[Closed] "Action Against Time Thieves" - Noel Edmonds content

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What a cockmonkey.

Going the way of the Icke I tell ye.

To be frank, I actually find the Icke more likeable.

[Chuckles at uplink's pic] 🙂

Apparently a penis of monster proportions has been seen blocking bus lanes in Bristol. A source at the scene stated it’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen…… however confusion over the accuracy of this report spread after another onlooker described the object as being a ****ing t**t!

....he could drive an empty minibus for them same daft reasons and not get in trouble though....

[i]The 'action against time thieves' sign on Edmonds' cab is a reference to his campaign against people who waste his time[/i]

Where does one sign up to become a Time Thief?

If someone could nick the 90 minutes between now and leaving work, I'd be eternally grateful.

Like a lot of these people, his veneer of sanity is paper-thin, a fact which Chris Morris tapped into nicely in the wake of his pissy reaction to the Brass Eye "cake" ridiculousness.

His protests after the broadcast of the programme resulted in a follow-up sketch in which a fake news bulletin reported that Edmonds had gone mad and killed presenter Clive Anderson during a dinner party, in which he held the rest of the guests hostage, before later returning to the scene to see an Edmonds lookalike throw a severed bald head from an upper-floor window before firing a rocket propelled grenade at a nearby wedding and making off in a helicopter gunship.

I'm not defending Edmonds, but why are Taxis allowed in some bus lanes? Just because you're paying for the driver, why the special treatment. Seems odd?

In a really nice (but open way)- WHY should Taxi's be allowed to use bus lanes outside central London?

Why? I dont understand why (a) most people use them and (b) why are they in a rush?

Time thiefs from a man who fronts a show where excitable buffoons just open boxes....he is not into irony then is he.

Time thiefs from a man who fronts a show where excitable buffoons just open boxes....he is not into irony then is he.

I actually read the title and assumed BD had watched a show of his and was demanding back the 30mins of lost time he'd never see again..

is there a corresponding "Action Against Oxygen Thieves" ?

scaredypants - Member

is there a corresponding "Action Against Oxygen Thieves" ?

Are you nominating yourself? How kind.

geoffj, people who use taxis generally leave their cars at home. As with buses, it's a kickback for being public-spirited enough to use stinky overpriced public transport.

Are you nominating yourself? How kind.

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juan - Member

Are you nominating yourself? How kind.

Spot the ironing on here...

Oh gawd 🙄 I'm not going to get another warning for being abused by juan again am I? 🙄

Mr Agreeable, I'm not sure I'm seeing your logic there. You must be implying that they are using a taxi after some other form of public transport - probably a train, rather than driving the whole distance?

Sorta makes sense except IME of living in Edinburgh, that's not usually the case.

Hora tell him you are a vegan as well ... I dare you

Geoff, that, or they're sharing with someone else, or they're at least freeing up a parking space. Have to agree the environmental benefits of taxis are less obvious than buses, but I'm sure they are demonstrable.

Can we get back to abusing Noel Edmonds now please? 🙂

Once at a football charity gig when Edmunds was at his peak of popularity, I witnessed him hitting a girl who ran onto the pitch. She was about 15, there was no mention of it in the media, even though it happened in front of 10,000 odd people, many of them children.

So as you can imagine I am no fan.

Seriously though- why do taxis need bus lanes? What urgent mission are their singular-payees on?

This isn't the best parody Vic and Bob did (the evil levitating Lloyd Grossman was way better) but they do capture the hideous death rattle that he thinks of as laughter:

Oh gawd I'm not going to get another warning for being abused by juan again am I?

Seriously though- why do taxis need bus lanes?

To make it more worthwhile for their customers to leave their cars at home.

Any other tricky questions you need answering ?

Juan you were quite rude to me.
Reread what you wrote. The bit about me stalking you on facebook. WTF? (you actually came up on 'people you might know' so I thought 'ok, click'- and you rejected. I didnt realise you had to be a friend for life on facebook)- you then added I wouldnt be friends with someone like you. Fair enough- was that called for though? It did come across as little immature.
On the thread in question I actually said one line in reply (partly because I couldnt understand what your first post aimed at insulting me was on about). TBH - I really did question what ire I had aimed at you to warrant a warning from STW to me. You certainly threw quite a bit of venom my way which I hadn't risen to.

