You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
Apologies for not being active the past few months, been trying to deal with things and sort stuff out. I have been lurking though, was even caught up in the garmin solar watch PSA fiasco at Xmas. Was going to be a gift for my dad but that all fell through as did the majority.
I've had a few messages the past few months asking how things are as I haven't been active lately so thought I'd do a general (and brief as possible) update post.
I'm still alive and kicking which is a good start I guess. Mentally I'm still not great, emotionally I'm a bit all over the place and physically I've been better. Still battling the aftermath of my infection last year and trying to work out what's what. Think everything over the past 4 years or so (yep, 4 years this June since everything began getting turned on its head) has properly taken its toll. Wish I could say its eased or even stopped but it hasn't. My anxiety and depression is unfortunately a major part of my life and I find myself still struggling day to day. But somehow I'm getting by and plodding along the best I can. Processing it all is and has been very difficult and certain things are unfortunately still ongoing.
Finally, after all this time the kids have been offered counselling. Believe me, I cried after getting off the phone. The battles I've had the past 4 years (outside the difficulties of covid) trying to get them anything has been really hard and draining. Appointments should be starting after Easter so fingers crossed nothing will hinder this. Just hope it will help them all.
Phoenix (13 now) still bottles it all up and randomly it all comes out. Not ideal, but it's what he does and I can see the signs so know that it will happen soon. He currently has a broken wrist too. He got pushed over during a PE lesson 2 weeks ago and suffered a pretty serious break. His cast is hand to shoulder and we'll find out next week if he still requires surgery to sort it out which is a possibility. And he's now hit annoying teenager status so that's another battle lol.
Liberty (9 now) is struggling a bit, still very emotional and every day has a meltdown (usually at night) but we manage. Really hoping this outlet for her will help.
Shelby (7 next month) is beginning to ask lots of questions. He has no real memories he can remember, only the odd thing so think he's finding it difficult to process anything and making it harder for him.
On the whole though they're all doing really well, I couldn't be prouder of them all. Despite everything they've been through and what they've put up with from me unintentionally while I am having to deal with everything, they're still really good kids. I get told how lovely, polite, confident and helpful they are and they are a credit to me. It means the world to hear these sorts of comments, really helps make me realise I must be doing something right.
I'm still in a relationship, surprises me sometimes. She's helping me quite a bit and can be very understanding when things happen. Kids really like her and her kids too and we all get on really well.
I think back to how things were and have been and wish things were further forward than they are. I guess they should continue to be more manageable and in turn become easier. But having been through so much in a pretty limited amount of time, I'm told to be still standing is an achievement in itself. I don't see anything special though, I'm just doing what needs and has to be done.
Not sure if I've missed anything out in this summary of what's been going on, I probably have. It may not be the happiest or most uplifting post I've made, but it's far from the worst or most heartbreaking.
(always?) good to see your name pop up gnusmas.
keep going!
Its pretty uplifting for me. Every step forward is good news. I too wish things were further on for me and while we cannot play grief top trumps I believe my situation is nothing like as tough as yours. You might be surprised to know that in my dark moments I think of you as an inspiration. If you can keep on keeping on then I must be able to do so as well
Good to hear from you - I was wondering how you were.
Great to hear from you and good to read things are improving for you and the kids. You’re an inspiration and a hell of a lot tougher than you think you are.
Yep. Great to hear from you gnusmas.
I was only wondering the other day how you are getting on.
Good news about the opportunity of counselling for your kids. I hope it proves useful.
Keep on at it, man. All the best.
Good to hear from you, I was only thinking I'd not seen a post in ages, keep going.......
Virtual hugs.
The Legends aren't the people who find it easy, they are the people who find it hard and still carry on.
@gnusmas pleased to see that you are doing well and apparently on an even keel. If you’re still doing bikes for folk like you were then direct message me, if there’s any more bits you’d find useful, still got some!! J.
Hey up gnusmas. Good to have the update, thank you.
Virtual like button getting pressed furiously😊
Don’t know you, never met you but followed whats been happening and beyond pleased things are getting better for you all👍
Great to hear from you Gnusmas, was wondering how you were a few days back.
