[Closed] 50 Shades of Grey...The Movie.

'Hurt me!' she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over the workbench. 'Very well,' I replied, 'You've got fat ankles and no dress sense.'

Why? Send her on her own or with friends. By all accounts it's absolute crap. Actual prawn is available.

I might go and hang around outside the Odeon and pick off horny women coming out... The leg work's all be done, innit.

G

'Hurt me!' she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over the workbench. 'Very well,' I replied, 'You've got fat ankles and no dress sense.'

"Give it to me. I'm so wet, give it to me now" she screamed

She could scream as much as she wanted, she wasn't getting the umbrella.

It'll be like Transformers IV, massive commercial success, totally panned by every critic (and without the guns and robots).

50 shades of vanilla

Take her but also tell her youve booked tickets to the Torture Garden Valentines Ball afterwards
(although im sure its probably sold out)

I can imagine how bad this will be. The better half seems oblivious to this, however.

Q for the girlies: I don't find him hot, is it just me?

Howdo Footflaps, my treat was to go and see Magnum in Liverpool last week. In fairness she came with me, but she really really enjoyed the gig. (Magnum were brilliant) 😀

Shortly to be reviewed on r5 by Senor Kermode.

Pfft! Just get some proper grot on, and watch that with her! 😀

It can't possibly be worse than the book can it?

When stuck on a barge for a few days, with very little actual work to do, I "half read" the 3 books.

I can honestly say, they are the worst books I have ever read, ignoring the pron bits, the writing is terrible, the background plot is so bad and absolutely ridiculous in everyway.

The pron is very lame as well.

They make the Da Vinci code look like Great Expectations.

Howdo Footflaps, my treat was to go and see Magnum in Liverpool last week. In fairness she came with me, but she really really enjoyed the gig. (Magnum were brilliant)

🙂

Not bad for a bunch of OAPs (and a mid 40s bassist)!

Yup, at times I did wonder if Bob may need help off the stage.... 🙂

[img] [/img]

My missus booked two tickets for this on Saturday - completely oblivious to the fact i'm going ot be in Chamonix snowboarding 🙂 She's now going with a friend and having a sleep over.. dirty bitches. 😈

I really don't get the fuss. Far as I can tell it's self-serving Twilight slash fiction with the characters renamed, packaged up as an "erotic" tale when it's really smoke and mirrors for an abusive relationship. I should probably watch it at some point though, just so as I can form an informed opinion.

Still, if it means women get to read / watch soft-core grot in public without shame, I'm all for it. In a couple of decades maybe we'll be enlightened enough for the lads to be able to do it as well.

Q for the girlies: I don't find him hot, is it just me?

Given the froth half the work force here seem to be in, I think it's just you.

[quote=Cougar ] it's really smoke and mirrors for an abusive relationship.I'm seeing a lot of these comments on social media. It does seem that some folk can't differentiate between fantasy and reality. When I went to see Star Wars as a youngster, I was intelligent enough to realise that The Force didn't exist and that the Death Star wasn't about to obliterate my home. Have we reached a point where all fiction needs to be accompanied by a warning at the beginning?

Some top posts here.

Critics seem to have been quite kind so far. I tried to read the book, how much mummy porn could I stand? Not much was the answer, very dull.

OP I don't envy you but as Valentines chores go there are worse.

MrsBouy raised her left eyebrow to this whilst it was on the BBC news.

I
Am
Still
Petrified.

😕

When I went to see Star Wars as a youngster, I was intelligent enough to realise that The Force didn't exist

I used to hang upside down from my bunkbed and try and levitate my toy lightsabre off the floor, like luke does in the Wompa cave

50 Shades of Grey

They've made a film about John Major?

I'm seeing a lot of these comments on social media. It does seem that some folk can't differentiate between fantasy and reality.

Of course, and that's a very valid point. It [i]is[/i] fiction, after all.

The problem is, well, just that; how many blokes are going to watch it and go "oh, that's how BDSM works is it? It's perfectly ok for me to be a controlling stalker, then" or girls similarly thinking that it's ok to be treated that way. It's normalising abuse.

