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I don't think I am, now I'm doubting myself....
Eldest is 21, graduated last year, lives an hour away with his girlfriend and is a fully functioning successful adult.
I'm away for a long weekend in a couple of months and he's free as well at that time and asked if he could come with me, so of course I said yes, he's good company and I genuinely like spending time with him. But it dawned on us while we were talking that this will only be our second "Dad and Lad" trip away without the rest of the family.
The last time he was 4, and I took him for his first trip to London while his mum stayed home with his baby sister. But he remembers that weekend so clearly, he remembers the amazing garlic bread we had at an Italian restaurant near the hotel, his first trip to Buckingham Palace and seeing the guards, going to the museum.
Feel slightly sad that despite all the great family trips we've done since, and days out and one-off events we've done together, that was the only time the two of us have been away for a weekend. Obviously I'm not a bad parent, but just wondered if other people's experience was hugely different?
And also a reminder for those who still have young kids, make the most of them while you can.
I probably went camping with my dad two or three times on our own, otherwise all trips were family trips. Don’t think I’m any worse for it!
I think if you ask if you’re a bad parent, you probably aren’t…
As a child of the 70s and 80s I never went away just with my dad.
he remembers that weekend so clearly, he remembers the amazing garlic bread we had at an Italian restaurant near the hotel, his first trip to Buckingham Palace and seeing the guards, going to the museum
That bit, plus the fact that he wants to spend a weekend with you now at the ripe old age of 21..... That makes it sound like there is a very high probability that you are/were a good parent from my perspective 🙂
EDIT - Just realised I only remember one 'dad and lad' trip with my dad (camping near Cheddar Gorge). He was a great Dad as well 🙂
Not at all.
My father never ever took my brother out on any father son trips. He was a great father and my brother has turned out very well.
The fact that you care sufficiently to question it negates your doubts.
I can count the amount of quality time my dad chose to spend with me on the fingers of one foot. He wasn't a bad parent so much as, he couldn't have given less of a shite about me.
he remembers that weekend so clearly, he remembers the amazing garlic bread we had at an Italian restaurant near the hotel, his first trip to Buckingham Palace and seeing the guards, going to the museum
That bit, plus the fact that he wants to spend a weekend with you now at the ripe old age of 21..... That makes it sound like there is a very high probability that you are/were a good parent from my perspective 🙂
I was just wondering if I missed the chance to make more great memories with him. Hopefully time to make some more with both the kids.
Strangely, the fact I've never had a father/daughter weekend doesn't bother me so much. I was around more for her from the time she was 2-3 and we've got an equally good but different relationship.
My dad tried to take my head off with a wine bottle when I was 15 because I suggested it was a bit racist to make a fool of foreign people's accents
You're doing just fine as a dad👍
he's free as well at that time and asked if he could come with me
Sadly you (and I) have reached a point where our kids are adults and have moved on, so the opportunities to spend time with them are few and far between. He's asking to spend time with his old man, I think you've done alright 😎
I’ve lost track of the things I’ve suggested doing with my Dad, and that his response has been ‘nah, don’t fancy doing that’ or he’ll tell me he’s been and done something for himself (that I’d like to do too/with him).
the older I get, the more I’m convinced he never wanted kids
I’ve lost track of the things I’ve suggested doing with my Dad, and that his response has been ‘nah, don’t fancy doing that’ or he’ll tell me he’s been and done something for himself (that I’d like to do too/with him).
the older I get, the more I’m convinced he never wanted kids
You sound like a great dad to me MCTD.
I'm 48 and don't think I ever had a weekend away with him. I remember a couple of times he took me out of school for a day and I went with him while he went to London looking for a job on building sites.
I used to like him, but he turn out to be a ****ing prick!
I just said to my wife that I was thinking of taking my lad away for a couple of rides and camping over night, and she said "ooh me and Daisy (daughter) can come with you as well, we like camping"....
I’ve lost track of the things I’ve suggested doing with my Dad, and that his response has been ‘nah, don’t fancy doing that’ or he’ll tell me he’s been and done something for himself (that I’d like to do too/with him).
the older I get, the more I’m convinced he never wanted kids
I did a couple of cubs father & son things with my dad. Then when my parents divorced, when i was just about a teenager, we started to go away on a few weekends - mainly visiting museums and industrial heritage, Ironbridge, Beamish.