Anyway. Forget the vitriol. Can Noel Edmond's be the one to shake and make up? I did offer on that thread. 🙂

yes what benefit [to society/environment}is there in me leaving my car at home in order to catch another car?

Catching a taxi is the act of someone who is lazy. In London I was gobsmacked by colleagues who'd insist on jumping into numerous taxis on a works night out. Unless you are flying out on holiday or had a Gran who had a hospital appointment I dont understand why you need a taxi in rush hour. It just adds to the weight of traffic.

I don't have a car at all. Think of it as a little "thank you" from society to me that when I hire a chauffeured car I get to use a priority lane. 🙂

Didn't Juan rather rudely suggest that Hora was too corpulent to copulate? I think he is showing great restraint. 🙂

He actually owns and drives the taxi, which makes him even more down to earth (!) in my book. I stick by my original description of 'cockmonkey', but with knobs on, if you'll pardon the expression.
PS, if Mr Blobby is reading this, it wasnt me that called Mr Edmonds that nasty name, it was some of the other boys on here..

I once sat next to Noel at the Beeb bar at Pebble Mill, not only is he tiny and oddly waxy looking but his hair is utterly terrifying.

Its the blouses that he wears that I find disturbing, pigface, the bloody women's BLOUSES...

On a car program years ago they featured Noels Ford GT- the presenter belted it sideways and I can honestly say that was the closest that I came to orgasming over the sound of a car. Sorry, I have managed to turn this thread onto sex and Noel...

Hora your argument is a tad circular is it not? First off you're complaining about taxis getting to breeze around in bus lanes. Then you say that they're clogging up the capital's transport system. As you correrctly point out, they are damn useful, particularly for elderly or diabled people, but then you go off on one against those who use them out of choice. Make your mind up, there's a good chap.

Noel's Wikipedia entry really brings home how genuinely odd he is for someone who's been a nigh-on f--king inescapable presence in popular culture for the past 40 years:

For many years Edmonds has been a believer in Spiritualism, in particular the concept of Cosmic ordering. He has claimed that he is occasionally visited by two melon-sized "spiritual energy" balls, which appear over his shoulders and which he believes to be the spirits of his dead parents.

BD

Didn't Juan rather rudely suggest that Hora was too corpulent to copulate? I think he is showing great restraint

i didnt hear or see a peep of Noel between the houseparty, and beard or no beard.

i like beard or no beard

i like Noel.

hes a better presenter than most of the winkers one has to suffer these days.

there, ive said it.

yes what benefit [to society/environment}is there in me leaving my car at home in order to catch another car?

Ah, now, let me see ........this is a tricky one.

How about...............you're more likely to catch a train if you can jump in a taxi at the other end ?

Or, how about the fact that you won't have to leave your car stationary somewhere for hours,
leaving roads and parking spaces clearer for others ?

Mr Agreeable - taxis have their uses:

to get the children to school for parents* on benefits (Rochdale)
To create 10 speed cameras with a 0.5mile stretch. Thank you to the taxi driver who finally pushed the council into overaction (Wakefield Rd, Huddersfield)

..and of course, lets not forget the councillors/MP's/council depts who need to get about (various councils)

*Disabled and old people can afford taxis? You know how much they cost dont you? I imagine you dont mean OAP's who live on the state pension.

*Sickness benefit claimants.

Disabled and old people can afford taxis?

Why are you assuming disabled people are poor ?

And do you have to hand over all your money when you become old ?

Hora, you are a recruitment consultant.

Your right to pronounce moral judgment on taxi drivers, council employees or people who aren't able-bodied enough to drive is decidedly suspect, to say the least.

Of course, when you spend all your free time on here looking for people to verbally abuse you for posting nonsense, it's quite easy for your worldview to become somewhat narrow.

Why are you assuming disabled people are poor ?

You did see the little astrix in there didnt you? 🙄

A campaign against people who waste time seems more sensible the longer this thread goes on. Edmonds is a bellend though.

Hora - you are a plonker.

Taxis are used by disabled folk a lot in Edinburgh - partly because the council pays a large % for 104 journeys a year.

