a fuse blowing suddenly one day after about 12 months of things gradually get worse but me not wanting to accept I couldn't do it all. I used to have the belief that at 38 I should have been able to push myself harder than I was (2 kids, a tough job, busy social life and trying to ride 6-7 days a week along with 1-2 trail building sessions a week) and if I didn't do it all I felt guilty and would worry something was wrong - it was, I was just ignoring the warning signs. My body just said "stop" and it did.

I'm now content just getting out on the bike for 30mins, but if I get more I enjoy it too - 5 hours at Bikeparkwales 2 days ago was awesome. I no longer have to ruin myself after every ride which I felt driven to achieve so I could say I'd pushed myself that little extra.

The good news is you can change and improve - A mate of mine had CFS for about 4 years and is now doing Ironman Tri's and is super fit but he has rebuilt his foundation and is stronger from it.

Have you thought of yoga? A good class though with an instructor from the british wheel of yoga that do 15mins of relaxsation at the end.
These classes sorted my headaches out, you did an hour of focused exercises with controlled breathing followed by relaxsation. By about 20mins in your focusing on the class and nothing else.

Doing, [b]being[/b][u], becoming, belonging.

Sounds like you are focussing on the "doing" and not enough on "being".
As per some of the good advice above (Mindfulness is a great place to start.
Try and focus on one thing. Imagine that you are removed from the situation; whilst watching yourself in that situation.

There is no magic answer, but changing how you think will help.

I understand the OP situation - I stress to the extent that I am so used to it that (as I realise now) I subconsciously look for things to stress about when there is nothing obvious. I hadn't used to be like this, I have a feeling it is a product of (a) getting older (b) having more stuff going on generally (c) years of really stressful, exposed and deadline driven work (d) a really strong sense of personal responsibility, but to the degree where I blame myself for stuff that is totally not a consequence of my actions

The upside is that I am very good under stress, I can cope under ridiculous demands when others would walk away and that has been lucrative. The downside is I can be a wreck when I'm not nailing the pedal to the floor - I can massively lack confidence, deeply anxious, moody, self-doubting/loathing, inward looking.

One of the problems I find is that people don't understand my self negativity - I'm male, outgoing, gregarious, big, strong etc - so I present differently to what is going in my head. But I don't think I'm alone in this. If you can actually get people to open up, everyone seems - even the most apparently confident and successful - to be a sea of insecurities and fears.

I have helped myself a lot by getting out of the hellish job to something less challenging, by understanding that most people feel similar. Talking to trusted friends helped me or even listening to what they are saying between the words when they are talking about their lives/jobs/relationships. I also talk myself rationally through worries if I can - and yoga really helps in clearing the mind. And exercise as well.

I think, basically, I'm saying - you are not alone.

The point being there often isn't any "problem" to solve.
If there is a concrete problem then obviously it needs resolving. I'm not sure the OP mentioned anything concrete?

The problem is lack of rest both mentally and physically from what i can see from the OP post

Kryton - The most important thing you need to do right now is to address your lack of sleep. Truly. There is some good advice here, but you will burn out if you dont address the rest factor 🙂

A tutor at the college I was attending once gave me a cranial osteopathy treatment.

100mph to a quiet head in minutes.

It took a few treatments to make it 'stick' and doesn't solve the lifestyle issues, but has been a useful component.

If you are still working in Nottingham I recommend Nick Woodhead.

olddog - Member

The upside is that I am very good under stress, I can cope under ridiculous demands when others would walk away and that has been lucrative.

This is me at work to a T. I have bee highlighted as one of the major factors in our newly formed team being 160% successful in 2013, and as a result have earned a bigger role. I performed three roles to achieve it.

The downside is I can be a wreck when I'm not nailing the pedal to the floor - I can massively lack confidence, deeply anxious, moody, self-doubting/loathing, inward looking.

This is me in situations I'm not comfortable with or can't communicate to others. OldNick there has witness this at a wet SITS one year.

Thanks for that somethingion oldog, it's remarkably accurate.

Overnight I read and stopped at the mindfulness/tuning out bit of The Power of Now. I think I achieved a few seconds of quiet and although I went to bed at 12 - I did wake at 2 but actually dropped off again immediately. Could be coincidence of course. But also, I went out for a blustery road ride today and my head was telling me all he way through "don't forget this", "this has to be done at work tomorrow" I did try yo quieter it on the bike. In the few seconds I did, it did appear that the road in front of me just became more 3D, and my ability to turn my (sore) legs in cadence rose. What can I say.

OldNick - thanks for that I may give it a go.

I'm very similar, though appear to be getting better at sleeping now. I found lists are key to quieting my mind. Once it's on the white board (yes I have a big one) I can stop thinking about it.

Sleeping wise I find concentrating on trying to decried the colour White seems to work for me, often my mind will shoot off in another direction, just spot it, give it a friendly telling off and back to thinking about the colour white.... Counting sheep does not work, by 100 they are riding bikes, by about 250 they are doing tail whips and backflips....

Other thing. Book a holiday. Start setting things in the diary you look forward to rather than it being an endless treadmill of work, training and chores.

Kryton, you are me, and I claim my £5.00!

'The point being there often isn't any "problem" to solve.
If there is a concrete problem then obviously it needs resolving.'

This made me think of the questions I asked myself last week. I asked why I get anxious,questioned if it was my doing, why it happened etc and I'm not sure if,like some folk have said,if it's not nailing the problem it's not really solving the problem that lies beneath, but I seem to have convinced myself that in a 24 hour day it's other peoples actions that cause it all.

From first thing in the morning (maybe driving to work), through the day, driving home, and once I'm at home.. It seems to be other people that cause the problems. There are days where I can avoid all my so called problems and I'm completely chilled out. Like I felt I used to be. Nowadays it really does feel like others are causing the problems.

Someone tell me it's me being an ass, or are others feeling the same way?

Martinxyz - I'd say it is a problem if you can't take action to resolve it - if you can't resolve it then let it flow on by like water off a ducks back.

I like to think that in life there are only good experiences and learning experiences (bad experiences are only bad if you let them be). No point getting anxious as it doesn't help with those problems you can't take action on and if you can take action then deciding on the type of action shouldn't involve anxiety anyway.

I have to say I used to be really anxious about similar things but now I'm less anxious from taking this approach - I do find I occasionally get anxious (like last night before coming back to work) but I stop myself and move on to thinking about something more positive - it has taken a long time to change but the change is massive to my whole approach on life.