[Closed] A question about people in HR departments...

Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?

Nope, all the ones I've meant have either been A) Sociopaths B) Self involved idiots who are unable to verbally communicate properly who spend their days polishing their nails and talking about men.

They should all be ****ing blasted into low earth orbit with hiring and firing being left to people who actually understand the company.

Are they all cold-eyed sociopaths?

Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?

Just wondering, like?

Yes.

No.

Never met an HR person who was anything resembling human. Thankfully I don't have to deal with them at all.

All ours are incompetent **** wits. Took me several attempts to find d someone in HR who could confirm that my level transfer to another part of the organisation would not see a reduction in my TUPE terms.

Best response was from the HR "Business Partner" for [u]our[/u] part of the business reply in an email "I don't know what your current terms are".

👿

Nope. They are all evil.

Ours can remotely block our toilets if the mood takes them.

These are the same psychological evildoers who insist on me using exasperatingly complicated travel and expenses systems. Often, said systems not only take massively longer, but also cost massively more, than just doing it myself directly.

I can only assume that they're jealous of anyone travelling, while they sit in their dull cubicle somewhere.

A friend of mine's wife is a high up in HR for one of the big supermarkets. Her main role these days is to handle dismissals - as in, she travels the country firing people all day every day. I imagine that this is an excellent training for putting up with him to be honest. She has a terrifying steely glint in her eye which leaves me in no doubt that she could gut me like a kipper...

Is this the reason they re-named it HR?

Nope, all the ones I've meant have either been A) Sociopaths B) Self involved idiots who are unable to verbally communicate properly who spend their days polishing their nails and talking about men.

Are they all cold-eyed sociopaths?

Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?

Just wondering, like?

No.
Yes.
A rhetorical question or are you asking me to "like" your post? 😉

HR "Business Partner"

We have these. What the hell does it mean? I remember back in the dark days of 2009/10 following 40% of the workforce being made redundant an almost audible cheer went round the office when it became known that after the cull, the HR dept was itself cut down by a similar margin, including the 'HR Business Partner' who did all the firing.

Ours can remotely block our toilets if the mood takes them.

Is that even legal? If I worked anywhere where I wasn't allowed to go to the toilet, I'd take a shit on my desk and leave.

HR personnel are the kinds of people that would have run Nazi death camps if they were more competent.

Must be in the minority! We've got some good looking and friendly HR staff.

Yes

also useless. Our lot are so bad that it is almost impossible to get sacked!

Rather early for a spot of Godwin, isn't it, Tom?

Rather early for a spot of Godwin, isn't it, Tom?

😛

"Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?"

No, not ever here.

Oxygene thieving wastes of skin the lot of them.

Ours are all lovely.

At the risk of giving a predicatble STW answer: it must just be you, Binbins.

Reading the above answers, it definitely isn't just me. Which is a nice change 😀

That HR is an abbreviation of Human Remains says enough.

Oxygene thieving wastes of skin the lot of them.

But, who doesn't like a bit of Jean Michel Jarre?

I knew a couple who were nice people outside work, but all except one were utterly useless. Oddly though they all got made redundant in a cost saving measure. Instead an office over 400 miles away could mess it up :roll:, but now you'd no longer have anyone to go and stand over while they sorted out said mess.

Ours are a lovely bunch of people which makes my life easier.

Many moons ago I made the fatal error of pulling one of the HR girls at our Christmas party. Brilliant whilst it lasted but career suicide when I split up with her.

Ours cant even answer the phone or return an email so I am not holding my breath of them solving any issues I may have.

Are they all cold-eyed sociopaths?

Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?

Either cold-eyed sociopaths or completely ineffective halfwits, or a combination of both.

I have known a few good ones - one organisation in particular. It all depends on the Head of HR, if they are a human being they recruit in their own image.

Most other places they are fake and perky but it covers stone cold hearts with icy blood running through their veins.

