Ah crap my wife died, cancer sucks

So sorry to hear that. Make sure you take advantage of any offers of help when you feel you need it. No offer of help on STW is ever made half-heartedly.

You're a complete stranger to most folk (myself included) on here and yet people are sending heartfelt condolences and genuine offers of help, whether that's just talking, or a bike ride, or cuddles from a spotty dog (I particularly liked that one).

I'm not sure if that helps, but in a world that can be downright crappy at times there are an awful lot of good folk out there. You're not alone. If you're ever up Edinburgh way there are plenty of us who'll happily show you some trails.

Really sorry to hear this John 🙁

So sorry to hear this.

So sorry to hear this 😢

So sorry, never spoken to you but read many of your posts in the past and would happily be up for a ride if you wanted to get out. Please just post a topic if you want a coffee / ride / anything and you’ll have lots of offers.

Bloody hell....

54.... Make the most of life, guys...

My condolences, John....

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you all.

Hi John, I'm so sorry to hear this mate. I'll add my name to the growing list of people that are here for you if you need to talk to a stranger...I've always felt we have connected over NMA, and whilst I'm all the way down in the Midlands, the internet makes the world a much smaller place.

Take care of yourself mate,

So sorry for your loss.

So sorry to hear this. If you need to talk to a stranger, I can meet you in Bradford or Leeds.

Deepest sympathy John. Cancer sucks, took my dad 20 years ago at far too young an age. My thoughts are with you and your family.

As for riding, the Yorkshire retrobikes often ride not too far away and are currently planning a Nidderdale ride later this month. Most ride modern these days and are a great bunch.

https://www.retrobike.co.uk/forums/area-groups-north-east-north-and-west-yorkshire.31/

Nidderdale is a great place for an ebike ride. Rides there make me want one.

Truly Sucks.
**ManHug**

So sorry to read this post John.

I can't begin to imagine how you must feel but I wish you and your wife's family a far happier and peaceful year to come.

So sorry for your loss John. I hope you can take some comfort from the messages on here.

Jeez, it's hard reading this stuff. Dusty indeed for you John, and for all the support.

If you're up in Stirling area and fancy a ride and a coffee/beer/whatever (!), just let me know.

Thinking of you, loads of love from the BSN crew

A couple of wee tips.  Ive posted this before but I don't know if you saw it.  A bereaved pal of mine gave me the tip

I have used CBT style techniques with good effect.  I think we all get what I call "thud moments" when your heart just sinks.  For me it was around the fact the adventures we planned will now never happen.  So when I get one of those moments I say out loud " what adventures we had"  rather than think "we will never have that adventure again"  It helps reset your thinking

the other is I did Julies care and as you can imagine that is highly traumatic.  It left me with PTSD type symptoms.  When I get the flashbacks to one of those awful moments I say to myself " I'm proud of what I did"  now 18 months on when I think of that last month or a flashback comes I feel pride not the pain

So whatever is particularly hurting try to flip it to a positive and saying it out loud reinforces this.  Over time it resets your thinking

Sincere condolences, 54 is tragic. Do fun things in honour of her memory, she'd have loved that.

Ah, so sad. My sincere condolences to you and all who knew her.

No words can express your loss.

All I can say is to stay strong.

It has taken me a few hours to open this thread, so sorry for you and the family

another person with nothing to say apart from hoping everything goes as least bad as it can do

Sorry to hear that John. Can’t imagine losing a loved one in that way. Have had a few close friends and relatives have a brush with cancer, but (touch wood) all have been lucky so far.
Holler if you fancy a pootle on the canal in Leeds (need to get my fitness back and remind myself which direction the cranks turn).

My sincere condolences to you John.

I have just seen this, utterly tragic, I can't begin to imagine how devastating it must be to lose a partner at such a young age in such a relatively short time. My genuinely sincere and heartfelt condolences.

I truly hope that you accept all the support offered to you John, this is a time when help and support from others is particularly important.

Sorry to hear about your wife. 54 seems cruel. I can't begin to imagine what that must feel like for you. You have my condolences

I can't imagine what you are going through John but you are in my thoughts. Hope the love from STW helps a little.

Ian

I only know you through your posts on here. Sinncere condolences fella. **** cancer.

Thanks again everybody for your warm wishes

Bollocks.

Sorry for your loss, lost my mother in law the same way, it's an utter bastard. Thoughts are with you.

Sorry for your loss.

R.I.P Helen.

