You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
We've needed a new car for a couple of years, not two months, two bloody years I've been brining the topic up regularly and trying to get her to consider what we as a family will need from a new car...
Anyway, some friends of ours round the corner decided they needed a new car too the other day, they went out looking last weekend, and now have the one they chose on the drive, from identifying the need to purchasing a car inside of a week, that seems amazing to me when faced with the level of intransigence my missus has on this specific topic.
I asked her what it was she said "a Red one, it's name starts with an 'S'".
When she finally checked jer WhatsApp again it was a Nissan Qashqui...
This is just indicative of the level of interest she has when it comes to cars.
Two years, two bastard years! I've been on about the need for us to get a new car, when I pointed out how exasperating this was she just rolled her eyes. It's not a decision for me to take on my own, it's a family car we need I might end up driving it the most but I'm not the only user. Honestly I just can't cajole her into taking any interest in the topic, yet I can't get clearance to just go out and buy one without her input...
Then I went and struck a nerve by pointing out that over the same period she's managed to engage her brain and focus enough to purchase several holidays, spunking a fair amount of our joint income, which probably totted up to over twice what we want to spend on a car, a thing we actually need currently...
Does anyone else encounter this level of disinterest with big decision making from a spouse/partner? Is there any way around it?
Find a car you think is suitable, say on autotrader or something...show her the advert, get her to say ok to it.
Anything less than no = yes in this scenario!
Then go out and buy that model from there or somewhere else on your own?
Looks like this task has been parked for too long, you're going to have to take the driving seat in order to get things rolling!
Will it result in a legal process starting with a "D".... followed by --I--V--O--R--C--E ?
two bloody years I’ve been brining the topic up regularly
You'd think something would have pickled her fancy by now...
Just buy one. If you’d done that within a week 2 years ago, I’m sure the acute pain would be less than the ongoing misery you seem to have endured!
She’s trying to preserve the old one
Nah, she's just gherkin him around.
Given the lack of interest, I’d say it was up to you…so go and find one and get it sorted.
Nope, that approach has been firmly vitoed.
Find a car you think is suitable, say on autotrader or something…show her the advert, get her to say ok to it.
Tried it, all responses are non-committal or "we'll have a look sometime".
Will it result in a legal process starting with a “D”…. followed by –I–V–O–R–C–E ?
Could do, she is a bit funny about things like this, got annoyed with me for getting 0% CC a few weeks back specifically to cover work work expenses, mainly so I wouldn't have to abuse our joint account.
Thing is when our current ancient shitbox finally dies, me saying 'told you so' won't help at all. But that's where it's heading...
We’ve needed a new car for a couple of years
I suggest that if after two years you haven't yet bought a new car, then you haven't actually 'needed' one for those two years.
I'm on your wife's side.
You've managed to defer a potentially significant expense by two years so far.
.
Get a spare key made. Start leaving it in the ignition with the doors unlocked whenever you park it and Mrs C is unlikely to be using it.
Nope, that approach has been firmly vitoed.
I thought you were looking for a car not a van?
What peekay says.
Are you sure 'We've' isn't 'I've'?
Do you have a smart tv with the youtube app on it?
Set up a scenario where you are accidentally on purpose watching a review of the car you want...guage reaction...
Then a few week later, have this on the drive when she arrives home from work "supprise honey!" "it's the one you loved!" then quickly whisk her out for dinner somewhere.
How do you go about buying a new bike and sneaking that by her. Maybe you could use the same approach. Else the it was really cheap and you couldnt afford to miss out. I hope you have better luck buying bikes though if buying a car is this bad.
... got annoyed with me for getting 0% CC a few weeks back specifically to cover work work expenses, mainly so I wouldn’t have to abuse our joint account
I simply wouldn't accept that kind of control over what is essentially your financial interest.
Exit the joint account by setting up a new current account just for you and put money for bills and genuine family expenses only into the joint one.
Start by changing your missus; once done get the car you want - or can afford.
Can’t you just work out what size one you want and buy one? Aren’t most cars basically the same?
