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LOL so many contradictions there 😀
Umm.... yeah - this x 100!
You have every right to feel unhappy about this situtation. The lesson here, which has been a tough one for me to learn is that you are responsible for your emotions, no one else.
3 years of being her best mate. The person she came to stay with last year so I could look after her after her sister died. The person who she would always come to when things got a bit shit or she needed a help with anythjng. Yeah I wanted more but I was a very good mate to her. And sure I was naive and she probably took advantage to that. But I still think it’s pretty mean of her to completely disregard how I’d feel about him coming along
That is on you for not setting a firm boundary with yourself as to how you were going to behave around someone you had feelings for, who did not return them for you. If you were kind to her in the hope she would act a certain way towards you that is manipulation.
I'm not saying this to be harsh. I have strong people pleasing tendancies and realising this stuff has been very difficult, upsetting and also incredibly freeing for me.
The fair thing to do would have been “sorry guys, something came up and I can’t make it”
‘Hey guys. You know that holiday I’ve been on for the past four years. The one we’ve been chatting about for past 6 months..well I can no longer go, can’t tell you why though’🤨🤔 I’m fairly sure my mates would want to know why tbf
You’re displaying signs of possible controlling behaviour
eh? It was the first time I’d spoken to her in 6 weeks! You may think I’m unreasonable, emotional or whatever, but controlling?
I don’t care she’s going out with someone. I’m only bothered because I now can’t now go on my holiday!
How about being happy for her and get to know this new person in her life? She may have chosen well and you may (learn to) like him.
My ex *wife* (not girlfriend) who i was with for nearly 2 decades has a new bloke, i like him, nice guy, would certainly not object to him turning up on a cycling group holiday, or going out for a beer with him.
To an extend yes
Ahha, the truth is out 😉
trust me there no chance that would happen, I’m like a mountain goat.
Dangerous game to play. Seen *many* people coming unstuck thinking things like that.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but its probably true
its 100% true! They know it’ll be awkward as anything. And they’d rather me go than him.
i like him, nice guy, would certainly not object to him turning up on a cycling group holiday, or going out for a beer with him.
the dude is probably perfectly lovely. Doesn’t mean I want to be sharing my breakfast table with him 5 weeks after I had my heart broken!
Not sure it's been asked/discussed...but lets agree the holiday is sorted...you're not going.
Is she/they likely to become long term members of this cycling club? How are you going to deal with that going forward?
Is she/they likely to become long term members of this cycling club? How are you going to deal with that going forward?
I don’t cycle with the club any more, just the boys that are going on the holiday. So it’s a non issue.
If I was the OP of this , after the amount of stick I was getting I’d back out of the thread and let it fade to the bottom of the page
but it started so well😜
I don’t care she’s going out with someone. I’m only bothered because I now can’t now go on my holiday!
That doesn't make any sense.
If you don't care why can't you go on holiday?
If it's a cycling holiday I assume you are on your bikes all day and then a few drinks and a meal at night?
What difference does it make if she spends the evenings with her bf and doesn't go for a drink with the rest of the group or if there is 1 extra person at the table?
If the rest of the group are so bothered they sound a bit dickish TBF.
‘Hey guys. You know that holiday I’ve been on for the past four years. The one we’ve been chatting about for past 6 months..well I can no longer go, can’t tell you why though’🤨🤔 I’m fairly sure my mates would want to know why tbf
All you have to say is "It's something personal. Don't worry, it's all good. See you at the next one."
eh? It was the first time I’d spoken to her in 6 weeks! You may think I’m unreasonable, emotional or whatever, but controlling?
Well, there are signs of that type of behaviour yes, even if you don't recognise them yourself. You don't want her to bring her new partner, because you clearly still have strong feelings for her. That she is bringing him is beyond your control, and it's obviously making you angry.
I don’t care she’s going out with someone.
I think most here would beg to differ. You clearly do. Otherwise this thread wouldn't exist.
I’m only bothered because I now can’t now go on my holiday!
Your holiday? Not her holiday? Or their holiday?
How do they feel about YOU going?
(is this going to be a ‘give me some advice, NO NOT THAT ADVICE!’ thread?)
Bingo! You win a cookie.
I doubt many of the cycling club members are too chuffed about finding themselves in the middle of an episode of Hollyoaks.
...but balls to them. I want to know how this pans out (I'm not envying mr new bloke who's going to suffer some withering stares not to mention possibility of awful chafing going on a cycle hol early in a new relationship).
