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He's started smoking weed, tried to not over react, telling him about the health implications etc. Anyone advice on how to deal with it? Not sure taking away biking and gym would be wise as he'll have bugger all to do
Chill Winston.
It’s all gwan be irie
Hide your own stash pronto!
lights reefer...
*shrugs*
I'm no expert on this, but IIRC... I'd be concerned if super strength skunk type weed, it's high in THC and the other stuff (name escapes me) that has been modified out of said weed is what balances the effects on your MH. In short, the high strength super skunks raise your risk factors for psychosis etc, particularly in the vulnerable (young).
Time for open, honest discussion about weed and his use / relationship with it. Don't criticise, inform and try to understand his relationship with it.
... having first informed yourself on as many of the sides of the story as you can.
Or, reverse psychology... get stoned with him, probably be totally uncool & he'll then drink instead!
Talk.
Don't worry unless its happening all the time.
👆 that too, a toke at a party / Saturday night is one thing, getting hammered most nights is another.
Sit down with him.
Buff one up and talk about the pros and cons while you're both stoned.
No different to having a beer with him.
a toke at a party / Saturday night is one thing, getting hammered most nights is another.
Same as beer then.
I smoked my 1st joint at 16 at a party of some of my mum's friends. I asked her if she would ask her friend if i could try it as was intrigued. She agreed but was most concerned about me getting addicted to the tabacco but she knew that banning me or making me go underground with it would not help. I dabbled a bit through uni days but grew up and now i hate being stoned. I really think it's a phase most teens will want to try so just give advise and don't push him so he just hides it from you.
Worry. One of junior's ski mates became a heavy user in his teens. By 17 he had become more than a little paranoid. One Winter day he ran out of the house barefoot and lightly dressed after a fairly minor family tiff. A few days later he was found, dead from hypothermia.
Having observed junior's contemporary users it seems reactions are variable. Some just smoke socially, some develop a social life that revolves around smoking. Some continue to function more or less normally, some become paranoid and anti-social.
I was fairly confrontational on the dope front (confronting his dealer) However I suggested magic mushrooms or LSD were more amusing, might give existential insights and so long as it wasn't something else sold as such wouldn't do much damage long term.
He's 21 now and knows more now from first hand experience than I'll ever know... :/
A few days later he was found, dead from hypothermia.
Drugs don't kill people temperatures do in a GLC style.
My 13 year old daughter ( 14 next week) has it occasionally. Plus an occasional drink. A do her friends. We aren't stressed about it. I'm really pleased that she feels she can talk to us about it. We've just said that she's with friends when she does it.
Any parent who thinks their kids do what their parents want when they're out with friends is deluded, so we feel as long as she can come to us for advice and support then that's great with us.
Just part of growing up, I stared at 6th form (17 ish) and continued through first two years of Uni, which might explain why I can't remember any of it. Then got bored of it and stopped. Seemed to turn out OK-ish (ie no worse than everyone else).
Whatever you say won't make any difference.
Don't alienate him and accept that this is what a huge number of kids go through (difficult as it may be). Don't cut off communication lines.
Also remember that this is legal in some countries and may (one day) be legal here.
Whatever you say won’t make any difference.
I disagree, but you say some things knowing that it's going to result in a proper shit storm which you consider acceptable in the bigger picture. Some battles are worth fighting.
The legal aspect is not the issue, alcohol is legal and higher risk.
I found that the most productive discussions were on a fun for risk basis. This might help:
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-11660210
Something not often mentioned is that if caught and charged you can spoil chances of holidays to the USA and Australia etc.
With brexit looming could it risk your chances getting to anywhere? Unlikely but you never know.
Not read the above but I'd solely be punching my kids in the (delete as appropriate) vitals just for smoking!
Sooooo.... I'm kinda one of those for whom it wrong for.
Got carried with mainly weed and some ecstasy use..
I loved the stuff but had to admit defeat after my mental health plummeted. 20 years later I still struggle. I've been given a life sentence for my teenage decisions.
Skunk was kinda new when I started but got easier to get as years went by. It is far more potent than resin of the time so don't doubt with heavy use it can flip that switch for those who are susceptible. Me, as it turns out. Didn't know at the time but our family has a long history of mental health problems.
My mother in particular went ballistic with me at the time but I did the teenage rebel thing and carried on regardless so kicking off is not the best solution.
