You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
Funny one this.
Those of you who know me know I've normally got quite a lot going on. I thrive on being busy, being occupied doing stuff or arranging stuff, lots of it social, lots of it campaigny, lots of it just daft, lots of it family stuff that doesn't cross these pages. I really enjoy doing it - and weirdly love that little niggly nudge in the front of my head telling me to do things that, while they perhaps don't need to be done, I enjoy, so do. For many years I was the bike trip organiser until James on here brilliantly picked it up, for example. That kind of stuff.
And even with doing all that stuff, and having three kids and a busy job, it's worked. I've barrelled on. Until last week.
I've never had a low mood - yes I get pissed off, yes I get tired - but never to the extent where it's been the full state of my being and has totally dominated my day. It was really, really odd.
The only comparison I can make is that I was like one of those little battery powered tea lights that has been left on for day. There's still a little light there, but you have to really, really look for it. Or a phone battery at 5%. For a day, despite good sleep and things I simply didn't have the get up and go to....get up and go and do anything. I did, of course. I didn't just sit around doing bugger all, but it was all half arsed and unenthused. I was irritable. I was forgetful. I was disengaged.
Another weird symptom with it was my voice. It seemed to get caught in my chest and be 'fluttery'. As if my body couldn't be bothered to muster the strength to even try and articulate. On a couple of occasions, I just sat down out of sight - on the kitchen floor of all places - to regroup.
Anyway, last Thursday on yet another video call, my colleagues called me out. Told me to turn off and not come back until Tuesday. Which i did. I was also off yesterday but that was planned as it's half term.
In that time I had a ride, walked, relaxed, and that alien feeling of running completely empty has passed.
But it's left me on alert to the symptoms again, and somewhat alarmed at how what in theory is a mental health thing - being bored of the situation and constantly in demand or "on" through life/work/home whatever - has begun to manifest physically.
Why am I sharing this? I dunno, perhaps it's a bit cathartic. Perhaps it's the front part of my head going "tell people 'cos you have a responsibility to do so", perhaps it is that I do truly want people who feel in any way like i did to do what i did and share it with people who care and will help out, just like my colleagues did. I dunno.
But there you go.
I'm going to go back to sharing Big Lebowski quotes with Binners on Facebook now.
Everyone has a limit of how much of themselves they can ‘give’ to others (in whatever way that happens)
Maybe you found yours and needed a break.
The tealight being left on is a pretty good analogy.
I’ve found when I’m at the end of a six day stint at work I don’t feel the same as I normally do, and it usually takes a few days off before I feel‘normal’ again.
I'm at that point right now, have never felt a more desperate urge to just sack work in and go AWOL, but know I can't.
How do you deal with it when you know you can't quit, but know you're waaaaay out of your depth and can't continue, but office management and clients just bury their heads in the sand and expect things to get done?
Am thinking about a full and frank disclosure in Monday's project meeting. My director usually sits in and says/does nothing, he might be forced to sit up and take notice when I basically tell the project team how under-resourced I am and how late all our deliverables will be, with any luck I get given my notice then can make a bit of money out of an employment tribunal... Nice little fantasy at least
Edit: apologies for self indulgent rant, echo the cathartic comment!
That's what I was hoping it would help people do. I'm so tempted to tell our (excellent) director about how the team is breaking but don't feel I can speak for them. Spoke to our company doc earlier and he was ace so I'm hoping to get him to talk to the whole team as we're all showing signs of it.
Funny, I like our directors too, good guys, ride bikes with one of them.
Almost feel like I should tell them how many of their team are actively seeking alternative employment!
I would be less stressed if I hadn't just applied for seven different roles in the last 6 weeks and not even got an interview for any of them, they must smell desperation. Scary times
tbh fella. sounds to me like you are just missing a good blow out, you know good gig, club, lots of mates, whatever, just a ****in great weekend oot. There is nothing better.
We are all missing that and it will manifest in all sorts of different ways. (whether a hardcore weekend or a glass of wine, who knows, we all know that outlet.)
At the minute though, we just need to grit our teeth I think, we're not far away.
Trust me I'm bursting to let it all out too. Our time will come again. soon.
Keep the heid. The end is coming.
It varies I guess from person to person. And goes against what Jo just said in a way.
