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So as a few of you know my better half has been living with cancer for three and half years.
Just over 2 weeks ago she passed at our local St Luke’s Hospice after deciding to go a few days before. What a beautiful place and experience. She was in a room overlooking colourful autumn trees and had the most amazing care. As usual she did it on her terms and made sure we all got a hug the last time we saw her even after not moving for 2 days. I now know why the Hospice is not NHS funded. They can do things right without the shackles of bureaucracy.
We have had an uplifting funeral attended by a good few people and a mighty party after. She really did live the last three years with real gusto and was only properly ill for the last 2 weeks.
Myself, the kids and dog are all finding our way with massive highs and lows but know she is with us somehow. She even organised all our advent calendars.
So if you see a fundraiser for a local Hospice think about giving. At the funeral we had a no flowers policy which raised over £2000.
To finish the words of my eldest 24yo at the funeral. Her mum would have been swelling with pride!!
Thank you for coming here today. I’m Evie, Mum’s eldest daughter and self-proclaimed golden child, which is yet to be denied.
Marian was many things to all of you here, daughter, sister, wife, cousin, friend, colleague, Mrs Lane, Dave’s better half, mum, and I am thankful that you have all come to celebrate her life.
To be honest I haven’t quite accepted that she is gone, but I miss her hugely. It’s weird to think that she is no longer here to gossip to, send dog memes, go for coastal walks, eat any pastry presented to us or just lie in bed and watch rubbish TV. Maybe today is the start of acceptance, but in the last 2 weeks I have learnt that grief is unpredictable and individual so we just need to take it as it comes.
Before mum went into the hospice, she told myself, Carys and Kate not to be scared. We could be sad, and bloody hell I am pretty sad, but not scared. This is something I have thought about quite a lot and to be honest I don’t think I am scared.
I’m not scared because I know my mum impacted so many people cementing her legacy, as evident by all of you here today. She taught the future generation, brought friends together, loved spending time with family and was just the best mum.
I’m not scared because I know my mum had an amazing life, living it to the full. She travelled the world, loved her job, brought up three incredible children and surrounded herself with people she loved. Even when her illness tried to slow her down, she went up and down the country in the camper, wizzed around in the little electric car, spent time with as many people as possible and we even went abroad.
I’m not scared because my mum kicked cancers arse for 3 years more than doctors predicted, paving the path for those suffering with terminal illness. She showed me insane strength and determination to push through, embrace life and celebrate the small wins.
I’m not scared because mum, with a little help from dad, gifted me with two pretty cool sisters, and although we now live quite a few miles away from each other, I know I can always rely on them. Unless it’s to unload the dishwasher, that’ll always be done later.
I’m not scared because mum chose well and I have the best dad, who will always go above and beyond for not just me but anyone who needs it. I’m very grateful to have him as my dad but I am quite glad he didn’t have to teach me the difference between was and were.
And finally, I’m not scared because I know my mum will always be with us. Living on through everyone here today, pushing us to live life to the full, radiate positivity, care for each other and most importantly take any opportunity to have a picky food and bottle of Prosecco.
I will never forget the final hug I got from mum the night before she passed. Even at her weakest she found the strength to show her love, which is something I will truly cherish forever. So, to finish, remember to tell your loved ones how much you really love them, give them a hug and eat as much as possible as the buffet as that is what mum would have wanted.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Your daughter has a way with words. I went through a similar experience 23 years ago with my mum who fought cancer for a few years with such stoicism and positivity she inspired many. My only regret is she died a grandma - but never knew as we took the pregnancy test the morning my dad called to say she had died. It is dusty in here.
Very dusty in here too. Your daughters words were very moving. Sorry for your loss
I'm sorry for your loss.
Already said, but your duaghter does indeed have a great way with words - thank you for sharing. We lost my FIL in June after him denying cancer for 8+ years and - despite being married to her for 17+ years - I'm still amazed at Mrs a11y's strength and composure to speak as she did at her dad's funeral.
How incredibly dignified. She sounds like a great person. Sorry for your loss.
Nothing useful to say beyond I am so sorry for your loss, she sounds an amazing person and you can incredibly proud of your daughter for speaking so beautifully.
Off to wipe my eyes with a duster.
Truly sorry for your loss, but what a beautiful post.
Well shit. Kettle's on if you find yourself in East Lancashire.
I lost my mum, Marian, this year. If you'll excuse me, I'm just off for a bit of a cry.
My deepest condolences to you and you family. It sounds like you have many happy memories to give you some comfort in the weeks, months and years to come. I'm humbled by your wife's courage and determination and your daughter's strength and eloquence.
Why do these topics always get started when I'm chopping onions?
That’s so lovely and I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s eighteen months since I lost my wife and those words from your daughter really resonate. Thanks for making me cry and smile at the same time. Having your family around you will help so much in the months to come, keep them close and make sure you look after yourself.
So sorry for your loss. Your wife sounds like an amazing person and your daughters eulogy was so touching.