My advice, connsider any history of mental health problems in your family, have a sensible conversation and lay out the risks of heavy and unhealthy use and feel free to show your son my post as a warning of what can happen if he gets a taste for it and his use gets out of hand.
After all this I'm not anti weed but I learned the hard way that, moderation is key...
Good luck
I've dabbled in the past. MrsG is dead against it and recently said she'd be very upset if our boy touched it (he's just turned 2 so a while off yet). Personally I'd go down the have a chat route and find out what the motives are. If it's for personal interest to see what it's like then he'll soon get bored. If anything else?... Maybe a stronger chat.
How the hell else are kids supposed to deal with this world they're in I don't know.
Not read the above but I’d solely be punching my kids in the (delete as appropriate) vitals just for smoking!
Tough love 👍
Give him a pile of Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers comix and tell him it’s his future self...
I only fabled a bit in earlier life and had pretty laid back opinions on it till a few years back.
At that point a good friends son had a drug induced psychosis. It nearly tore him and his family apart.
He is on medication for the rest of his life and will never have anything remotely like an ordinary life now. Relationships, job. Not a chance.
Was quite an eye opener.
It's endemic now though, many smoke it just like it's having a normal rollup.
Best you can do is educate your son as best you can. This subject has come up with my son in recent years. I'm still concerned that's for sure.
Not sure taking away biking and gym would be wise as he’ll have bugger all to do
You're right there, IMO.
One way out is through sport and the negative effects smoking has on fitness and health.
Restricting sport will push him down the wrong path.
Get him a new bike .
Teach him how to cook it and at the same time explain how, like everything, it can become a crutch you over-rely on.
Cooking grass with a Ban Marie is a good way to avoid damage from smoking and the longer high will make it seems less casual decision. I'd reccomend making fudge 🙂
Everything in moderation, even moderation.
My 17 yo nephew started smoking weed at 14, hes now a fully fledged road man, hes stolen, gone missing, been suspended from school and even starred in his own worldwide, viral facebook campaign after he was filmed being beaten up by bullies, good luck with this, hope it turns out well for you.
Google Yousef Makki.
Smoked it almost daily from 14/15 through to my late 20s. A day without a spliff would guarantee a sleepless night.
I wouldn't be too happy with either of my boys smoking it (my eldest is now 14), but would be more ok if it was the lighter stuff than the super strong skunk - which I think leads to mental health issues.
Being involved in the drug scene always carried a risk, but I just get the impression that it is more so nowadays. More sinister people behind the average dealer and less tolerance for people knocking out a bit of drugs from their homes.
Trying to focus on the biking, bpw next week for a day. I'm asthmatic after smoking fags and joints as a yoof, don't want him to develop that. Maybe I should bake him some hash cakes!
Strong weed will cause mental health problems imho. Even if it's years down the line after giving up weed. Also tobacco addiction.
You should have offered it to him previously - my parents offered me cigarettes at 15, tried one, never smoked since...
Walking / cycling around Cambridge it seems endemic, everyone is smoking weed openly in public. In my day it was only smoked in private houses / remote fields etc. Very rare to every smell it out and about back then.
Strong weed will cause mental health problems imho.
Strong weed can cause mental health problems, much the same as smoking tobacco can cause lung cancer. There are some people who use either/both drugs and never develop either/both side-effects. And that's not "imho", that's based on research.
https://ndarc.med.unsw.edu.au/blog/does-cannabis-cause-mental-illness
In contrast, the relationship between cannabis use and risk of developing symptoms of psychosis has been well established in many different review articles.
This research has found that early and frequent cannabis use is a component cause of psychosis, which interacts with other risk factors such as family history of psychosis, history of childhood abuse and expression of the COMT and AKT1 genes. These interactions make it difficult to determine the exact role of cannabis use in causing psychosis that may not have otherwise occurred.
Regardless, the connection between cannabis use and psychosis is not surprising. There is a strong resemblance between the acute and transient effects of cannabis use and symptoms of psychosis, including impaired memory, cognition and processing of external stimuli. This combines to make it hard for a person to learn and remember new things but can also extend to the experience of deluded thinking and hallucinations.
We also know that cannabis use by people with established psychotic disorder can exacerbate symptoms.
Overall, the evidence suggests cannabis use will bring forward diagnosis of psychosis by an average of 2.7 years.
The risk of developing schizophrenia increases with the duration and dose of cannabis use. Regular cannabis users have double the risk of non-users. Those who have used cannabis at some point in their life have a 40% increased risk compared with non-users.
