[Closed] 5 Weeks to go for new dad... any final tips..

bikes on ebay?

get some sleep. do lots of sleeping. save it in a bag so you can get some sleep after the baby's born.

Be very forthcoming with practical help, it will be appreciated even if it doesn't seem that way.

Do not be remotely forthcoming with advice or suggestions, they will not be appreciated and you will know about it.

Very small babies are nice and all that, but your time will come a bit later on, in my experience.

Do you have any decent lights? If not, get some. Night riding is the only riding you're going to be doing for a while. Once the nippers all tucke up.

And... have you got a bag packed ready to go to hospital? They don't stick to a schedule, the little buggers. They arrive whenever they're ready. Our first was nearly four weeks early. Which was a bit of surprise

ear plugs
sense of humour
clothes peg (for nappy duties, until you get used to it)
Large bottle of MTFU pills for when you think 'I can't do this!' You can, the survival of the race has ingrained it into you
Big bunch of flowers for the wife.
I'm sending you both a parcel of good luck.

Seriously, there's nothing you need that can't be got from Tesco at a moment's notice and they stay open all night. Trust me, you'll be wheeling junior through there in the early hours desperate for him to drop off at some point.

ooh, just thought. Get cooking now and get some home cooked meals potted up so you can just nuke them when needed.

Chill and the baby needs routine, a bit like a puppy - whatever you do in the first few weeks is imbedded for the next 18-36 months.

And you don't need half of the gear you've already bought... e.g. cot - won't be used for 3-4 months, except to put the moses basket in.

But will need more baby growers than you imagine.

3 sons, 16, 15 and 11.

ahh the innocence of new parents to be.

Yep, bank the sleep now! Get plenty of tea and coffee in, you'll be having lots of visitors! Enjoy every minute, things'll never be the same again 😀

I used to give the Mrs Binners a lie in every saturday morning while i took the little un out for the day. You get to bond properly and it gets you some serious brownie points 🙂

monkey boy get your riding in now. You wont get out for circa 6months after the newbie arrives. All the best 😀

Our little lad is 5 1/2weeks old now. I'm hoping to get the bike out again in Autumn/Winter.

Says Hora, who's out riding with me tonight

Oh... and take a good look around your house. Is it clean? Tidy? Uncluttered? Is all that nice furniture you bought not smeared in jammy fingerprints?

Enjoy that. It will never ever ever be the case again 🙂

cheers.

the 'hospital' bag ingredients are being bought tonight

*must remember gift for the wife for the actual big day* (they don't allow flowers in our hospital any other ideas, she did want a 'proper camera')

i keep having this nagging feeling the little him or her is going to pop anytime soon....

i havent done much riding this year so that bit is not going to effect me really.

ive only booked 2 weeks paternity off, everyone was telling em to book another two weeks and have a month but i'd rather save the 2 weeks until later

cheers all..... keep em coming, i'll put them onto my clipboard and show the mother in law!!

2 wks is long enough, mrs mb will be glad to see the back of you after two weeks at home, you'll be glad of some other adult conversation that doesn't contain baby stuff.

monkey_boy, my two-penneth. Everyones experience will be different. Play it by ear and do what works best for you two. I've ridden every weekend like normal. I'm out of bed earlier and back earlier.

Just because someone had a child themselves doesn't make them an expert to go on speaking tours and write books on the subject 😉

(That also includes our parents). Mrshora's Mum is very keen to point out that she knows best and my missus is crap/hasn't got a clue. Funnily, her Mum's last experience of a baby was three decades ago..

Muslin cloths! And lots of 'em!
They wipe up sick/ poo just about anything.
Good Luck!

good luck monkey_boy. less than two weeks till my wifes due date. really excited. Baby was right at the bottom of the growth scale chart, but its growing much better now and has a strong heart beat etc, so can't wait til the big day now!!

A sign for the door to warn visitors not to knock or ring the bell as you're all asleep and won't appreciate being woken up....

Have you got the video recorder for the front room yet so that the little'un has somewhere to put the toast/cash/credit cards.

A sign for the door to warn visitors not to knock or ring the bell as you're all asleep and won't appreciate being woken up....

I've always had a habit of ringing a doorbell none-stop and knocking repeatedly at the same time. One evening I was almost lynched by friends who have a Victorian/old-fashioned bell over their kitchen door.....3metres from their young son who they were trying to settle...