I've only recently realised that as he's got older and had a few health issues he gets quite anxious about doing things outside his comfort zone and has been making excuses for years and years. He's been out to Australia once (Mum has been probably 8 times?) and even when I visit him he's not very open to ideas that aren't his own.
Apart from day trips to race, I don't get a chance to take my lads away on my own. Her Outdoors always insists on coming along!
I'm 48 and don't think I ever had a weekend away with him.
I'm older than than that and don't think I had an hour away with mine.
You have obviously done a decent job as a dad. Your 21 year old son has chosen to spend time with you
At 21 things between me and my dad were about to end up in a fight. After which we did rebuild the relationship but it took about 15-20 years .
Dont delude yourself, you’re a terrible parent and your son will follow in your footsteps. Not to worry though, you enjoy hanging out together and like each other. Would this be the case if you’d taken him for regular weekends away in the last 17 years? You’d probably be over each other if you had.
only kidding. Enjoy the present and congratulations of raising a functioning adult.
im now wondering about how old you are. When my son is 21 I’ll be 68. I had to check my maths 3 times to be sure I had that right!
im now wondering about how old you are. When my son is 21 I’ll be 68. I had to check my maths 3 times to be sure I had that right!
I'm 56. A lot of my riding buddies have grandkids. One even has a grandchild the same age as his youngest.
A) he actively wants, and asked to come with you. That's great!
B) flip your answer around and to me it looks like it would read "Aren't we lucky to have had so much time together over the, years as a complete family with Me, You, Mum, Granny, Sister, Brother..."
he's free as well at that time and asked if he could come with me, so of course I said yes, he's good company and I genuinely like spending time with him
Case closed, no you are not a bad parent.
Hope mine feel the same way in ten years time!
he's free as well at that time and asked if he could come with me
He wants a loan from the bank of dad, don't fall for it, show him your still the alpha and send pictures of you blowing his inheritance at Vegas that weekend..
At 21 things between me and my dad were about to end up in a fight. After which we did rebuild the relationship but it took about 15-20 years .
At 21 things between me and my dad were about to end up in a fight. After which I ****ed off and left the miserable ald **** to it.
he's free as well at that time and asked if he could come with me
He wants a loan from the bank of dad, don't fall for it, show him your still the alpha and send pictures of you blowing his inheritance at Vegas that weekend..
After sadly losing both his grandparents a couple of years ago, he doesn't need to come to the bank of mum and dad
I'd echo the sentiment of if you're asking the question, you've probably done alright.
I'm 47 this year and I can remember 1 camping trip just me and my dad but there were some fairly significant hill walking days out when I was about 10 and my younger brother was just too young to join us, but al the other trips were family trips.
I have 2 boys myself one is 15 and the other will be 17 in a month. I treasure trips away with them either 1 on 1 or with them "just the lads" as a pair. These trips are generally in the camper and involve bikes.
My dad toom me out for a long weekend camping once a year - and yes it is memories that I really cherish. But that's not at all the reason I remember him being a good dad! It's all the other stuff. I wouldn't worry about it.
I remember going out with my dad in his lorry when I was a youth during school holidays - SO exciting at the time. 🙂 He was always supportive of what we did, whether that was BMX or whatever, had a few awesome days out at Silverstone with him, though I feel he always lamented our utter lack of interest in cricket. 🙂
I don't know if this will help or not, bit there's a fair bit of research to suggest that memories up to around the age of 4 are 'emotional' memories -people remember how the event made them feel, but the actual recollection is mostly imprinted from being told about it.
I vividly 'remember' a traumatic event from when I was about 4. Except I recently found out it was nothing like I remember it.
So yeah, your son probably remembered having the emotion of a lovely time, as he got older and had more great times with you, the actual memories took over which can be harder to recall.
Basically, you did good. I hope when my son is 21 he'd want to come away with me 🙂
(tongue-in-cheek)
I'm a 54 year old father of three. Had my first real lad and dad thing last summer. It was not really my sort of thing, but he seemed keen and so i thought why not, lets do it together.
We both really enjoyed it, was great to see him smile. Quite emotional to see the same planes flying over MY head, knowing if it were not for them I'd be speaking german.
He was 90 last week.
Im the one making the memories.