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i was seeing a girl for 6 months, we got on really well, i am by nature a generous person, and everything was good, i paid for everything, she didnt contribute a penny, but it was ok with me.
we then went to rome to spend a few days together, and it was a little bit meh, i realised that as a couple it wasnt going to work.
then on the last day she had her passport, bag, phone and credit cards stolen.
we had to stay another day, which meant extra costs i had not planned for and which she agreed to pay for out of her insurance claim. i agreed to go halves on the costs which came to £1200, new flights, hotel, food, cab home from airport, trains to and from consulate and a temporary passport. i lost a days work which i could ill afford.
when we got home she didnt even thank me. we never saw each other again, this was 3 months ago, and she has not paid me what she what we had agreed, she owes me £550.
my question is this, do i try and get the money by fair or foul means, she has blocked me on all media, and anything i do can look aggressive which i dont want to be at all.
i dont need revenge, just what she owes me.
have you any ideas of how to get this money back, or should i just put it down to experience,
my karma says let it go, dont waste my time on negative thoughts.
my machismo say dont be taken for a mug, get your money back.
i thought of saying im going to her parents and explaining and hope the thought of her closest getting grief might persuade her, but i cant bring myself to give trouble to any innocent parties.
i think i know what i should do, but would appreciate any sensible suggestions, i have enough non sensible ideas already in my head.
You know those videos and stills you took of the two of you?....
EDIT: Sorry, didn't read your last sentence.
Do you have any pics?
edit - beaten by seconds!
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I think you're boned TBH, unless she's going to volunteer the money. Even if you were to go down the Small Claims route, it's your word against hers.
I suppose the question is, is £500 quid worth the hassle of dealing with an estranged ex?
I would have thought that even if you did go to her parents, they would be unlikely to engage and it would be pretty unlikely to get the outcome you're after.
a. Try contacting her a few times by whatever means you have (if you have one - if not go directly to b.).
b. After that I'd give it up as a lost cause.
Let it go unless you can actually take her to the small claims court because you have proof she said she would repay you
Learn a lesson
you must be young and she if you are going to tell her parrents
Chalk it up as a life experience note next time
i paid for everything, she didnt contribute a penny
My ex took out a credit card in my name I had no idea of, till I got a letter for £250. It was a fortune to me then but I paid it off and chalked it up to experience. I could have claimed fraud etc etc etc but didn't want the hassle. it felt like anything I did could have been twisted so she looked the victim. She knows she's in the wrong and you have been taken for a mug but generous guys often do. Don't be so willing to pay for all the stuff in future and move on.
Looks like a case for
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If you can afford it, Elsa has the answer above. Otherwise, you could be opening up a whole new world of pain for yourself. Good luck.
No, he doesn't want revenge.
They both agreed to go halves.
He needs evidence. Insurance claim docs, proof of cash.
He needs legal advice to go to a small claims court and get his cash back.
Don't harass her.
You need to research the legal steps to claim your money back which was not a gift.
I think you need to see a solicitor before going to court.
I took a friend to court for £3K and won as I had evidence and knew the friendship was over when he refused to pay me back after 6 months.
Wasn't difficult at all but annoying yes but I knew what I was doing and wouldn't do it again lol.
Lmao @ slackalice but I'd be exactly the same in line with thoughts you are experiencing in dealing with this.
Though I'd probably choose the wrong direction.
I swear that females show really poor form these days. I learnt from all the good but equally non meaninful sex of a couple of birdies recently.
It pays to be celebate , cooorrrrrrrr it's painful saying that but they are mainly headcases that I have been involved with.
I'd say go straight to family member of hers just to gauge the situation and then ditch all contact with her.
Just think of it as a trade off for all the depraved sexual acts she let you inflict on her!
Good point. Did you get your rocks off plenty of times equivalent to £600 worth of Hookers?
600/100 = 6 sessions? I have no idea of prices but someone on here will.
You might need to adjust if she was hot or a bit of a minger.
And not yet a mention of back doors. Well done people. 😀
What a bummer, I feel sorry for the OP. In the end £550 isn't a huge amount to lose but my attitude would be: "Why the hell should she get away with it?" especially if I bailed her out and helped by lending the cash. Personally I would go to Small Claims; you wouldn't get much after fees but she would have to cough the £550 and it would teach her a lesson about responsibility, which seems to be sorely lacking these days when everybody seems to know their rights.