Seriously, there's nothing you need that can't be got from Tesco at a moment's notice and they stay open all night.

If you are feeding with formula (immediately or in the future) fill the clean bottles with half the water you need and store in a fridge for up to 24 hours. Then add the other half of freshly boiled water and the formula as and when you need it - much quicker that way.

And trust your instincts - it is your baby, not the health visitor's or the doctor's or your better half's mum's...

Finally - enjoy every minute of it, it is a joy and the hard nights are soon forgotten.

🙂

It's important to get the ground rules sorted out now before it's too late, explain to your wife that it's her job to look after the baby and that you expect them both to fit it around your cycling schedule, as a gesture of goodwill tell her you'll change a nappy a day and cook dinner at weekends.

a metric assload of nappies; newborns go through up to 10 a day.
a "jolly jumper" a springy gizmo that hangs from the door frame and suspends your 4-5 month upwards old in a captive state so you can finish a cup of tea once in a while.

When guests ask to visit an wonder what they can bring - ask them to bring [b]hot cooked food[/b] (lasagne/spag bol/curry etc).

They were the most amazing 'gifts' when we had visitors in the first few days as your energy to cook proper food will all have been diverted to cleaning poop and propping up eyelids!

Things we completely forgot we'd need, and now have thankfully:
-more sleeping bags than 2!
-More simple baby grows
-Monitor with [u]decent quality[/u] reception (live over 3 floors)
-Stimulating toys (simple ones)

DrP

BTW - Asda have a baby event on till 8 May - some good bargains to be had on nappies etc.

Our dog found and comprehensively shredded a used nappy yesterday.

Book a pre-arranged delivery. Natural birth is barbaric.
Get some sleep NOW. Your life is about to change beyond belief. Have you ever been to 4am Korma nappy change?
All babies are different so don't take advice from anyone and trash the self help books.
Make sure you introduce baby to bottle if you're breast feeding.
Don't listen to my advice.

It's important to get the ground rules sorted out now before it's too late, explain to your wife that it's her job to look after the baby and that you expect them both to fit it around your cycling schedule, as a gesture of goodwill tell her you'll change a nappy a day and cook dinner at weekends.

Our little lad is 5 1/2weeks old now. I'm hoping to get the bike out again in Autumn/Winter.

Our daughter is five weeks old (our first), last week I did HONC on Sunday, swimming on Tuesday night, 30 mile evening road ride on Wednesday night swimming on Thursday night and a 2 hour MTB ride on Saturday.

I've got a 100 mile ride next Saturday and I'm also doing the clic24 solo in two weeks time.

I see no problem, ground rules laid down before the baby is born helps I guess.

I know someone who celebrated his first born by shagging a nurse, nice twist on 'wetting the baby's head' I thought.

Ours were 6wks early (first)and 5wks early (second). Just in case you were thinking of putting your feet up....

Book a pre-arranged delivery. Natural birth is barbaric.

If it hasn't already been mentioned - pay lots of attention to Mrs monkey-boy. Mums get quite neglected when a baby comes along and they really take it to heart.

I know someone who celebrated his first born by shagging a nurse, nice twist on 'wetting the baby's head' I thought.

The nurses in the birthing bit was brilliant. Really cared and their passion for the job really came out.

The nurses on the maternity ward came across as bored idiots. So shagging them wasn't on my mind - more hitting them with a bloody stick.

Ours were 6wks early (first)and 5wks early (second). Just in case you were thinking of putting your feet up....

We honestly thought ours was going to have to be induced so I text'd work saying I was going to have the next day off (to go riding)....an hour later she went into Labour...sheesh!

Black out/lined curtains are a must at this time of year!

It's hard work but it's flipping brilliant!

Agree with your missus rules for visiting etc, and [i]stick to them[/i].

My MiL wsa a right cow one night, turned up at about 8ish with all her sisters and then proceeded to try & drink the house dry while Mrs MFL was stuck upstairs cradling a colicky crying baby who even at the age of 2 weeks was down & asleep usually by 7.00pm. Needless to say Mil & cronies had all insisted on playing pass the ****ing baby until about 10.00pm, then couldn't understand why Joanne wasn't able to sit & chat with them. I felt like crap about it because I'd been out with some mates so hadn't been there to play the unreasonable son in law, which is the normal role I assume in such situations!

