[Closed] 5 Weeks to go for new dad... any final tips..

it's real proper food for your baby not synthetic artificial rubbish.

That's bollocks, basically. Formula milk is not quite as good as breast feeding, but it's not that far off. Both my daughters are fit and healthy and none the worse for it.

Don't sweat the not-riding bit, maybe not for the first few days (and I mean days) but beyond that, as long as you're doing your part, why not? Let your wife have a proper lie in on Saturdays, and Sunday mornings are yours to use as you see fit.

My tip: microwave sterilisers are fast.

Skim read the posts so having a camera in the hospital bag may have already been mentioned.

First picture of the three of us was taken by one of the doctor / nurses types within seconds of the Beamlet arriving in the world.

Stand by for the best days of the rest of your life. Being a Dad is ace!

As others have said, try your best at breast feeding, but if the combination of mother/baby/boobs don't get on, admit defeat and move on.

Be prepared for the BFM (Breast Feeding Mafia). IIRC, hospital staff are not allowed to advocate long term formula feeding and it will be your decision to go to bottled formula - even then, they cannot recommend a particular brand so DO SOME RESEARCH BEFORE YOU GO THE HOSPITAL so you have made the choice before your presented with X-number of brands and told to make a decision there and then. After BB Jr had spent a couple of weeks trying to get the hang of it, being in and out of hospital as she wasn't putting on weight and swallowing/coughing up more blood than milk I basically told the midwife to '..give her some f'cking formula now' and the relief on the midwifes face was visible as she clearly knew she was pushing a bad situation and couldn't say stop.

The BFM message is ingrained to the point that the government has decreed that you can't use Boots points to buy formula as it's deemed to be bad....m'kay.

Still boils my piss just thinking about the stress of those first few weeks....

Get all the sex you can squeeze in now. Seriously.

5 weeks and counting here. I'm wasting away 🙁

I'm wasting away

That's bollocks, basically.

No it's not. Formula isn't as good at all. It's not gonna poison your kid, but there you go. End of. It's not meant to be a guilt trip. As long as you tried as hard as you could then fine.

The reason for the pro-BF propaganda is that a lot of people just can't be arsed with it for their own convenience. Not saying that applies to anyone on this thread but I've heard a lot of people just not bother even trying. Now that boils MY piss.

FWIW we had extreme pain, cracked nipples, mastitis etc for about two months ish and our midwives were supportive (not because they'd been told, but because they really were behind the idea) to the point that we eventually got the hang of it, and it was worth all the trouble for the subsequent ease and freedom. Note that I am not meaning to belittle anyone else's efforts so hold your fire.

Stop making me agree with you again Molgrips. We even saw people with day-old babies in SCBU using bottles. We had a mix of breast and express up till 3 months-ish when my wife's milk just wasn't coming in enough quantity anymore. The health visitor admitted that it was further than most mothers to twins get (imagine how difficult it is juggling two babies and trying to ensure they both latch on).

You got 5 weeks to go, and I am 5 weeks into being a dad... Its the absolute best thing I ever did..

Good luck..

Here is a picture of my Jimmy having a little shut eye in the park. 🙂

Notice he is ready for some riser bars already..

[img] [/img]

And another thing that boils my piss too.. Seen plenty of mothers out and about bottlefeeding their kids, fair enough; but they are sitting there in Costa or whatever gassing away to their mates ignoring their kids completely.. poor little thing with helpless eyes searching for its mother's face and she is just yacking away about rubbish.

Being a mother is not a chore, it's something you should respect. And that means at least making bloody eye contact and giving some love and bonding whilst feeding. Really sad, that one.

No it's not. Formula isn't as good at all. It's not gonna poison your kid, but there you go

No, it won't poison them. It'll feed them fine, and they'll grow up perfectly well on it. If you live in a developing country with unsafe water I'd say otherwise, but that's not the case here.

They'll be missing out on some of the immune system advantages, but that's about it. Again, unless you live in a developing country it's not going to make much difference.

I watched my wife suffer in pain during the first month, watched my first daughter not gain weight, crying with frustration and hunger. Given that choice, bottle feeding is far superior.

cracked nipples = wrong technique (apparantly)

Sorry if that boils people's piss but it's what the Nursing Nurse at the hospital said, and later the Health Visitor too.

Again, good luck!

Well mogrim, don't want to go on about it too much but research suggests that there is more to it than immune system benefits. It's all available via google if anyone wants to read.

