Hello wise people of STW.
I have an extremely rare kind of family 'do' saturday, I don't really care much for 'dressing up' but think I'd quite like to wear some smartish shorts - yet to be purchased, and perhaps a polo shirt, but I am stumped for footwear. Looking online it seems white trainers are the latest thing....if your south of 35 years old which apparently is everyone who buys clothes. So what do I wear on my feet?
Generaly, what does STW suggest for a 5'9", overweight, 49 year old with a total disdain/disregard for sartorial elegance? I don't wish to offend anyone, would like to be me without conforming to stuffy formalities.
Thanks
A nice pair of deck shoes 😀
deck shoes, sod wearing a polo shirt though. hawaian shirt unbuttoned to the bellybutton.
Dangerously close to needing a jumper draped over your shoulders here
Fivetens
Crocs
Wellies ?
Clogs.
I would wear some cupsole skate style shoes with a casual shirt.
Or wear what you like, whatever is comfortable
Had to deal with this crap the other week. There is a co called Toms that seem to cover this exact problem. Online, have stores and also seem to be all over TKmaxx. Not bad for £20 if you can grab reduced. Alternately just turn up bare foot…
Five Ten Sleuths. Then you’ll get some use from them afterwards.
fivetens would be ace, crocs second choice definitely - in a free world I'd wear either of those no problem.
Deck shoes - no.
five ten sleuths - could be a winner? If I can get them in time for saturday.
Heels. Sir would look excellent in some 5” Jimmy Choo’s.
In seriousness - loafers or smart double clasp sandals.
It is a pain isn't it. Why can't it be winter all year round. Far easier to dress smartly. Us Brits can't do summer wardrobe.
Brown leather sandals and beige socks?
Smart shorts. Smart shorts. This is proper look like a **** with deck shoes and jumper over the shoulders territory. Either go smart casual with trousers or just relax with short and whatever shoes you would normally ware.
With what you've got so far, socks & sandals. 😁
Flip flops, with socks.
Knee high cowboy boots.
Espadrilles. Take a blazer in case it gets chilly, push the sleeves up to look extra cool
If you're actually going to buy something for this, just but any pair of trainers you like the look of and will wear again. If they're new and not scruffy, they'll look smart enough. If there's someone thinks you're not smart enough, so what, that's their problem. There's more important sh?t to worry about.
Immaculate Vans old skool with gum sole in an appropriate colour for outfit. 👍🏻
Or perhaps some dark Nike Janoskis. Again, immaculate
Sod ever wearing deck shoes.
Espadrilles
SPDrilles
Then you’ll get some use from them afterwards
Deck shoes make me do a little sick in my mouth, as do polo shirts. Military mess wear I cannot abide.
Vans would be my choice if I were wearing tailored shorts and a shirt, short sleeve, most likely hawaiian.
Vans.
Old school black Sambas.
Puma suede classic trainers. Converse lo's. Vans. Or Birkenstocks as long as your feet don't look like you have fungal nails and trench foot.
Vans, PB Walsh, Allbirds,
Thongs, NB, Diemme, Palladium.
Whatever, wear what you want.
Desert wellies, white sports socks BOOM!
A nice pair of brogues
A bloke? Over the age of 40?
Adidas Gazelles, obviously
Aren’t there laws about this sort of thing?
Deck shoes make me do a little sick in my mouth, as do polo shirts.
I’ve managed to get to nearly 68 without ever wearing either, just the thought brings me out in hives.
A pair of classic Vans or Etnies skate shoes with a plain tee shirt with a short-sleeved shirt over the top left unbuttoned works for me, I’ve actually got several subtle low-key Hawai’ian shirts that I wear for casual occasion that mean something smarter than a Metallica or Faith No More tee shirt.
something like these…

Sanuk, sidewalk surfers.
Or
Vans.
Don't wear anything too dark on your feet. Black trainers with shorts look stupid. I'm 50 and wear white Lacoste trainers with shorts. Top half, casual shirt with sleeves rolled up to elbows, unbuttoned over a tee.
What even are deck shoes?
Brogues, no socks.
Best accompanied by an unhinged fixed stare and maniacal grin.
Paedo sandals.
Technically, the correct answer is deck shoes. But I share most posters’ opinion of them. I’d wear one of my pairs ofBirkenstocks. Overweight, middle aged men and trainers is a risky look.
Black shoes. They go with anything. Paired with over the knee socks.
Smart AND sexy.

Buffalos are all the rage among the kids currently. And you'll no longer be 5'9", instead about 6'2"
With added benefit you'll fall off them in no time at all and have the perfect excuse to go home again with a ****ed ankle.