It's your child, your house, your rules, agree them with Mrs Monkey_Boy now and stick to them!

Get Sky+

Depending on the facilities your hospital has? we paid extra for a private room on the baby ward. It made the first hours with our new born so much more special. Being able to have privacy and quiet were brilliant. Think it cost us £30/40 a night.

Unless labels are important to you, don't bother with all these designer baby brands for clothing. Tesco/asda/sainsburys clothing is just as good and sometimes better than clothing we've had from Mamas & Papas/Mothercare etc. That and when you see some clothing get worn 2-3 times before it's too small.

+1 missingfrontallobe says - Also don't be afraid to turn people away at the door when random not seen for years distant family members turn up in the first few days home. Mum and baby take priority over everything else in the first few weeks, you need to play the part of minder in the hospital and at home. In the hospital you need to make sure mum gets what she wants and needs, even if that means telling the nurses how you want things done! When you get home you'll need to enforce rules when people come, how long they stay etc.

You could include a few magazines in the hospital bag - MissT slept for ages when newborn and in hospital, and I had insomnia. Had packed the book I'd just started reading .. maybe Jurassic Park wasn't the best idea in retrospect, as it starts with the velociraptors getting the newborn in hospital!

MrsT

"Contented little baby book" was good...kids should come with a manual..come on everything else you get that you need to look after for 20yrs plus does!

rather than sleep now I reckon cinema, meals out with the Mrs now cos you'll miss out on those for a while!

Good luck and it's not that tough.....and the 2nd one is way easier! 😆

Buy some night lights and be prepared for the fact that you might not get to go riding for the next 18months. Your house will never be quiet again so make the most of it. Our 8week old went for a mammouth scream-athon from 8 till 11 last night, probably woke the street up. All forgiven now though.

[img] [/img]

Buy shares in Nescafe and pray you get one that sleeps, pref at night.

I didn't really feel like getting out for a ride for 6 months afterwards..

and.. I try to give my other half a lie-in every morning..

cheers all,

Get Sky+

check

black-out blinds

check

Unless labels are important to you, don't bother with all these designer baby brands for clothing. Tesco/asda/sainsburys clothing is just as good and sometimes better than clothing we've had from Mamas & Papas/Mothercare etc. That and when you see some clothing get worn 2-3 times before it's too small.

i agree 100% some of our mates babies are covered in GAP and other expensive brands, each to their own but it will be ASDA all the way with us, except for the odd special occasion

mate have warned me about the first 2 weeks when you get home, the door bell will not stop and people will just turn up, just grit your teeth i guess.

my wife is going to try breast feeding but is not going to loose the plot if she can't.

we have not read any books to be honest and have gone the 'ignorance is bliss' approach pretty much all of the way. i did start to read some stuff on the internet but my mind started to wander and worry about silly stuff so i stopped.

might check out the private room facility aswell, were going through the birth plan with the midwife tomorrow, whatever that is...

🙂

ps- whats the best type of steriliser to get??

i'll 2nd the sky+. Then when you are up at odd times nursing your child you will have something decent to watch.

100's of muslin cloths.

realise that you probably wont get on your bike much.

[i]ps- whats the best type of steriliser to get?? [/i]

cold water sterilising is the cheapest - you just need one sterilising tablet a day. I bought a special one from mothercare, but a large jug or tupperware container would do the same job.

MrsT

Best tip - don't listen to anyone telling you how your baby and your life are going to be. They'll be wrong.

whatever you do in the first few weeks is imbedded for the next 18-36 months.

That for example is not true at all for us.

Tips though - let's see.

-- You will be able to get out riding if you approach it with sensitivity and make sure your Mrs is ok with what you want to do.

-- We found that a good way to get the baby to sleep through was to stuff her with as much food as she'd take in the evening

-- Breastfeeding can be very tough at first but has massive advantages that will last the rest of the year - you've always got food with you, no sterilising, no buying formula, no paraphernalia to cart about, you can't overfeed your baby and give him/her diabetes, better for your wife's body and best of all, it's real proper food for your baby not synthetic artificial rubbish.

