[Closed] Amicably separating - what do I need to know?

thats its never amicable

[quote=dirtyrider ]thats its never amicable
Sadly, +1

get everything in writing - same as any other "business" deal, if it's amicable then it shouldn't be a problem.

[i]thats its never amicable[/i]

Not always true. 😆

Can be amicable, my mum and dad sepetated and then divorced with very little hostility, so it can be done

ok in 99.99999999% of cases its not amicable

you may be in that very tiny percentage,

however the fact you are buying out and she will have to move out of the former matrimonial home will be enough to start the ball rolling

good luck, get a solicitor

get everything in writing, and i do mean everything.

I am also in that tiny percentage, it may have helped that, although we shouldn't have been a married couple we still got on ok and I decided to be fair to her and not try and take as much with me as I could. (I was leaving, she bought me out)
Worked out OK but we didn't have kids so there was no extra pressure there. Do take legal advice though, it's easier...

[i]good luck, get a solicitor[/i]

That's when it all goes bad, & the only winner is the solicitor. (usually)

It depends greatly on how you both are with each other. My ex and I didn't split up well and it was nasty but in the end we sorted everything out amicably and never involved a solicitor at all. But everyones different.

[i]It depends greatly on how you both are with each other. My ex and I didn't split up well and it was nasty but in the end we sorted everything out amicably and never involved a solicitor at all. But everyones different.[/i]

Very true, I/we were also lucky & didn't take each other out, our 2 kids benefited from this I think. Solicitors had minimal inolvement, (money grabbing barstewards that they are)

My mate split from his wife and they agreed not use a solicitor due to the cost. Seemed to work out fine.

If you really want to split amicably and can both agree, just go to one lawyer, don't engage 2.

Or as the above post don't use them at all if you can figure a way.

Lawyers by nature are adversarial it's how they get paid, never set one against the other, it gets very very expensive and guess who is the only winner..

Singletrack World comes to the rescue again . Let's have a look at the advice so far . It won't be amicable but it can be amicable . Get a solicitor but don't waste your money on a solicitor 😆
FWIW I separated from my ex wife with no solicitors and no great acrimony , she wanted me out and I wanted to go which helped . We had children to consider so it really helps everybody if you can remain friendly . Easier said than done I know .
The flip side of that story , my ex business partner bought my share of our pub restaurant business . We tried to not involve solicitors apart from the bits where you have to use them and I ended up getting myself fairly royally shafted .

@liquid1000 firstly sorry you're divorcing, great to hear it's amicable.

A few friends have divorced amicably. I'm in the middle of the other kind. What I recommend is you get a lawyer and go through the settlement you have agreed and get them to write it up and then both sign it. The court stuff is then a formality. You may want to get some legal advice just for you as a joint solicitor cannot advise one of you individually. What I would strongly suggest you do not do is just agree verbally, that can come back to haunt you in the future.

Good luck.

My ex an I got a "deed of separation" drawn up by an online solicitor

It set out what we had agreed on paper - I'm not sure how much the document is worth in legal terms, but it seemed like a step in the right direction

Then after 2 years we had a DIY divorce - except for the money bit, got another real (online) solicitor to do that, again based on what we agreed between us

You could skip straight to the divorce - but you will have to agree who will take the blame (for adulatory or unreasonable behaviour).

Take a look at the wikivorce website - it's very good

Its certainly possible to be amicable through the divorce proceedure. As far as engaging a solicitor goes I think that is very much dependent on your own particular situation. My ex hired one, I didnt. Things will get heated at times I believe the key is to always keep your end goal{welfare of your children and a good relationship with their mother) in mind no matter how difficult that is.
Good luck

I recently received my decree absolute, following a 3 year separation. We researched lots online, used wikivorce (an excellent resource), talked a lot about what was fair, came up with our own consent order which we asked a solicitor to formalise.
In total our legal costs and court fees came to £500 each.
In the same time several friends have spent tens of thousands on venting their animosity through solicitors and will end up with a similar split of equity.
So if there is a way of keeping things amicable, do it!

Just been going through this at the moment, ignore the cocks it can be done amicably and eith kids involvef as long as you are both grown up and put the kids first. In my case I moved out and we got a decree of separation from the point of abandonment, I.e. the point which I left home. After two years this will kove to divirce. We only used one solicitor and gave very clesr instruction. In my csde I gave my ex the housr sd she couldn't afford to buy me out and it gives stability to my son. Yes it was a massive financial hit. The transfer of deeds was easy and organised through the mortgage providers solicitors. The msin thing is to focus on treating each other with respect and make sure the kids know its a change but not necessarily a bad one. If they still see mum n dad getting on well and even managing to get " family time" where you all meet up as friends for a while can really make the transition easiet for them. Hope that helps ( taz 9 months single after 20 years of being together, was married for 11)

What is amicable now can certainly change in the future and for a multitude of reasons - and this can be a few days after separation up to years after so....

Financials are the easy bit if you can agree something amicably - but make sure you are both independently legally advised and get everything in writing, including the fact that this is a full and final settlement to minimise the future financial issues (though childrens age may prevent this) but certainly ensure that you have in writing that both of you agree that the other has made a full disclosure of their financial position and this is the basis of the agreement.

In relation to contact then the way family courts work I wouldn't invest too much time on a contact order, if in future Mother wants to really prevent you having a relationship then that piece of paper will be all but useless, longer term its about how the children feel and that is down to you to invest time in them and build that relationship - that is the best outcome for everyone involved

...and if the relationship with your ex does go pair shaped then seriously consider whether what you are arguing about will really matter in a years time and always act in the interest of the children having an ingoing relationship with you, not you getting 'your time' with the children

Good luck . My own anecdote . My now very distant ex and I went for an amicable split on that basis I agreed to fund all her house hold bills pending sale of the house . I left our joint accounts open . Three months in I found out she had run up a massive overdraft on the bank so I went to draw out savings from the building society to find she had cleaned that out and shut the account.

So my moral is be as amicable as you like but do not leave your assets exposed on the basis of trust.

good luck, get a solicitor

That's when it all goes bad, & the only winner is the solicitor. (usually)

Possibly because of

but make sure you are both independently legally advised

If it's as amicable as it can be, then why not both of you use the [b]same[/b] solicitor.

I did and it worked well.... Good luck

[i]thats its never amicable[/i]

Bullshit.

It HAS TO BE amicable if you have young kids.
You DON'T NEED solicitors if it's amicable: Talk to each other.