Yep. We wanted a bigger/higher car for better wading depth, more comfort and more room to put stuff in.
Decided to go and look at some a couple of weeks ago and bought one within half an hour.
Not sure that helps the OP though.
I suggest that if after two years you haven’t yet bought a new car, then you haven’t actually ‘needed’ one for those two years.
I’m on your wife’s side.
You’ve managed to defer a potentially significant expense by two years so far.
Good point, in order to be judge, jury and executioner, the forum will require:
- Make and model of current car
- Millage
- Age
- Condition
- Why it's otherwise unsuitable
Thems the rules!
I suggest that if after two years you haven’t yet bought a new car, then you haven’t actually ‘needed’ one for those two years.
I’m on your wife’s side.
You’ve managed to defer a potentially significant expense by two years so far.
Perhaps, and that is a point I've made a couple of times myself, post COVID it didn't seem such an issue TBF, as we didn't really need to go very far very often.
But the car is increasingly living up to it's French heritage, the last MOT cost £600 to get through, which is probably more than it's worth.
Surely the trick has to be getting shot of any car before it lets you down if it goes tits up while you're actually relying on it then you're snookered, and as we're a one car household there's no really margin for having an old car that's hanging on by a thread...
And she's not 'deferring an expense' she's just so bored by the topic she refuses to engage with it, but also refuses to let me just crack on and buy a car. She doesn't even drive the thing, I'm basically her chauffeur these days.
And she’s not ‘deferring an expense’ she’s just so bored by the topic she refuses to engage with it, but also refuses to let me just crack on and buy a car. She doesn’t even drive the thing, I’m basically her chauffeur these days.
£worth less than £600?... Be a real shame if your car was to suddenly develop a 'terminal fault' 😉
Thing is when our current ancient shitbox finally dies,
Will it though?
Our current ancient Fiesta is currently showing zero signs of actually stopping. Needs a bit of money spent every once in a while but not anywhere near "new car" money. In fact I think it's done about a decade since my OH first talked about replacing it. So that's at least 3 leases/HP's/whatever's that doing nothing has saved us.
But the car is increasingly living up to it’s French heritage, the last MOT cost £600 to get through, which is probably more than it’s worth.
Still only 2 monthly payments.
Last couple of years I think ours has cost:
£650 - cambelt and ancillaries
£150 - wheel bearing
£250 - tyres
£300 - new suspension strut
It just keeps soldiering on, if it gets through an MOT each January for less than a couple of finance payments on something new then as long as it makes it to March we're quid's in.
Surely the trick has to be getting shot of any car before it lets you down if it goes tits up while you’re actually relying on it then you’re snookered, and as we’re a one car household there’s no really margin for having an old car that’s hanging on by a thread…
But as demonstrated, you can go to a dealer and have something new on the drive by the end of the week.
Car's are phytologically weird, I've no intention of replacing my washing machine just because it's 10 years old, my freezers even older.
Given her level of interest in cars just buy one the same colour & she won’t even notice
Good point, in order to be judge, jury and executioner, the forum will require:
– Make and model of current car
– Millage
– Age
– Condition
– Why it’s otherwise unsuitable
Thems the rules!
C4 Picasso 5 seater (not the 'Grand' 7 seat version) 2.0 HDI with semi-auto box (yep that one)
125k miles (still on original Turbo somehow)
08 plate (16 years old)
Condition: rust on Several panels, dents galore, peeling lacquer, remote locking no longer working, one window motor gone, creaks from doors, clutch juddering when pulling away (remember it's a semi-auto). my money is on the clutch going before the Turbo, apparently the Turbos tend to go on these around 80k miles.
I know, I know, We should have gotten a Berlingo.
I'd happily have a Yaris, jazz or something sensibly small but We now need the same sort of boot space for transporting MIL's mobility scooter (and 5 full seats) for moving 2x teens, plus MIL...
the last MOT cost £600 to get through, which is probably more than it’s worth.
That’s a lot less than it will cost you to buy a new one though.