Equality of opportunity its called

TJ, you also read where the astrixs was placed? Please reread and amend your post.

You did see the little astrix in there didnt you?

Asterix.
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An asterisk, yesterday.
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TJ, you also read where the astrixs was placed? Please reread and amend your post.

If sickness benefit claimants can't afford to use taxis, why shouldn't disabled people be allowed to use them
....... what sort of twisted logic is that ffs ?

I suggest that [i]you[/i] amend your post.

ernie_lynch. Do you actually read posts or skim through? Anyway the astrix/mention- I recenty read an article about the amount of children delivered to the school gates in Rochdale by parents in taxi's. The story highlighted the amount of sickness benefit claimants in the area and the allowance which included taxi rides. In most cases the taxi rides were short and the question was raised why this benefit should be included.

Your post makes no sense to me except you appear to be saying that disabled people ( and others) shouldn't be able to afford taxis.

In Edinburgh a part of the taxi service is used as a public service

In Edinburgh a part of the taxi service is used as a public service

The 'action against time thieves' sign on Edmonds' cab is a reference to his campaign against people who waste his time

What goes around comes around Edmonds. I watched his house party once and that's 60 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Tidy bearded twunt.

Seeing as you went on the attack- my points were isolated to 'taxi's and their uses. My point on OAP still stand. How can OAP's living on the state pension afford to ride around in taxi's? WHY should taxi's be allowed to use bus lanes. What makes taxis so special?

If the bus is going down the same route, surely hopping on a bus is easier for everyone? The only place for taxi's IMO is the pissup express, trips to and from the airport and when your incapacitated from travelling under your own steam.

ernie_lynch. Do you actually read posts or skim through?

Well like TJ, I struggled to make any sense of your post, but after forcing myself to read it again, I have come to the conclusion you are claiming that taxi drivers shouldn't be allowed to use bus lanes on the grounds that, their passengers are all work-shy layabouts who are falsely claiming 'sickness benefit'.

Where do you get all this bollox from mate......... have you been reading Richard Littlejohn ?

Hora - 104 journeys is a return journey a week for a year - ie you can get your weekly shopping.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/2683040/TV-star-Mr-Blobbys-theme-park-cottage-is-in-ruins.html

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It was amazing wandering round Mr Blobby's house. What a shame it has been completely wrecked.

"These ravers should have more respect for Mr Blobby. He was a hero to many kids.

Where do you get all this bollox from mate......... have you been reading Richard Littlejohn ?

Dunno, I dont tend to take internet forums seriously enough do I? 😐

I see the "it's only an internet forum" excuse-bleat has been wheeled out.

There are some trolls on here who do a pretty good job of winding up the uptight people about completely unimportant matters, like whether your bike has gears or goes bouncy at both ends.

You on the other hand won't be taken seriously for a minute by anyone who knows your illustrious history, so you have to resort to posting crass generalisations about disabled people.

You might get a response, but don't confuse that with people being interested in what you have to say.

I'm like (hopefully) most on here; Half tickled, half-bothered, half-interested and thoroughly bored.

In a pub I wouldnt call someone a cock or **** halfway through a conversation and if someone took someone seriously on here - like the other day posting up photos as proof they were at a agreed meeting spot for a fight- WHAT THE ****?

That is just more of the this is not real argument. In which case should I insult you, your partner , Bingo or your child to be? I am fairly sure that if I stooped low enough I could offend you enough for you to take it seriously.
Basically, Hora, if it is not in your head * it is the real world. You know others can see this dont you?

* most of what you say would be better kept in your head.

most of what you say would be better kept in your head.

The majority of what people say on here would be better kept to themselves if you want to get down to it.

What makes it an interesting place is the inhibition.

Do you talk epically ill-thought-out nonsense in the pub, or are you more lucid there? 🙂

BD the more I drink the more sense and depth arrives into my vocabulary.
Well, unless its Jack Daniels- then I want to kiss bouncers, call queues of people a bunch of puffs, wave my cock at people and shout wahey!... oh that stuff is evil incarnated.

How amusing this whole thread is

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How about...............you're more likely to catch a train if you can jump in a taxi at the other end ?

Or, how about the fact that you won't have to leave your car stationary somewhere for hours,
leaving roads and parking spaces clearer for others ?

