[Closed] Am I getting scented coffee, or...?

the aftershock is like drinking distilled Burt Reynolds.

Thanks for giving me the giggles in an open plan office. Git.

(-:

my morning cup of tea always tastes of perfume if I kiss my wifes neck before she leaves for work. The perfume transfers on to my lips.

Have you been necking anyone who smells like Burt Reynolds?

I think what's happening is that your office colleague is gay and secretly fancies you. He's giving you gay-scented coffee in the hope that you catch gayness (it's not just toilet seats you know) and fall in love with him.

Good luck!

C. He's got the hots for you so is splashing the lynx every trip to the kitchen

😉

D'oh - Cougar thinks same, must be true!

Probably just tastes of cockwash.

This is excellent.

I must add, however...

While it's conceivable that my colleague might be gay (in which case I would naturally be a catch), he is 65 and married. Not that that means anything necessarily. I'm just saying.

Second - and here's where option b comes is - he knows, I think, that I don't like him very much. Long story there. 👿

Hence the paranoia.

The plot thickens.

Probably just tastes of cockwash.

And my worst nightmare is realised...

Have you started running to the loo a lot? He may have put laxatives in there.

Probably just tastes of cockwash.

Jesus christ will you stop it, I've about swallowed my own tongue and I'm starting to get funny looks.

Well, funnier than usual.

he knows, I think, that I don't like him very much. Long story there.

Yep, sounds like you're getting a [i]teabag[/i] in your coffee 😈

Have you started running to the loo a lot? He may have put laxatives in there.

No unexplained rumblings yet, but the day is young.

UPDATE:

He's just strolled over to my desk all casual-like (the print-out he's just done is no doubt a pretence), looked at my (still almost full) coffee and said" "hey, don't let it go cold."

UUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!

What am I drinking here?

ANYONE but GrahamS is allowed to reply. I can't take the thought of nut-scented Java 👿

Yep, sounds like you're getting a teabag in your coffee

That's it, I'm closing STW. I can't see it any more anyway.

[i]The pellet with the poison is in the vessel with the pestle [/i]

Nasty. You'd want to put it through a sieve first.

[img] [/img]

The OP has gone very quiet?

You're drinking this shite:
[img] [/img]

He's drinking this lovelyness:
[img] [/img]

Hell, HtS, I can taste every chest hair...

If there's enough Burt to go around, textured stallion coffee could be the next big thing.

Probably just tastes of cockwash.

Okay, I'm trying to think rationally about this.

If it was (I can hardly type the word)... cockwash, wouldn't the coffee taste of, you know, cock?

Unless he keeps his weapon primed and ready for action 24/7, why would I be getting perfume?

I almost don't want anyone to answer that...

He's making it with water from the urinal

[img] [/img]

my morning cup of tea always tastes of perfume if I kiss my wifes neck before she leaves for work. The perfume transfers on to my lips.

Whereas my cuppa tends to taste a wee bit fishy after I've kissed the missus in a morning

Oh sweet Jesus...

[i]wouldn't the coffee taste of, you know, cock?[/i]

are you in a poisition to make a comparison?

is it salty?

[edit] there isn't a tone that hora can't lower. 😉

[img] [/img]

wouldn't the coffee taste of, you know, cock?

And you're sure it doesn't taste of cock?

If it was (I can hardly type the word)... cockwash, wouldn't the coffee taste of, you know, cock?

It might. Have you tasted cock?

The thought of breakfast in bed at Chez Hora has made me feel quite unwell.

wouldn't the coffee taste of, you know, cock?

are you in a poisition to make a comparison?

Point taken.

Less salty than 'unrestrained masculine sensuality', I'd say. Probably Old Spice.

😳

EDIT: The lip of my coffee mug wouldn't be any cleaner if I had OCD. I've wiped it so hard some of the pattern's come off. (Probably too late to make a difference, but still)

Probably Old Spice.

Dettol, more likely.

Could this be part of the 40% of the time that Sex Panther doesn't work all the time?

Isn't Rohypnol supposed to have a slight flavour?

You could always discreetly sniff his crotch, you may pick up a subtle hint of eau de le cockwash.