Bum the boyfriend, that'll teach her.
I actually think you put her in a really difficult position. How can she go on this holiday with you after you expressed your unrequited love and clearly haven't got over it? Super uncomfortable and awkward. She is probably feeling hurt that there never was any genuine friendship on your side and all the nice 'friendship' memories now have a dirty taint.
The only unreasonable thing is bringing the new guy on a club trip where the other club members aren't happy. Does the guy cycle? Will they be doing stuff alone in the evenings to spending all the group time? But, are you sure they really don't want him to come and aren't just giving you soothing sounds?
If I was her I would want my new boyf to be there as a buffer from you. In her eyes, you overstepped the boundaries and now she can't trust you.
I think most here would beg to differ
well yeah obviously I care that she’s going out with someone. But I’m not angry about it, I wished her well when I found out. That’s just life. I chose to try to forget about it and move on
Which is kinda hard if I’m sitting opposite the dude at breakfast..
Because of that, as others have said, it would be madness of me to go. I’m pissed off I can no longer go on holiday, not at her for having a boyfriend!
@martinhutch was so close.
https://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/ending-a-friendship/page/2/
What’s the betting that OP will do nothing, end up letting the new boyfriend join her and the group of friends on holiday, and have to watch them being all loved-up for a fortnight?
Why not just chill and see how you feel in summer? You might have a new person in your life anyway and then you can be mates again?
Have you thought about going on a wild week-long coke and hookers binge in Amsterdam instead?
In her eyes, you overstepped the boundaries and now she can’t trust you.
she’s known I’ve wanted more than friendship for 2 years. Why can’t she trust me now? I didn’t try to jump on her the last twice we’ve been away together
How do they feel about YOU going?
well given I’ve been booked up for a year and she decided to invite him in last few weeks I suspect they are just fine with it!
I chose to try to forget about it and move on
But you haven't, and that's why we're here.
Which is kinda hard if I’m sitting opposite the dude at breakfast..
Especially if your room is next to theirs. Breakfast might be a tad more awks...
as others have said, it would be madness of me to go
I'm glad you've seen sense. Seeing them being intimate with each other might tip you over the edge.
I’m pissed off I can no longer go on holiday, not at her for having a boyfriend!
That's not how most of us are seeing it, sorry. I think you need to really examine your own feelings as honestly as possible. Which is why I think talking therapy might help. Because you clearly feel a lot of anger at being 'rejected' in this manner, which is understandable. Many of us have felt similar I'm sure. I've succumbed to stupid jealousy and I'm sure I'm not the only one. But you've got to grow up and move on properly. If you allow yourself to do so, and get the appropriate support you need, you can do so. Otherwise you'll end up bitter, twisted and lonely.
well given I’ve been booked up for a year and she decided to invite him in last few weeks I suspect they are just fine with it!
You hadn't admitted to being fake friends with her when she booked it.
Have you thought about going on a wild week-long coke and hookers binge in Amsterdam instead?
actually yes I have!!
Why not just chill and see how you feel in summer? You might have a new person in your life anyway and then you can be mates again?
because I need to cancel now or lose the 1800 quid I’ve spent on it! Given she probably knew I wouldn’t go if he came, and she knew the cut off for Payment is this week, it would have been nice of her to voluntarily tell me!
You hadn’t admitted to being fake friends with her when she booked it
Once again, she knew fine well what I wanted when we she booked it!!
Otherwise you’ll end up bitter, twisted and lonely.
end up ?
I don’t care she’s going out with someone. I’m only bothered because I now can’t now go on my holiday!
You can though. No one is stopping you going other than you. It's entirely possible to go, be polite to her and her new fella and enjoy the company of your mates. That's what a grown up not a hormonal teenager would do.
she’s known I’ve wanted more than friendship for 2 years. Why can’t she trust me now? I didn’t try to jump on her the last twice we’ve been away together
Because you have now told her again you want more than just a friendship and made it impossible for her to ignore. she may not be acting completely rationally as well 🙂
Kittyr above seems to be a real actual woman - might be worth listening to 🙂
because I need to cancel now or lose the 1800 quid I’ve spent on it!
Cancel now. Work everything else out later.
You need time. And a different holiday this year. I can recommend Sedona. Go on your own if need be.
Clearly still smitten and clearly not come to terms with the fact she's well and truly moved on. I'm guessing you saw this holiday as a small chance something could happen between you and then her new fella coming has pee'd all over that idea.