Yes, much better a taxi driving round in circles trying to score a fare and spewing out diesel fumes than a car parked in the station car park. Yes I see that now.

LOL @ porterclough !

It's a fact that using a taxi instead of driving into town reduces congestion and pollution.
That's why LAs do what they can to encourage their use 😀

It's a fact that using a taxi instead of driving into town reduces congestion and pollution.

Surely that isnt true? Having say 100 cars loitering around the centre of any town at any one time thinking it is their road, ignoring basic roadcraft principles and in some cases excessive speed. Surely walking around town, catching a bus or shock- cycling would be better?

Surely walking around town, catching a bus or shock- cycling would be better?

The question was car v taxi Hora. Not walking/catching a bus/cycling v taxi. Pay attention mate.

And yes, leaving your car at home and catching a taxi at the other end is better.

That's why LAs encourage the use of taxis. Despite your bizarre belief that's it's all a strange conspiracy to help work-shy layabouts who are falsely claiming sickness benefit.

And yes, leaving your car at home and catching a taxi at the other end is better.

Why?

hora makes an excellent point shocker
why is a journey in a taxi car better than a journey in a privately owned car?
Surely the fact that after the journey the taxi returns to the same staring point [the station say] makes it worse?
Can we have a peer review/research paper to back this up. .

Yeah, I can't figure out why all those people getting into taxis at Victoria station don't just drive into town.
Obviously that would reduce congestion and pollution.

A very good point indeed hora.

ernie - we're still confused, you're going to have to spell it out for us. how can a taxi going both ways twice be better? and that's without them sitting in ranks with the engine on or driving around aimlessly looking for fares.

How about the people getting in the taxi at the station, only need to use teh taxi for a small part of their journey to a specific destination, hardly worth driving into the big town as Ernie says.

Taxis also run when the tubes & buses don't.

Taxis (well proper licensed ones) offer lone women a safer journey home rather than having to get on the last bus with the weirdo stalker

ernie your claim seems to be taxi's only give lifts at train stations and enable the user to use the train rather than the car hence they are better... apoint you repeat without any eveidence.
Therefore can you prove that the majority of taxi journeys are from train stations to another place?
It seems to be to be a fairly tenous claim.
Taxi ranks are located throughout towns and are not consigned to train stations. Private taxis need to be booked and I assume they account for a huge amount of taxi journeys.

a point you repeat without any evidence.

That's because I'm talking complete bollox.

The truth is, that local authorities up and down the country only let taxis use bus lanes because they want to help work-shy layabouts who are falsely claiming sickness benefit.

And all the research, surveys,and censuses, by local authorities and governments, shows this to be the case.
It has nothing at all to do with the fact that encouraging people to use taxis reduces congestion.

That is the truth, I didn't want to admit it ............... but you forced it out of me 😐

wow ernie sarcasm or post the f@cking research.
How you surprsied me with your choice 🙄

Some studies have shown a small environmental effect from taxi useage compared to car useage.

The main benefit seems to be reducing congestion, one car providing numerous journeys rather than one car per journey.

This can have a knock on effect of reducing jams so reducing pollution.

Back to the subject of noel edmonds being a whopper - did anyone see his scary rant on Noel's HQ?

Quite a funny Charlie Brooker article about it.

Noel's HQ - Noel's Party Headquarters, if you like - is the strangest programme on TV. A live Saturday night "shiny floor" show with conspicuous altruism at its core, it's essentially a cross between That's Life, Surprise Surprise, and some unmade episode of I'm Alan Partridge in which Alan snaps and runs into traffic with his shirt off, smashing windscreens with a cricket bat.

About 90% of it consists of Noel Edmonds introducing members of the public who've suffered tragedies, or set up charitable trusts, or both - and then doing nice things for them. Last week, two charming old ladies who'd established a children's charity were whisked away to the Strictly Come Dancing live tour and left with huge grins on their faces. Nice people being rewarded for niceness: only a shit could find fault with that.

It's the remaining 10% that's troublesome: specifically the bits where Noel shouts about petty-minded local councils, and the studio audience cheers or boos and waves union flags and the whole thing starts to resemble a disturbing political rally.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2009/feb/14/noels-hq-television-charlie-brooker