[Closed] 3 year old eating "issues" - how to get more healthy food in.....

Don't eat your dinner? .......No pudding.

Already doing that. We even eat our desert (even if it's just a piece of chocolate) in front of him pointing out it's because we've cleared our plates but he doesn't seem motivated by that at all.

Im afraid Ive always been an empty-the-plate kind of bastard of a dad.

While Im the cook, I wont humour fussy eating. When they start cooking they can knock themselves out.

I was picky as a kid, I grew out of it and believe or not it did me no harm. Encourage him to eat the stuff he does like, mix the stuff he likes into other foods and stop the eat one food group rule.

My kids certainly aren't like I was but on the odd time my youngest plays up, it's when she's spent time at a friend's eating processed crap, we tell her only what she can leave and it's one kind of food only.

Good luck and bare in mind some kids and adults are skinny no matter what.

As long as they're eating a variety of vegetables, fruit, and protein, I think you are best to feed them lots of things they like eating. I don't see any benefit in forcing them to eat things they don't like. I agree with the insisting that they try different things, but not with cleaning the plate.

We have a 7 yr old daughter who can be a bit like that - eating is something she does in order to satisfy a hunger pang and once that is gone she loses interest. For all her life (and her twin to an extent) she has been the last one to finish eating and just pushes food around the plate. More recently she has started to dislike some textures leading to spitting food out too so that is a bit alarming. We still have to (occasionally) actually feed her just to ensure she eats enough.

She is tiny (19kg and she is 8 next month) but she is otherwise very active and strong (she recently ran at county level in cross country) so we try to encourage good eating but try not to bribe her with 'don't eat all this and you won't get pudding' because at the end of the day it is better she eats something than nothing.

Conversely, when she is in the mood and gets something she likes she can eat (quite literally) almost as much as I can - for example if we go out for a curry (our fave place does an all you can eat buffet) she will eat plate after plate of chicken tikka massala, naans and rice.

She also always gets small portions so she is not out-faced, then gets a fruit course before a pudding.

But what we do always do is ask her to eat some of everything and she is always given new foods to eat. We (quite recently) discovered that she loves corn on the cob even though she hates sweetcorn. We haven't told her yet LOL.

I've never been a fan of the clear your plate approach. I think it could lead to bad habits later in life where they feel that they have to eat everything served and therefore will continue eating when they aren't hungry which will in turn lead to weight issues.
We tend to go with the "you need to eat 'X' more mouthfuls' before you're done." Then it can be adapted to how much they've already eaten and how much more of a certain food group we'd like them to eat more of.
We have 3 little ones (7, 5 and 2) - the 7yr old never seems to stop eating and is skinny but tall, the 5yr old is like a little sparrow and hardly seems to eat but she's a healthy weight (much smaller, lighter build than her brother). The 2 yr old is still easily distracted by anything that moves but generally eats well.

feel that they have to eat everything served and therefore will continue eating when they aren't hungry which will in turn lead to weight issues

rubbish. Theyre not getting force fed. They just dont get the option of being picky about what they eat.

they have to finish vegetables if they want seconds from meat/fish/potatoes/rice/whatever...
we don't make them clean their plate.

is being skinny a problem?
did the doctor say he's too skinny?

If sweet food is not a driver for him have you tried other rewards? sticker charts to build up to days out or toys for example. You need to make the reward achievable to encourage him.

Don't beat yourself up. Sounds very similar to our lad (who is now nearly 6).

As long as he is fit and healthy take the the Dr's advice with a pinch of salt (no pun intended).

Our lad had very little appetite or interest in food. His appetite improves when he is going through a 'growing spurt' but mealtimes can be challenging. He always starts off well but the momentum slows down.

I found involving him in the meal making process improved things. He likes Pizza so when we have it (not too often) he helps make them (base ingredients in the bread maker, puts the toppings on), make Quiche he helps make the short crust pastry.

All of the advice above. Maybe don't get him to clear his plate but insist he has a couple more mouthfuls of something he hasn't eaten much. Especially if he wants pudding!!!

@ Stoner - So how do you decide portion control? I'd be a rubbish judge of how much sweajnr should eat in a sitting.