What’s actually wrong with it that it needs replacing, or do you just want a new one? If she’s that disinterested just tell her you’re going car shopping and come back with something that you want.
Oh god, the MIL. We had that issue when we changed my wife's Yaris for a Qashqai. MrsF made the mistake of telling her mum as we were buying it. As it was higher, whilst being ideal for me with a knackered back, MIL then said 'she'd cry as she wouldn't be able to get in it'. This was as we were buying it. FFS.
She did then think about what she had said then phoned back. The madness is we have another car, and MIL never went out in either of our cars anyway due to mobility.
Buy the car you want - Yaris's do have a decent boot !
One of my missus positives, we do seem pretty aligned on big purchases and make decisions quickly.
My uncle once bought a house without telling his wife because he knew she'd veto it.
Turned out ok eventually 🙂
two bloody years I’ve been brining the topic up
Have you considered just going and buying a car?
She cannot simultaneously be disinterested in a purchase and interested enough to be vetoing things unless you have Schrodinger's testicles.
Buy the car you want – Yaris’s do have a decent boot !
I don't doubt it, but it's not going to be big enough for the monster truck the MIL likes to ineptly trundle about shopping centres on, it pretty much fills the boot in our current MPV.
I'm thinking an estate would be a sensible compromise, but seating for 5 full sized humans is still going to be the main challenge, I'm certainly not cramming an octogenarian and two teenagers in the back of a Yaris.
Car’s are phytologically weird, I’ve no intention of replacing my washing machine just because it’s 10 years old, my freezers even older.
That is because if a white good breaks it just gets replaced as no point fixing it or maintaining it - it just works or it doesn't. Cars are not that straightforward and a lot more money is at stake in fixing it/likelihood of it needing more fixing versus getting newer one that doesn't need fixing.
One of my missus positives, we do seem pretty aligned on big purchases and make decisions quickly.
We normally do, it only seems to be this one thing.
Have you considered just going and buying a car?
She cannot simultaneously be disinterested in a purchase and interested enough to be vetoing things unless you have Schrodinger’s testicles.
Am I really that odd?
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
Or is this just 'keyboard masculinity' and you're all just as under the thumb as me?
We had a session of me choosing cars from Autotrader and showing Fun & Finance Control.
Then a day wandering around a couple of car supermarkets.
We then went to see the car I chose from the approved list and had a test drive.
Herself did the negotiation because it was Essex and it put the chap off his stride.
On the drive the following weekend. (I do managing managers as my workplace skill, herself does the finance).
Just cut the terminals off a few fuses and tell her you've taken it to a garage and it's borqed then get a red car.
Schrodinger’s testicles
😂
This is just indicative of the level of interest she has when it comes to cars.
I would say she's got her priorities right. After two years of you needing a car the current one is still running. Doesn't sound like it's that desperate a situation.
A car is a car is a car....
If anything, I would suggest it's you who has a problem. Not her.
Just keep the old one. However if red and S are a priority:
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
I never pool my finances, and never will... joint account for essential bills, sure, for utilites, mortgage, council tax etc.
Then our own money is our own money, so I just buy a car if i want one. Holidays are 50/50 etc. unless one is earning lots and the other not so much then the ratio is adjusted to something more fair.
I never pool my finances, and never will… joint account for essential bills, sure, for utilites, mortgage, council tax etc.
Then our own money is our own money, so I just buy a car if i want one
We do that too. But we (and I would vouch most people) don't have anywhere near enough in our own accounts after mortgage and bills to be able to buy a car solo (unless we were into bangernomics) .
Sounds like the car needs a catastrophic engine fault brought on by a bag of sugar in the fuel tank op.
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
We talk about big purchases before we spend out but we tend to both be on the same page before it’s even brought up.
Bought a car in October, it went like this
Me: “Paul at work’s selling his car, I said I’ll buy it for £100 more than the dealer offers him. I’ve kind of always wanted one and if we sell the current car now before it dies it’s probably still worth a reasonable amount.”
Her: “Cool, I like it too. Can you test drive it & when’s his new car coming?”
