[Closed] Am I a bad parent?

Wonky teeth aren't the end of the world, but Invisalign works, is mostly painless, and he'll (maybe not) thank you later when his teeth are healthier as an adult.

If it was his top teeth I'd be more worried but as you say, you rarely see bottom teeth so I'd not worry about it.

it does work
And teeth can affect confidence (in adults as well as kids)
There are cheaper versions; like https://smiledirectclub.co.uk/en-gb/. No idea if they're any good

I take it your divorced? Do you pay maintenance? Hard to tell without knowing what you already do.

But if the teeth need fixing....

Hang on - your WIFE? Is this not just a conversation with her??

I'm not sure Invisalign braces are necessarily the cheapest option. Also if your son is not keen it'll be a nightmare making him use them. Wire braces are unpleasant but work because you can't take them off. I'd find out a bit more about the options before committing. Pretty sure the NHS don't offer Invisalign braces.

Wonky teeth can be an issue later in life both practically and socially but if the say they aren't bad enough for NHS treatment maybe it's not an issue, might also be worth getting a second opinion on tat as well.

Braces transformed the face and confidence of my daughter. Before the private dentist suggested them we didn't notice how wonky her teeth were as you just don't notice 'flaws' in your own children. Now looking back at old photo's we can't believe we didn't see her teeth were sticking out!

Now she was still a pretty girl but even so why wouldn't you want to do the best for your kids for less than the price of a nice bike?

Sounds like the same decision I had when about the same age.
I decided not to bother as it’s not visible etc.
Years later They are often painful as they have become more cramped over time.
I wish I had done it at the time now.

Hang on – your WIFE? Is this not just a conversation with her??

Or maybe the 15 year old?

(I think he just liked the idea that he was getting a big wad of cash spent on him).

My 17 year old daughter is very much this.

My teeth are wonky and my parents (mother mostly) were too tight to pay for braces, It definitely effects my confidence and also how I view others with the same problem.

Get them done, he'll thank you later.

Wait till he is older and has left home. Then he can decide if its worth the money.

PMSL at blackflag, its not up for debate with her, we did discuss it and she decided he’d have the braces, (the fact that i bought a new bike for 5K last year didn’t put me in a strong defensive position).
All of your comments have made me realise i should just stump up, I suspect he won’t thank me later, but if i don’t he might resent the fact I didn’t, which would be bad!
Thanks all!

my bottom teeth are a disaster area. I hate dentists so refused to have braces when I should have done. Im now looking at around 6 - 8k to get them put right.

I wish i'd got braces.

I’m tempted to offer him £250 to not get them done, which would probably please him and me, but will no doubt incur the wrath of his mother.

you asked the question, this isn't great parenting.

Have you told your wife you were going to blackmail your son by giving him £250? Would love to know how that went down!

Is the question around you offering him a 250 quid bribe to do what you want as you don't want to spend that kind of cash?
Or is the question around you not wanting to spend that large amount of money on your kid?

If former, yes, you are. If the latter, not really assuming you then go do some research and see if there are cheaper options that will be done.

Obviously my view, but you did ask for our opinion.

What nealglover said. I had braces for a bit then stopped but I wish I'd carried on as now I have TMJ which is not very nice.

It was recommended that I should have braces as my lower teeth are very cramped. I want fussed, my parents didn't push it and that was that.

Fast forward almost 30 years and I have to spend a ridiculous amount of time looking after my teeth & gums which the periodontist i was seeing reckons would have been massively helped if I had a brace when I was younger.

When you are young it's hard to see 30 or 40 years into the future, but I would really recommend having it done, based on my experience.

needs braces for his bottom teeth, can’t be done on NHS as they’re not bad enough apparently,

So, which qualified orthodontist said he needed braces?

It was more the case that I don’t think they’re that bad, the fact that the nhs wont cover it suggests this too, if it was his top set I’d have no issue with paying for it, i would pay far more if it was needed, he’s not remotely bothered and if it’s remotely uncomfortable it’s entirely possible he might not see it through. Doomanic’s comment that they could get worse and may be painful reassures me that it’s money well spent.

Trailwagger, the same dentist that told me i needed £800 spending on mine but a second opinion said i was fine, that said the dentist that does the work is who we’re being referred to by the first one.

I’m tempted to offer him £250 to not get them done,

Am I a bad parent?

Yes.

MY thoughts:

Your Wife will crucify you for the idea of a Bribe, and probably punish you by making you pay it and then, within weeks deciding he still 'needs' braces.

It might just be my beloved, but 'need' is really just another word for 'want'.

I would have a lot of questions about how effective any brace you can remove is when it comes to teens, one snarky comment in school and they'll never be worn again.

Perfectly, almost unnaturally white, straight teeth are becoming a status symbol in the UK as they have been in the US for years. I don't think it's right, but equally, there's not much we can do to turn the tide.

Well aligned teeth will be easier to keep clean and healthy. Debris can get stuck and lead to bad breath. An old friend has "British" teeth ("boys didn't get braces in Bucks" when he were a lad).
Root canals.
Emergency dental visits.
Crowns.
Painful infections.
Implants.
And the minor expenditure on floss / mouthwash / interdental brushes.