Cracked nipples does indeed equal bad technique. It's easy to tell a mother what the right technique is, but not so a newborn baby 🙂 For instance, you're meant to tickle their top lip (I think, don't remember now) with the nipple, then when they open wide, stick it in. Well Meg didn't open wide. only a little bit... Hence troubles with technique and cracked nips.

cheers all...

mrs monkey has had a good read.....

just got back from mothercare and asda (special on huggies)

😆

the relief on the midwifes face was visible as she clearly knew she was pushing a bad situation and couldn't say stop.

+1 and even more. The midwife confided to us she was 'on a warning' as her breastfeeding rates were low compared to her targets, so when she saw how determined my wife was she wasn't going to recommend a bottle despite it being the right thing to do. I was pissed off with her, but it was her job on the line I suppose; I was mega pissed off with the local PCT for putting her in that situation. The only thing that stopped me really stewing merry hell with the PCT was that Polly went so well once she was on the bottle that 'all's well that ends well' won out.

Still boils my piss 6 years on. As does anyone that dares to suggest we didn't stick with it long enough. Sorry, i know what the science says but you weren't here, you didn't live it, and I think doing the right thing for mother and baby far outweighs the apparent benefits of breast milk. Again not aimed at anyone on this thread but to the OP who *might* be faced with the same dilemma in another month or two. Go with what your instincts tell you, no matter what the BFM insist.

Hope all goes well for you.

My small contribution:

You may not get the full bonding thing straight away - don't worry, it will happen one day and melt your heart.

You can achieve an awful lot if you can get 4 hours solid sleep. Anything over that is a bonus.

You will still be able to ride - you might want to commute (I started as I realised I was too exhausted to drive safely!), you might need lights to go out early/late, you WILL need good wet weather gear as any nice days at the weekend turn into "Family Time" and any lousy days you get to do what you want. This works better when you give your other half time and space to do her own thing as well.

Currently sat in our labour-delivery room and I've only got time today to read this single thread. But its much appreciated, baby Kaitlyn arrived 38hrs ago and we're still in the middle of a super-steep learning curve.

Tips so far: pack lots of food & drink for yourself & Mrs. YOU need to keep your strenth up too and hospital food probably won't help. And regulate visitors - Mrs Burts works in this hospital and we've had too many visitors from her dept today, it doesn't give us enough time to do what needs to be done.

But its all worth it!

I hope it all goes well for you.
Remind the missus that the thing is to have a perfect baby delivered not a perfect delivery. Tear up the birth plan and take any pain relief you're offered.
Books - Secrets of the Baby Whisperer was a useful read.
Feeding - breast is best but bottles are a close second. The first few days breast milk is the most important. Despite what the health professionals tell you, you can do both.
Be kind to each other and yourselves as much as possible.

If no one has said it yet, first aid kit/course. Tiny babies don't often need it but they don't stay tiny long and then all sorts of bangs and scrapes, ingestions, foreign bodies start causing trouble. The other day my boy went from this:
[IMG] [/IMG]
to this:
[IMG] [/IMG]
when FatSpaniel decided he was going to chase a rabbit. He had the lead wrapped around his arm and couldn't let go quick enough.

My son's just under 4 weeks old and this is what we have found we need:

Nappies (bloody loads of them)
Baby wipes (loads of for reasons above)
Baby chair bouncer thing (handy when you need to do things and need to put them down some where)
Dont spend a fortune on clothes Reuben has already gone up one size.
Small rucksack for taking a couple of nappies etc when you go out. (no need to take the kitchen sink)

Feeding...
This is the one thing where there is lots of pressure. When Reub's popped out he was very lazy and fell asleep before he would breast feed. Also my wife struggled to get him latched on. The hospital push breastfeeding (quite rightly as its better than formula) but there is no right or wrong way to do it, and it wont always work

If your wife wants to breast feed but struggles, ask to use a breast pump at the hospital, they wont like it but hay, if it means you baby gets breast milk over formula then so what.

We went and spent £250 on a pump and havent regretted it one bit, it means Reubs still gets breast milk rather than formula, and it also means I can help with feeding rather it being reliant on my wife. Reub's now does actually ocassionaly breast feed too.

Oh and the other thing that we have found is that Reub's suffers from Wind/Colic & Reflux (not settling after feed, crying, arching back, bad gurgling, bringing food back up but not being sick. Colief works wonders for wind/colic and he has gaviscon for the reflux.