I would feel so strongly about this that if I was his relative I would sit down and help the OP compose the letter to the Small Claims Court, or whatever you have to do. I did it once out of a similar feeling of righteousness and got my cash back.
£500 for 6 months? Sounds cheap, try being married for 8 years 😆
LOL^^^
£500 (less fees) would get him some nice wheels!
Or sales!
Cheap CX would give him a nice ride. Probably better than the EX.
Seriously Lester, research small claims court.
Hope you kept the receipts and a police report for the losses.
I'd put it down to a lesson learned on gold diggers, move on and find someone nice.
Unless you have written signed statements to say that she would go halves with you on any expensens you wouldn't have a chance in court.
She dumped you the second you landed and you are wondering if she'll do the decent thing?
It's gone.
Move along, nothing to see here.
I'd have thought a well-written letter would convince the Court. When I lodged my claim (for damage caused to my motorbike by a careless roofer) I didn't need to submit any documents in proof; my story was accepted as true and I got the money he'd said he would pay me. The OP's former GF would probably get the shock of her life to find out that her former BF wasn't going to roll over and surrender.
Come to think of it, a simple Solicitor's letter might have her reaching for the cheque book.
Good point. Did you get your rocks off plenty of times equivalent to £600 worth of Hookers?600/100 = 6 sessions? I have no idea of prices but someone on here will.
By the sounds of it the OP was in for more than £550 in total, this was just the add on costs for their last little foreign fling.
Best thing to do to start with is to write the money off (calculation above may help with this!) last thing you want is to burden yourself with worrying about it, can't see you getting very far with small claims but I don't have any experience in that arena. Then sit down & write an honest but unemotive letter to her parents outlining the situation, you've got nothing to loose by doing so & if you do get any cash back it will feel like a bonus as you had already written it off 🙂
Can you not just put a polite "You still owe me £550" message on her FB account. Don't go ranting just remind her in public.
thanks guys
im probably going to let it go, but i still cant help thinking i shouldnt let her get away with it, i might just go to small claims court just to give her some hassle, but what a waste of time.
i think the best thing is to send her the link to this thread, to show her what the world stw thinks lol
i dont begrudge anything i spent on her while we were together, and i enjoyed every second, but its just so against my instincts to let it go.
i have proof i paid for everything extra as she sent me copies of all the receipts we submitted to the insurance people, after all she couldnt have paid as she had no credit cards. i suppose the question would be
was it a gift?
can i prove she hasnt paid it back?
because i can prove what i paid by my credit card bills.
she didnt dump me, i dumped her. she wanted to carry on the relationship, i suppose it was worth £550 not to see her again lol
she blocked me on her face book account and on all other media, i have to write to her or visit her personally which i very much dont want to do
ye gods man!!
When I left my ex, I gave her my council house, an £8k car, all the white goods and a house full of furniture simply to avoid earache
I came out of it with my bikes, my hi-fi and about 67p to my name, but I also had my sanity and 50/50 shared custody of my kids and you can't put a price on that 🙂
Some people just crave drama ey!
It will rankle you for the rest of your life if you don't try at least. Copy your card bill and highlight all the expenses then send it to her with a polite but formal letter reminding her how you bailed her out and that she promised to pay the 50%. Don't dwell on your former realtionship, it's a simple civil matter between two people who made a verbal contract.
Edit: you dumped her?
Oh....
Depends on your ages and family values involved, but a mate who'd lent an ex £3000 got that back after talking to her mum. This was post uni, so she must of been 21 ish.
Easy for the majority of STW users to write that money off but it could be a lot of money to some.
It's easy for anyone to write off, usually harder for bread heads though
I wish had enough dollar for a trip to Rome, never mind £1200 sitting around to cover binty's losses
I've had this happen twice in as many years - the 1st was for a few grand, the 2nd only a few hundred, but was even more annoying because it involved deceit.
You just have to realise that people are selfish & are wont to look after themselves.
The current missis is skint but won't let me pay for anything - it's quite nice, but slightly annoying in itself 🙂
Being generous is one thing, but if you go on holiday & she doesn't contribute anything, that's a sign that these is a serious imbalance in the relationship. If she's earning, she should be paying her way if you are equals.
Just forget it; sometime you just have to chalk it up as experience and never do it again. It's an expensive lesson admittedly, but ultimately, it's just not worth the time and effort to recover it. You'll always be a little bitter about it, but hey...