Glad you’ve got some counselling sorted for the kids, hopefully that will help them. Have you had much help yourself?
Great news on the relationship too. 👍
Thanks all, really appreciate the responses and they genuinely mean a lot to me. It's still tough but they keep me going, can't say what would have happened without them here. I've definitely needed them as much (if not more) as they've needed me.
@tjagain if grief top trumps didn't sound so dreary it could be a pretty good game lol. I've always said life isn't a competition. People have their own struggles, which to them could be catastrophic that they suffer with. No matter how big or small these are, they shouldn't be compared to everyone else's situations. I've thought about you too and your situation, really hope you're doing alright and are coping OK. And it's a lovely bike and a fitting tribute.
@wheelsonfire1 yep, still doing that. Didn't manage to do much last year though as my infection properly took hold and I felt rough for months, still feeling side and after effects now and trying to work out what's what. But 4 bikes went last week and I've got a load more to do once the kids are back in school, gives me something to do. Bits and bobs are always useful though, really appreciate the offer. I started another thread looking for recommendations for bikes/frames for Liberty and Shelby too so will need to sort them out in the middle of all this.
@tartanscarf not really had any help myself if I'm honest. But if they get some help I'm hoping it will ease the pressure for me and in turn will help me too if that makes sense.
Alan, I'm ashamed to say that I was going to message you the other day when a collegue asked me how you were doing!
Your an inspiration to many and don't bloody forget it. Still planning to visit this summer, even if it means child minding while you go out on a date night 😉
I’ve thought about you too and your situation, really hope you’re doing alright and are coping OK
Not too bad. As I am sure you understand its good days and bad, two steps forward one back but I am generally going in the right direction Ta
Good to hear an update from you.
Thanks for the update gnusmas, I have often wondered how you were getting on. As said above, I don't know you in real life but have followed you on here and so am happy to hear the kids and relationship are doing well, great to hear about the help they'll get too.
More reasons why we need a like button. Good to hear from you, I was wondering how you were getting on the other day and I'm clearly not the only one.
Lovely to hear an update Gnusmas, and I'm sure the kids getting some support will end up helping you too.
And the better weather is on the way, always helps me keep the black dog at bay.
Keep doing what you are doing 🙂
Good to hear things are heading Inthe right direction! Good to see your name iny the forum too, was getting a little bit worried if I'm honest.
Properly happy for that update!
All the best to the kids as well!
We don’t need a “like” button, that’s lazy! Have a think and give a short message why you like like it?
Glad your doing well bud , take care of yourself and the family.
Like so many others have said, I was wondering how you were getting on.
It's good to hear that life is moving in a better direction gor you and your family.
Pretty sure that I won't have been the only one who had a happy tear or two welling up.
Glad you’ve popped in to post this update Gnusmus. You crossed my mind the other day and I wondered how you were getting on.
Al, is Cafe Gnusmas open at 9:00 tomorrow morning? I'm taking Thomas into work at Pibwrlwyd. I'll leave the dog at home.
On the whole though they’re all doing really well, I couldn’t be prouder of them all.
And we're all really proud of you too Gnusmas. 👍
Nice to hear you and kids doing OK, just carry on carrying on. Small steps. They make a difference. Hope the counselling is beneficial for the kids.
Good to hear there's some progress for the kids, hopefully that will have a knock on effect for you.
I've been in a really dark place before, and it's an uphill struggle. Keep going and you'll reap the benefits of the downhill.
Good luck
@MrOvershoot no worries at all, hope all is going OK with you too. If you make it up this way then definitely have to try and meet up. Although I'm sure 3 kids will leave you wanting a holiday afterwards 😂
I'm pleased that the counselling is at least being planned, just waiting for the dates now. Having been in this situation a few times already I'm still sceptical about it actually happening but I will get on to them if I don't hear anything by the start of May now I have a name and number to be able to do that.
I've said before if anyone ever needs a chat, vent or just a listening ear please get in touch. Happy to help in any way I can. And if anyone is ever near Carmarthen and I'm around, let me know and I'll pop the kettle on.