@Spot - We got the impression from the doctor that being skinny isn't a problem yet but he's borderline.

It's more that having returned from the week with my sister where some very different rules were in operation I'm wondering if our approach could/should be modified to get him eating more and so was curious what others do/did.

is it a matter of not eating healthily or you'd just like him to eat more?

Not eating healthily would to me mean eating no vegetables / only chicken nuggets and tommy k / pasta with grated cheese every night (I say those 3 because I have among my own kids, nephews and nieces an example of each. Two of those 3 are now 10 and 11 years old, and eat like young adults. the others still a challenge, but because of the other two we aren't overly concerned. Tommy K counts as a vegetable, right?)

Sounds to me like he has a small appetite; he's getting a mix of food groups by the sounds of it so judge if hes getting enough calories based on his hunger / energy levels and not on what a doctor's book says.

I wish i was 95% height and 45% weight. More like the other way round......

I'd never force our 4 year old to clear his plate, (there is a shitload of research proving the psychological damage that can do, and my wife comes from a family with some deep seated bad associations with food) but you as a parent will know when they're just being a bit daft, and we don't relent to it.

Our mealtimes often take an hour or so, and it's so frustrating, we never force feed him but he has to at least try everything. We also recognise that he's an actual person so there are some things he just doesn't like.

Do you allow distractions at the table? Tablet/toys etc?
I say just keep doing as you're doing. Don't whatever you do offer alternatives. That's the road to hell...

So how do you decide portion control?

Aiming for them asking for seconds or for pudding once theyve finished the plate. At 6 & 10 I usually serve around 50% of an adult portion (slightly less for 6). I usually keep back a little that either Mrs S or I would take for lunch the following day if it were not eaten.

I'm sure he'd eat more junk if we provided it. We'd ideally like him to eat both more and healthy. We tend not to offer the tommyk/pasta/cheese combo as we want him to eat what we're eating and we don't want to eat that.

No distractions at the table. Toys (mostly one teddy) can be placed on the table but aren't allowed to be played with.

I wouldn't bother about what your sister does - your kid, your rules. Just don't be overly concerned unless there is a health risk and at that point I am sure your GP would be looking to other factors causing the lack of appetite (ie, no kid would starve themselves out of spite at that age).

Funnily enough, when I was young I had no appetite either and my mum ended up taking me to the doctors and I got some medicine to improve my appetite. To this day I don't know if it was a real medicine or just a placebo (which would have been for my mum's benefit not mine as I couldn't care less) but not long after my appetite increased and my mum spent my teenage years constantly saying how she wished she hadn't given me that medicine as I was eating her out of house and home 🙂

Clear the plate, but give him smaller portions, I worried about mine too, but actually, kids eat when they are hungry

I'm not a clean your plate dad, but i won't let them away from the table until they've had a bloody good go!

If they're faffing they stay at the table when everyone else has gone, even if it means leaving them on their own. Fortunately this doesn't happen very often. but they definitely don't get pudding or sometimes I will keep there plate of what they have left and offer it to them again when they complain of being hungry half an hour later, when really what they mean is "can I have some sweets now".

Theres no right or wrong answer to getting kids to eat, maybe just give him more stuff he likes and less stuff he doesn't until he's used to eating larger amounts.

But why do you want him to eat more? because a doctor's book said so? Does he have energy, is he a normal 3 year old development wise, does he take a shit every day or so, is his skin the right colour (careful now!)

Treat the child, not the numbers

Hi sweaman2 - have you tried mumsnet? 😆

Seriously though, the best advice I can give is :

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'LL TURN OUT FINE.

Really. It'll turn out fine. If kids are hungry, they'll eat. Your kid might suddenly start wolfing down stuff you don't think he likes or turning his nose up at his favourites but he will eat enough and, in time, he'll probably eat almost everything.

Our general policy at meals is that he has to try everything but only finish one food group.

Lol, I can just picture my old dad's face if someone told him to do this with us when we were kids.

Christ, if we went by what the cousins are, ours would eat nothing but a small slice of bread. Bugger what anyone else does, if yours is happy and healthy, then all is grand.