That flight is going to be awkward as awkward gets. But I'd still go. Not going means you'll be even more upset and angry. Just make sure you are not in the room next door to them etc.
Take a step back and while she doesn't have to tell you anything, I see this as a bullet dodged. If she cared that much this would not have happened. Seems to me like she's used you when it suited her, played on the fact she knew you were besotted and then as soon as someone else came onto the scene she was off like Gough. **** her. Move on and find someone who gives a sh!t about you because she clearly does not.
Seems to me like she’s used you when it suited her, played on the fact she knew you were besotted and then as soon as someone else came onto the scene she was off like Gough.
Or.... she thought they were friends.
This is mental. Go on your riding trip with your non-cycling group anymore mates and have a good time. A girl you once dated for a bit will be there with her new bloke you you're not bothered about. And? You never know, he might actually be a dead nice guy and you'll get on like a house on fire.
You really do sound like you need to move on with your life and start looking forward instead of backwards... I suspect stuff like this can mess people up.
I have to say I am staggered by the sheer number of expert relationship counsellors we have on STW!
I'd rather ask for butchery advice at the local vegan cafe!
I'm siding with yes you're being unreasonable OP but I do think some of these responses are a little harsh- especially as its not an official club holiday but a bunch of mates who go regular together.
I get why it stings to have to be the one who can't go but equally not sure the lady in this scenario has any easy options either.
Surely the best (least worst?) option is to re-arrange your flights so you arrive on the actual start day and then just suck it up as best you can or tactfully arrange your itinerary so as to avoid awkwardness as far as possible.
If she's there with a new partner that nobody else knows it sounds like they may naturally end-up doing their own thing or being a little separate from the main group anyway.
Cancel now. Work everything else out later
wise words which I will follow
thanks for the input guys, bit harsh at times but I asked for your opinion and got it. Just to be clear though, I’m not bitter about her, just sad. And yes of course I can’t go because I’ll utterly break me seeing her with another guy right now. I don’t think that’s a particularly unnormal reaction when you are in love with someone!
cheers anyway👍
I have to say I am staggered by the sheer number of expert relationship counsellors we have on STW!
I’d rather ask for butchery advice at the local vegan cafe!
Lolz
Sorry been doing some work, I'm now confused
Have @tpbiker and @Aidy booked their tandem touring holiday yet?
I’ll utterly break me seeing her with another guy right now. I don’t think that’s a particularly unnormal reaction when you are in love with someone!
You're right, it's perfectly normal and why you shouldn't have been mates for a long time mate. You're making your life really really painful.
If it's any consolation, many/most of us have been there and done the friend thing while waiting... I doubt many of them are with that person now.
My club mates are also not best pleased when they found out
Did you tell them, because it sounds if you did in order to recruit allies to your cause. And trying to set a group against a stranger cos you cant get over the ex maybe suggests she's better off without you and as in that saying was it me or was it her, it was you.
I suggest you dont go, or at least tell her how the club mates found out the entire situation involving your trois, so at least she or the boyfriend can decide not to go seeing as you've pretty much spoiled it for them.
because I need to cancel now or lose the 1800 quid I’ve spent on it!
I'd cancel and book another holiday. If she'd have told you her plans you could even have just changed names on tickets and got the new fella to reimburse you.
thanks for the input guys, bit harsh at times but I asked for your opinion and got it. Just to be clear though, I’m not bitter about her, just sad. And yes of course I can’t go because I’ll utterly break me seeing her with another guy right now. I don’t think that’s a particularly unnormal reaction when you are in love with someone!
So you have the sense and rationality to understand that, which is a positive sign. I think cancelling would be the most honourable thing for you to do, and would at least show her and others you are willing to make a sacrifice in order to make things less uncomfortable for others. We get where you're coming from, but also none of us understand her perspective on this, or indeed anyone else affected by this. But she isn't excluding you from this trip at all; she has every right to take her partner along. Why shouldn't she? You're excluding yourself because of your own inability to come to terms with the reality of the situation. Speaking from personal experience, you're far better off making a clean break from the situation, and reducing contact with her. Time is a good healer.
And £1800 is a fair bit of money to have a nice holiday with. I can recommend the south of France; great weather, great food, great beaches, and great biking as well I'm sure.
And £1800 is a fair bit of money to have a nice holiday with.
https://www.basquemtb.com/mountain-bike-holidays/
OP I have a lot of admiration for the thick skin you have shown when inviting, then accepting good humouredly the harsh 'advice' you've had on here.