I've bailed my girlfried (now wife) out of £££££s and haven't seen a penny of it despite promises...hey ho.
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when we got home she didnt even thank me. we never saw each other again, this was 3 months ago
she didnt dump me, i dumped her. she wanted to carry on the relationship
Seriously? You dumped her and you are moaning that she's not paid you back?
i love single track replies, we had 6 months together not 8 years, i dont crave drama, i crave my money back, which i didnt have spare, it was paid for on credit card which im still repaying with interest.
i just cant let her get away with it
oh well im off out for a ride
Sorry Lester, you're right.. I was being very insensitive
It just wouldn't be my priority, life's short and some people out there are gonna shaft you
you do what you gotta do to make it feel right mate
I've bailed my girlfried (now wife) out of £££££s and haven't s
Yeah maybe but you can still find monies to upgrade your bike with products such as chris king hubs and enve bars! 😆
Oof.
Got a hammer?
preciousmetals - MemberYeah maybe but you can still find monies to upgrade your bike with products such as chris king hubs and enve bars!
You forgot the critical aspect of all my purchases....SECOND HAND!
leave it, its not worth it
lester, expensive lesson, but its £500 to never speak to her again, move on.
I wish had enough dollar for a trip to Rome
Lester is a generous chap - you won't have to pay a penny and can avoid that awkward eye contact after you get back.
Seriously, OP - she's had the money from you ( for this and everything else ) and got the money back from her insurance ?
You have only tried to contact her via social media - you do know that the post office does a nice line in delivering actual mail, so if you want the money back then send her a letter, with copies of the documents and tell her that she has 14 days before you put her into the Small Claims Court, or just chalk it up as a learning experience and don't pay for everything for 6 months next time and then expect your ( newly ) ex to want to get her hand in her purse when you've told her to do one.
[i]she didnt dump me, i dumped her. she wanted to carry on the relationship, i suppose it was worth £550 not to see her again lol[/i]
It'd been handy if you'd have mentioned this in the initial post, not most of the way down the first page...
🙄
@wrecker we love Judge Judy in our house 🙂
OP you need to speak to her ideally face fo face and remind her she owes you the money. You can threaten small claims but that may well not work out, your word againat hers and she can say you always paid for everything.
Secondly never pay for everything, if the new gf doesn't have a lot of money go 80/20 or even 90/10. Have friends who do this, they fund a joint account in agreed share and use that card to pay for joint things (care meeded with this obviously in case one partner goes nuts on priavte spending)
Being generous is one thing, but if you go on holiday & she doesn't contribute anything, that's a sign that these is a serious imbalance in the relationship. If she's earning, she should be paying her way if you are equals.
Not necessarily. This is labouring under the man = breadwinner legacy perhaps.
I've been in relationships where I've been (comparatively) loaded, and where the OH has been the earner and I've been broke. As a partnership you play to your strengths and do what you have to do. A fiscal imbalance doesn't necessarily mean a relationship imbalance, it's situational. My OH is out of work currently, but to suggest that it's a one-sided relationship I should begrudge in ludicrous. "IF" she's earning is key there.
Op,
If you have had sexy time with her then [b]let it go [/b]by assuming you have done a charitable work.
If you have Not had sexy time then [b]assume you donated the money [/b]for someone in needs.
£550 ... that's nothing by BritLand standard.
Next time get the $$$ back before brutally dumping someone 🙂
OP I've been away for a while and I might have missed an important development, but, it's usual not to get too worried about trying to understand chewkw's musings.
Can I have a puff on that pipe next, chewy?
If I was you I would either write or tell her face to face that if she does not pay you the agreed sum back in 30 days you will take her to court, call her bluff and tell her you have been told by a solicitor that the evidence you have will be sufficient to ensure you win.
I'm confused why you agreed to go halves on the expense of flights, hotels etc if you knew she was insured and her insurance has coughed up for the whole sum (less any excess she had to pay) - Might be worth mentioning that if she does not pay you and it goes to court you will want to be recompensed for your total outlay - currently you are around £1200 of pocket and your ex has made a nice little profit and is taking the pee. Don't write the money off, everytime you are skint it will eat away at you for being taken for a mug.