Cf mine *did* get straightened and I floss once a week and have and a couple of fillings and that's it.

Well, i did ask, I’d better up my game and start letting him sleep in the house instead of the coal bunker😳

I had white braces around age 11-13. My top teeth are noticeably wonky still, so lord knows what they'd have been like without.

Eldest also has slightly wonky teeth but hasn't had them done as they would affect his flute playing apparently. He's now 18 and is happy with his choice.

While he could get them done when he's older, it gets very expensive as an adult. His mum had some braces a few years back to deal with some problems that were causing her some pain. We don't discuss the price*

See also laser eye surgery, tickets to see Hamilton and bike purchases. We find a little mystery keeps the magic alive....

start letting him sleep in the house

steady on, don't go too far!

(I think he just liked the idea that he was getting a big wad of cash spent on him).

My 17 year old daughter is very much this.

I think most Teen are, frankly lots of Adults are, Money = Love & Attention.

It took me years to introduce the idea to our eldest that we didn't go to the shop and buy a toy or magazine every time we left the house, longer to get the idea that we don't buy sweets / treats every time we visit a shop for something. I felt like the worst parent on earth when he had a complete meltdown when I went into the shop to buy toilet rolls and some bin bags and didn't bring him a bag of sweets and some pop. The youngest sometimes asks, but doesn't expect stuff.

About to do similar for my daughter

It's really their health we are talking about and as such I didnt think twice.

This is absolutely why I go out to work. Stupid bikes, posh motors, coffee machines, wood burners, well lit houses et all are way down the list in comparison.

My daughter hasn't opted for Invisalign because she know she'd keep taking them out.

Wise for a 13 year old

So, which qualified orthodontist said he needed braces?

The point is that the NHS will do it if they are deemed bad enough to need them, but if they are only mildly wonky then they have to be sorted privately - it is how it works. In fact we have just had the same conversation with our privately paid for dentist as one of our daughters (coming up to 12 years old) has quite wonky teeth - it is too early for work right now but in the next couple of years they will be making exactly that decision. And if she needs the work doing I will pay for it if it isn't covered on the NHS (but this is quite severe over-crowding on her top teeth).

I will pay for it if it isn’t covered on the NHS (but this is quite severe over-crowding on her top teeth)

NHS are paying for my son's work @12yo. They're removing 4 teeth 😮 and then fitting braces. The work is outsourced to a fancy private orthodontist.

I have crappy teeth and whilst it feels very vain it does affect my confidence. I wish I’d had the offer of braces when I was younger.

It definitely seems to more of a thing these days. I have mouth like a Victorian graveyard but I can't say it ever really bothered me until my Dentist kept mentioning it every time I went for a check up.

In the end, I told him if I had a spare 3 grand knocking about, I'd have a fantastic holiday and keep my mouth shut in the photos.

He's stopped asking now.

Op, I was a son in your son's position at roughly the same age. I have two teeth either side of my front four which overlap and are turn slightly.

I was moulded for braces and the whole rigmarole before my parents decided they couldn't afford it. I thought nothing of it until a growing animosity toward my parents occurred amidst general and financial favouritism toward my brother which exists to this very day.

Having said that, it hasn't affected my life and as a grown adult with two children I accept my parents financial situation which no doubt influenced this decision. Its often difficult for children to understand you priorities and choices as a parent, which are always difficult and I suspect by the very fact you are asking the question there is nothing wrong with your parenting other than a little guilt surrounding your ability to provide for you son. There is nothing wrong with that, it shows you care.

Cheers Kryton, I’ve been extra nice to him since he came in from school, thinking I was only marginally better than Fred west since I posted this!😀

I reckon you could fashion some from the heel of an old shoe and some fence wire. Win win.

What insanity. Get his teeth fixed. Why are you even asking on here. Get them done with train tracks.

All of your comments have made me realise i should just stump up, I suspect he won’t thank me later, but if i don’t he might resent the fact I didn’t, which would be bad!
Thanks all!

Going back a few decades here but I've a couple of friends whose parents spent money on similar treatments in their formative years and they are still very grateful for it.

When I was a teen I asked my parents to get my wonky tooth fixed, they didn't think it was that big a deal and persuaded me not to. Years later I wish I'd insisted more as it's harder to sort as you get older. In the future he might feel cheated if you bribe him not to get them done.

It's worth noting that teeth can move back to their old position, my friend had braces at school but never wore the retainer afterwards and they moved back pretty quickly. Also Invisalign need to be worn for most of the day and with completely clean teeth (i.e. brushing your teeth immediately after breakfast lunch and dinner) meaning you can't really snack so can be a pain.

Op, please go and get a second opinion. We have a place near us that said my sons teeth were not bad enough for NHS and offered a 2.5k solution.
I felt that I was being given the hard sell on the fancy braces including finance options.
Anyway, went to a different orthodontist and surprise suprise they measured a gap elsewhere and now he has braces on NHS.

Cheers Stuuey, i posted earlier that I’d had a similar experience, s****y dentist nearby said I needed £800 worth of fillings etc, went to different practice, teeth fine, no work needed!