If you could harness some of that armour to use in your personal life it might help. Good luck, make sure you pop back in for some measured advice when you meet your new partner! 😉
Rebook for another week. You'll get to meet some new friends and still have fun.
You'll feel different by then (I hope) anyway. You'll only end up more bitter sitting at home, thinking that you're over her and didn't get to go on holiday due to some feelings you had months ago!
She hasn't really done anything to warrant you staying at home (or going and making things awkward).
You’re right, it’s perfectly normal and why you shouldn’t have been mates for a long time mate
Yep.. you are 100% correct
Did you tell them, because it sounds if you did in order to recruit allies to your cause
no, I told them because i was letting 2 good mates know I probably wasn’t going to go and the reason why. Don’t see what’s sinister in that. Both said they felt it was out of order, knowing the situation as they do (better than those that are judging me on here!) Or perhaps they were just placating their mate. Who knows. The others that are going don’t even know yet, or at least I haven’t told them
OP I have a lot of admiration for the thick skin you have shown when inviting, then accepting good humouredly the harsh ‘advice’ you’ve had on here.
it’s a forum! I asked for opinions and I got them! Not going to take the hump just because it’s not what I want to hear!
Cancel your booking - get your money back. She will find out and either realise that it's her action (bringing BF) that's caused it and apologise - or be grateful and carry on... in which case you will, hopefully, finally realise that it's well and truly done.
Spend the money on another holiday where at least you stand a chance of meeting someone better in every way rather than being miserable for two weeks.
Putting aside all the "When Harry Met Sally"-esque drama, the idea of summarily inviting an additional person, who is unknown to anyone else on a group holiday, without asking the group collectively if that's cool, is a bit presumptuous and rude.
Appreciate that some of the responses can be seen as harsh, but for me, and I expect others, we have been in similar situations either ourselves or with close friends and there are a number of clear warning signs on display.
Better to be honest and hopefully OP can see that it is intended to clearly show that he needs to move on with his life and change his expectations around his ex-friends behaviour.
She will find out and either realise that it’s her action (bringing BF) that’s caused it and apologise
Eh? This is straying towards 'victim blaming' for me. She hasn't caused any problem at all, regardless of whether or not she's bringing her new partner. If her and tpbiker were only friends, then what would be the issue with her bringing a partner along? The problem is tpbiker's feelings for her, which are now inappropriate, as she has clearly defined the boundaries of their relationship. If tpbiker cannot accept that, then that's his problem, not hers. I don't think it's fair to judge her as we've not heard her side of the story, and we don't have all the facts.
the idea of summarily inviting an additional person, who is unknown to anyone else on a group holiday, without asking the group collectively if that’s cool, is a bit presumptuous and rude.
Why? I can't see how it can be really, in such a situation. Surely she's allowed to be in charge of her own relationships? Why would anyone object to her bringing a partner? Are any other couples going on the trip? Would other people's partners be welcome on the trip? Why would she need permission?
You played down the "she knew very well what I wanted" a few weeks ago when you were going on about dramatically ending the friendship. You also made a big song and dance about ending your friendship but then intended to go on holiday, sat next to her, 4 days before the main holiday.....come on mate. That is absolutely ridiculous.
I think you need to work this out with your actual mates who know both of you and can give perspective based on real experience not your perception of whatever this is. But it does sound like you like this drama.
Sounds like you've accepted the consensus view here OP, kudos for being open-minded about it.
Now focus on how you're gonna go elsewhere have a better holiday than them, which you'll document passive-aggressively on Instagram for the whole club to see.
😉
The problem is tpbiker’s feelings for her, which are now inappropriate
dude you make it sound like I’ve done something wrong! She was a massive part of my life for last 3 years, she’s known how I felt for past 2 years. We were very very close, as everyone going on the holiday knows. That she doesn’t feel the same doesn’t mean I can just switch off my feelings for her. Sure I was a total mug for naively thinking something may develop further, but it’s only been a month since I found out for sure it wouldn’t. Since then I’ve done everything possible to avoid her and move on. Sure I’m hurting a bit, but I don’t think not being ready to go on holiday with the happy couple qualifies me as a therapy case just yet!😂
think you need to work this out with your actual mates who know both of you and can give perspective based on real experience
I did try that, with 2 of our mutual mates who are going . And have been slated on here for doing so for ‘poisoning the well’!!
dude you make it sound like I’ve done something wrong!