That said, it is important to view this increased risk in context. The proportions of individuals with psychosis among the population and among cannabis users are low. Current estimates suggest that if frequent long-term cannabis use was known to cause psychosis, the rates of incidence would increase from seven in 1,000 in non-users to 14 in 1,000 cannabis users.
To the OP, if you want some more level-headed information/advice I throughly recommend;
https://erowid.org/plants/cannabis/cannabis.shtml
You'll find a great deal of well-researched advice, complete with a significant amount links to useful references. You'll also find honest experience reports, good, bad and meh. I recomend it as a reference site to colleagues in A&E and those I work with directly in ITU because it's quite useful both for understanding what our potential patients may be using and what can be abused for its 'positive' side-effects.
As for a 16 yo smoking weed, as long as he isn't hammering it every night of the week I recommend a soft touch. In my experience, being overly prohibitive is the best way to push a teenager further into drink/drugs, as at that age much of the drive to partake is driven by a sense of rebellion.
My daughter smoked her first joint when she and I were at a Green Day concert. By allowing her to try it whilst I was present I was both able to be there for her incase she had a bad experience but also show that it's no big thing for us, taking a bit of the 'rebellion' out of doing it. To be honest I'd be a complete hypocrite if I were to use a blanket "drugs are bad" line with her as, although I was never a fan of cannabis, I was a massive caner back in my clubbing days. Yet I'm still here, holding down a very responsible job and getting along otherwise fine.
Tell him it screws up your testicles for life.
Chill Winston.
It’s all gwan be irie
and
Hide your own stash pronto!
Cue awkward moment explaining to my 7 yo what I was laughing at.
I think 30 years ago I would have been less worried than now because of the increase in THC content that has taken place over that time. At the end of the day though I think you have to make sure he knows the facts, make it clear that you're there to offer support, and then trust him to make the right choices. As some have said above, being strict/prohibitive isn't likely to be productive. My father took a similar approach with me (told me once he disapproved and don't get into trouble etc). Doesn't mean I didn't dabble, but I did all things in moderation (most of the time) and stayed away from anything I wasn't sure of (I knew my limits). But that was my responsibility, not his.
How the hell else are kids supposed to deal with this world they’re in I don’t know.
in this country ? ship him out to Syria and let him see what that's like...
Maybe I should bake him some hash cakes!
Good call - the massive whitey when you inevitably miscalculate the dose should do an excellent job of putting him off.
More seriously, there's some good advice in this thread and a soft touch approach is the safest way to proceed, with heavy caveats around strength, frequency of use etc.
Go for a father/son long bike ride somewhere out of both your comfort zones. Have a giggle enjoy the endorphins and then discuss the elephant in the room on drive home whilst stating you love him if it feels right.
Sootyandjim has got it spot on in my opinion.
Had a puff once and absolutely hated it, so do not have an experience myself. But I have seen friends children get seriously into it and scary to see.
At his age a bit every now and then isn't ideal but tell him to stop he of course is very unlikely to do that. His brain has alot of development to go through, this is one of the reason he shouldn't be abusing it.
Every case will be different but if he is a fundamentally a good lad try to carefully steer him, we all do stupid sh!t in our life so we shouldn't judge too much we often all turn out basically OK.
One thing to remember is the a confidence feedback loop (this applies to all of us, driving, riding our bikes, drinking you name it) Misplaced belief (drinking is fine) > behave negatively (drink way too much and drive home) > experience no consequences (no accident, didn't get caught felt in control) > reinforced belief (that wasn't a problem). Round and around you go until if goes bat sh!t wrong. So a puff here and there can morph into something a whole lot more serious.
Best of luck, maybe buy him a new bike and taking him riding lots he won't have time to smoke 😉
Tell him that he is likely funding human trafficking and modern slavery.
Tell him if he smokes it regularly he will turn out like some of the knobs on here, that wi will stop him.
Stan: I've been told a lot of things about pot, but I've come to find out a lot of those things aren't true! So I don't know what to believe!
Randy: Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn't gonna make you kill people, and it most likely isn't gonna fund terrorism, but… well, son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored. And it's when you're bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren't good at anything.
I think almost all kids go through a phase of smoking weed but I know a few who have developed serious mental health issues which could be related to overuse.