What a beautiful eulogy, your daughter clearly did you all proud, especially her Mum.
Condolences to you all.
So sorry, but you both raised an incredible daughter(s). V dusty here
Sounds like your wife lived her best life and you have raised three wonderful daughters together.
Thankyou for sharing this difficult, yet inspiring, time of your life.
There seems to be a lot of dust in my kitchen this morning... That's a fabulous eulogy and I can imagine you are very proud.
So sorry for your loss
I’m sometimes reluctant to click on these posts but I’m glad I did as it might’ve nudged the needle on my ‘better person’ gauge.
So sorry for your and your family’s loss.
So sorry for your loss.
I hope you can one day draw real pride and comfort from how you have all dealt with this as a family. That was a very touching and obviously heartfelt eulogy.
My condolences.
What a lovely tribute to her mother from Evie! Really sorry of your loss but so glad to hear that when the time came it was peaceful and loving.
That's both sad and lovely, very sorry for your loss.
Cancer's a right.... can't think of a strong enough word.
We have a close family friend who lost both parents to it, her father lingered for a long time with chemo and everything, they had a (relatively) long time but it wasn't much fun.
Her mother recently passed away... less than 1 month after going to the doctor with a cough, in otherwise perfect health! Though both said this way was better.
Sounds like you kind of had the best of both worlds... if there's such a thing as "best" in this case.
if there’s such a thing as “best” in this case.
There is certainly a least worst. A peaceful dignified death with your loved ones around you is the "best" we can all get at the end. sounds like the OP achieved this and it is an achievement to be proud of.
So sorry to hear for your loss....a sad time. So important to make the most of the time that we have- and it looks like you all did this. Well done.
So sorry for you loss.
If your daughter's eulogy is any measure of how well your kids have been raised then your wife was obviously a wonderful mother. Dusty in here too.
♥️
So sorry for your loss. That was a wonderful eulogy. My Daughter is called Evie so I found that a very emotional read.
❤️
So sorry for your loss OP.
I have to echo the others here - that really is a beautiful and touching eulogy from your daughter.
V. dusty in here this afternoon.
So sorry for you, and such a bittersweet post. Stay strong!
Thanks for all the messages.
it is good that it touched many and we are healing and will continue to live life to the full.
My eulogy incorporated the new family mantra of **** it-let’s do it.
people apparently like swearing and humour at funerals alongside celebrating someone’s life. There wasn’t even standing room left!
That's beautiful and i'm very sorry for your loss. Sounds like a real celebration of your wifes life. Your daughters words are incredible.
Blimey, I couldn't read that for all the dust.
Thank you for sharing that.
Both your wise words about the fantastic work that Hospices do to provide the whole family the best way in what are always difficult times ( and how we need to keep on funding them) and the wonderful eulogy your daughter has written.
I lost a friend and colleague earlier this year to cancer and like your dear wife , she fought it long and hard with such a positive attitude to be an inspiration to us all. I found her funeral also uplifting as a celebration of her life and bringing together of all the people she had touched in her life.
so sorry for you and your family’s loss
Brava Evie and to echo Bruk hospices do fantastic work.
Hope that you all weather the changes brought about by your loss and that acceptance is not shy in coming forward.
Trying not to sob in the office during lunch was a little trying but small potatoes compared to your loss.
Sorry to hear of your sad loss. Your daughter's eulogy was beautifully written celebrating your wife's life and also giving a real sense of the strong bond between you all as a family.
My thoughts are with you. Very special words from your daughter, beautiful and brave.
So sorry for your loss. X
"Some people do their best work from the grave"
A friend said this to me at my father in law's funeral. I didn't quite know what it meant at the the time but in the years since watching my already amazing wife exceed her beloved father's caring and giving spirit has been the explanation to that statement.
Your dear wife has started hers immediately with your daughter's eulogy which has struck a note with strangers on here and your beautiful heart warming description and a reminder of the fantastic work hospices do. I expect there will be lots more that you look back on in years to come that will also be the work of your wife.
My Deepest condolences OP❤️ a beautiful eulogy indeed
Im gonna say this again at the risk of repeating myself and going on and on and on.
You should be proud of what you have done - as a family and as an individual. The grief will come for sure but what I did was everytime it hit me hard and I got flashbacks to Julies last days I said out loud " I'm proud of what I did" and over a few months my emotions changed so that when I get those tough memories and flashbacks I now feel pride not despair. It sounds daft but this works in resetting your thoughts
Thanks again everyone for the shared experiences and touching comments. Thanks TJ that is just the way I can deal with it. We made it on her terms which is so important.
Deepest Condolences. What wonderful words.
Just expressing my condolences, I haven't read the whole inniskilling post because honestly I can't without cracking up.
Good luck to you and the kids I know you will be fine
So sorry to read your post dcl.
The words you daughter wrote were truly beautiful. You're wife, her mother must have been an amazing woman.