Doctor Martin's, doctor Martin's, doctor Martin's boots
Is the event happening in the UK or some other hotter part of the world? Just wondering what the driver is for wearing shorts and a polo that you'll have to buy?
Unless it's over 25°c just wear a pair of trousers, or smart jeans, and a suitable shirt. Then just standard brown or black leather shoes depending on jeans/trousers. Oh and make sure your belt matches the colour of your shoes.
Sorted.
Pair of nubuck Cats or something?
And wear a band T shirt. No point in conforming to some 'I don't conform' standard.
The more you show you just want to be comfortable, the more people will expect it from you in future...
Vibram five fingers go with anything
Waders
Deck shoes. I know, but it’s the correct answer.
You may get away with some crisp, white trainers too.
Is the event happening in the UK or some other hotter part of the world? Just wondering what the driver is for wearing shorts and a polo that you’ll have to buy?
Was wondering the same. Forecast in the south of England this weekend is 18 so hardly a need for shorts. For me smart and shorts are two words that don't go together as shorts never look smart however good someones legs are.
Forecast in the south of England this weekend is 18 so hardly a need for shorts.
That my friend classes as taps-aff weather.
Brand new white Vans
Orla was sporting a chunky pair of white trainers yesterday with her micro shorts.
Edit: You Scottish are weird…
It's the vitamin D deficiency that causes it.
I do hope these "smart shorts" are a proper pair of colonial shorts complete with turnups and creases
Orla was sporting a chunky pair of white trainers yesterday with her micro shorts
I'm not sure those shorts are suitable for a family get together. Especially if there are elderly grandparents invited.
Khaki shorts, smart short sleeve shirt, knee length khaki socks and brown brogues.
Or just where what you have that's comfortable and no to scruffy.
Life's to short for fancy dress.
deck shoes
smart trainers (ie the sort you would never do serious athletic endeavors in)
flip flops
Overweight, nearly 50 polo shirt and smart shorts? Honestly mate, I wouldn't - you're going to look like an American tourist.
Think I'm going to go with the Toms (if they fit).
For reference this is for a wedding, in Barcelona in August (bloody sister-in-law loves heat, I do not).
Smart shorts and toe-nails/feet that should only be shared with very few people. I also have hot feet pretty much all the time, so no way I will be wearing anything with too much insulation in it.
Alan has the answer:
On a more serious note, I’d go with a clean pair of simple white trainers, think All Star low tops, Stan Smiths, Veja etc. Careful with some of the skate shoes like the brown Etnies linked above as they can be too bulky due to the padding.
I do hope these “smart shorts” are a proper pair of colonial shorts complete with turnups and creases
Can you still but those - not seen any for years...
Although I bet the MoD still supply them.
That my friend classes as taps-aff weather.
Definitely, sitting in shorts right now. Kind regards, suvvan softee.
Well I was gonna make the hilarious suggestion of socks & sandals, but it turns out they could be super-hip...
https://spy.com/articles/gear/style/socks-with-sandals-1202767684/
Rigger boots
Deck shoes. I know, but it’s the correct answer.
Deck shoes is never the right answer, even on a fricken boat!
Think I’m going to go with the Toms (if they fit).
Toms are good, or on a similar vein, if you want to keep it MTB five tens slueth slip ons.
Well, I really had no idea deck shoes were so reviled.
Moccasins. Not deck shoes and not espadrilles. A decent pair of nice, soft leather in blue, no need for socks.
In order of sartorial elegance it's
Flip flops, Espadrilles, Moccasins, Deck shoes, Loafers, Brogues. A smart pair of tan leather trainers are also acceptable. But not Deck Shoes.
And a shirt not a polo shirt - it's a wedding. Short sleeved, white, with blue shorts and a proper Panama hat.
Go minimalist.

Roamers Desert Boots. Look as good as me!

Unless it’s over 25°c just wear a pair of trousers, or smart jeans, and a suitable shirt.
25degree i'm at my limit for body functions when the mercury hits 16 its shorts until winter.
in all seriousness, i bought some new five10s cause my old ones were hanging, and they are just really nice smart trainers. I reckon i could get away with them in the office, if i wasnt going to get them filthy.
https://www.adidas.co.uk/five-ten-freerider-primeblue-mountain-bike-shoes/FZ1940.html
primeblue canvas ones.
Warm: Break out the smart flip-flops
Cooler: Classic Adidas stripe with the fat laces.
Cold: See above
Well, I really had no idea deck shoes were so reviled
You are a Tory and I claim my £5
For me, it's whatever fits. So old style five tens or a pair of sketchers that are too long but just about wide enough. Or sandals.
in all seriousness, i bought some new five10s cause my old ones were hanging, and they are just really nice smart trainers. I reckon i could get away with them in the office, if i wasnt going to get them filthy.
I wouldn't even wear them on a bike ther's a big logo on the side!
Etnies Jamesons eco 2 for the discerning smart cassual skate shoe of choice.
Althoguth I think MrKona has hit the nail on the head, desert boots are a great shout.
The sales staff for the company next door are required to look smart, they all sport (proper) Bermuda shorts and deck shoes (sockless, natch) in the summer. So I guess that's an "official" answer, as the boss would tell them to **** off home & change if he didn't think it conveyed the right image 😃 They [I]do[/I] all look like ****s though 🤣Smart shorts. Smart shorts. This is proper look like a **** with deck shoes and jumper over the shoulders territory.
I'm a fan of onitsuka tiger serranos in whichever colour combo fits your requirements.
Unless it’s over 25°c just wear a pair of trousers
I'm mostly in shorts from April to September
Khaki shorts, smart short sleeve shirt, knee length khaki socks and brown brogues.
Say what....
Roamers Desert Boots. Look as good as me!
You think?
Yeah, definitely wear Five Tens to your sister's wedding.
😀
Pair of Vans is the answer to any footwear question isn't it? It is in my mind anyway...
Yup, slip-on chequered Vans are always the answer 😁