-- Take part responsibility for the baby. Being a good dad isn't playing football with your kid or carrying him/her sometimes, it's making decisions and doing some of the thinking.

-- Nature nappies are better than huggies/pampers etc and eco friendly too, but not as widely available. Sainsbury's eco are not so good, they leak.

-- Babies are people with their own character, behaviour and needs.

-- Try and understand your baby - learn to figure out when he/she is hungry, tired, upset for some reason, in pain etc etc. Try and put yourself in your baby's position...

-- Close baby carriers are great - found it much better than a pushchair when she was small.

-- Don't go overboard - babies are resilient. Don't pamper him/her too much, just give him/her what he/she needs and let him/her explore the world on his/her own terms.

-- Don't over-use gender ambigious pronouns

-- Don't over-stimulate the baby. Toy companies will want to sell you stimulating beepy plastic crap that drives kids mental.. often exploring any 3D object is a great entertaining project - it doesn't have to be brightly coloured and sing crappy songs at you.

-- Further to that last one, don't buy your kid too much crap. Only buy new stuff when he/she's bored of the old stuff, and then start rotating it - bringing old stuff back out again.

-- I guess that last one goes for supposedly essential baby equippent too. Only buy what you really need, and then buy more stuff when you figure out if you need it or not. You can still go to town and shop when you have a kid 🙂

-- Not sure if sterilising is really necessary. We BFed until 6mo then since she was crawling about sticking everything in her mouth we thought sterilising food utensils was a bit pointless.

MB - Its upto you and how you are with your family/friends but don't grit your teeth too much, visitors caused me and the wife more falling out than anything else in the first few days. It can be hard to tell your mum it's time to go when it's her first grandchild but they do understand.

Steriliser - get an electric steam one, the supermarkets usually have either the tommy tippee or philips one on offer including 3 bottles. Think we got ours for about £20 but keep the receipt they can be prone to packing in after 9-10 months.

I was like you thinking its all natural who needs a book BUT the best money we ever spent was on the books below. At 4 months thanks to the sleeping plan in the first book we could get 12 hours a night if we wanted it.

http://www.whsmith.co.uk/CatalogAndSearch/ProductDetails.aspx?productId=9780091912697&shop=10004&type=Froogle

Then

http://www.whsmith.co.uk/CatalogAndSearch/ProductDetails.aspx?productID=9780091912680

Re breast feeding - it's worth a really hard try - there are loads of support networks and all. We needed a combination of sister-in-law's help, comedy northern bf expert lady from the hospital who reminded me very strongly of Les Dawson in drag, and a lot of my wife's courage, grit and determination. We were one of the more problematic cases because Meg had a small mouth and wouldn't open it wide.

[opinion]If you start doing stuff like expressing or supplementing with formula I think it's less likely to work well. Your baby and boobs need to be in synch, and if you start mucking about with machines and all it gets confused... Night feeding is hard, but learning how to feed in the lying down position is the best. For a while we could only do it this way in fact. I really think that giving her feeds ever two hours from about 6pm helped her sleep through the night, or only need one feed.[/opinion]

ps- whats the best type of steriliser to get??

a tad Prosaic but I thought of that in a different way to avoid a second..

I'd say avoid Gina Ford like the plague:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/apr/21/leaving-baby-to-cry-brain-development-damage

I don't want high levels of cortisol in my baby's body.. it means she's really upset and unhappy, and has loads of damaging effects - at least in grownups.

If she's upset, work out why and fix it.

Oh, and for us the hardest thing about weaning was trusting that she'd not choke on the food she was putting in her mouth. Make sure it's small bits of soft stuff and let her get on with it.

On the breast feeding front one of the most useful things our midwife taught us was dream feeding, basically you can feed and wind a baby without waking it up. Works wonders!

Take Douglas Adams advice :- Don't Panic!

One of the best bits of advice I was given was warm the cot before putting the baby in it, then they may not notice that they are not on you anymore.

Certainly load up the dvd/sky+ for the first couple of nights you may well be stuck in front of the tv while the misses catches some sleep & the baby may not settle.

molgrips - Member
I'd say avoid Gina Ford like the plague:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/apr/21/leaving-baby-to-cry-brain-development-damage

Agreed you shouldn't leave a baby to cry itself to sleep if it's hungry, in pain, needs nappy change etc BUT sometime they cry because they don't want to be in bed and want cuddles etc. If you go down the route of cuddling your baby to sleep everynight you'll get into the position where they always need a cuddle to sleep. Babies need to learn to self sooth IF all other reasons for crying have been eliminated.