Not sure what to recommend other than trying to get him interested in something fitness related where smoking is viewed as a negative. If he is like most kids though he will just do what his mates do.
I was a heavy cannabis user for several years, but that was 35 hrs ago and it's certainly true that the super skunk around today is a very different experience. I recently gave up alcohol and thought I'd try an occasional spliff to escape modern life. I found it hard to buy anything other than the killer strength herb that you smell everywhere. Anyhow..maybe it's my age but 3 big lungfulls using a vapouriser completely wiped me out and I retreated to bed where I had a mini triplike experience which was far from relaxing!
Call me a lightweight perhaps.
I too have experienced poor mental health ,(anxiety/depression etc) for several decades since those days long ago and became an alcoholic (now tea total) in order to self medicate which ended in a disaster.
If your son is anything like I was then he'll prefer to learn from his own experiences rather than what Dad says but warning him re paranoia /psychosis etc might help him to recognise these problems if they arise .
If you want to talk to your son, I suggest you look into the negatives of the supply chain outside of this country and also what can happen to the families associated with this if parents end up in prison/kids in care etc, and to the families/children of users and dealers in this country. Every drug purchase funds the sad back stories.
I used to know someone of 30 who started on weed when he was 14. By the time I knew him much of his shorter term memory was shot and he was seriously paranoid about even very basic things. He suffered from mood swings and had trouble holding down romantic relationships or even getting them started (despite having charm and looks). By the time I knew him he had also moved on to cocaine in addition to weed and occasionally to that horse tranquilliser that literally rots your bladder, sometimes leading to ending up with a catheter for the rest of your life.
He assured me he was 'just a social user' and could stop any of the drugs any time he wanted to, its just he did not wish to stop at this moment.
During the time I knew him he flushed it all down the loo twice in self despair but by the end of the week had gone out to buy more. By then he was using drugs to cope with going to work, then sitting in his car or going home at lunchtime to top up. He crashed his car going home one lunch time, no one else involved thank goodness.
I talked with him (not to him) about how his lifestyle was scaring his parents and siblings and that they lived in fear of his further deterioration and how that was so damaging the lives of others. He said by then he needed drugs to cope with his self esteem issues. He was also trapped by then with his social group, saying he would have to stop seeing all his friends as they were all users, so if he gave up he would have no social life and no friends, as they would not understand or support his wanting to step away from drugs. He said he could not cope with the loneliness and isolation and the social rejection of his 'friends' if he did not conform.
Its almost impossible to overcome the ego issues of addicts both alcoholics and drug users. They either fear to deal with their own vulnerability issues or get on the much worse band wagon of 'We users are special people, innately superior to non users". I have come across 3 addicts with that smug superior attitude, with no awareness of how that makes them look total ego manics to others.
I thought the guy I knew might change when his friend died of alcohol abuse at less than 35. Apparently the whole social crowd were stunned and shocked at his death, very 'How could that possibly have happened?' He said it made them all think about their lives. As far as I could tell they were all back on the drink and drugs in less than a week.
Last I heard he was finally going to counselling (good for him, I admire him for finally going), he would have been late 30's by then. No idea if it worked out for him. I hope it did, as he wanted a partner and kids but the substance abuse had taken most of his chances by then and I suspect the memory damage and significant irrational paranoia were probably permanent. Shame as you could see underneath it all, there had been a really nice bloke in there. I used to wonder what responsibility his parents felt, given he was hooked on drugs by 14.
The 30 year old version must have been soul destroying for his parents and siblings. Every phone call must have sent a chill of 'Is this the overdose call?, Is he dead?' Living like that as a family must be beyond awful. I can't even imagine the stress levels, the scarring of his families day to day lives.
Another person discussing their own past told me if they had been able to finance drugs, they would have become an addict and that in retrospect they were lucky to have been broke. They said drugs give you the illusion of feeling better about yourself (particularly cocaine) and also the social sense of belonging to a 'group'. You want more and more to feel like this 'better' version of yourself and as a result hate the real you more and more. It does not seem unrealistic at the time to keep running forever towards this fantasy version of 'you' that in reality is just you becoming a pitiful drug addicted mess in other peoples eyes.
It was so sad you know, to watch a nice bloke of 30 going down the pan on a long, long slide from his teens.
"How the hell else are kids supposed to deal with this world they’re in I don’t know."
Same as people the world over have historically dealt with wars, plague, famine and brutal dictatorships. Oh, we don't have those here at the moment.... So maybe kids in the UK could think they are bloody lucky and stay off the drugs before they wreck themselves and their families?