EDIT: here, read this, you'll see what I'm getting at. http://theconversation.com/fifty-shades-of-grey-is-just-an-old-fashioned-romance-thats-the-problem-37440

And of course, I hold my hand up that I might be completely wrong. I've formed an opinion based on ignorance (of the film) as I've never watched it. I could be doing it a complete disservice.

It's normalising [s]abuse[/s] crap movies

FIFY

The problem is, well, just that; how many blokes are going to watch it and go "oh, that's how BDSM works is it? It's perfectly ok for me to be a controlling stalker, then" or girls similarly thinking that it's ok to be treated that way. It's normalising abuse.

I hazard a guess that it will be next to bugger-all.

By all accounts it's absolute crap

[quote=Cougar ]how many blokes are going to watch it and go "oh, that's how BDSM works is it? It's perfectly ok for me to be a controlling stalker, then" or girls similarly thinking that it's ok to be treated that way. It's normalising abuse.So the answer to

Have we reached a point where all fiction needs to be accompanied by a warning at the beginning?

I guess what will be fun will be those that go and choose to see the movie in fancy dress (cough) and the long list of people who are going to try and claim the fact they stared shagging in the cinema was due to being overly aroused by the movie.

Its going to be a social media phenomenon

How many blokes watch porn and believe that's the way it is in real life for other people?

I'm afraid there is no accounting for humans who are so intellectually disadvantaged as to think that this shit is even remotely related to an acceptable way of living life.

watch it if you want, just don't hold it as realistic, I learnt that the hard way after watching LOTR, I'm now banned from the shires shopping center in Leicester.

50 Sheds of Grey

How many blokes watch porn and believe that's the way it is in real life for other people?

I suspect a lot. Even before the internet people used to film whatever tickled their sexual fantasy and now it gets uploaded to the internet. A lot of it IS real life.

I won't comment for 50 Shades specifically because I have neither seen nor read it, but I'd be extremely surprised if there was anything in it that doesn't go on in relationships in real life for some - possibly many - people.

worth putting up this link again (VNSFW E.T.C) http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/ 🙂

Please let it be filmed in black and white 🙂

I'm seeing a lot of these comments on social media. It does seem that some folk can't differentiate between fantasy and reality.

How many blokes watch porn and believe that's the way it is in real life for other people?

Just saying.
and of course mark hamill and james earl jones did not really have a fight with laser swords and push stuff around with the force but those two people on grot-tube did just physically do what you watched them do.

*Their and their partners role in it, rather than thinking sex is bad

Surely thats what larping is all about.

In the spirit of Raceface's link above, another one for you,

[url= http://www.pornolize.com/translate/?lang=en&url=http://singletrackmag.com/forum ]Also, as with that earlier link, contains many very rude words. [/url]

Fire brigade expecting increase in emergency calls as a result of 50 Shades [url= http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-31428072 ]BBC News[/url]

In the spirit of Raceface's link above, another one for you,

1600g 29er wheelset recommendations

but this raised a smile

The deep throating STW Ski & Snowboard thread. The wad pulling 2014-2015 season - 23…40 41 42 1440 CaptainFlashheart

50 Shades of Grey = 1 shade of shite ©

The other half seems to be very keen on seeing this, I however am more keen on DIY and that is not a euphemism. As to Cougar's noble quest for an informed opinion you can take one for the team and let us know Monday

Am I the only woman who hasn't read the book?

I suspect a lot. Even before the internet people used to film whatever tickled their sexual fantasy and now it gets uploaded to the internet. A lot of it IS real life.

Exactly, I'm saying there is no point in getting shirty regarding the damage a film might do to the odd slackjaw when you consider the wider availability and more extreme nature of porn.

I'd link a

I genuinely don't understand the "mummy porn" criticism.

Is it really such a terribly uncool thing that people might want to go and see something mildly titillating at a normal cinema?

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!

My other half hasn't read it. I had to blindfold her and tie her up but it worked.

