[Closed] A very first world problem, but a big problem indeed.

Someone else will be more expert, but can you get a bridging loan to get the house and buy some time to mull options? In anycase I would move quick on the house by whatever means. Choose you and your wife's happyness first.

I would love to just give my dad back our house and make a clean break as he is controlling me and has done all of my life

I'm fortunate enough to have a Dad that's staggered and bemused by parents that try to influence the decisions of their children, other than pass on a bit of experience.

It's your life.

Do what you want.

You could raise a let-to-buy mortgage on your existing property if that would give you enough to buy the new one? That's if you're happy to let it.
Or you could just play hardball with the agent. It's a gamble obviously because, there is a chance the agent is telling the truth, but I'd be surprised in this market if you really have to move that quickly. I suspect that he is lying because he's desperate for a sale. But that's easy for me to say as it's not me who stands to lose my dream house.
Edit to say: You could claim back the stamp duty if you were to sell your existing house within 3 years. You might want to check that but I'm pretty sure that was the case at least.

Tell your Da and the estate agent to pipe themselves right down, have a clear-the-air-of-confusion sit down with your wife, make a decision.

Do you really need to move with the upmost of urgency? Some areas / houses you absolutely do, but is that the case here? The estate agent is incentivised to shift the house asap and doesn't GAS about you at the end of the day.

he’s desperate for a sale.

Hmm, its June and the end of a quarter...

I'm not clear - if you sell your existing house to pay for it, you are still tied to your Dad, effectively owing him money?  Or not?

The little dramas and scripts that unfold in a family are really interesting. Sometimes its only an outsider that can see "the real game" that is being played out.

Do you think it might be possible that your dad doesn't want you to buy the house and is giving you poor advice to scupper your chances of living in the house of your dreams?

Is it possible that your dad might want to control you by ensuring that you are tied to his financial apron strings? Does he fear losing control of you? Does he fear not being "needed?"

Conversely, have you ever acted in a way that "proved" to your Dad that you were untrustworthy and were not able to make your own decisions? Do you often refuse to make important decisions and prefer to be treated like a child for fear of messing up and looking foolish?

Also, what role does your wife play in this drama? How does she feel when you make decisions that corresponds with your dads wishes and not hers?

Whatever "game" is being played out, it is clear that a huge amount of control is being exerted. The question is by whom?

I’d be amazed if the EA wasn’t creating a bit of tension to hurry you along. It’s a house, wgas. Sell the one you have, either give the capital back and feel unecumbered or have a chat about it. Artificial pressure is just that, artificial. Next they will tell you someone else is about to bid for it. That’s nice.

I'm with NZCol. You don't work for the EA so their concerns and requirements for the sale are just that; theirs. Carry out the sale of your home as it fits you not them. Unless the new home is a once in a lifetime dream home, there'll always be others, the EA can do one.

I’d you have no mortgage currently, are you in a position to be able to get a mortgage on the new house?

Then you’d essentially be a cash buyer and be able to remove the financial tie to your dad.

The first thing to do is speak to a mortgage seller and see what your options are from a financial perspective. If you miss out on the house another will come along.

families are weird. I know from personal experience. As was said above, your happiness and your wife’s happiness are what is important in this situation.

best of luck - buying houses is stressful when it all goes to plan.

If you don't get the house life will still go on and there will be another house.
Don't listen to estate agents, massaging the truth is their stock in trade.

Hey everyone you've all told me what I already know unfortunately. 🙂

It's good to hear it from others though.

My wife really wants the house and is blinded by that a bit and I made the mistake of agreeing. 😂

We are due to see an advisor on Tuesday who will hopefully give perspective.

I'm really between a rock and a hard place on this one. I do agree that the EA is lying about needing to sell, it is the last house in the development and is clear profit for the developer as far as I can see.

we feel rushed by the estate agent and really want the house.

Red flag right there.

can you get a bridging loan

FFS, if you can afford to buy it, financial institutions will be queuing up to get their percentage. If nobody will finance it, you can't afford it.

Stay where you are just to annoy the estate agent.

Ask the estate agent if he could sell your house for you quickly.
You might see a different side of the truth.
Get him to jump through a few hoops and dance for you, then buy the other when you are ready.

Loum
You may have just saved my bacon!

When you say quickly do you mean sell for less?

Ours is the pick of our development and would sell anyway.

My wife's problem with selling to buy is that we have a dog and it is a lot of hassle doing viewings.

Christ...hassle doing viewings. Take the dog for a walk. How old is she.... 12?

We've done the 'sell with the same agent'. I was a bit cautious as although they get two commissions, there is also a conflict of interest so we kept our cards close to our chest.

They priced our house higher than I expected and sold it within about 3 days, I think they knew they'd sold it when they valued it as they had a couple who were going back for a second viewing on the next street and they tagged this on straight afterwards.

So we were able to get an offer accepted on our new place very quickly, although the rest of the process was a nightmare as per usual, with the added difficulty of the seller being unable to control his temper with agents and solicitors...

We need to move quickly or so the agent says. The agent says that they won’t entertain anyone who has to sell first.

Honestly, unless it's massively under market value, I'd call their bluff.
In the current market, it'd be insane to turn away someone in a strong financial position willing to pay asking price.

Houses are huge purchases, I think you have to be a bit hard nosed about them, rather than just going with your heart.

It's a new build turnkey, there is no one to move out of it. The first sale obviously fell through, its is decorated, all carpets, tiles, etc.