Me: “Yeah, already arranged for this afternoon. New one comes Tuesday”
Her later that day: “How is it?”
Me: “Ace. Can I have a lift to work Tuesday so I can drive it home?”
Her: “Sure”
I realise I have it easy compared to some 🤣
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
Not necessarily without discussing it, but it generally goes along the lines of "I'd like to buy this car", "OK, that looks nice. Can we afford it?", "Yup", "OK well make sure you sell the old one first." And that's not some kind of financial flex, other than my current car the most I've ever spent was £5500.
From the description you've given of the C5 I'd say you're firmly in the intersection of a need/want Venn diagram, so if you can afford one make an exective decision and get one.
I'm liking the sound of the holidays taking priority over a new car. This person sounds sound to me.
Not necessarily without discussing it
Well, yes there's always a discussion... But if we had a £600 rot box between us that was one bill away from the scrap yard, it would be a pretty quick and easy discussion that we'd go 50/50 on newer car.
What sort of car we buy might be a bit of a compromise but the decision to buy something with a bit more life left in it would pretty much be a given.
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
Kinda did that on the current car, everything about it was my (sensible, family friendly) choice, but it was no surprise to anyone when I finally replaced the 20yr old crv. In that case I'd been the one deferring the expense...
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
No, not entirely, but given the level of disinterest shown, it would be more of an informative announcement than an agreement.
Honestly sounds like you're on the cusp of financial coercive control.
I’m liking the sound of the holidays taking priority over a new car. This person sounds sound to me.
Yep She is the holiday obsessive, but I do make the time to engage in the discussion and actually agree with whatever ends up getting booked.
Thing is in order to go on most trips we still need a reliable way to get to the airport/ferry or drive halfway across the country.
Last MOT was just an accumulation of age related degradation, some suspension bit, an exhaust section and both rear brake calipers needed replacing, plus a bit of labour it soon tots up.
It might sail through next year, it might be another pricey one, we've perhaps been lucky up to this point, we've had it a decade now but it's just a car and I'm not sentimental about it, and it's at the age where other things are liable to let go at random.
Anyway thanks for all the input STW...
Honestly sounds like you’re on the cusp of financial coercive control.
Which side? Her or him. I'm confused, since when did agreeing on things constitute coercive control?
Apart from the car issue, appears that your other half has control issues, financial for a kick off with the 0% CC......
Her or him
Her, having ultimately power of veto over spending. Even to the extent of a 0% credit card.
Blimey I didn't expect our whole relationship to get dissected 🙂
I don't think anyone is being financially coerced here, the struggle is more over getting her engaged in a decision she recognises needs to be made but just won't, it's more like extreme prevarication than anything else, and I really don't like 'nagging' but I seem to be getting dragged into that role a bit.
We can afford a brand new car, but we did at least agree we should just get a more recent used one instead, we do tend to agree on most things financially. I just can't persuade her to pay attention to the practicalities of what car we actually need, but she's actually quite a major stakeholder in the decision...
I do sympathise, it seems like a bit of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation..
If you, unilaterally buy a new 'shared' car I can see exactly why that would cause a big argument, but equally, what are you to do, if you genuinley can't trust the reliability of the only car you both rely on?
Surely she could simply say something like, OK you choose one as long as it meets ceratin criteria, I dunno...
Costs less than 7 grand
Has 7 seats
etc. etc.
There's also the consideration that the current car worth more as a trade in against a newer one sooner rather than later, before it's a proper scrap yard candidate.
Tell us about the holidays they sound great
But the car is increasingly living up to it’s French heritage, the last MOT cost £600 to get through, which is probably more than it’s worth.
As of other have said £600 is much less than a new car. At this point its depreciation and maintenance are probably much less than on a newer vehicle.
In our house it’s usually my wife that cracked first as I try to run a car into the ground
My wife declares no interest in cars, doesn't drive and considers them just things to get from A to B.
She still manages to complain about every car I buy and then also complains when I sell it*.