I agree on treat the child not the numbers and to be fair our doctor didn't make any suggestions beyond he's quite thin. We're not booked back for follow-ups etc. It's just as a parent you can worry....

I suspect if you look hard enough you might find a parallel thread on mumsnet... 😛

(another thing)

Mealtimes with some of you sounds like a right laugh. No distractions, no toys, must eat from nine separate food groups, finish it all in colour order, no-one leaves till it's all gone or there's no pudding, healthy gruel on Thursdays........

Mealtimes are family times. Laugh, joke, make eating a pleasure and not a chore. Yes, all eat the same stuff but what's wrong with all having chicken nuggets and tommy K once in a while - it won't kill you (not immediately) Watch an Italian family eat for a how to guide.

It's just as a parent you can worry....

Can i hazard this is a first child?

Another tip then is - have another. You'll soon then reach the point where you couldn't give a toss if he's eating or not, or what he's eating, just as long as he isn't bouncing a toy hammer off his younger siblings head. Problem solved.

I remember a year or so ago we were at my wife's cousins and our two turned their noses up at olives, salami, crispbreads and humous as a snack and my wife was embarrassed about it (thinking how crap we were at being parents).

Then the same family came to ours and their two wouldn't go near Indian or Chinese food (they hadn't tried it previously so simply had the same reaction our two did to food they hadn't tried before).

Neither was right, neither wrong. Just different. Do what you think best and remember it isn't a competition.

Can i hazard this is a first child?

Correct 😳

Bit of an extrapolation the theothejony...
Mealtimes are family times, which means happy times, food and chatting, exactly as it's always been when I was growing up. It's just that doesn't need to be accompanied by plastic tat strewn all over the table and TV.

I'd never force our 4 year old to clear his plate, (there is a shitload of research proving the psychological damage that can do, and my wife comes from a family with some deep seated bad associations with food)

I can attest to that, it essentially turned into a phobia for me when I was young. (It still is if I'm honest, though one I've got a lot better at coping with.)

we want him to eat what we're eating and we don't want to eat that.

Is that policy more or less important to you than getting him to eat more? He might be more keen to try something a bit more 'novelty' - he may turn his nose up at hash browns but relish potato dinosaurs.

I may be misreading, but it sounds like you're giving him food he doesn't want / like, throwing two thirds of it away every night, and wondering why he's not eating.

We've always been the "x more spoons" type when it comes to dinner, you know your kids and how much they normally eat and you tailor it to that.
You could always mix stuff together so if they want the peas they have to eat the rest of it with it, good to do with stuff like fish pie, casserole etc.

We also have a jam jar and a ball goes into it everything they do something we've agreed on. Full jar = treat of their choice. Used it successfully in getting one to read his school book and do spellings each night and the other for potty training. We've found that has worked better than taking stuff away.

Don't let it worry you too much, kids go through phases, we thought our youngest had a bit of a belly and then seemingly overnight it vanished! Another thing is that if they're hungry you sure as hell know about it. Keep doing what you're doing, keep things varied and nature will sort it out.

Bit of an extrapolation the theothejony...

hyperbole, to make a point. But you did say "Our mealtimes often take an hour or so, and it's so frustrating, " which doesn't sound like a lot of fun for anyone 😉

Is that policy more or less important to you than getting him to eat more?

It's a current policy but I agree that it might need some modification. We're not sure if it's food he doesn't like or just that he's not interested in eating (probably a mix of both). We've modified our diet a bit so it's (to our eyes at least) toddler friendly (so no vindaloo for example) but I think a couple of nights of potato dinosaurs might do everyone some good.

Thanks all - constructive and without (currently) too many stones thrown.

Im afraid Ive always been an empty-the-plate kind of bastard of a dad.

"You're not going until it has all gone."

We had a couple of 90 minute epics, but that soon stopped.

All the advice here in Norway is absolutely do NOT try and force your child to eat anything and that includes any kind of coercion
Offer it to them and let them choose, if they are hungry they will let you know

also let them have a choice in what they eat and as long as its healthy(ish) give it to them

all this cr4p about making them eat what they are given is bullying

She's diabetic. If she doesn't eat up to the amount that she has been jabbed for she will go hypo.

