[Closed] Am I being Victorian dad?

It's your kid so your choice my kids get a pudding if they eat their meal not that it's an issue for them to eat a full meal.

nah, yer missus is encouraging bad habits.

In our house if you want your dinner you come and sit at the table with everyone else who's in and the telly goes off.

...and as well as sitting at the table, mine are not allowed electronic devices, books etc, and have to sit at the table until everyone has finished, and then ask to get down.

Works for us

Eating dinner in front of the telly is bang out of order as is treats for eating 'some' dinner. WTF?

You obviously both have to work together on parenting and this needs to be sorted.

I know how difficult kids can be with food - the dog always sat by daughter's chair at meal times! I would also suggest that some females are genuinely unable to eat a reasonable quantity at one sitting. It may be that smaller but frequent meals is the answer.

Also worth mentioning that I loved (most of the time) family meal times. Great conversations used to take place and a real bonding occasion. 🙂

your kids and your choice mine occasionally do with me and dont with the ex but its a treat and far from the norm.
The tv does go off when they stop eating though and we go to the table,they are clearly much less attentive when they do this.

I would also suggest that some females are genuinely unable to eat a reasonable quantity at one sitting. I

We ordered chinese last night as a treat for my eldest because her sister was at a party, she picked he main and asked if she could have a starter too. The starter was probably big enough for a main, the main was massive and she shared her rice with her mother. All that she left was 2 of her crispy spring rolls starters but she finished them later, ate more than her mother. She eats a lot more than her male and female cousins as does her sister so I reckon it's down the kids themselves.

We eat at the table every night apart from Saturday's when we normally have a much whilst watching a film.

Depends on how much child care you do really if she does most of it and you do very little then you might have to go with the flow abit if it's 50/50 then get waded in and sort it out.
You are not being Victorian at all lazy kids lead to very lazy teenagers .

You're right - she's wrong (in my opinion).
We eat at the table where food is to be enjoyed not endured. You have to eat, so you may as well enjoy it!
Clear plate = desert/yoghurt/fruit.
Eating in front of the TV is a very bad habit and makes the food secondary to the TV - like only getting up to get a drink during the adverts (if you watch ITV/SKY!!!).

Good food is an event, not a chore.

minivader always eats main meals at the table and I always sit with him (me and the Mrs eat later as she doesn't gethome till his bed time) and at the weekend we all eat together at the table. The only exceptions are when we have pizza and DVD evenings.... Like today! Oh and puddings are only if all dinner is gone...

As just about all above, except I don't insist on an empty plate before pudding. Both my wife and I have / had weight issues in the past so we want them to eat until sated, rather than clear a plate if that means forcing it in. But we know them well enough to know if they're claiming to be full as opposed to really being full, and if they don't eat a 'full' meal then fine, they can leave it but there's no snack until next meal time.

Always the table for all meals in our house, as above no tv or devices/books, aside from Saturday lunch when the guardian and beano are about. It's a great time to chat/discuss(read argue occasionally). I still love doing all the kids breakfast before I head off to work, just as my Dad did; racks of toast, steaming porridge and a pot or two of tea.
Dessert is a treat, not every meal and the fruit bowl is always full. Food is an excellent rhythm for a household.

She's sharing emotional habits with rewards such as more sweet things?

You are being old fashioned but logically so. You want your kids to grow up with good values and not wimps/chavs.

Heartless? No way.

Also who wants to sit on a sofa with crumbs?

Well, Its alright for you doing it weekends and part time - try being a full-time mum and balancing it with a job and trying to get them to eat anything when you've got to get them changed and dressed to a deadline, and let alone the fact that I have to make sure they eat something healthy before coming to you for the weekend and spoiling them rotten with crisps and coke and macdonalds, you should try getting them settled before going back to school - I mean, if you did something decent with them I wouldn't mind but its all about you, you only even bother seeing them to try and get at me and control me just like you always did, I HATE YOU!

😉

Sounds reasonable.
we were made to sit at the table even we stated we weren't hungry , or didn't like what was put in front of you.
Seeing siblings get a pudding that you have deliberatly made 'space' for, and not being allowed any as you turned your nose up at a more than acceptable hand made main meal soon gets the message across that sort of behaviour isn't going to wash.

I think the OP is doing it right - we have mealtimes at the table, only eat in front of the TV as a treat when watching something special (ours now 10 & 7)

Obviously a harder position to be in if you are separated. Hope you find a solution.

Mealtimes are the time clock of any household, there's no room for further distractions in my house, have in past allowed the odd dinner in front of a movie but always paused it if the food wasn't eaten. Am lucky that both mine have good appetites.

Sadly Mr P, i can see why she is now an ex,she obviously doesnt understand children, and to have a row over such a trivial thing bodes ill for the future.

Tv off, child hungry , child eats, not distracted by tv.

Mini toppers eats his dinner at the table with whoever is there at the same time. Very occasionally we will have a 'carpet picnic' with a pizza and a dvd on but that is rare. He also knows that if he doesn't eat whats put in front of him he's going to be hungry until breakfast. If he eats it all he gets a pudding, if not, he doesn't. Quite often he will turn down a pudding 😯 (i do sometimes think he was mixed up with another baby at birth!)

What she does at the ex's house, is up to the ex.

What she does at your house is up to you.

End of.

FWIW We eat every meal at the dining table, except when one of us is eating on their own (mainly if only one is in) - and then it's their choice. The kids (youngest is 15), do as they are told.