Not at all. 'Inappropriate' merely means that your inability to maintain a healthy, mutually consensual relationship, leads to you having inappropriate feelings for her. I know you can't help that, but they still remain inappropriate. She doesn't want you to have those feelings, I'm sure. But she can't control you as you can't control her. So you're both kind of stuck with an 'either/or' situation, which neither you are ever going to resolve perfectly. It's shit, but that's just how it is.
Sure I’m hurting a bit, but I don’t think not being ready to go on holiday with the happy couple qualifies me as a therapy case just yet!
You sure?
The problem is tpbiker’s feelings for her, which are now inappropriate
dude you make it sound like I’ve done something wrong!
Yeah, I think "inappropriate" is the wrong word to use.
OP: I think you've taken the advice and general consensus fairly well. You're best off staying away if you can't be 'ok' while you're there. The problem isn't really that she didn't check with other people first, because even if she'd done that and the rest of the group were fine with it, you'd still have a problem because of how you feel about her. It's completely understandable, but as above, step away, it's not worth the heartache/stress/fights after too much sangria!
You sure?
Yep quite sure thanks. I asked for opinions on whether I was being unreasonable, not an analysis on my mental state from someone that knows nothing about me, the girl involved, or what went on between us. Because in that regard, your opinion is absolutely worthless👍
Yeah, you can't turn your romantic feelings on or off like a tap. Behaviour can be inappropriate, those kind of feelings can't really. However, if he carries on venting to the people who are also going on the holiday, and creates a bad atmosphere or ill feeling towards her, that's crossing the line.
If he can't go on the trip, it's not her fault, or the boyfriend's, it's his decision taken out of consideration for his and her enjoyment, and he needs to make that clear to the rest of the group.
Also, even if her new man wasn't going....you shouldn't go anyway. You told her you were ending your friendship so she probably thought that you wouldn't be going away for a holiday and private pre holiday with her.
I can't see why she would or should cancel. If I was her, id have assumed you wouldn't go.
Given this thread you're clearly not in a place to go. Save your money pal and do something you'll enjoy.
I'm amazed that anyone would spend 2 years of their life in the "friend zone" hoping that something would develop.
After a few months, it must of got to the point where it was obvious nothing was going to develop.
In my defense I originally walked away after we split up..
3 months later her sister unexpectedly died and she came calling for comfort (not that type of comfort!) . It just went from there..I suspect she took advantage of my feelings for her a bit and I blindly went along with it out of naive optimism!
but yes, as I’ve admitted I’m a mug!
Unreasonable.
She may well be under pressure from the new boyfriend who is feeling uncomfortable with the fact that his girlfriend is going to be spending a few days on holiday alone with her ex and you could hardly blame him.
agreed. The easy solution to that would have been for her (or me) to just to go out with everyone else a few days later but that’s not the call she’s taken, and tbf If I felt like I do come May it wouldn’t make much of a difference, I’d still be miserable whether the others were there or not!
i wish I could take a call further down the line, I may not give a crap by then. But realistically I can’t afford to waste the money if I decide not to go so the decision needs to be taken now
I’m a mug
No you're really not.
I've not read the entire thread, but my take would be that thinking of things as 'unreasonable' or not, isn't really very helpful when it's about emotional stuff like this. The question you need to ask is 'how do I best look after myself' and in this case, you're the only person who knows the answer.
My guess, since you're obviously still very raw, is that not being in that situation is going to be a lot easier on you than spending however long it is trapped in a group with your ex and her new bloke.
I found myself in a similar situation. A mate's mountain biking birthday weekend when no-one thought it was worth mentioning to me that my ex was going to be there. I was still very chewed up for all sorts of reasons and I basically baled out after the first day for reasons of self preservation. In honesty, lots of my mates thought I was behaving 'unreasonably', but I didn't want to be in that place. it was making me very unhappy and what other people thought I 'should' feel wasn't really relevant.
Don't be tempted to make up stories about your ex's relationship either or what may or may not happen Have a proper think about what you need to do for yourself and your own well-being and do what's right for you. It's not about whether you're being reasonable or not, that boat is going to the wrong destination.
Perhaps a better title to the thread would have been ‘ I can’t face going on holiday with my ex and her new bf’, what should I do?’ And I think badlywireddog has summed it up nicely, as have others.
👍
TL:DR.
Are you quicker than he is? surely thats all that matters.
Spank him on the bike.