Same as people the world over have historically dealt with wars, plague, famine and brutal dictatorships. Oh, we don’t have those here at the moment…. So maybe kids in the UK could think they are bloody lucky and stay off the drugs before they wreck themselves and their families?
We are at a unique point in history where, if we were so inclined, we could feed and house everyone. There aren't enough 'essential' jobs to go around. Therefore, the vast majority are left with something between a sneaking suspicion and a burning certainty that what we do for 8 hours a day 5 days a week is actually a massive waste of time. At least, those of us who are lucky enough to get paid to sit around wasting our lives away.
Coping with the idea that you are an irrelevance is tricky. Medication is sometimes needed.
tell him some jobs test for alcohol and drugs and have zero tolerance (like mine, we've lost a few people due to the testing), it may make him think about it long term.
A copper came into our school years ago to give a presentation at assembly.
His son was of the age where he could get a 50cc moped, but his father knew of the dangers on the road and was unhappy, so offered his son a 250cc trials bike and to take him to races, etc.
The son took up the offer, got to spend more time with his father, and looked cooler to his friends than if he had got the 50cc moped.
Maybe there is something similar you can do ?
Sit down with him and outline all your fears and show him the stories on here about how people have seriously messed up their mental health.
Strike a deal that he doesn't go down the drugs path at all but follows another activity/hobby which may also get his 'cool' points and keep him away from his peers that might be guiding him into drug use.
A form of bribery, yes, but so what ?
Same as people the world over have historically dealt with wars, plague, famine and brutal dictatorships.
So hallucinogenics and opium based products, bit of an escalation but I guess in for a penny in for a pound.
Chat to him sensibly about it and other drugs.
Given it's legal in loads of places now any knee jerk over reaction loses you a card when they decide to try proper drugs.
Do the research with him and take away some of the 'cool' when you discuss and learn things about it together.
So maybe kids in the UK could think they are bloody lucky and stay off the drugs before they wreck themselves and their families?
Yeah kids of the UK MTFU. That child abuse you suffered as a kid, the mental health problems you have, the bullying you faced everyday or the loss of a parent at a very you age that lead into an addiction is noting compared to some kid abroad.
OP don’t worry too much discuss with them the risks, the issues if caught and the police even bother to prosecute. But above all keep an eye on him make sure he doesn’t over abuse it chances are like many he’ll just get bored of it. He’ll then move onto alcohol which is if course absolutely fine and never sent vulnerable people down a path of destruction.
I've known a few people who have partaken of the 'erb over the years.
Of them, most were the occasional dabble, a joint being passed around at parties and suchlike. Never did any real harm and most if not all have got bored and sacked it off now.
One was a serious stoner and as far as I know still is, though I've not spoken to him beyond the occasional Facebook comment in years now. He was stoned daily, for him it became a hobby like some people are into football or we pretend that we ride bikes. He'd build bongs out of toilet roll tubes and Coke bottles, like some post-watershed episode of Blue Peter, it all rather struck me as way too much like hard work. Even back in like his 20s he had a thousand yard stare, was totally paranoid, and as the years went on he developed other mental ailments which may or may not have been attributed to the weed. Probably didn't help at best.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, purely anecdotally based on observations of friends, dope is pretty harmless to the majority of users. But if you're the sort of person likely to get sucked into it being a lifestyle choice then it has the potential to mess you up quite badly.
I'd be more concerned about what else he might have access to, or the people who have access to him. Or already might have been in your house.
From my own experience; my ex smoked weed and she quickly got into other stuff too with the opinion that it was fine and didn't cause any harm. There were some bad people that she knew and I didn't want anything to do with. I certainly didn't want them knowing my address.
Also, it's illegal. whether its more or less harmful than other substancies is one thing, but if he hangs around with the wrong group of people or the wrong group thinks he is dealing etc, thats where the real danger could be. Or the wrong person gets a good look in your house with your son while you're at work.
That child abuse you suffered as a kid
Whoa - I didn't know the OP had been abusing his kid - that put's a different perspective on it...
That child abuse you suffered as a kid, the mental health problems you have, the bullying you faced everyday or the loss of a parent at a very you age that lead into an addiction is noting compared to some kid abroad.
https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Not_as_bad_as
Try reading the post I was replying to Jonnouk.