[img] [/img]

You could always discreetly sniff his crotch, you may pick up a subtle hint of eau de le cockwash.

schrickvr6, discretely or not, that's not gonna happen...

IT MIGHT BE ME... but I'm feeling...kind of...woozy.... .... ....

[i]discretely or not, that's not gonna happen... [/i]

unless it is rohypnol, of course.

Camo - how about you describe the scenario in briefs?!

It's obvious what's going on here.

He's giving you a nutjob - albeit a Joop/Farenheit/Jazz scented one.

All the way round your rim. And back again. And around again. Think plasterer skimming.

Hold that thought :|.

Joop/Farenheit/Jazz scented

I'm thinking Kouros or Blue Stratos.

It's obvious what's going on here.

He's giving you a nutjob - albeit a Joop/Farenheit/Jazz scented one.

All the way round your rim. And back again. And around again. Think plasterer skimming.

😆

UPDATE:

I've just come out of this weird daydream.

Office attire still on and fairly straight (phew!)

But that evil MoFo is giving me very odd looks...

I'm off to the FS section to check out a padded saddle. 😳

UPDATE:

14.56

He's just asked me how to spell 'sizeable'.

Should I read anything into that?

i'd answer his question, dont make him mad by writing on here isntead of replying politely!

Sizeable is OK, unless he follows it up with girth, Selotape and haematoma.

is the next word fissure?

Okay, I've told him that 'sizeable' is spelled:

'K-E-E-P-Y-O-U-R-B-U-R-T-R-E-Y-N-O-L-D-S-F-L-A-V-O-U-R-E-D-D-O-N-G-A-W-A-Y-F-R-O-M-M-Y-B-E-V-E-R-A-G-E'.

He's using spell check now. 🙄

Prolapsed?

Right.

Coffee time has come around again. Now, it's my turn. 😈

So the question is: should I or should I not 'return the favour'? Wink wink.

Wait for the water to cool down a bit before dunking would be my advice.

It's not an accident in the work place you want to explain to a Health and Safety officer.

See, that ^^^^ is why I ask you guys first!

Camo8 says: "thanks wwaswas".

Are there any "trace elements" on the lip?

I'm now wondering if, by what you say, there isn't some sort of "residue" around the rim.

"Coughs loudly"

Trouble is, I've done a Lady Macbeth on it, bikebouy. There may have been ... residue (groans), but I was too distracted by the overpowering scent of Burt to notice...

crap in it.

Was having a cr*p day at work. Logged onto STW. Saw this thread. Read it. Brilliant. Thank you STW for brightening up my day. Camo16 I hope it wasn't anything untoward in your coffee, you don't deserve it after making me LOL at home alone..................

I've done a Lady Macbeth on it

Ah yes.

Macbeth, Act 5, scene 1:

Lady Macbeth: "Yet here's a spot... Out, damn'd smegma! out, I say.. Who would have thought the old man to have had so much in him?"

(Yeah that's right. Shakespeare jokes. Because that is how thou rollest.)

crap in it.

I was considering a sneaky poo I admit, but even if I aimed perfectly and nobody walked in would it stir out?

@ Nacho, happy to oblige. 😉

I know what it is!

[img] [/img]

Maybe he's OCD with germs and he's just washed the cups very very well but not rinsed them properly afterwards?
Someone dripped some soap in the sugar/coffee jar?
Milk gone off?
cross contamination of cleaning fluid of some sort?
freshly mouthwashed phlegm?

Ok, so you've exhausted most avenues.. "coughs louder"

Me now thinkie the leeetle mannn siiiimplie washieeee upeee your cupppie and not rinseeee it proppperslike.

Ariel Washing Up Liquid anyone?

EDIT:
Oh ar*e, beaten to the solution

😆 @ Cougar

Okay, I'm leaving this now... Let bygones and all that. Thanks guys!

Youre missing something, if it tastes kinda salty he might have had a 'hand shandy' in it.

Well you could replace the milk for it.

It wasnt a cappuchino was it?

ph33r my l33t Photoshopping skilz. Or something.