Allowing that to happen is probably worse parenting. Even in Norway. 😀

except for medical reasons of course - geez

Our 3yr old is pretty much the same, tall, skinny and only eats what he wants when he wants. If he decides he likes something he'll empty the plate and ask for more, the next time he has it he might not eat it.

He often grazes all day too, so we're not exactly worried.

He's the complete opposite of his bigger and younger brothers as they're like gannets

Our son is three and three months. He is a nightmare to feed to be honest. He had serious reflux for the first two and a half years. Basically he was refluxing , but not throwing up. He ended up with liquid on his lungs a few times. Scary stuff

Needles to say he is now a bit wary around food. Anything new has to be touched, rubbed on his face and generally messed with. Nine times out of ten he won't eat it. His diet is mainly hummus, olives, fish fingers, cereal bars and bread (he is obsessed with bread).

We had visions of feeding him organic fruit and veg etc. Thing is, he's happy and healthy. He has more energy than seems possible. We are seeing an eating specialist, but I'm not worried. If your kid is healthy and happy, that's all that matters. Balls to comparing anything to somebody else's kids. Each one is different

OP tough situation and a difficult thing to share. To stick with just answering the question we where somewhere in the middle. We did not insist on a clean plate or no pudding but equally we would not accept peas only and one spoon of rice & curry. Can I suggest you ditch this "one food group" thing, everything has to be eaten in a decent quantity. Without being a drama queen about we where very sensitive having 3 daughters to avoid any "food issues", you are right to focus on this now to avoid your son developing any.

Good luck

I was picky as a kid, I grew out of it and believe or not it did me no harm.

otherwise healthy? All his fingers and toes, Sleeping at night, runs about hitting various things with Lego? annoys his mum? uses crayons on the wall? watches shit on the tellybox? Is the right colour?

Then don't worry about it.

nothing boils my piss more than a fussy eater. Kids/adults/whoever...

My parents were both very young during the war, and of course rationing was in and grandad was probably drinking and smoking a fair bit, so money was tight, so any food they had got eaten and finished.

We were brought up the same, i always finished everything, still pretty much do. The missus calls me Mr Yummy because she says everything I eat i seem to enjoy! ps. i've never been fitter and in better shape than i am at the moment.

Some tough love needed IMHO.

"Well of course we 'ad it tough".

Our 3yr old

He often grazes all day too, so we're not exactly worried.

The problem with encouraging that is that when he goes to school he won't be able to do it and may suffer.

Yeah - we are having this too, mainly with my youngest (4 yrs 9 months). Fortunately they love pasta with tomato sauce (and hotdogs in it, but I try and limit quantity of those since they are evil) - and I can hide a LOT of good stuff in the tomato sauce!

They grew up eating garlic and onion in the standard sauce so that gave me a good flavour load to work from, but I can blend in spinach/kale/other green stuff without them noticing. Sometimes throw some peppers in too. Found it a great way for stealth health!

Trying to expand their taste horizons, the older brother is fantastic and will try/eat most things.

Our kids eat well (age 2 and 4) as we have a no snack except fruit policy. In between meals they don't have any crisps, cakes, chocolate, biscuits, toast, etc. We have lowered the fruit bowl to their height as They are allowed to eat fruit or carrots/cucmebers/peppers at any time. We notice when cousins come round, the cousins almost always bring a bag of snacks which they all devour, they then don't eat supper, hence starting a cycle of don't sleep as well, more grumpy in the day etc.

We don't scowl if they don't finish their plate and they always have a yougurt before bed.

(and hotdogs in it, but I try and limit quantity of those since they are evil)

Try veggie hotdogs?

OP - have you tried any of the Annabel Karmel recipe books? They have some great ideas in there.

We do the [url= https://www.annabelkarmel.com/recipes/vegetable-sauce/ ]secret vegetable pasta sauce[/url] quite a lot. Her [url= https://www.annabelkarmel.com/recipes/three-cheese-sauce/ ]three cheese sauce[/url] is good too.