Yep, this wi'bells on. She doesn't owe you £550, she owes you £1200, surely? Definitely worth pursuing in my book, although the dumping at the airport does weaken your case from a sympathy point of view. Your evidence for small claims court is a) that you paid for everything demonstrated by your CC records, and b) the fact that she has received a payout from insurance company. (Harder to produce, but unless she either hasn't claimed or is willing to lie to court, proveable). However, if she is young and lives or is still heavily influenced by her folks, a nice chat to her whilst they are present might be the way to go; if you play your cards right you could walk away with a cheque there and then. If not, send a written demand, then a 'letter before action', then open up a small claim. It's not very expensive. Also, try to save any corespondence that you have (texts, emails, faceache messages) between you that acknowledge the arrangement. These will strengthen your claim.I'm confused why you agreed to go halves on the expense of flights, hotels etc if you knew she was insured and her insurance has coughed up for the whole sum
£550 is nothing nowadays tbh especially if that girl used to be a friend for sexy time ...gofasterstripes - Member
OP I've been away for a while and I might have missed an important development, but, it's usual not to get too worried about trying to understand chewkw's musings.
Can I have a puff on that pipe next, chewy?
Yes, you can but it's just normal tobacco none of you cool dude weed ... high five!
i didnt dump her at the airport, we stayed another day, and it was ok, we got home, i drove hert from stansted to southend, she didnt say thank you once, as the days went on i reflected on our relationship and said it wasnt working for me, we had a discusiion and i siad i wanted it to continue but she must do more in our relationship, she would so i said its over. i didnt dump her at the airport
My OH is out of work currently, but to suggest that it's a one-sided relationship I should begrudge in ludicrous.
Yes but you are married
If you were dating someone and you paid for everything are you really saying it would not ring alarm bells?
Dumping 101 get your cash best hoody whatever back before you dump.
My mates boyfriend did her over for the cost of a joint holiday one letter before action got a letter back from his solicitor mate telling her to jog on one small claims fee and five minutes on the small claims docs and he filed a defence , one pre hearing phone call from the court staff and he paid 90% of the claim .
You don't do it to hassle her.
You do it to get your money back that you're owed.
OP one of your posts sounded like you wanted to expose her to STW?
No no no. That sounds petty?
You either want the £550 or you don't. You broke it up, move on. Get your money back if you are need of new wheels. Otherwise move on and go find Miss Right.
You have zero chance of getting your money back through formal legal action. Absolutely none. Could try getting a solicitor if you know one to write her a letter to see if it spooks her enough to pay you but if she doesn't there's nothing more you can do. And barely worth it for the amount of money involved.
There's no upside for you I can see in doing anything more than politely asking her in writing to pay you back if you haven't done that already. It's annoying that she's profiting from you helping her out but the last thing you want is her turning it into a claim of harassment.
Turn away and slam the door.
Tbh OP she probably thought the same, found it hugely stressful and maybe traumatic and maybe she too can I'll afford to take a day off unpaid and just wants to forget everything and move on.
She's not a business transaction, a business deal. She was a human. Are you generous really or someone who counts and remembers?
Move on. Forget it. I pay lots more I'm bills than my other half and yet I'm classed as 'tight' by many. Who cares.
Forget it mate, after six months of paying for everything she'd come accustomed to the wag lifestyle.
Not sure how you can ill afford a day off work but you can add £1200 for an extra day in Rome.
Don't think my last 3 night trip to Rome cost £500 all in for two . Lol
Being a tight northerner I don't think I'd put up with a bird that didn't pay her way or say thank you and appreciate my kindness..
Do you have her address? Why not write to her? Or go around to see her, phone and arrange a meeting specifically to resolve this issue....You know...Like adults.
This just gets more bizarre.
You spend £1200 on 24hrs hanging around Rome, dump the other half when you come back and then act all surprised when she doesn't want anything to do with you?
You are a prince among men; your next girlfriend will shower you with cash and gifts.
Just sit back and wait for her to come and find you.
@scotch egg
i stayed on for another day because she was at that stage destitute, no money, no credit card, no phone, nothing. i would have probably done it for anyone i knew. it was the first time we had spent 4 days together, there was always the chance that we may not get on, thats one of the reasons you take a weekend away together with someone relativately new, isnt it?
i didnt dump her when we got back, although the fact that she never thanked me once was a big factor in my decision, we spoke together about our holiday and our future together, we had differing expectations and agendas and i called it day. i asked her to come and see me and talk it through she wanted to carry on a before, i didnt.
whether or not she doesnt want anything to do with me, and whether its me or someone else, if you borrow money on the understanding that you are going to pay it back, then thats what you should do, isnt it.
you borrow money, you pay it back , end of !!!
im probably going to write her a letter as one last attempt and then let it go
These threads just get better and better. You'd only been seeing her for 6 months, it was the first time you'd spent 4 days together but you wanted her her to do more in the relationship so whilst she was distressed because she had her passport, bag, phone and credit cards stolen you lent her money under conditions because your such a generous guy. I bet she is sobbing her eyes out that you dumped her, my arse she is skipping with joy.