Not sure about HR bods, i have just spent the last 20 minutes watching Dirty Harry clips though 🙂 Thanks

I'm married to an HR manager, so for my health I won't get involved in the line if questioning.

The HR dept are there to advise the management team and employee. HR don't make the decision as to whether or not to cut somebody, yes they will make a recommendation based on employee law but thats as far as it goes.

Its amazing the number of people that don't understand what HR does, so blame them for their own failings, say not turning up to work or not being particularly nice to others. So going back to the OP, what did you do?

Not just you Binbins ours are 50% evil & 50% incompetent

Our company actually has an automated phone line so that people don't actually bother the HR people by talking to them or asking bothersome questions.
Incredible.

But they all drive ****ing lovely cars, so they must be doing a great job of something.

[i]they must be doing a great job of something[/i]

saving the company money and protecting it from litigation.

I used to work on some HR software. For one of our customers if the HR dept could knock the main unions down .1% on the wage rise each year they covered their departmental costs for the year. Any more and the senior staff got bonuses.

Ours is ace. She bakes a mean cake, and allways knows what's happening in folks lives outside of work, from a genuinely caring point if view.

The HR dept are there to advise the management team and employee. [b]HR don't make the decision[/b] as to whether or not to cut somebody, yes they will make a recommendation based on employee law but thats as far as it goes.

No really, the worst one I've had was one who was a line-manager/HR bod who thought it was their place to comment on matters in the laboratory, fail to understand the issues because she's never worked in a lab before and then make recommendations to the actual head of department - but not before the stupid bint gleefully mentions to me that she must "one day step foot in the laboratory so I can understand what you do". I eventually managed to get the head of department onto my side but not before I'd handed in my notice. Not to mention the rest of the HR department were equally as incompetent and unclear of their job roles.

Stupid ****s, all of them. Although assigning HR personnel as the line manager of a laboratory is equally ****ing retarded.

Cocks, honestly, if it had been a member of my old departments HR team in that ISIS cage being set on fire I'd have been laughing and watching it on repeat.

Depends on the organisation ac505 - some try to push decision making like that on to managers - but then hang the mout to dry if they mess it up.

I have had a few conversations where I have been told exactly what they want me to do, followed by "but it is your decision and if you get it wrong you are responsible". Fine all I heard was that it is my decision so I will decide.

The model you describe is the BS they like to circulate as it helps them impersonate humans, and frankly it never works that way.

sounds like the person was a bit of an arse, but you're kind of destroying the credibility of your argument by tarring all with the same brush.

You might be right, HR personnel are the only people I am truly 100 percent prejudiced against.

saving the company money

Last time I dealt with real live human HR, I was applying for a travel allowance as a result of a forced move.

Unbeknown to me, the team were about to loose their jobs to "efficiency savings". They gave me a much more generous allowance than I was expecting because they didn't really give much of a toss anymore.

I think most of our HR is done by software now. Any HR people left are too frightened to talk to human beings.

A good few years ago I decided to move from engineering (which I was crap at) into IT (which I'm now crap at but much better paid). I reckoned the best way was to quit my job and do a one year course at uni. I sent in my letter saying I was resigning. About an hour later got a call from a woman in HR. She said that I should hold off quitting and she would see what she could do. A few weeks later she got me transferred to our IT department where I was a complete trainee, but still on the same salary I was getting before.

That woman went well beyond what her job technically was, and was responsible for saving me a huge amount of money and turning my life around. So yes, some people in HR are fantastic. Probably the same percentage as in any other department I suspect.

HR personnel are the only people I am truly 100 percent prejudiced against.

Kenny, she only did that because the paperwork for transfer is less than exit+recruitment 🙂

Kenny, I guess it depends on the company culture as well.

Everything else is just high 90 's then

😛

Maybe middle class homeopath supporters and Audi drivers. Also, anyone who listens to Abba.