Ps if your wifes still in hospital get some sleep... you wont when they come home!

but there is no right or wrong way to do it,

Well there is a right way to do it.. that's when you finally figure it out and wonder what the fuss was all about. Once you get it down, it's the absolute easiest thing ever.

+1 for taking food to the hospital tho. I mixed Torq energy drink for my wife because she was working as hard as you would on a bike ride, only for 20 hours or so.

my wife went through half a dozen Torq bars. I even had long conversations with matt hart in the run up to D-Day discussing whether there was too much Vitamin A content for pregnant women. With the number of dads / new dads on here, that should be another article for him!!

£250 on a pump? We have a plastic cheap looking thing!!

BTW- good ride last night binners. My first ever technical-content night ride 😀

It means I leave early this afternoon I take the family out for the afternoon and pamper them in exchange

£250 on a pump? We have a plastic cheap looking thing!!

When we were finished with it we sold it on Ebay for about £15 less than we paid for it.

I'd avoid Gina Ford books, you can't get a manual for a baby, they are all different.You will find what works for you and your child, its got the human race this far, its seems to work.......

And as already noted, get all the sleep you can now!

Surely only a pervert would pay £235 for a used breast pump!

Surely only a pervert would pay £235 for a used breast pump!

I'd avoid Gina Ford books, you can't get a manual for a baby

Talking of Perverts. I'm still missing sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😐

Anyway. Remember OP:
1. No riding for you until it snows in December
2. Your balls will be kept in a silk purse by your OP from now on.
3. You are going to spend the next few months walking around shopping centres and furnishing shops looking at 'options'.
4. You thought men poo'd alot.
5. Remember those epic 6hour summer rides. Bone-tired is now permanent.
6. Her friends will expect you to do everything for her and you can never do enough.
7. You will bicker over who used all the water in the kettle that you boiled for you.
8. All your tea's will be overcooked to the point of zero-moisture.
9. No sex for over 6weeks.
10. No sex for over 6 weeks.

We tried to apply Gina Ford's draconian methods with the Beamlet. She wasn't having any of it.

All three of us were getting mega stressed trying to make her comply so we gave up in the end. We are all much happier now.

Mrshora did something 3nights ago- changed some routine. We wake him at 11pm by changing his nappy then feeding him. Hes been sleeping right through to 6.30am now.

We tried to apply Gina Ford's draconian methods with the Beamlet. She wasn't having any of it.

What no-one told us is that we could expect almost 6 months of non-stop illness - we have had tonsillitis, eye infections, ear infections, more tonsillitis, suspected glue ear, colds, sore throats, coughs, rapid breathing, wheezing, more ear infections, conjunctivitis, tonsillitis... I think we have had just two unbroken night's sleep since November - when one is well the other invariably isn't 🙁

We wake him at 11pm by changing his nappy then feeding him. Hes been sleeping right through to 6.30am now.

That's what worked for us too - as much food as you get get down them in the evening and they might well sleep. Seems like babies WANT to sleep but they get hungry.

cheers again for everyone's replies...

starting to get really excited now but still a bit freaked out incase anything goes wrong, but hey MTFU and be there for her, she will be the one doing the hard work!

will hopefully be able to post a pic up sometime between now and end of next month 😯

have a good weekend everyone!

Mrshora did something 3nights ago- changed some routine. We wake him at 11pm by changing his nappy then feeding him. Hes been sleeping right through to 6.30am now.

I will give this a go, and Hora I am in danger of gaining something from you twice in one day!!

Jimmy, was just weighed in at 9lb 15oz... a 1lb 6oz increase in 10 days, health visitor said WOW, a growth spurt..

(he was only a tiny baby at birth just under 6lb)

remeber to keep yourself well groomed around d day.shave and a wash at least everyday. when my little one way born i had two days growth on my chin, really needed a haircut, and had my minging specs on.
till the day i die the "special" pic of my newborn babe and me,the happy father,which sits on the mantle piece for all to see, has me in it looking like worzel gummidge!
gutted.

oh and go out and get ratted as much as poss.you wont be doing it for quite some time!

Don't forget that you're still one half of a couple, and it takes some effort to preserve that.

That's a lesson I learned the hard way (although it takes effort from both parties), but I'm not bitter - yet.

Ride as much as possible, sleep as much as possible NOW... as you'll never have time in the future 😉

The reason for the pro-BF propaganda is that a lot of people just can't be arsed with it for their own convenience.