Write the money off and get a life.
Chalk, experience, lessons..
Sounds like a cheap way to never see her again, result.
And not yet a mention of back doors. Well done people.
What a bummer
Anyway, just think how much you'll be saving from now on.
Interesting thread! Some of my sympathy for the OP evaporated when he wrote that he had dumped her; Hell Hath no Fury like a Woman Scorned, etc.However we can't ever fully understand the feelings over the breakup and she will certainly have been traumatised by the theft as Hora points out, though now that she's back home and settled down, I still think a reasonably-worded letter from the OP pointing out that he can ill afford the loss (perhaps with a few emollients like he hopes she's got over it and he's sorry things didn't work out) might still do the trick. He needs to convey his determination to get the cash back while remaining polite and non-aggressive, which won't be easy.
[i]she didnt dump me, i dumped her. she wanted to carry on the relationship, i suppose it was worth £550 not to see her again lol [/i]
there you go then. As it stands do you really think she's going to pay you back after dumping her?? no chance in the whole universe. as said above, it's a write off. Forget about it and do something a lot more useful instead.
Oh sod it.
Look at it as you paid £550 to get rid of her.
Don't do it again.
At least she's not pregnant or its 6 years later in the relationship.
Get bike and ride.
Frankenstein - MemberOh sod it.
Look at it as you paid £550 to get rid of her.
Don't do it again.
At least she's not pregnant or its 6 years later in the relationship.
Get bike and ride.
Yep,
Entertaining thread to read (sorry Lester, I love a 'domestic') you sound young?
Anyway, through no more than the words on the page and the experience of being rumped a few times myself, just move on, remember this next time you're in a similar situation and "let it gooooo, let it gooooo".
The moment the relationship ended, your chances of seeing your money back ended with it - some people might be 'mature' enough to settle up, but not many - if I was honest, I wouldn't.
As for forcing her to pay up? No chance, it's hard enough to do when you've got signed contracts, a massive legal and debt collection department - ultimately to peruse it legally you'll need to risk a very large amount of money, for the chance to get back what is relatively small amount. You'll say it's a loan, She'll say it was a gift - the burden of proof is yours, you'll lose - there isn't a Judge Judy for the UK - you might even end up on the side bar of the Daily Fail "MAN DUMPS WOMEN AND THEN DEMANDS COST OF ROMANTIC BREAK BACK" there's been a spate of them recently, she might make a few grand out of it.
Now all you have to do is stalk her Facebook to see what kind of bling she's spending it on...
As others have said, it might seem a lot, but it's an awful lot less than you could have lost getting out of a bad relationship.
£9000 fees for a year a uni in the UK. You've just learned a lot more in the university of life for a lot less.
Here's a classic poem to cheer you up
HTH 8)
Lester £1200? I can be in any European country and book a B&B, etc etc asap without ££££.
I could show you how to do this? How did you arrive at £1200 for an extra day? AND on a credit card? The one thing that's going to prompt you to spend careful. It's not the never'ever 'tick mate.
On another note you 'dumped her'.
If I was her I'd block/ignore/avoid anything more to do with you.
Hotel for one night... and the 2 new flights he needed to buy?I could show you how to do this? How did you arrive at £1200 for an extra day?
The most you'll pay for a plane ticket is when you just missed your flight. The most you'll pay for a hotel is when you walk in off the street. The most you'll pay for a Taxi is to Rome or Barcelona airport.
Shop around?
I once spent 24hours in Charles De Gaule airport after blagging a free earlier flight home.
I guess the OP went back to the same hotel because he CBA
Do you want a lesson in life?!
The man who spent 24h in Charles de Gaulle when the centre of Paris is a few euros and half an hour away on the RER is offering lessons in life!
I had very little money. I'd blagged my way from Besancon on the train and food too.
Im skint right now..but i will take the high road than that £500