If it stops a few people guffawing behind their copy of the Sun or Grazia at those people that enjoy a slightly different (but actually a lot more common than most realise) kind of consenting fun then all the better.
PS. Secretary is worth a watch too (it had a rather interesting effect on my better half anyway).

Love that Pam Ayres poem!

cinnamon_girl - Member
Am I the only woman who hasn't read the book?

My missus hasn't and claims she doesn't really want to. A friend of ours lent her all three of the books months ago but she's really not been all that bothered about reading them. They are sat on a shelf in the lounge.

Actually I might have a quick look and report back.

The review in the Guardian compared it to this....

That Pam Ayres poem is fantastic! 😆

Just sounds like a lot of Mills and Boon Mummy porn to me. Nowhere near as good as:

[img] [/img]

Love that Pam Ayres poem!

Just credit where it's due, it's not by her, it's by a chap named John Summers.

Love that Pam Ayres poem!

Yeah very funny but apparently wasn't by Pam Ayres...just done in her style

Good call Wooster. That is indeed a bloody great film!

Friend on FB shared this:

http://theramblingcurl.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/fifty-abusive-moments-in-fifty-shades.html?m=1

I've not read the books. Don't feel any inclination to.

I however am more keen on DIY

Then just hope you don't have to go down to B&Q for a packet of zip-ties and a roll of duct tape the day after its release.

Its crap?

Ever seen Sex in the City? Epically pants.

Secretary is a really god film

the original Crash based on the JG Ballard novel is great too

Spader is ace!

Q for the girlies: I don't find him hot, is it just me?

Also I haven't read the book and have no intention of doing so.

the original Crash based on the JG Ballard novel is great too

This. A film that can make you see the erotic interest of being in a car crash is something unusual!

The Force didn't exist

I'm sorry, WHAT?!!

Didn't even read the rest of the thread, if thats the level of bullshit lies I can expect from it.

Mark E Smith's been working out...

Watch Fastbender in Shame. Jesus put some frickin trousers on!

Great shout Woppit, very well done film and actually understands how real sub/dom relationships work.

I'm more annoyed by the fact that, similarly to Pearl Harbor, it's getting panned by the critics and yet will still be a huge success. I'd prefer for films to be successful based on the quality of the script, the acting, the direction etc rather than just because of the popularity of its source material.

I believe that Lars Von Trier has already provided the answer to 'fifty shades'

Sit down with your missus this weekend and watch Nymphomaniac 1 and 2, directors cut, on Netflix

Should put her off S&M for life...and ducks!

(Aparrently there's an even longer extended directors cut with even more left in 😯 )

Just got back from watching it. Didn't think it was any good.

Tracey you come across as sane and rational. I wonder what mumsnet thinks by comparison..

I too have just returned. It was every bit as bad as the books. They even managed to include the godawful, unfunny, one liners. And I didn't find the lead actress attractive enough to grab my interest during the saucy stuff. Although the missus seemed to enjoy Mr Grey. Although having said that we're now sat at opposite ends of the sofa doing our own thing so she didn't enjoy him that much 😥

I've read the book, and a mate wants me to go and see it with her 😕

I'm struggling to get "frothy" if I'm honest 😆

Ekul. Ask her if she wants to pop a Sex in the City DVD and a foot massage..

(Whatever you do don't say some random internet bloke said this)

Ah well, it gives the post-menopausal women in our office something to have a natter and a cackle about........

Otherwise my indifference-o-meter is red-lining again.

I wonder what mumsnet thinks by comparison..

Oh my god. There must be an official thread, surely?

Otherwise my indifference-o-meter is red-lining again.

Must be broken, mine's somewhere in the middle.

I'm reminded of Victoria Coren's quip about the book:

"It puts the 'B' in 'anal'."

Tracey you come across as sane and rational. I wonder what mumsnet thinks by comparison

Yeah because god help us all if women were to actually enjoy [i]sexy movies[/i] right?

Just saw a clip on Graham Norton. WT ****ing F. Dreadfully acted even in the short clip they thought was good enough to show.

Julie Walters though - what a legend. Hilarious.