I doubt he is Turnerguy which is why I didn’t suggest he was.
Easy done.
I only fabled a bit in earlier life and had pretty laid back opinions on it till a few years back
You are Aesop and I claim my 5 Tetradachym
Ok so things have progressed unfortunately. Acid, coke, ketamine. Spoken to compass and talk to Frank. He's not flagged up as dealing in county lines, but for sure had gone way beyond the boundaries.
Lots of bravado of him smoking joints with his mates etc. I have always said the one rule with regard to their phones is that we can look at them at any time. I looked on boxing Day and there was a message from his mate asking if anyone fancied some key. I took a photo and sent this to the parents. I then looked at Laurie's photos and it would appear that he's been doing drugs more frequently since September.
It's got to be his choice to deal with this, do he's got a counselling apt on Monday. Anyone been in a similar situation, give me the good and bad please. Anything that helped out? I'm trying to get him back into biking, and need to plan longer term for the school holidays.
Don't sound great.... but lots of my mates were at it and only one of our large clique turned out to be a total **** up (but then again he was always going to be left by the wayside).
I and my group smoked weed when 16. Lots of mdma/ecstacy in London clubs from 17/18 onwards with a fair bit of coke down the snooker hall during the week.
For me a change of scene (going away for a year with a backpack) got me out of it.
On advice from my lawyer friend I attended "counselling" after getting into trouble with the German plod for smoking weed. The lady didn't quite understand the irony of her being late for the first session because she needed her morning coffee.
I even had to see a psychologist after I lost my license. That was a joke and in hindsight I could have saved myself several hundred euros.
Try not to panic would be my advice. He's taking party drugs with his mates (I'm sure MDMA should probably be on that list too). They're all fairly safe if used with a bit of common sense. Coke and Ket are the worst if taken to excess. Especially Ketamine. Is he drinking too? Booze and coke don't mix well (actually nothing mixes well with booze) so some education on that might be wise. Chances of stopping him altogether are low, and he won't appreciate being separated from his mates so woudn't advise that. Probably just something he has to go through and grow out of, and the vast majority do grow out of it, if my own experiences are anything to go by.
Thanks Drac. Seems he's now a functioning user if I've got my terminology correct. Ket nearly daily along with weed ffs.
I've got his dealers name and details, and a few others so straight to the plod with that. Need to somehow regain his trust as he's not talking to me.
On a positive, of he was balls deep in this he'd be coming the walls to get out and deal, would have a queue of people outside.
He's got a a* in a few subjects, just done his mocks so time will tell.
Hopefully his bladder isn't ruined and he won't need a catheter if we can stop him using. Somewhat comforting to know others have got through this, but I think I'll be shitting myself for years to come.
That's a crap situation and it makes the initial replies to your first post look even more facetious. Irie, indeed.
Good luck in helping him find his way back to the life of not using.
Sorry Dazh, in my panic I credited Drac. Worrying thing is recriminations from his dealers etc as Laurie has no phone now,it'll not take much of a bright spark to make the link between this and his dealer getting fingered.
If you know the other parents in his social group, a group effort could be the best option, shutting down the whole social network of drug taking is much more likely to succeed than just on an individual level.
I'd probably hang fire on involving the police at this stage , their arrival wont help resolve your immediate family issues
Plus it could be your son who ends up getting charged regardless of your original intentions.........
Sad to hear this OP. We went through something similar with my stepson when he was 18 which culminated in his mother finding a big "rock" of MDMA in his bag when he returned home after a couple of days absence and was so out of it he did not wake up for 20 hours. He was dealing this to friends and could not see why it was an issue even after I showed him numerous articles about kids doing similar things getting jail time.
Five years on things are a bit better but I think he stills smokes cannabis and he is very highly strung and unable to cope with minor setbacks or hold down a job. Before getting in with a group of friends in sixth form who were heavy drug users he was a keen sportsman and ambitious to have a good career.
Just a question - where does a 16 year old get enough money to fund what sounds like a fairly developed drug habit?
All kids are different, if he’s experimenting then role with it. If he’s sat in his room on his own getting blazed then that’s a problem.
Don’t do what my old man did.
Checking my pockets every time I came home didn’t work.
Finding my well stashed bong made me even more sneaky.
Reporting me to the police caused a massive rift and my eventual leaving home at 17,,,,,, then I got into proper drugs.