It is such a big car, we don't need something like that <-> Why did you ever get rid of that lovely old car, it was so spacious..
Repeat for pretty much every adjective relating to cars. I ended up with 5 and she is still not happy.
*The exception if the Nissan Leaf I am selling and have had 4 people ask about already. She agrees that pile of crap can go.
Who gives a **** about cars? You’ve got one that’s working, why want a new one?
A fair point, but if they both rely on it, I dont think he is suggesting buying a brand new car, and assuming the OPs description is accurate:
125k miles (still on original Turbo somehow)
08 plate (16 years old)Condition: rust on Several panels, dents galore, peeling lacquer, remote locking no longer working, one window motor gone, creaks from doors, clutch juddering when pulling away (remember it’s a semi-auto).
Given the Mrs has tentetivley agreed to get something a bit nicer, I don't think it's an outrageous decision to, well, get something a bit nicer, it seems odd she vetoes all suggestions but seemingly also refuses to participate in what to get?
Our current ancient Fiesta is currently showing zero signs of actually stopping.
Have you checked the brakes?
My uncle once bought a house without telling his wife because he knew she’d veto it.
Turned out ok eventually 🙂
My Dad did this…ended in divorce.
So, in our joint finance relationship I am probably often the one who lacks interest in purchases (not cars).
I think the solution is to select three options and present them in an easy format to the disinterested party. Three or four points about each one relating to her interests/concerns (eg colour options, size, mpg, features). Then ask her which she’d prefer or state your favourite.
Trick her into engaging.
A long time ago a girl in my class said her dad had a new car.
a Red one, it’s name starts with an ‘S'”.
Turned out it was a Sierra RS500.
A long time ago a girl in my class said her dad had a new car.
a Red one, it’s name starts with an ‘S’”.
Turned out it was a Sierra RS500.
I call bullshit. The RS500 was only available in white, black or blue.
A long time ago a girl in my class said her dad had a new car.
a Red one, it’s name starts with an ‘S’”.
Turned out it was a Sierra RS500.
I doubt it, they didn't come in red..
Dammit, beaten to it 😀
Reminds me of a friend who was bragging about her friend having an Escort Mexico.. it was just a bog standard 1.4 IIRC, it wasnt even the right age/body shape!
And my other friend who proudly announced he'd bought a BMW M3... Turned out it was a 3 series M-sport Diesel, oh how we laughed! Well, he didn't!
“She doesn’t even drive the thing, I’m basically her chauffeur these days.”
was a telling point as I read it. Really not understanding why you can’t just take some initiative and go get sorted.
Sounds like disinterest rather than a clear no or reasons given for a no. I’d not try and ignore a clear and resolute no but unless I heard it, green light.
better to ask for forgiveness than permission and all that.
Mind you I do speak as someone who took the initiative made the decision and then sat in the shiny new car as after some moments my wife then said er where’s the gearstick? (Sneaky auto purchase and she’s a firm has to be manual driver. Oops)
I’d happily have a Yaris, jazz or something sensibly small but We now need the same sort of boot space for transporting MIL’s mobility scooter (and 5 full seats) for moving 2x teens, plus MIL…
spunk £10k+
I bet the Venn Diagram isn't as wide ranging as you reckon.
Try sticking say 12k limit into Autotrader for the sake of argument.
Now. Petrol or diesel? I'd suggest if you currently have a shitbox C4 (with no disrespect towards the venerable C4 intended) you probably don't do mega miles. So petrol.
Manual or auto? Manual, because as you point out auto boxes go wrong, etc.
Ok. Now you need to find cars that could actually get three full size people in R2. I'll save you some time because I've just been through it and it boils down to:
* Citroen C4 Picasso or Spacetourer,
* Ford SMax or Galaxy,
* VW/Seat Shalambra,
* Maybe VW Touran if your three full sized people are slim.
That's about it unless you go a bit more left field with something like e.g. Toyota Alphard. Which look dead cool but also slightly mental from a practical perspective.
So have a wazz through that lot, limit the search radius to whatever you wouldn't begrudge too much driving over to look at it and you'll find there's three cars out there. One of them may be red but probably not.
