[Closed] 1 in 4 couples have no idea about the OH's money....

We are pretty much the same, but my husband used to work in stockbroking so he is more qualified than I am to look after my SIPP.

We have shared money / had a joint account pretty much since the day we met 25 years ago. I find it amazing that married couples treat income each recieves as 'theirs' and just pay enough into the joint pot for household expenses. We have no concept of seperate money in our house.

we spend mine - everything goes on it; the object is to get it as close to zero as possible each month

my wife saves hers, for big expenses (cars/holidays/bathrooms), and rainy days.

Most joint expenses comes from the joint account

We each do our own pensions (though we know the status of each). She looks after the savings/mortgage. I have a few savings accounts that I don't know much about, and have no idea what's actually in them. This is a good thing!

She has a credit card on my account; that pretty much covers everything. She has her own; solely for hair cuts (i'd be shocked...) and if I'm lucky my birthday present. She notes down all (most!) expenditure, and logs it in a spreadsheet each month

Her dad was a bank manager. It rubs off. He's in charge of the kids' savings (we can't be, due to tax on interest rules). Again, I have no idea what's in them.

There needs to be a certain amount of trust between you. But we've been together 23 years, so there is a hint of trust now.

I never wanted to be like my [great] aunt and uncle; when he died, she had no idea. Had never signed a cheque etc etc

We got together in our 40s so we both had individual savings/property/pensions already built up.  She pays me some money each month to cover some of the bills but other than that her money is her own to with as she pleases and it's none of my business although I do have to nag her to make sure her tax return is done in good time.  Also we don't have kids so that makes things simpler.

I have a few savings accounts that I don’t know much about, and have no idea what’s actually in them. This is a good thing!

My wife used to have loads (as in 10 or so) all over the place with random small sums in them, all earning about 0.1% interest. I consolidated them all into a stocks and shares ISA...

My wife works and earns similar salary to me, so once we've both paid into our joint account for household bills and expenses what's left from our monthly pay packet is ours to spend on what we like so no need to keep  an eye on what she spends her money on and I certainly don't want her to know what I spend my money on. Saves a lot of arguments in that regard and when bike bits turn up on the doorstep I don't get hassle, similarly when her weekly delivery of clothes and shoes turns up I don't hassle her. I dread to thing what she spends on her crap every year and I'm sure she'd rather not know  how much I spend on bike related stuff.

Would be a very different story if one of us was the main or only breadwinner though so I guess it depends. A mate of mine earns the majority of his household income and recently found out his wife had been squirreling away most of the small wage she gets from her part time job and had accumulated about 10K without him knowing in a secret savings account. That seems to have caused a huge ruckus in his household as he pays all the household bills and mortgage and has sweet FA left of his monthly salary by the time he's paid for all the household bills as well has his wife's daytime social activities with her other part time mates while he's at work and all the while she's squirreling away a little war chest.

Someone quite close to me kept everything secret from his wife. Everything... they split up last year and my word did it make it a hell of a lot more painful than my divorce was, where everything was shared. Beyond me why you'd be married to someone and have to keep your finances secret.

3 bank accounts here,  Mine, hers, joint.  We split all household expenses equally and each pay half of that into the joint account.  We have over the years earned roughly equal amounts.  No secrets tho and no unreasonable spending.  Mutual trust and a partnership of equals

I have no idea how some couples manage without money to call their own 😉

different strokes for different folks.

IMO the key thing is not what your deal is but that you are both happy with the deal.

I used to cut things quite fine, so never got a joint account as it would be one more point where a £50 float would be required. Things are a bit worse than that now, she's moved out, I wish we'd had everything in joint accounts so she would've believed me when I said we were skint.

I think a joint account is the best way in theory but like so many things I worked hard for I didn't feel she took any care with money - since she moved out she's a lot more frugal, which is a bit upsetting after years of me asking her to spend less...

Edit - I did at least try to make sure she knew about all life insurance I had, just to be on the safe side.