I am Victorian Dad, at least according to the kids 🙂

My ex is the same, I rant at her all the time for it.
Some people shouldn't be allowed kids

My mate has two kids aged 3 and 5. And my sister has two kids aged 3 and 5. From the outset my mate was Victorian dad and has such well-drilled kids that they always finish their plates, wait until everyone has finished and then clear away their plates, wipe the table etc. My sister took your partner's approach and her kids get up and down, refuse to eat, demand iPads etc. In all honesty, eating with my mate's family is a joy, and we have great conversations and fun. Eating with my sister's family is a stressful, irritating PITA.

I sit and listen to people talk about the central role that food assumes in their family life and then look at the number of people with issues surrounding it...

Make it into a battleground and people will fight about it, or use it as yet another thing to disagree over.

Eating at the table together is important, as are table manners.
Difficult in this day and age admittedly, but worth the effort.

You are right. Spare the (virtual) rod, spoil the child.

I'm not sure where I got it from but I think there's something around obesity and not paying attention to your food when you're eating... as in, if you're not focussed on your food as you eat - looking at it, chewing etc then you're not so conscious that you're eating so you tend to eat more/snack more later on... next thing you know, you're fat!

I think that you've got to be flexible on stuff like this. We sit and eat meals together at the table. We'll also grab a pizza in front of the telly. Depends on the occasion. If you start coming down all 'Victorian dad' about it all the time, you're probably not doing yourself any favours in the long run. Same as if you allow them to do/eat what they want. Either way, you're making a rod for your own back. There's a happy medium to be had. You've just got to be pragmatic and find your own level. You know your own kids, and if it goes too far either way

It's a bloody minefield this parenthood lark;)

FWIW Big sis took 2 x nephews to La Maison au Quat saisons.

The older couple on the next table complimented her on the table manners of her boys. They were expecting a bun fight but got total compliancy .

Its not a big thing , but probably one thing to make a stand over.

wwaswas - Member
In our house if you want your dinner you come and sit at the table with everyone else who's in and the telly goes off.

+1. All meals are at the table together, no one gets down til all have finished and kj01 helps clear that table and actually willingly does the washing up from time to time (4yo). No toys at the table either. Kj02 is only 13 months but the precedent is set....

We don't go the plate clearing route as kj01 has dietary issues, but because if that both he and we have learned when the "enough" signals are there.

My kids always sat at the table, but if you could have seen what my daughter ate, you'd wonder how she survived. I never forced her to eat if she didn't want to, my memories of being forced to eat school dinners and then sicking it up on the plate are still strong!! I simply fed her what I knew she'd eat, so we had no arguments and peaceful mealtimes. Grown-up daughter now eats all sorts of stuff, much more than I do!

What she does at the ex's house, is up to the ex.

What she does at your house is up to you.

this

/end thread

FWIW Big sis took 2 x nephews to La Maison au Quat saisons.

The older couple on the next table complimented her on the table manners of her boys. They were expecting a bun fight but got total compliancy .

Its not a big thing , but probably one thing to make a stand over.

😳 <---- for you

This is already heading towards being the ultimate single-angst-trackworld thread. Keep it up.

FWIW Big sis took 2 x nephews to La Maison au Quat saisons.

The older couple on the next table complimented her on the table manners of her boys. They were expecting a bun fight but got total compliancy .

Its not a big thing , but probably one thing to make a stand over.

<---- for you

not for me.

Im never having kids and what others do with theirs is completely up to them , I wasnt even there. I was invited to her 40th birthday and was expected to drive Mum there ( who told the story ) but i had flu so spent the day in bed .

Eating dinner in front of the telly is bang out of order as is treats for eating 'some' dinner. WTF?

Eating at the table together is important, as are table manners.
Difficult in this day and age admittedly, but worth the effort.

We always eat at the table as a family. Telly can affect the taste of meals and how much children eat.

Agreed about portion sizes though, today parents seem to give their children far too much food.
E.g they'll give a child a whole pizza, ideally it should be a couple of slices and salad/veggies with it.

Wow, some overly dramatic/judgemental comments going on: "some people shouldn't be allowed kids" or it's "bang out of order" to let kids eat in front of the TV?
I'm with binners on this one, it's ok some of the time, if the TV isn't causing a problem. We sometimes eat at the table, sometimes by the TV, and my son knows how to behave in a restaurant.
What I've noticed with my son is that his appetite is dictated by how active he has been that day, and very little to do with the TV being on at tea time. I'm not one for making him clear his plate (provided he eats his greens!), he will eat when he's hungry.

Agree with vickpea & binners

My kids quite often have tea whilst watching a bit of telly. It doesn't affect what or how much they eat and they know how to behave when we all sit down together.

I'm not criticising anyone else on this thread, we all have our own way of doing things. Personally I want my kids to be kids and not have to behave like little adults from the start. Turning mealtimes into a kind of social control mechanism does not appeal to me in the slightest.

Agreed about portion sizes though, today parents seem to give their children far too much food.
E.g they'll give a child a whole pizza, ideally it should be a couple of slices and salad/veggies with it.

If I gave my daughters a couple of slices and some veg they'd be asking for more, my eldest has been eating adult size portions for about 3 years she's only 10.

Let people deal with their kids the way they choose unless they are causing some sort of neglect then we have no business in what others do.

Yossarian sums it up well.

Thanks all, some food for thought there (excuse the weak pun).

i agree with binners on this on
but in our house it depends on the situation. normally we eat at the table, but every now and again we let our son eat in front of the tv, but only as a reward for good behaviour. he can be a bit of a slow eater at times so if he's not done in 10 minutes then he's sent back to the table to finish his food.
if we having a take away night then its usual practice here to eat in front of the tv....with our daughter she sits in her high chair so its not an issue yet with her.
as for treats...there is no reward for finishing their food but we sometimes give them food treats or extra tv/play time if they finish their food quickly.