But maybe try doing nothing, once a day, no tv or internet, at a push a book or a solo walk some where quiet. Whatever it takes to be properly vacant, I only need 30 minutes or so, seems to reset me. But only if I can push all the noise out which is where reading comes in, if I'm outside reading isn't needed.
But then again, I find it easy to be intellectually blank 🙃
Edit, double post
It happened to a friend of mine last year, his job was impossible, his boss clearly wanted rid of him and one day his head went fuzzy. He described it as like a bad trip. His voice wouldn't work right, other peoples voices sounded far away and he went home and cryed, a lot.
H&R were great with him and the big boss over in Germany really appreciated his skills, so he is now doing 4 days for them in a self-employed consultation role and happy again.
Rather tellingly his old job now has 3 people doing it... Just to add a bit more background. He is a perfectionist and physically very fit. Doing half a job is not an option for him.
I on the other hand, am well aware of my frailties. I look on in amazement at the hell people put themselves through to earn a living. At 50 I work 4 long days so I can have 3 off each week and as soon as I can afford it I will drop another day.
You have that and the constant battle of balancing your passion with family commitments, while constantly showing patience to those that want to undo your hard work.
Talk to those above you, you never know they might feel just like you! And if you need a chat Chris just give me a ring, I love to listen, its a big part of my job.
I'm not feeling so clever for Wednesday's long run now. What a slog and it's not even 50km.
I would book an appointment with your GP ASAP. I work with rehabilitation of patients suffering from burnout and in general, the quicker the response to the first symptoms, the quicker their recovery is. If your doctor can run a full range of blood tests first then any obvious physical problems can be ruled out (or in..).
I had a similar situation a few years ago, 3 kids, busy job, active hobbies etc. and quite suddenly I was very tired, irritable and couldn't 'rest' my way out of it. My first thought was burnout, as I could see lots of similarities with patients at work but my doctor, after a range of blood tests could diagnose excess storage of iron. All under control now. 👍
See your doctor and let them do their stuff! Good luck!
Pook, thank you for sharing that. It takes a lot of courage to be open about something like this and I really hope this encourages more people to do it.
As much as it is just a weekend, I hope you have a really good, relaxing and fun one. With a lie-in. And maybe a really nice cuppa. Small things like that can have a huge impact when recharging your batteries.
Talk to your doctor, as others have said. Do it now, do it early. Firstly because there is something on your medical record to protect you in case your employer takes the wrong approach, and secondly, it's a slippery slope from here, to wanting to just "go AWOL, to parking on the top of a multi storey car park and giving serious thought to which way you are going to "get down" from there in an effort to avoid work and all your the pressures.
Ask me how I know this....
I think this is a lit closer to the surface at the moment for many of us. I've been in the situation at work where I was bullied to the point i physically blacked due to the stress.
I'm in a way better position with a great team of directors, i still evety now again just wish I could sit back and someone else would take the lead for a few hours. That always on feeling creeps up until the point the motivation collapses.
Like many I put too much pressure on myself which causes half the problems, but thats me and makes me good at what i do. Just have to remember to switch off and look after yourself.
PS I know the busy feeling, it's what makes me tick as well. I normally take time off from the need to be doing something through a day out or being on holiday, obviously those safety valves are locked down at the moment.
As much as it is just a weekend, I hope you have a really good, relaxing and fun one. With a lie-in. And maybe a really nice cuppa. Small things like that can have a huge impact when recharging your batteries.
I think actually being able to switch off and enjoy the non work time is an under appreciated thing.
I really struggle as ‘work is my hobby’and ‘my hobby is my work’.
Acknowledging you have a problem and dealing with it is a very good thing, I alternate between slight throttle and full throttle during the week as i think getting the bus to the depot at the end of a week is better than driving it over the cliff by accident.
I think this is a lit closer to the surface at the moment for many of us. I
This
IMO the whole pandemic has made us all a bit fragile mentally. I had a big wobble in the new year when the black dog attacked me for a few days. fortunately it passed. I am under no real stress at all but I still got bitten!
One thing that helps me is the parable of the willow and the oak. The two trees are in the woods when a storm comes along. The oak stands proud and tall but the wind gets too strong and the oak breaks. the willow bows down before the storm and springs back up again when it passes
Be a willow not an oak
Also remember that it's ok to be not ok. Recognise that sometimes it's all a bit much, negotiate some "Me Time" with Mrs Pook and go get muddy, sweaty and filthy outside. You may need to use the "I'm just going out for 5 minutes ploy" to get started.
