[Closed] Alien Covenant "Explained".

Yep summed it up pretty accurately.

Super easy, barely an inconvenience

They can travel to another planet, master the cryo chamber and produce a human-like android yet they can't develop a rifle past the AR15.

Remind of this a little

The pitch meetings are brilliant. I still don’t know if Prometheus, this one or Alien Resurrection is the worst one. They’re all shite but it’s a close run thing.

Pitch Meeting has been a favourite of mine for a while now. Honest Trailers is also good. The predator one especially

The "trouble" with this is 1. it's pretty funny, and probably scarily accurate, and 2. they remind you that the movie is full of questions that need answers...

The only film where I've genuinely considered walking out of the cinema. Lack of storyline and shit writing compensated for by people being stupid and falling over a lot.

I truly didn't think it could get worse than Prometheus, then Covenant happened. Sooo much WTAF?!?!

Couldn't agree more

Writing in the stupidist possible characters to set up ludicrous plot points is the bane of modern screenwriting
Especially when real astronauts are ridiculously smart & trained for every eventuality

What hurts so badly is that the motivations & reactions of these guys were completely relatable & believeable

Yeah... that's spot on. Lots of poor excuses for lots of Fassbender time. I mean, great actor... but don't write nonsense just to keep him on screen as much as possible... sometimes twice.

Before:

After:

Thanks OP, I spent nearly all of yesterday watching Pitch Meetings...

I recorded this the other day when it was on the telly to watch at some point.

I've not watched the Pitch Meeting thing yet, but I'm not sure i can be bothered to watch the film now based on the comments...worse than Prometheus?! Is that possible?

worse than Prometheus?! Is that possible?

Remember the part in Prometheus where the space ship is falling on them and they run in a straight line rather than just a few paces to the side? Its like that, but for 2 hours

Do yourself a favour, re-watch Alien or Alien 2 instead.

worse than Prometheus?! Is that possible?

Yeah, it's bad. I think I can forgive a lot especially in movies, but these folk are apparently smart enough to be put in charge of a spaceship with 2000 people on board, but they then go and really dumb things that make zero sense.

Yep, just watch the directors cut of Alien or Aliens Special Edition and remain happy 🙂

Hell even Alien 3 is a masterpiece compared the steaming pile of turd that is Covenant.

Remember the part in Prometheus where the space ship is falling on them and they run in a straight line rather than just a few paces to the side? Its like that, but for 2 hours

This sums it up perfectly.

I think the most stupid moment was :

Dodgy sinister robot: " go and have a look at that massive egg, go on, stick your face right over it as it opens, that's it"

Yeah, it’s bad. I think I can forgive a lot especially in movies, but these folk are apparently smart enough to be put in charge of a spaceship with 2000 people on board, but they then go and really dumb things that make zero sense.

I switched over after the 'let's all decamp and walk about on an unknown planet without any protection' bit. Did I miss anything?

Hey, at least we now know GoPro mounts will still be the standard for 1st person video shooting.

Thanks OP, I spent nearly all of yesterday watching Pitch Meetings…

Me too. Absolutely brilliant. Super easy, barely an inconvenience. 😆

I nearly fell off my chair at the nightmare in elm street one when he says the "gallons of blood" line

It is a crap film no doubt. But i was more bothered by the story lines that started up but then went nowhere that just people being dumb. If you take against people being dumb then you have to write off an awful lot of good horror movies.

I couldn't watch covenant, turned it off after about 20 mins...

I didn't think too much of prometheus until the second or third watching, it kinda grew on me.

You can't really beat the 2 origionals, but they are both very dffernt films, Alien is more of a horror thriller, and Aliens more of an action/horror.

If you take against people being dumb then you have to write off an awful lot of good horror movies.

You should watch Zombeavers, pure quality, almost serious hommage/satire of cheezy 80's horror flicks.

Thanks OP, I spent nearly all of yesterday watching Pitch Meetings…

Yep, that's been most of my afternoon written off...

You should watch Zombeavers, pure quality, almost serious hommage/satire of cheezy 80’s horror flicks.

See, also, Black Sheep

If you take against people being dumb then you have to write off an awful lot of good horror movies.

Oh sure, but most horror movies casts aren't supposed to be astronauts, and let's be honest, the original Alien movie managed it perfectly fine. But yeah, I know what you mean, the setting up of pointless character sub-plots is v annoying.