We have some really good ones. One of them basically got me back to work when I might not have done it myself and was generally superb through a bout of work related stress- she just quietly got on with it but it turned out she was basically fighting my boss and my boss's boss at every step, too.

The HR admin folks are lovely too.

Kenny, she only did that because the paperwork for transfer is less than exit+recruitment

It was (and I no longer work for them thankfully) a company with an exit strategy of a letter (pre e-mail days) saying "Sling your hook mate". 🙂

Kenny, I guess it depends on the company culture as well.

Quite possibly. I now work for a large Edinburgh financial services company and the people there, in every department, are almost all brilliant. Very helpful, friendly and good at their jobs. Which is very much the company ethos.

Imagine what the HR staff in an estate agents must be like? 😯

[i]always knows what's happening in folks lives outside of work, from a genuinely caring point of view.[/i]

Holy crap. Never since I worked for a tiny company in the 80s have I seen such a thing from HR. (Although Portsmouth Poly had a quite special HR lady, but that's another story 😳 )

Can't be as bad as NHS HR.

Junior doctors change job every 4-6 months. It's been like this for several decades, so shouldn't come as a surprise to HR. However, every few months, I have to fight to find out when and where I am working. It no longer comes as a surprise to me when I turn up on the first day of a new job and am told to go home as I'm on night shift/annual leave/day off that day. And forget trying to book holidays in advance...

My favourite NHS HR story is when a friend emailed a hospital HR department to ask for a specific weekend off, as she was getting married. She gave them 9 months notice of this. When she turned up for work on the first day, she found that she'd been put down to work nights on her wedding night. She stormed up to the HR office and asked WTF they were playing at. Their reply was that she'd only asked to have the weekend [b][i]days[/b][/i] off so they'd assumed she'd be happy to work the nights...

They were left in no doubt as to what she'd been planning to do on her wedding night (and it didn't involve being in charge of a medium sized hospital as the medical registrar...!) but they still didn't make any effort to switch her shifts (it eventually ended up in a horribly complicated swap and one of her best friends did the night shift instead of going to the wedding reception).

Portsmouth Poly sounds like a Viz character Dezzy 😀

[img] [/img]

Nah, they're all nepotistic, conceited, Machiavellian fraternisers with less regard for privacy and discretion than in any profession I know.

Comprehensive bunch of control-freak ****wits.

IME, obviously. And not where I am now, obviously.

We have some good folk in HR who are helpful and do their job properly. We also have some who are so incompetent and uncaring that they are a liability and cause more unnecessary hassle and grief than you can imagine.

I think the problem is that it is one of those professions where people can just end up when they have been crap at everything else. A bit like estate agents but without the charm.

And to be honest "human resources" tells you everything you need to know about the mentality. Our good HR folk still refer to it as "personnel".

One of my best mates divorced his first wife after he realised what the rest of us knew - that she was halfway to being a psychopath. She's in HR.
I remember the look of horror on his face when he told me the story of how she went to an employee's house who was on long-term sickness absence - to interview him to check he was genuinely ill (which I believe is normal procedure and fair enough IMO.)
Anyway - the sick employee pissed himself in his chair as he was too intimidated by this woman to say he needed to go to the toilet... Knowing her very well I can well imagine this happening.

She's now very senior in HR - last thing I heard she was providing executive coaching to senior members of a FTSE 100... go figure how someone with so little empathy is now influencing senior people how to behave at work 😯

[i]HR don't make the decision as to whether or not to cut somebody, yes they will make a recommendation based on employee law but thats as far as it goes.[/i]

Did you read that in a book, because that's not the way it is in the real world.

[i]Portsmouth Poly sounds like a Viz character Dezzy[/i]

I knew her too, i think 😆

Tbf my elder brother is an HR Manager for a well known Uni and can concur, he is an aggressive asshole.

Have lost much respect for him over the last decade.

Make of that what you will.