Nope - its down to the over-eager interpretation of blanket legislation. We knew MrsTT wasn't going to be able to breast feed in advance, yet the help was not there and the implied stigma was shocking - not the way a developed country should behave.

Buy good quality bibs - not cheap ones that don't absorb anything. Good bibs and swaddling the baby works really well.

Don't forget that you're still one half of a couple, and it takes some effort to preserve that.

That is a very good point indeed and one that we only realized 12 months into parenthood.

Nope - its down to the over-eager interpretation of blanket legislation

No it's not. A lot of people really just can't be arsed. I've spoken to a lot of them.

There's the pro BF message and then there's hysterical weirdos. Not the same, necessarily 🙂 No-one's saying that if you have a physical problem with it then you are evil and bad. Having said that a lot (but not all) instances of physical problems can be overcome.

Ah the old breast feeding mafia thing. Mrs ddmonkey tried very hard to make breast feeding work but after several weeks of tortue and constatnly hungry babies we got a breast pump and formula. I actually said that's it I can't take any more of this and went down to a 24 supermarket at 3am to buy the stuff, best decision ever. Don't flog a dead horse. My three top tips would be:

Don't feel guilty about it if breast feeding really doesn't work, it may do it may not, but either way express what you can and if you have to use a bottle do so and move on, its not the end of the world.

If your baby has great discomfort and crying after feeding and this perists then don't just accept "its colic nout you can do". Try a Lactose free formula and see if that helps. Our second was lactose intolerant and as soon as we moved him to lactose free formula he was a different baby.

Finally do work hard to establish a routine after the first few weeks, not in the horrible Gina Ford way but in a regular time for feeds and sleeps way. It will make life easier if you persist.

All the very best! Fatherhood is great and it gets better after the first 6 weeks, honest!

Shave you forearms. If not, she will grab handfuls of hair and pull it out. No point in both of you feeling pain. That's womens' work.

Another top tip, avoiding the breast feeding argument: get the kid out of your room asap. A month is fine. Otherwise every little snuffle will wake you up, and every little snore will wake small up. All of you will sleep better for it.

And if baby wakes up and wants something, trust me: you'll know about it.

Go out together and enjoy your time together as it is completely different once the baby is born, take your missus away for a spa weekend having treatments that she's still allowed to have, she'll always remember that..........THE GOOD OLD TIMES, Good luck with the arrival if I don't see your thread again.

The BF mafia... christ, I've never been made to feel so bad in my life by those Nazi midwifes... It came to a crunch for us when my Mrs was told to manually express into a fekin cup on day 5 when our daughter was Jaundiced probably due to not getting enough food.
There is following NHS / Nice guidelines.. and then there is simple cruelty.
DDmonkey, sound advice m8.

Tinsy, its in a book called Baby Secrets. Apperently he still wakes at 3.30 for one feed (I missed waking up at that time for some reason 🙄 ) but that soon goes. The secret is to express milk ready for his 11pm feed to top up the breast milk allowing him to sleep deeply due to being as full as poss.

Having said that a lot (but not all) instances of physical problems can be overcome.

Yes - and even if you are in the 'impossible' group there, the health 'professionals' still run from formula feeding and there is a void of information - which is very disconcerting to a soon-to-be mother who knows it is all she can have. I'm not talking about people choosing not to breast feed here - I'm talking about the people who should provide the information but are in fear of the legislation that promotes breast feeding - totally different thing.

The BF mafia... christ, I've never been made to feel so bad in my life by those Nazi midwifes... It came to a crunch for us when my Mrs was told to manually express into a fekin cup on day 5 when our daughter was Jaundiced probably due to not getting enough food.

Our lad was jaundiced for a worrying while (well for me). The mdiwives were sterling though. No advice just reassurance. I guess its just some of the PCT's training?

Ps. I also asked ours if we could have his ears pierced at 2 weeks old (with a straight face). Midwive laughed. Checked my expression- laughed again then I said 'Im kidding' 😆

Ah the old breast feeding mafia thing. Mrs ddmonkey tried very hard to make breast feeding work

MrsHeathen tried it for a day and wouldnae do it. Our girl's had formula and is, um, irrepressible, strong, fast and ahead of the other kids in her nursery class - all of whom are older than her. She's my youngest and I can honestly say there's nowt in it between her development and her breast fed brothers. And, to be fair, our midwife was totally cool with MrsHeathen's decision.

She slept in our room for a year and none of us suffered for it (grown up only 'special moments' returned about 4 weeks after the birth so don't believe any scare stories there. Of course, it all depends on how yr mrs is feeling).