So very sorry for your loss John.
Keep posting and please do not think of 'ifs and buts', cry when you need to and remember we're all here for you.

bunnyhop x

So sorry to hear this terrible news John. I'm not local to you but when the time is right I'm sure you will contact the guys and girls who have offered support. Take care.

Hi John,
Never met you but I'm sorry that you are having to go through this.
I'm mid-battle with advanced cancer, and I can't handle the thoughts about how my wife will be following my demise. I'm 54 and hoping she gets to put up with me for a few more years yet. It's so hard for those left behind in the destructive pathway of cancer. **** cancer.

Anytime mate.

John, my heart just sank when I read your post, I’m aware my words won’t help much, but please know that people you’ve never even met are thinking of you and willing for you to find the strength to pick up the pieces and find some consolation in lovely memories.
Very best of luck to you!

Really sorry to hear this. Can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said by others. Big Internet hug for you. **** cancer

Sorry to hear this.

**** Caner!

So sorry to hear this. Shocked. 😞

Sorry for your loss Mr Drummer. Cancer does indeed very much suck.
Look after yourself.

Oh man. Sorry to hear of your loss John. You must miss her terribly and such a relatively sudden loss must feel awful. Look after yourself.

Really sad to read this. So sorry for your loss. X

By gum thats sad news.
Sincerest condolences to you and your loved ones.

Awful news. Be kind to yourself.

I think we all get what I call “thud moments” when your heart just sinks.

Had this for first time this summer....

Mum died way too prematurely at 68 after a 14 month struggle with leukemia. (Everything was going so well after a stem cell transplant that I decided to take a few months off and think about my own well being..... Went to ride my bike in Italy (Finals until I got a pune call from my aunt telling me to come back quick).

Anyways... Was on a job in Croatia. Told my buddy to ***k-oof after gone silly comment. One of the only other English guys on site said "mind your language or I'll tell your mother"....

Man, took me a few seconds to prices what he said, but that cut deep. Turned into a jibbering wreck. Mate gave me a cuddle/man hug and it took me a few minutes to gather myself. First time I had such a reaction, but it surprised me. Hadn't thought about my mum in months and then suddenly that.

Grief is strange.

I’m so sorry to hear this.

Gosh, that is so terribly sad. You have my deepest sympathies. Take care of yourself.

Sorry for your loss.

I am very fortunate in that my parents got to 83 and 90. My wife is still here after suffering me for 38 years.

It gets better but there is always a hole. Not long ago for some reason just after I woke up I thought it would be nice to pop out and see mum today.

I had a vivid picture of the big kitchen table where all waifs and strays were always welcome.

Im sorry I dont have the words to express the grief you must be feeling.

Stay strong and hold those memories close.

Sorry to hear this OP.
Thoughts are with you all.

So sorry for your lose. We are a long way into the S*&t inevitable cancer journey and STW gives me real comfort even though I don't comment much.
You are correct cancer sucks but don't dwell on what ifs. I did at the beginning but decided time was too precious.

I just remembered this.  My mantra thru the first few months.  It helped me.

<span class="x4k7w5x x1h91t0o x1h9r5lt xv2umb2 x1beo9mf xaigb6o x12ejxvf x3igimt xarpa2k xedcshv x1lytzrv x1t2pt76 x7ja8zs x1qrby5j x1jfb8zj">One day at a time, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other and I will end up somewhere. </span>

FFS missed the edit window

So sorry to hear this John. Sincere condolences to you all. Thinking of you. Take care.

Yep, one day at a time. I’ve had a good clear out of the house and it was really cathartic. Still loads to do.

I gave away a lot of Julies stuff to friends.  It was well received and made me feel better.

I did get pals to clear her clothes tho - I just couldn't do it

johndrummer

Yep, one day at a time. I’ve had a good clear out of the house and it was really cathartic. Still loads to do.

John its 3 years since Carolyn died & I have still got whole cupboards of her stuff to go through! Don't get too carried away!

Some folk want it done quickly, some want to keep stuff

Ive got rid of pretty much everything of Julies now bar 3 pairs of reading glasses that I will use and a kindle 'cos I broke mine.  I had most of it cleared in a couple of months.  Quite a lot of it I got pals to help / do it for me

Its another no right or wrong answer.  Just what feels right for you but don't feel you have to get rid of it unless you want to -

It feels so inadequate - but I am so sorry to hear this johndrummer.

Take care,

Jay

@johndrummer hitting up Gisburn tomorrow with some friends if you have the time/headspace for a pedal.

Take it steady chap.

Thanks for the offer of Gisburn but I’ve only just seen it, not going out today unless I have to