A mate of mine earns the majority of his household income and recently found out his wife had been squirreling away most of the small wage she gets from her part time job and had accumulated about 10K without him knowing in a secret savings account.

Quite common, also possibly a generation thing. I know my MIL has no idea about how much money they have other than the state pension (both retired).

Seperate accounts here from the day we met but a joint savings. No idea why people feel the need the pay into one account but I guess it’s down to trust.

Agree with tjagain - I pay for pretty much everything, but thats by a chunk of wage going into a joint account.

Whats left is mine to spend & save as I see fit - this way I can 'treat' everyone to a meal out every so often and not feel I'm having to be careful with 'our' money. Mrs B works part time and keeps it all bar a token amonut into a savings pot - but she is way better at saving, and will accumulate a pot for a project (which generally I also top up, from 'my' money).

28 years together and never had an argument about money, other than her once having a wobble as she felt she should work more and put more in, which I had zero interest in her doing - she has a way better balance as things are and I'd rather pay more in myself if needed.

IMO the key thing is not what your deal is but that you are both happy with the deal.

This really.

I just hope my wife's secretly (very secretly) rich.

3 bank accounts here,  Mine, hers, joint.  We split all household expenses equally and each pay half of that into the joint account.  We have over the years earned roughly equal amounts.  No secrets tho and no unreasonable spending.  Mutual trust and a partnership of equals

This. I pay a bit more into the joint account and carry a higher proportion of shared expenses - broadly in line with our relative incomes. I don't care what mrs njee20 spends her money on, I trust her not to run up huge debts or run out of money, or compromise any 'necessary' expenditure. I believe she's the same. She has vetoed me ploughing savings into more risky investments though!

Seperate accounts here from the day we met but a joint savings. No idea why people feel the need the pay into one account but I guess it’s down to trust.

With ISAs, SIPPs and Pensions, they have to be individual accounts (as the tax benefits are individual). So we both have one of each (a company pension, a SIPP and an ISA), hence six savings accounts to manage.

We have a joint bank account. I pay in, my wife spends it. I'm allowed homebrew and a bottle of whisky a month.

dinkys here, joint account transfer monthly for mortgage / bills + food and adhoc purchases / meals out etc.

no arguing on spend, so balance is our own..

i don't think it'd work if everything went into the same pot..

Also I do the spending - she does the saving 😉  I know roughly how much she has stashed away.  It in her name but I trust her.  It will equal out the fact my pension will be better.

Personally I would be quite happy to hand all the money over to her and she give me pocket money - she is a lot better with money than I am but apparently I need to take responsibility for myself so she won't do this  😉

No idea why people feel the need the pay into one account but I guess it’s down to trust.

IIRC we (me and the ex) had to have a joint account to get our first mortgage.

each have our own accounts and a joint one for paying bills.  we each put a percentage based amount of our wage into it depending on what we earn, so we roughly have the same 'spare' cash each.  no savings, except short term for the next holiday 🙂

i now have a SIPP too which footflaps helped me with (by the way ff, did you get my last couple of recent emails about HL?)

Total sharing of all accounts and where it is spent here.

My aunt is married to a guy, she has to keep her finances a secret from him, as he would just spend every penny and then some.

when her father died, he did leave her some money, but she has to keep it in my mums care, if she put it in the bank he would have spent the lot.

and she can’t leave him due to her religion (JW)

sometimes, it’s better to keep finances separate.

a number of years ago, he got a brand new car, a Mercedes A class. (Via motability)

when it turned up, the last three digits on the reg plate were his initials.

after about a minute, my aunt noticed this and pointed it out, he was like, ‘oh yeah so it is, what a coincidence eh’

she agreed it was an amazing coincidence, then went on with her life.

A couple of days later, while at the supermarket checkout, she realised that it wasn’t a coincidence, when her card was declined.

When I got together with my partner 15 years ago I was shocking with money. Had consolidated debts into a bank loan and was struggling to pay the bills and loan every month. We moved in together and she supported me incredibly and the debt dropped far more rapidly than it could have done without her advice and support.