Look after your boy, help him through it with firm ground rules and understanding,,,,,
kids Chong ,it’s more acceptable now days.
hopefully he will grow out of it when he finds a girlfriend, gets a job or Starts riding bikes and finds that new shiney expensive seat clamp more attractive than a bag of green.
I do and I don’t regret my miss spent youth.
Thankfully drug free for almost 10 years.
He's agreed to go to counselling with young addaction, he's opened up to us a bit more. He's saying he'd be fine with just smoking weed now and then, ok I could take that at face value but look where it got him last time.
He'd previously setup a scam account to get money by selling weed but never sending it, all on Instagram and paid into a bit coin account. He got scared and sacked that off.
I'm holding back on reporting his dealer to the police, he's another lad at school and Laurie is very worried about recriminations, so I thought that may be more use as a bargaining tool. He'd only find another dealer.
So yeah, his mum and I are trying to provide support, telling him he can talk to us, making sure he's eating well and getting some fresh air whilst still keeping him under our control. He's accepting this at the moment, but it only has a finite life span.
This friend who he was taking drugs with is happy to go to counselling as well. I'm under no illusion here, it could well be bull to put us off the scent.
Getting into trouble yourself is one thing, seeing your kids do it is absolutely petrifying.
Thanks for the moral support here guys, I'm thinking of trying a diary of his behaviour, drug intake, my thoughts, might be useful for him to read, me to write...
Ket nearly daily
Ooof! That is definitely a different, and much more serious situation to 'partying with your mates', so sorry if my reply came across as a bit flippant. Ket is horrible if you have a lot regularly, I'm sure you've already been told that by the professionals given your comment about his bladder.
Mrs Daz worked as drug worker for a long time, just asked her and her response was to take him to the drug service, don't give him money, and if necessary shop him to the cops. Sounds like you're already doing all or some of that, so good luck!
and it makes the initial replies to your first post look even more facetious.
Boomer I've absolutely no intention of getting into an argument on this point, but suffice to say all situations are different. As someone above said, drugs are so prevalent and commonplace these days among both teenagers and adults that there's almost no way to insulate kids from them. All you can do is be honest, open and supportive and then put your trust in them. We've had to do that recently with my 15 year old daughter on the subject of both alcohol and weed and so far she's not got into either of them apart from a small flirtation with alcohol in the summer.
Yeah, ket so often is a real dumb ass move. I'll accept some weed, but that's it. I'm contemplating getting a drug test kit and checking his urine to see what he's been taking. Also maybe a test kit that will show impurities etc may be a good idea if I can't talk sense into him.
Failing that do any of you own a small island I can put him on for a couple of years?
I say all this whilst on my third gin to numb my brain.... In sure if he was here he'd have something to say about that!
ket so often is a real dumb ass move
I've never understood why Ket became so popular when MDMA and LSD are much more fun and a lot safer. I had it a couple of times back in the day (accidentally I might add, in pills that weren't what I thought they were) and I never had the urge to try it again.
Failing that do any of you own a small island I can put him on for a couple of years?
Is it an option to move? Could be the nuclear option if all else fails? Drugs are everywhere but removing him from the social influences and supply network will more than likely disrupt the drug use enough for him to move on from it.
It's an option I can make work somehow, problem is his mum can't move (we split two years ago) and I work all over the country. He's just about to start his exams, just done his mocks so may not be good now. But for further ed yes. I'm thinking a services apprenticeship may be good for him
Offer to sit down and smoke some weed with him, whilst talking about it. Make it seem really uncool by calling it things like doobies, whacky backy, the devil's lettuce, be one of those really embarrassing adults that smoke weed. Should put him off.
Ketamine is the one I would be worried about. My wife works in urology and she says they regularly get young people in who have wrecked their bladders from ketamine use and now have permanent catheters. Not very glamorous.
I’ve got his dealers name and details, and a few others so straight to the plod with that. Need to somehow regain his trust as he’s not talking to me.
Shopping his dealer will not help to regain his trust.
Boomer I’ve absolutely no intention of getting into an argument on this point, but suffice to say all situations are different. As someone above said, drugs are so prevalent and commonplace these days among both teenagers and adults that there’s almost no way to insulate kids from them
My initial thought when I read the OP was that a father was clearly concerned about a bad situation and was treated to all that "roll a fatty boom batty and sit back and chill" nonsense. Instead of empathy and, God forbid, advice.
For context, my son is 16. I wouldn't like this one bit.