Re breast feeding, your wife shouldn't have to try too hard, we're made for it, most feeding attempts work but women bow to social pressure. Get lots of breast pads and a pump after several weeks then you can freeze it. It's the best feeling in the world. It's so convenient and has instant settling effect on baby. They usually fall off after a feed fast asleep and that's when you can rest too. I've had 3, last one wouldn't have anything else for 16 months, that was extreme feeding. I am a realist though, anatomy, babies and mulitiple births can make it difficult.
Just go with it, it's fabulous.

As the dad be prepared to be ignored for the first couple of weeks. Baby comes first, then mum and you will be a very distant third. Your main role will be to keep out of trouble and be the doorman.

And you can keep up your activities. My wife managed her tennis (4 times a week) and I managed a combination of cycling/hockey with not much drop off. Just requires [s]some[/s] a lot of planning.

Hopefully it will be one of the best experiences of your life, it was for me.

Mums get quite neglected when a baby comes along and they really take it to heart.

Best steriliser? The one that is designed to work with your bottles. We use Tommy Tippee and have all the bits that work together (much easier to fit more into small spaces). And we use the microwave steam steriliser (used cold water at first to clean breast pump bits but we don't use it at all now).

As the dad be prepared to be ignored for the first couple of weeks. Baby comes first, then mum and you will be a very distant third. Your main role will be to keep out of trouble and be the doorman.

STW is full of pathetic men with not enough common sense to choose a tyre on their own, why on earth would you ask them for advice on a new baby?

Therealhoops - that is a very cute baby 🙂

mastiles_fanylion - Member
Therealhoops - that is a very cute baby

For some reason I looked at that pic and thought - he'll have the very same expression in 18yrs time in a Threshers Ball photograph. 😆

the wine shop? 😕

No-one tipping on the re-usable v disposable nappy debate then yet 😉

sometime they cry because they don't want to be in bed and want cuddles etc

Yeah, and you have to learn the difference. Ours would not want to go to sleep - ie be too interested in the world - and hence cry when you put her down. If you left her a bit when she was like this she'd start to tail off and lose a bit of interest. If she was really upset she'd wind up and be really screaming in a very upset way. So even if there was nothing specifically wrong, we went to comfort her and then put her back. We wanted her to know that we were there and still cared for her, but it was unfortunately still bedtime. DEFINTELY do not get him/her up and start playing..

Oh and another possible tip: Do not expect necessarily to instantly bond with your baby and feel some kind of cosmic love.. To a large extent (it seems to me) babies are sort of formless little things, and you build your bond as they develop their person-hood over the coming weeks/months/years/decades.

Agree with Molgrips (what is happening to me?) you get to know your own - one of ours (Izzi) will scream blue murder sometimes towards the end of bedtime feeds and it is to tell you she wants to go to bed.

The first time this happened I was holding this screaming ball writhing around in my hands so I said to my wife 'I'll just have to put her to bed - this isn't working'. As soon as I put her down she fell asleep - that was about 6 months ago and she does the same now - it is her way of saying 'right, I want to sleep now'. Evie (the other twin) has never done anything like that - she has a whole different set of quirks.

Agree with Molgrips (what is happening to me?)

Oh no.. am I in the same bracket as TJ?

Oh no.. am I in the same bracket as TJ?

Well, infamy is better than obscurity I suppose.

Infacol

Lots of muslins in your airing cupboard (not to be confused with muslims)

A good camera, they change EVERY day

Sky+ or Virgin+

If you want to breastfeed but Mum is struggling, INSIST that the hospital/health visitors help her more, you woudlnt believe how many mothers fall over at this first hurdle and CONVINCE themselves they cant manage it or they're not producing milk etc etc. Newborns drink a spoponful of milk at a time, their bellies are tiny, and remember that both Mum and baby need to learn how to feed, it doesnt come naturally to either, they need to learn from scratch so will need help and gentle encouragement

You WILL still get time to ride your bike!

Good luck 😀

+1 enfht.