If we're doing cookbooks, My Daddy Cooks are decent 'robust' recipes (ie not difficult) so your kids can be involved in the prep and cooking and if a bit too much goes in the bowl or over the floor when weighing out it won't mess up the recipe.

Getting them involved in cooking the food also gets them invested in eating what they just made.

http://www.mydaddycooks.com/home-grid/

I think that there's a lot to be said for the traditional italian approach of several separate small courses, including the vegetables being a separate course, i.e. antipasto, pasta, meat/fish, vegetables and then fruit to finish.

If someone doesn't like one of those courses, they can simply wait till the next one, and if it's a child then repeatedly seeing adults enjoy a course consisting solely of something they have previously rejected or decided they do not like, may prompt them to eventually try it again (unpressured and without prompting), since there is nothing else on the table on offer during that course.

I suspect that a lot of the households where children are forced to clear their plate and the parents take pride that they themselves are not fussy and will eat anything, are like that because the parents are crap cooks and have learned their behaviours from their own parents who were similarly crap cooks. For them, children not eating something is a personal slight on their poor cooking and poor taste in food, resulting in these sorts of comments:

nothing boils my piss more than a fussy eater. Kids/adults/whoever...

This attitude is awful. It's also utterly self-centred. I could not care less what boils your piss: this is not about you or what you want. We should want children and others to enjoy their food and take pleasure in sitting down to meals.

Rationing in World War 2 is often used as an excuse by many for this attitude and approach to food, when the reality is that standards of cooking in the UK for much of the 20th Century were simply woeful, and the legacy of that is still present today in many households and in the food industry (appalling cheap takeaway food and rubbish ready meals).

The other aspect of serving food groups as separate individual courses, is that you cannot get away with poor cooking: if vegetables are a dish in their own right, then the lazy unimaginative approach of boiling them to death, as if for part of a meal of meat and two veg, won't work.

I could not care less what boils your piss

clearly you do. 🙄

Taste receptors differ throughout your life - salty, sweet, bitter and sour. At a young age the sweet receptor is strongest which is why most kids have a sweet tooth and don't like vegetables. But they grow out of this usually.
My oldest is okay at mealtimes, the youngest is a nightmare. They have their favourite meals (sausages, lasagne anything with baked beans), but we don't give them those too often and try and vary their meals.
The best way i know of to get my kids to eat is send them to a gran. They'll always clean their plates if a gran has cooked it, even if it is the same as something I make them that they turn their noses up at.
My sister took her youngest to a nutritionist due to her very bad eating habits. According to the expert - everyone eats the same meal at the same time and nothing else if offered if she doesn't eat it. Don't make a fuss if she doesn't touch it and give her a set time limit to eat it (half an hour I think it was)

I could not care less what boils your piss

clearly you do.

You're right, I do care, but only because of the damage that I have seen caused to children by parents with your attitude.

My aunt (by marriage) hated mushrooms as a child, as did her sister. She was forced to 'clear her plate' of everything at mealtimes. She told her parents she would be sick if she ate mushrooms - they said she would have to eat the sick off her plate as well.

She ate the mushrooms, was sick, and was forced to each the mushrooms and her own vomit until the plate was clean.
She's a bit funny with food now.

I feed my 3 and 5 year old a balance of proteins, carbs and veg. Sometimes they don't eat it. I don't really care. My best friend ate only white bread and martmite till he was 10! He's a food writer now.......

Forcing your children to eat anything is wrong. Requesting that they try things is good. It can take a child 17 tastes or times to 'like' a different food remember.

How do.you reach 17 without making them.ear the first 16?

Wow lots of good advice on here.
With our kids I've always insisted that we don't make anything special for anyone - there are too many of us. I also hate seeing food wasted so I do like to see plates cleared.

Having said that, if a child doesn't like something we ask only that they have one mouthful of that thing in case their tastes have changed. In order to get clear plates we make sure to make first helpings small. We'll never say no to seconds. We also avoid snacks between meals other than cut up apples etc if they're being really active.

I think it's probably best to have clear rules, so the children know what is expected, but then as parents you are free to bend and break them when necessary to keep meals a lovely family time.