Bonne chance.
A buddy shared this yesterday.
Its worth noting. There's no magic bullet back. Its like dieting the journey out is likely to be as long and tortuous as the journey in.
Its oft forgotten and worth acknowledging. Don't expect everything to be rosy as soon as restrictions are lifted. Set realistic expectations and manage your way back to good mental state.
I know people don't like to think about that but I think that this stage many of us are having more bad days than good at the moment and I think is worth being knowledgeable on the path back out which in part I hope will be helped for many when we can do our normal life things again.
Thanks for sharing. Here is a good place to let it out, and it helps others too as it reminds us that lots of people experience this. Staying busy is good, especially if you're a person that gets energy from that, but at the minute we arent in normal times and none of us are getting the types of stress relieving activities we normally do so a little less capacity for hard work is expected.
How do you deal with it when you know you can’t quit, but know you’re waaaaay out of your depth and can’t continue, but office management and clients just bury their heads in the sand and expect things to get done?
Felt this my whole career! Sadly those who are the best at burying their head in the sand and shifting pressure onto others are the ones who thrive in commercial environments.
Sadly those who are the best at burying their head in the sand and shifting pressure onto others are the ones who thrive in commercial environments.
This so true, I've wished I could match their levels of not GAS but I can't, it leaves me feeling guilty, stressed and disliking myself.
How do you deal with it when you know you can’t quit, but know you’re waaaaay out of your depth and can’t continue, but office management and clients just bury their heads in the sand and expect things to get done?
Felt this my whole career! Sadly those who are the best at burying their head in the sand and shifting pressure onto others are the ones who thrive in commercial environments.
Yes, this is me. Got to the point I felt physically sick pressing my Laptop's "On" button the week before Christmas. I was a real mess, told my manager whom it was clearly lost on, and shutdown my laptop and phone until after Christmas. The author David Sawyers rule (Reset, No 12 p272 ) "Nobody cares about you..." extracting from Cracked.com No 6 is something I often remind myself
I was lucky in my timing, but really had to sleep, eat and drink using Christmas as and excuse to forget my usual limitations (I count cals and macros for bike training), found other things to do like go for walks with the kids, stop reading self help book etc. This would not be easy to do mid year for those of us working parents of course.
During my 2021 annual Sales plan I documented and presented the issues with "new normal" upward ( I wasn't the only one) talking about each of the issues and how a more sympathetic approach could help the team. Its been ignored, but I've taken things into my own hands in how I work & relax to try to reduce the stress ramp up to Defcon 1.
This so true, I’ve wished I could match their levels of not GAS but I can’t, it leaves me feeling guilty, stressed and disliking myself.
I wondered how I could ever get to these dizzy heights also, and decided a) the impression they give you is often not the truth and b) bollocks to it, if killing myself almost to death is what's needed for promotion then I'll stay right here thanks. I suspect the truth is somewhere in the middle. I've always taken a "work smarter" not harder approach to my work, refusing to work weekends or to 10pm or 2am like some do. I'm pretty confident that those at the top do because they can, or give you the impression they do, but actually don't - the old "I sent an email at 2am" syndrome.
You've recognised you're not quite feeling full beans and spoken about it on here - nice one 🙂 That takes some doing, another important thing is doing something about it, whether it's taking time off work, getting outdoors, R&R in whatever way, seeing your GP or a combination of all... I had no idea when I got that stressed about 5 years ago - lost a lot of weight, had a stiff neck, couldn't sleep, became anxious and depressed. Just assumed it was something physical,which it was, but the trigger was an extremely stressful previous 3 months at work working all hours in all weathers. Became very poorly, wouldn't wish it on anyone and my GP (in addition to husband, family, friends) were amazing. Please take care of yourself, see your GP, take time off of you can and be aware of how you're doing....I now have lower resilience levels for certain things, though working 4 days a week in a different role has helped no end. It's a truly head, heart and soul battering situation currently with covid, lockdowns and life not being as we know it, but bizarrely, a good time to reflect on what we all need in life to keep us balanced, happy and appreciating it more.. Look after yourself, take care...