And unless your baby is seriously losing weight - you're ok. We had a lot of problems and we were worried that she wasn't getting enough.. although she was gaining very slowly for a couple of months - once they got the hang of it she ballooned with weight gain that would do an STW member proud. 23lbs at 6mo.

23lbs at 6mo.

just short of 11 months for our two - currently (approx) 15lbs and 16lbs. (Izzi WAS only 4lb 10oz as newborn though)

Zachary
[img] [/img]
[img] [/img]

on the breast feeding thing. The OP has the right attitude, try it and stick with it but don't stress over it. My wife was determined first time and stuck with it for several weeks of cracked and bleeding nipples, and baby still didn't grasp the idea, . I can't imagine the stress my wife had, when every feed involved having a baby chewing on your already bruised and bleeding nips for hours on end. I know what mine was like just watching it. We had help from NCT, Midwives, La leche.... and nothing seemed to work. Our daughter didn't gain any substantial weight, cried continuously. I'm ashamed to say it but I hated her in those first few weeks.

Finally it was my mum, herself a retired NCT counsellor (but not a BF specialist) who demanded we give her a bottle of formula milk and it was like turning a light on. She went from strength to strength, we supplemented expressed milk and formula and replaced breastfeeding time with skin to skin contact time, and she's now a thriving 6 year old. She has no allergies, no asthma, she eats healthily and well, is a perfect height and weight.... everything that we 'risked' by not sticking with the breast is best has not come true.

DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOUR WIFE AND BABY.

(as a final comment - despite nerves about what was coming we'd already decided that we'd try breast with the second but wouldn't fret if it didn't happen. Maybe we were already better prepared and more relaxed but she went straight to the breast and stayed with it until her teeth started to come and bit the wife once too often)

Hora - he looks beautiful in the first photograph.

What did you do to him in the second?

😉

Ours circa. 2 hours old...
[img] [/img]

And last week (10.5 months)
[img] [/img]

Talking of NCT- ours never answered the phone. I had one returned call and "we are full/over-subscribed" 😐

mastiles_fanylion - you can almost seem them as they'll be at 14yrs old and little scruff/tear aways in the woods!

little scruff/tear aways in the woods!

23lbs at 6mo.

😯

I apparently weighed 22lbs at THREE months....!

Since we are all posting pics of our kids, let me see if I can link to one of Meggie from Facebook:
[img] [/img]

Seconded re pressure to breast feed...mrs is quite petite...gave birth to a 9lb starving lump, she was in surgery post birth and despite trying really hard for a couple of days couldn't cope with it...daughter had a bottle of SMA and it was a big relief..happy baby happy mum...some of her mates acted like we were abusing our nipper 😥 going on about her development...one of mrs childhood friends(most vociferous about breast feeding) said how much better her daughter would do because of it...our daughter who is 18months younger at 8 towers over this kid and has far better physical development...makes us chuckle everytime we see them together!..I know breast is best..in most circumstances but don't stress out mums at a very vulnerable time!

whytetrash - Member
Seconded re pressure to breast feed...mrs is quite petite...gave birth to a 9lb starving lump, she was in surgery post birth and despite trying really hard for a couple of days couldn't cope with it...daughter had a bottle of SMA and it was a big relief..happy baby happy mum...some of her mates acted like we were abusing our nipper going on about her development...one of mrs childhood friends(most vociferous about breast feeding) said how much better her daughter would do because of it...our daughter who is 18months younger at 8 towers over this kid and has far better physical development...makes us chuckle everytime we see them together!..I know breast is best..in most circumstances but don't stress out mums at a very vulnerable time!

Totally agree with this!

My wife and I have 3 children and each of them was "only" breast fed for 4 days or so because my wife just could not get on with it and at one point had a really bad case of mastitis (sp.) and each time she has had to have a Caeserean section, so she was knackered.

All 3 children are really healthy and full of vitality. Their development has not been retarded at all.

Oh, and to the OP, I hope all goes well 🙂

.I know breast is best..in most circumstances

Breast is always best. Just got to do your best to sort it out. And it can almost always be sorted out.

And no-one's saying your kids will guaranteed be feeble mutants if you don't. Or that bf kids will be bigger/stronger etc than bottle kids. But a bf kid might be bigger/stronger/etc than the same kid if they'd been bottled.

But you know all that. It's just the non-science that annoys me a bit.