@ legolam

Why are any of your scenarios anything to do with HR? Do the NHS really use HR to determine staff scheduling? Surely that's the role of first line management?

Not surprised there's an A&E crisis if that's true!

HR will have the master rota for each job in the hospital, and their only job is to assign names to "Dr 1", "Dr 2" etc. the rotas don't change from month to month, so it should be easy just to slot someone in if they have an important date they need off etc. But it seems to be too much to ask. "Fixed leave" rotas like A&E are renowned for this... Make of that what you will.

Bunch of useless muppets that despite umpteen training afternoons a month, still manage to screw simple things up!! *and breathe

HR? Really? You must all be very low down in your Co food chain if you still have to involve yourself with the HR dept.

I thought you were all high fliers.

Our Human Remains department rebranded themselves as People and something or other in the great revolution of 2013. Which I guess was meant to be a bit more touchy-feely and a bit less impersonal, but just sounds a bit retarded.

I work in HR and you lot would be the first I sack for spending too much time on the internet!

😉

HR departments are very like IT departments... utterly incompetent, time wasting control freaks.

What ^ said

IME:

HR Manager who I reported to ignored requests for assistance even though I was working 16-17 hour days.

When she finally broke me, she got me back in the office whilst I was certified off sick with work related stress and made me re-apply for my own job with an outside recruitment consultant. Unknown to me this involved an ad hoc presentation to the MD/Ops Manager/HR Manager and said Consultant. I had one hours notice of this. They ripped me apart for two hours, despite regular merit based pay rises for the last 3 years.

When I returned to work it was supposed to be a phased re-introduction on my Psychiatric consultants orders. After 2 days she ordered me to return full time.

Due to going back to work full time too early, they broke me again. I left work in an ambulance. She then sent me to the company Dr who sent her a letter after the consultation saying I was the most depressed and anxious person he had ever assessed. This was backed up by a report from my GP, a consultant psychiatrist, and psychiatric nurse.

She then wrote me a letter, copied to every man and his dog accusing me of faking all my symptoms in order to put a personal injury claim in. I didn't. Eventually the company and I split with a compromise agreement.

She cost me three years of my life, so I pretty much subscribe to the "Oxygen thief" view of HR Managers...

Human Remains

I love companies that state that human capital (people) is their biggest asset and then have human remains departments to look after (sic) this asset.

Some people think HR depts look after staff. Doh, they are there to look after the firm first and foremost.

When I returned to work it was supposed to be a phased re-introduction on my Psychiatric consultants orders. After 2 days she ordered me to return full time.

Due to going back to work full time too early, they broke me again. I left work in an ambulance. She then sent me to the company Dr who sent her a letter after the consultation saying I was the most depressed and anxious person he had ever assessed. This was backed up by a report from my GP, a consultant psychiatrist, and psychiatric nurse.

She then wrote me a letter, copied to every man and his dog accusing me of faking all my symptoms in order to put a personal injury claim in. I didn't. Eventually the company and I split with a compromise agreement.

She cost me three years of my life, so I pretty much subscribe to the "Oxygen thief" view of HR Managers...

Surely there was a libel and/or a harassment case there.

My favourite NHS HR story is when a friend emailed a hospital HR department to ask for a specific weekend off, as she was getting married. She gave them 9 months notice of this. When she turned up for work on the first day, she found that she'd been put down to work nights on her wedding night. She stormed up to the HR office and asked WTF they were playing at. Their reply was that she'd only asked to have the weekend days off so they'd assumed she'd be happy to work the nights...

I think we might know the same person through my OH (F2 at the QE)...

Surely all this thread shows is that there are people that are good at their job and people that are bad at their job. Why tar everyone of a profession with the same brush just because you've had some bad ones?
I've met some pretty horrible engineers, I don't think they are all c**ts.

I think we might know the same person through my OH (F2 at the QE)...

It wasn't the QE that were responsible for the wedding cock-up (it was a hospital a few miles further north-east), but it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if it's happened to more than one person...