This is kind of the thought process I go through, and then present the findings to The Board as a short precis. It's usually then fairly easy to make a choice.
Why do you have to wait for the wife's approval. She seems happy to spend money on stuff. Or are you not able to make decisions ?
Definitely a RS500 in red was made.
Definitely a RS500 in red was made.
No, there wasn't.
56 were white, 52 were blue and the rest were black.
Definitely a RS500 in red was made.
Nope, not unless it's a replica or a re-spray.
Are you thinking of an Escort RS turbo or RS 2000? Or a Sierra xr4 dressed up as a cossie?
Was even the Saph available in red? Rs500 were moonstone, white or black, if memory serves correctly.
Or it were resprayed. Or a badge on a lower model.
It seems Saphs did come in red, but that's not an RS500.
https://www.pistonheads.com/news/ph-features-heroes/ford-sierra-sapphire-rs-cosworth-ph-heroes/31054
I bought a new car two weeks ago and drove it home on Monday. I say “bought” but it’s a motability car so not quite the same. Had a nice and solid VW Tiguan diesel DCT but it had to go back after 5 years and only 17,000 miles. Nice car and well specced with all the gizmos and Dynaudio system.
Sat in a MG HS Trophy DCT in the showroom and found I could get a driving position that would work for myself as it was very similar to my Tiguan so I decided to get one there and then, bought and signed for in 5 mins without even turning it on or driving, spms and muscle spasms mean I find it difficult to stretch out my legs and I need a higher seat position for ease of entry so rules out every normal car.
It’s absolutely hateful to drive, drove it the 30 miles home and its sat there unused all week. Cheap plasticky interior - what looks like alloy inserts is painted plastic, vinyl/fake leather seats and not a good fake leather, utterly ****ing atrocious sounding audio system- annoyed bout this. Absolutely terrible DCT gearbox which is jerky at low speeds and sometimes holds the gear, sometimes changes up, sometimes changes down, Auto hold handbrake acts like launch control on acceleration from a standstill, hold……hold……hold……release!. Steering is so light I sometimes wonder if it’s actually connected to the front wheels, Infotainment system is from the days of Psion organisers but not as zippy in operation, screen lag can be measured in terms of beard growth. Feels like I’ve bought a car from the depths of aliexpress and in some ways I guess I have.
But…….if I wanted the equivalent VW Tiguan that I’ve been running around in for the previous 5 years it would now cost me a £4000 down payment which I don’t have, the MG HS Trophy DCT was £0 as down payment so that’s the only reason I choose it, can’t complain really but it’s good to have a moan and bitch.
Already looking at upgrading the 6 speakers to 8 + 2 dash mount tweeters + sub in rear with a decent dac/amp under the seat and I’ll just use an old iPhone as a head unit/control. I’ll get a mate to do the install.
Don’t buy a MG HS Trophy.
This is an RS500, even Forza only gives 3 factory paint options!
The RS500 had:
The Inline-four engine had a thicker walled cylinder block and smaller core plugs
A larger Garrett AiResearch T04 turbocharger
A larger air-air intercooler
A second set of four Weber IW025 "yellow" fuel injectors and a second fuel rail (not functional in the road version)
An uprated fuel pump
A larger capacity airbox and turbo inlet pipe
Blow-off valve crossover pipe feed relocated to the inlet manifold
An uprated oil and cooling system
The rear semi-trailing arm beam had extended but unused mounting points
Engine output increased to 227 PS (224 hp; 167 kW) at 6000 rpm
Max. torque of 277 N⋅m (204 lb⋅ft) at 4500 rpm.[3]
The RS500 also had minor external cosmetic differences to its parent the Sierra three-door Cosworth:
The rear tailgate had a lower spoiler in addition to the upper "whale tail"
Discreet RS500 badges on the rear tailgate and front wings
A redesigned front bumper and spoiler to aid cooling and air flow, including the removal of the fog lamps and their replacement with intake grilles to supplement brake cooling