The easy solution to that would have been for her (or me) to just to go out with everyone else a few days later
This is the main thing I’ve noticed hasn’t been mentioned. Lots of her/new bf may not feel comfortable after the ‘big reveal’ yet if that’s the case why wouldn’t she just say “I’ll come for the main holiday, (other bods around) but not go days early anymore (the 2 on their own)”
Also, I’d never just invite an extra person on holiday without asking the others in the group I’m going with if they would mind. That’s just rude
In situations like this, I find it best to seperate the "how am I feeling" question from the "why am I feeling like this" question.
It's ok to feel upset about this. Whatever has gone on between the two of you in the past, you still have to grieve for the loss of the relationship, whatever it was. Anger is part of the grieving process.
Emotions are best acknowledged, but not indulged. Anger especially. Once it's acknowledged it's best to find a non-destructive way to deal with it. Write it down, exercise it off, take some time out, speak to a therapist, go downhill mountain biking, whatever.
Having people tell you it's your fault, or her fault isn't helpful. It doesn't matter because it's done, and remaining angry about it isn't going to help anyone, least of all you.
In time, the anger will wear off. Until it does, it's best to stay away from her. If it doesn't abate over time then look at getting some therapy.
Afterwards, it may be worth looking at what you might have done differently next time. There's no point in looking for fault with her, because there's nothing you can do about her actions, and indeed to try to do so is likely to make the situation worse not better.
I hope that this is helpful to you.
I personally think that you are being a little bit unreasonable. She is aware of your feelings for her, but it sounds like it's not reciprocated in the same way and all she is doing is wanting to spend some time with her new partner. It's probably not personal against you, just an opportunity on her part to include him in something she likes doing.
I would maybe consider not using the situation to go talking to other members of your group as it sounds like you are trying to build a bit of a rift, and I'm guessing that's not going to end well for one of you, if not both.
Maybe for your own mental health cancel this year's trip and look to do something with a few of the friends at another time. Until you've got your head clear about it you are better of making some space between you.
I will cancel for my own sanity, and have asked my mates to be nice to her if she goes. Regardless of my feelings about her holiday decision, I have no desire to cause a rift, and care too much about her to cause her unnecessary upset.
I’ve also apologized to her for some rather harsh words shared in anger yesterday. Life’s too short to bear ill will, and hopefully she will accept that.
it has been good to be able to share my thoughts folks, and I appreciate (most of) the responses. Especially a couple of guys that took the time to PM me outside this thread.
cheers guys 👍
Good luck tpbiker... and make sure to get a good holiday sorted for yourself... keep us updated on that!
Prob for the best pal. Life's too short to give yourself problems. Try and get out and meet someone new yourself. 👍
Did we totally discount the notion of a threesome?
I will cancel for my own sanity, and have asked my mates to be nice to her if she goes. Regardless of my feelings about her holiday decision, I have no desire to cause a rift, and care too much about her to cause her unnecessary upset.
I’ve also apologized to her for some rather harsh words shared in anger yesterday. Life’s too short to bear ill will, and hopefully she will accept that.
Sounds like a good plan to me.
I'd probably cancel, personally.
It sucks, but if I were the new boyfriend I wouldn't be happy about my girlfiriend going either, especially for a few days alone beforehand with an ex!
Really she should have probably been a bit more sensitive & cancelled and done something else with the new fellla but she's under no obligation to do so, even though she's makng a bit of an awkward situation, with you, her new bloke, and the rest of the group.
Apologies if I'm repeating. There's too many responses already and it's all a bit Mills & Boone to me...
2 questions:
Is he a keen cyclist and is joining in as a cyclist but non Club member?
Are you really peeved about your 4 extra days for now the 3 of you?
If he is a cyclist and not just a hanger on, so long as it's not an 'exclusively Club members only' trip - things should work out so long as he's not a complete plonker. The shared interest usually lubricates the day...
As for the 4 days, Id be cancelling those. You'll not want to play gooseberry around a newly formed couple (and all that involves - ahem).
So change ya plans for the 4 days (go somewhere else?) and hold yer nose for the rest.
NEXT!!
OP, glad you have a plan. And I think it's very good that you have apologised for what was said.
hopefully you find something else to do, and eventually someone else to do it with.
maybe replace your trip with a bit of bike packing somewhere warm? Embrace a spirit of adventure and opportunity to do something completely different.
Does the new guy have a dog or a lawn and are you in possession of any frozen sausages and a hammer? Go full Fatal Attraction STW style!