All HR Depts vary in just how bad they are.

So I'll generalize:

HR = ****less types with no regard whatsoever for those who's income depends on having employment.

[i] tenacious_doug - Member

Surely all this thread shows is that there are people that are good at their job and people that are bad at their job. Why tar everyone of a profession with the same brush just because you've had some bad ones?
I've met some pretty horrible engineers, I don't think they are all [b]*****[/b]. [/i]

You know? In an age where children of an early age can now use tablets and computers. It disappoints me to still see others post words such as the one I've asterisked. Really, was there a need for that ^^^ Is one's vocab [i]really[/i] so limited.
🙄

May I suggest folk ensure they possess a vocabulary powerful enough to afford them a choice about the words they type, if they feel the need to post online.

Pah ... HR

You wanna try working/conversing with a Compilance dept.

The only way they can justify themselves is to find things that you do wrong.... and then find more things... and then more and then more.

But if you go to them for advice or with concern.... I kid you not.... they are not allowed to help you.

You know? In an age where children of an early age can now use tablets and computers. It disappoints me to still see others post words such as the one I've asterisked. Really, was there a need for that ^^^ Is one's vocab really so limited.

If your children are using the internet without being monitored then they've seen much worse than swearing on singletrack.

The HR dept in my firm are a funny bunch.
The woman in charge (or Cruella as she is known) is a nasty piece of work who resembles Winston Churchill in a frock.
She gets involved with the bad stuff.

However they also have a very curvy, and very tactile late 20's lady who generally wears stripper heels and dresses that are a size too small.
She is sent down to our place as the friendly face of HR, as they think we are more likley to talk to her.

HR are there to get the most out of you for the least outlay. If that means screwing you over, well I think most of them see that as a perk of the job. They are generally a horrid, incompetent, nasty bunch. That said, I should be thankful because their incompetence meant that I got an extra £350 pay rise this week because they couldn't get the sums right on my promotion. 🙂

You know? In an age where children of an early age can now use tablets and computers. It disappoints me to still see others post words such as the one I've asterisked. Really, was there a need for that ^^^ Is one's vocab really so limited.

I'd certainly rather my son grows up dropping the c bomb on occasion than being a bigot...

prejudiced against an entire group of people based on nothing other than their career choice.

What if the vast majority are completely useless?

To be honest, if this thread gives them a healthy disdain for HR, then it's done your children a great service which will reward them later on in their careers.

What if the vast majority are completely useless?

In one of my finer moments, my boss and I were talking to our depts HR rep, she said that they had just been thru an office move up to the fifth floor next door to the staff canteen, "what about the smell" my boss asked, before she could reply I chipped in "the canteen staff don't mind" he had tears coming down his face stifling has laughing, whilst she was giving me daggers and did do for weeks after.

I was once told I would be investigated for "putting the company at risk of prosecution and loss of revenue" brought on by a department my department did work for.

I asked what it was about but the HR chap wouldn't tell me. He got a bit irate when I pointed out that the HR manual stated that I must be informed clearly in writing what the case was about and it was his manual I was referring to. He still wouldn't tell me .

Anyway, in the interview two weeks later I was asked what odours I was aware of on the day in question, I replied "Alpine flowers, pine, burning brake smell and dry dust " why, where were you?" I was mountain biking in the Alps that week."

Their faces were a picture. The manager taking the case (not any department involved) was gobsmacked at the utter waste of time for everyone.

Ends up the department who'd brought the case against me were while responsible for the mess they'd tried to pin on me, oh how I laughed when I proved beyond doubt that they were to blame.

So in answer to the OPs question, I think HR are generally ineffectual muppets.

The good side of this is I found out I only needed to give 1 months notice. I left shortly after, set up my own company and the company I used to work for hire my company to do numerous tasks for them. I get more money from them now than I did when I worked there! 🙂