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MIL has worsened steadily over the years and is now what i believe is past the point of no return. she has 3 adult kids (my wife being one of them) and its always been a house of drink and fighting, doors and walls being punched in, weed smoking, needless to say its a place ive always been happy to stay away from and in later months my wife has too.
my biggest sadness are her dogs. up til a couple of months ago she had 3, one went to live with family elsewhere so that left two. in the last few weeks shes been drinking bottles of whisky daily, is hardly ever sober, shouts and swears at everyone and is just downright nasty.
yesterday my wife and her family went round out of concern for the dogs. she was of course in bed, pissed up and wouldnt answer, whilst the dogs were crying and shaking. my wife finally got a spare key and they all went in. the place stank of dogshit, they were gagging, there was shite and piss all over the floors, up the stairs etc. my wife took one of the dogs and has brought it home. poor thing stank of piss so she bathed it a couple of times, cleaned him up and hes now happy here with our other jack russell.
her sister was sposed to get the other but refused as it didnt want to leave MIL. wife thinks she still should have picked it up and taken it.
all this is affecting my wife, its a daily jeremy kyle show. MIL will end up killing herself, but theres still a dog there that we're worried about.
now i think that you cant help an alcoholic unless they want to help themselves, is this right? cant be forced to go into hospital/rehab? the police have been involved from time to time and have seen the house as it is but nothings been done. wife dialled 111 and they said she needs to report to police but they know the situation and nothings been done. im not saying they should do anything, after all, what can they? more important things to do and lack of funding for proper care these days.
so, at present we have an extra dog (cant keep him long term), theres still another dog who doesnt really see the outside and is living in a shithole, and theres an alcoholic woman who lives in a house full of dogshit.
is there anything we can do or is it a case of nothing can be done unless MIL wants it? personally i think she'll end up killing herself but dont know how long that will take, could still be years i spose (shes about 60ish i think). in a weird way i still feel sorry for her, shes had health problems, relationship break ups, and i can see why she would be depressed, drink heavily and think that theres nothing worth living for, after all she has got a shit life, id maybe feel the same in that situation altho i like to think not. but..... you just never know do you, there but by the grace of God.....
i at least want to ring RSPCA which may at least force wifes sister to take the last dog rather than it get rehomed with strangers or locked in a kennel somewhere.
thanks for any advice.
It would obviously be best for family to take the dog.
RSPCA route obviously has the negative that the dog could get put down through no fault of its own and depending how bad it is they might prosecute!
The other stuff I have no idea about!
RSPCA for the dog, and local authority/social services for the MIL?
RSPCA have a statutory responsibility for animal welfare so can gain access and remove the dog if your SiL won't, and by the sounds it would be best for the dog.
However RSPCA also will destroy healthy dogs if they deem it 'in their best interests' whereas other charities (eg: dog's trust) will not, so if the dog can be rehomed through another 'voluntarily' I think that may be better.
Frankly, your MiL needs proper help through proper channels but the dogs are total innocents and need your help too - they never chose this life and deserve better; you MiL has to an extent chosen hers.
No idea about dogs. You are correct about the MIL, if she doesn’t want to change nothing will make her. I have found AA to be very helpful if you or your family need any info or reassurance in dealing with the whole situation. I found that all you can do is offer help if they choose to change and be there if they do.
I would go and get the remaining dog and take it to dogs trust or another decent rehoming centre if you have one nearby. If you can't keep the dog you have taken, take that one to the centre too. They might get lucky and go as a pair. They'd at least be able to be kennel mates when in kennels which might make it a little easier for them.
Alternatively the cinnamon club might be able to help. If you don't know them, it is an organisation that takes in dogs when people - usually through old age - can't look after them anymore. Usually on a foster basis but that could be a way of getting the dogs away permanently. Good luck and good on you for trying.
Totally agree on the dogs, but not sure if the dogs trust will take them if they're chipped etc?? My brother died a couple of years ago, thanks to alcoholism and as folk have said, if she doesn't want help, nobody can do it for her.
Having said that, it might be important for your wife's sake that everything that can be done, is done. She may well regret that she didn't do more when it's too late. (Not saying you or she hasn't done everything btw) AA are a great help, as has been said.
I tried..... I talked, I pleaded, I even put my brother in hospital. I tried nice and I tried nasty. But in my brother's case nothing worked. Even his own son, someone he had wanted all his life, couldn't save him. The day he died I felt so sad, but at least I knew I had done all I could.
Good luck with it all, it can be a thankless, hopeless task....
well, ive contacted both the cinnamon trust and the dogs trust, see what they say about options.
on a plus, the sister agreed to have the last dog so i picked her up, took her over there and shes now got her at her house. remarkably MIL was sober and still agreed to this, so its all gone good so far for the short term.
ill keep you posted on further updates.
thanks for your help.
Now the dogs seem to be sorted and away from the house the next task would possibly be to get the house cleaned up? Thankless task maybe and not pleasant certainly but would put MIL in a better environment for a while.
Put the mil down humanely and rehome the dog?
I got a saxton blades oscilator from deadlydarcys recommend ation.
Cost 50 quid. Its been great and the other tools mean its been in more constant use compared to a wee sander.
Well, this thread took an unexpected turn.
🤣
next task would possibly be to get the house cleaned up? Thankless task maybe and not pleasant certainly but would put MIL in a better environment for a while.
This. Alcoholism is a wicked disease. I hope that the OPs MIL recovers. Regardless of her actions without support she has no chance.
It's all very well saying an alcoholic will only help themselves when they hit rock bottom but they still need you there.
She's a human being.
You think thats odd. Its the most disappointing recipe thread i've found...