Just my opinion but if it’s a house in a new development then it’s highly unlikely to be a once in a lifetime opportunity given it’s probably built out of cardboard bypassing every building reg they could get away with and will he lucky to be still standing in 20 years (yes I know I’m exaggerating).
Estate agents are like kitchen salesmen, they will say anything to get a sale.

Remember this:

The dream house of a lifetime comes along every 3 months...

Please have some perspective. I am not sure you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. You are basically wanting to buy a second house and then get rid of your other one. But it’s going to be a bit of a hassle with viewings because of a dog.

Why does a dog make house selling difficult? This sounds like a made up Facebook Thread!

I’m afraid I agree with your father - without an offer on your current house, you are not in a position to move - unless you have enough of a deposit to take out a mortgage on the new house?

Just remember that many estate agents are lying, greedy, uncaring scum. Tell them the pressure is intolerable and if they keep pressuring you, you will have to withdraw your interest. Then see how they change their time.

Dougie

My post had a bit of tongue in cheek about it, but the point I was making is that an estate agents truth can possibly change a bit if they can see the chance of making money.

However, as other posters have said, its a possible way through this as long as you and your wife are careful and have a chat between yourself to know exactly where you stand and what your approach is before you engage. And if you get the feeling that you don't trust them then just walk cos it has the potential to get more complicated.

If you do, I'd definitely be getting a second , maybe third,valuation from somewhere else that you trust though. The market is weird now.

And don't panic, there will be other perfect houses.
And they might be a lot cheaper in six months time.

It's little to do with the EA, it's a lot to do with the seller not wanting to wait whilst you put your house on the market, spend 6 months finding a buyer who is willing to pay what you want and so on.

Your house being the pick of the development means little. Some houses sell quickly, some take a very long time indeed and like a lot of things, the market is very very odd at the moment.

Yes, perspective needed on your behalf.

In the current situation especially noW house owner is going to choose someone who has a house to sell and not even on the market with the whole chain that will probably come with over a cash buyer. This is nothing to do with EA. They might mostly be sleazy scum but in this case they are just passing on a simple truth. This of it from the sellers perspective - if the house is desirable why sell to someone where the completion my not take place for 6 months? In six months 10% might have been knocked of house prices and some clown in the chain might start reducing their offer accordingly having a knock on effect right up the chain.

Not wanting to sell because of a dog......geeez. If it’s because they have made the house too ‘doggy’ then that won’t go away after you move out. If it just because it’s a dog - dogs have walks. You and dog have to be out of the house during the viewing anyway at the moment.

Your dad is probably right. No idea of your age but (If I have read this properly) you have been gifted your current house and are debt free. That is a supremely fortunate position to be in. Unfortunately sometimes privilege come with an air of unreal entitlement that you can always have your cake and eat it. This might be you and your wife?

An aside - how come no stamp duty?

We lost out on three “once in a lifetime” houses. Now in a new build which had been specced up by another buyer who failed to complete. Since then two identical houses have been built on the estate, and half a dozen on another estate.

Dream houses come up all the time.

First one with deposit and proof of funds wins.

Oh, and if it’s a new build with a failed sale they are desperate to shift it.

2 questions; how are you bypassing paying the stamp duty?
And what (financially) is your wife bringing to the table?

it is the last house in the development and is clear profit for the developer as far as I can see.

Sounds like it's a new build in which case walk away now.

If a new build on a development is really your dream house you have incredibly bad taste don’t need to stress as there will be another one along in five minutes.

This is a trolling thread. Dougiedogg is the aforementioned dog

His controlling "Dad" is his owner/master/alpha male

Oh, and if it’s a new build with a failed sale they are desperate to shift it.

This, if new build developer (well any of the big ones) is using an EA, they need it moved on quickly. Since lockdown, cash flow into developers (people completing on purchases) has pretty much stopped, and many of the expected purchase have fallen through.

And remember as a buyer, you are not the EAs priority. As a buyer you sit behind the EA and the vendor in the priority queue. This is not complaint about EAs, just how it is.

Buying a house is the biggest “negotiation” most people ever get in to, and knowing what your own position is, including when to walk away, needs to be known to you, and only you, before you start. Watch a few episodes of Location, Location, Location. The bit near the end where they discuss/agree the plan ahead for making the initial offer, the follow-up offer based on the response - do this. Skip the bit where they re-align expectations that you can’t get a 4 bed detached with a large garden, double garage and driveway in Surrey for 200k, even if you’re on the telly.

Negotiation is the EAs job, they do it day in day out, house buyers generally don’t. Telling the potential purchaser that they need to move quickly is just one of many techniques used in negotiations to get to a deal that is closer to their targets, whatever they may be. If you can establish what their targets are, all the better. Maybe they get a 20% bonus if they get to sale agreed in 2 weeks...IANAEA so completely made up example but you get the idea.

Bit of perspective here, we live in N Ireland and we haven't seen anything we want in a couple of years that fits our budget.

We can afford the house whether we go the mortgage route or the selling route, we will however be selling regardless.

Timmys, taste is subjective and I know your dreams may differ. There won't be one in the area we want in 5 mins, we want a 4 bed and new ones are a limited commodity.

If you can afford the house without selling, and the estate agent wants a purchaser who doesn't have to sell I'm failing to see the dilemma

Hey everyone

Thanks for all advice, criticism.

Everything is sorted, I've learned many lessons in the past week. One of which is to keep my mouth shut. 😂