The only hard going is colic in the night but here Infacol is your friend. It doesn't get rid of it totally but reduces it massively. At times, the first few months will, however, involve sleep deprivation and the looming spectre of madness.

The book [i]What to Expect the First Year[/i] is very good but it's not gospel. Definitely worth getting hold of for alternative viewpoints to those you'll get from friends, relatives and muddleheaded internet 'experts' 😉

The main thing is that children are fantastic and worth all the effort. And, as I type this, I can unequivocally say that I'm actually enjoying [i]Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom[/i]....

EDIT: The 'stop playing and eat your breakfast' conversation i've just had has reminded me that they will drive you ****ing nuts sometimes but even when they do you can't help but love em 🙂

From a whole two weeks experience:

Make food, freeze it. Even if just for you, if the family stays in hospital a while and you get home late from visits (this was way better then pizza/kebab/burgers everynight from takeaway)

BF - your decision, no-one elses; but it does take a knack so give it a good go. However, we subscribe to the "happy parents, happy baby" school of thought.

Express and use a bottle occassionally from fairly early on - this means YOU can feed baby too; bonding for you, brownie points when you get up and feed baby letting mum get some rest/a lie in. If mum is ill, has appointments etc you can keep baby happy as you have the practise and experience.

Do change nappies... I'd never changed a nappy before Grace arrived, although I'd watched our nieces and nephews have it done to them; it's not hard, and needs to be done. Again, no reason you shouldn't be able to take full care if mum is not around for whatever reason.

Make time for cuddle time - it's great for you all!

Make visiting hours known to everyone [u]now[/u]; we made it very clear that we didn't want a million people around straight away including mother, sister, brother, etc. All was - and still is - good. They came the day after, short visits to say hi and today (2 weeks on) is the first time since that they'll be here to see Grace. We keep in touch, text, pic msg, facebook updates etc so they know whats going on, but we can actually work out our routine because someone else is not here telling us what to do or not do.

Do remember to talk about non baby stuff with Mum; you both need to keep some sanity and baby gurgling and nappy changing doesn't do that!

You can ride still; just need to be more organised and accept it's not going to be all day long, every chance you get for a while. TBH you probably won't want to anyway.

Lastly, they come in to your life; they know no different that what you show them; they don't have to rule your life, although you will need to make allowances for them.

Food etc etc.

More important. Your partner may seem 'unreasonable' at times. You will come home from work tired and she'll act off with you, throw a 'strop' and you'll have a thought 'its not going to be the same anymore, shes drifting from me' etc etc.

Its not. Its purely the upheaval, tiredness etc. Before- you think 'yes I know this will happen' but in the eye of the storm you forgot this...

So remember, she may come across as cranky and off with you a month or two... its temporary.

[i]and ahead of the other kids in her nursery class [/i]

and don't get caught up in the.. there ahead / behind of walking / talking / weight gain / height gain / crawling / babbling / etc etc etc thing until there much much older...

and don't get caught up in the.. there ahead

not exactly caught up just reasonably proud. The main point was that not being breastfed doesn't mean a child will be stunted, sickly and brain damaged which is how some of the more heavy handed pro-breast feeding lobby can present it.

skip to the end

I found that having a baby was only tiring initially because of the constant stream of visitors EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Make time for yourselves to get used to things.
Darkness and silence may help you sleep but babies are used to noise, so music, tele, the hoover or hairdryer or whatever might help littleun sleep.
Once littleun is a sleep dont put them straight to bed walk around carrying them for 10 - 15 minutes to make sure they are "properly" sleeping.
Dont get stressed that baby doesnt work with the awake in the day sleep at night routine, just go with whatever happens.

The best thing that happened to me was my missus was out of action for a week with a neck strain after the birth, in that time I went from nervous amateur to seasoned pro, it's all about confidence.

and don't get caught up in the.. there ahead / behind of walking / talking / weight gain / height gain / crawling / babbling / etc etc etc thing until there much much older...

I can clearly remember that I couldn't get the hang of tying my shoe laces. I'm not going to worry too much over the above.

http://m.youtube.com:80/?client=mv-vf-uk#/results?client=mv-vf-uk&q=michael%20mcintyre%20children&aq=f&oq=

hope the link works, just thought it was a nice take on the whole child development thing although I find the guy quite annoying

langy, that is the most sensible post on this thread, 'Grace' great name, We have a 6 week old 'Grace'. 😮