I'm amazed how shit Prometheus was. I'm fully prepared to accept that some films might have sub-plots etc I didn't pick-up on or whatever but it was just so poorly done right from the start with the jocks V nerds tensions on the ship.

If, as a director, you can't move beyond basic cliches then don't expect much leeway for your indecipherable "multi-layered" plot.

Haha, just watched that first vid! Funnily enough I haven't see Prometheus, but was browsing and saw Alien Covenant on, so started watching up to the bit where the woman was locked in the room. Quite why she didn't let her mate out of the room when there was still little risk was beyond me and I gave up right there.

Having said that, it is all slightly believable on the basis they are Americans!

I tend to suspend disbelief far too much with films and TV, and I overlook all these flaws particularly when it's as visually stunning as a Ridley Scott film.

In term of visuals, i like how the cutting edge CGI in the last two films still predates the 1979 Spectrum era computers in the alien universe

I still find it amazing that *so much money* gets spent on films like this, with so many hugely talented people working on it, but they frequently don't seem to have kicked the basic plot around for long enough that it makes sense and isn't full of glaring holes

I tend to suspend disbelief far too much with films and TV, and I overlook all these flaws particularly when it’s as visually stunning as a Ridley Scott film.

I think most people are happy to relax and be entertained, but there is a line between entertaining and just plain dumb

Those youtube clips up there...am I supposed to have watched them before sitting down to watch Covenant? I can't for the life of me understand why the content of the first one wasn't included in the film for the sake of continuity with Prometheus.

After Prometheus and Star Trek: Into Darkness, I've learned that the best way to check on whether something is a steaming pile is to check the writing credits and see if Damon Lindelof is listed.

I haven't yet seen Covenant, which appears to be untainted by Lindeolf yet the critiques of the script are still terrible.

Covenant one was probably best ever Pitch Meeting ever, but one done on Game of Thrones season 8 is close second.
I don’t know what it is like to develop a big movie but seems that some quality control would be needed.

I can’t for the life of me understand why the content of the first one wasn’t included in the film for the sake of continuity with Prometheus.

Yup, they make that point in the Pitch Meeting… which nails most of the many problems with the movie. I’ve watched it twice though … what a sucker! Didn’t improve a second time. Would still watch again. Yes, there is a time and place for junk movies on Tv.

Honest Trailers is also good

I agree the Predator one is fantastic. My favourite by far is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Has me laughing every time, especially the candy man song and “don’t believe me Google it”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7GblgBFT1-s&vl=en

I wanted to just bump this thread to say a huge thank you for introducing me to the Pitch Meetings - absolutely brilliant.

I'm now not thanking the person who introduced me Pitch Meetings as I think I've watched nearly all of them now...

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oikeith
Full Member

I’m now not thanking the person who introduced me Pitch Meetings as I think I’ve watched nearly all of them now…

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I'm sure it was super easy and barely an inconvenience though.

I’m now not thanking the person who introduced me Pitch Meetings as I think I’ve watched nearly all of them now…

Yes, that, thread starter, you are an evil man.

This thread is tight! 😆

Penises are tight!

Thanks OP - I saw this thread yesterday and had a 2hr drive immediately after so I listened to Pitch Meetings all the way. I'm now an addict!

The Alien Covenant one proves I was right never to watch it after the steaming pile of senseless poo that was Prometheus.

Even the ones about movies that I really like, such as Tenet, are really amusing.

My own personal favourite so far is Back to the Future - it's absolutely brilliant and laugh out loud funny. Game of Thrones S8 was a cracker too but they're all good. I'll check out some of the ones that people rate on here as well such as the Willy Wonka one.

This thread is Tight!

Well that seems to be a popular post, lets try something else.
How about celebrities reading out abusive tweets about themselves?
Mean tweets.
For some a reason I find these funny.
Probably NSFW
Here's one. There are lots of others.

I'm going through them too 🙂

I enjoyed the 'phantom menace' pitch meeting / P*** take. Kids are just gonna love inter galactic taxation law, and the fact that the pod race is shoehorned in for computer game purposes and little else

too easy

They are great.

But I'm supposed to be working so...

I'm gonna need you to get all the way off my back about Pitch Meetings and not bring it up again

Pitch meetings about pitch meetings are tight!

Thanks OP for sharing and introducing me to pitch meetings, hilarious stuff. That’s Saturday morning viewing sorted.

Am wondering how I can somehow get this phrase “super easy and barely an inconvenience” into one of my work calls today.

Should be super easy. Wow wow wow wow wow! on the other hand...