A year an a half ago she sustained a head injury and has had to leave work due to post concussive symptoms that persist and prevent her from doing her job as a teacher. We now live on my income alone and are fortunate that I left teaching 5 years ago to enter a profession in which I can earn significantly better money.

She feels awful that I'm paying for everything but as I keep pointing out, her support over the years including that first lesson in finance is the reason we are able to keep above water now. I wouldn't think of keeping financial information from her or vice versa. We are a team.

due to discrepancies in salary, I pay all our household costs, so a joint account wouldn't actually make a difference - I'd be the only person paying in. the only thing my wife pays for is the cat insurance - we then have the same income after costs. The only real assets she has are her workplace pension (final salary), I guess she might have a small pot of savings squirrelled away somewhere - so I don't feel any need to understand the details

This thread has reminded me of the other thread a while back which mentioned creating a 'death list' of important account numbers etc. I've got some cash in a few places (not hidden, just spread about), I should probably do something to make sure she can access it if I go pop.

10 million people have no idea where their other half’s money is banked or invested

Sounds about right, why should they know where your money is?

If you have a Will, thats all that matters. If you don't have a Will I suggest you write one and hand it to a reputable solicitor for safe keeping.

I personnaly only know of one account my wife has, thats her current account. TBH I'm not bothered what she has, she could be a millionaire for all I care. I keep my finances to myself.

Just a wee point.  Just about every woman I know has an escape fund.  Those of you who only have joint money I wonder if your other halves have a wee bit stashed away just in case and / or are your other halves totally happy to have no money of their own?  Or is this now an outdated concept left over from the days when a woman would have no access to any money if she left?

My mother has finally spent her escape fund at 83 having been married 60 years 😉

With no money of your own you cannot really "treat" your partner either.  For example one weekend away I booked us into a posh hotel rather than camping as Mrs TJ thought we were going to do.  How could I have spent " joint money" on this?

i now have a SIPP too which footflaps helped me with (by the way ff, did you get my last couple of recent emails about HL?)

Nope, will send you a better email address, I don't monitor the ff one much...

OK, found one and replied...

Joint account for everything ,long before we were married.

We are partners so it's part of the deal, never even thought about individual accounts.

We don’t do any secret spending and are up front about everything we need.

I trust her with way much more than my money.

My kids on the other hand 😉

Joint account here too - finance is part of the being married deal as far as I am concerned. Everything goes into the joint account that runs the family and house, and we each have small individual accounts as spending money.

I don’t understand not sharing the finance - both in the good times and the bad - in it together. 17 years married now and no rows over money! Either we both have it or both don’t, usually the latter!

Total sharing of all accounts and where it is spent here

Same here, although I look after the money. Just me working whilst the kids are little, so not much money to manage.

We only have one joint account ..... or I think that's all we have.

Just a wee point.  Just about every woman I know has an escape fund.

Not every woman has one. Only the ones who've met TJ.

Makes you think. 😉

With no money of your own you cannot really “treat” your partner either. For example one weekend away I booked us into a posh hotel rather than camping as Mrs TJ thought we were going to do. How could I have spent ” joint money” on this?

Save up the house keeping and spend that on it....

I'm with most on here, joint account for house stuff and saving, the rest is for me or her to spend as we please from our separate accounts.

I earn far more than my wife so if we go out I cover the cost of most stuff.

Suits me and her without issue.

Surely it doesn't matter who earns what,  you both have the same amount to spend on yourself each month.  All out money goes in one big pot.   I earn a bit more than my wife but I would never consider that I should get that bit extra for myself.

Joint account. Both paid in when both working, now just me paying in. Both take out the same amount each month for personal stuff.

My wife looks after all the savings, so some savings are in her name, some in mine (to maximise tax free savings).

Joint account for joint stuff which we both pay the same amount into (or supposed to, it's more of an aspiration on my salary).

Beyond that I think I know roughly what's where, but no idea about pensions.

I have no idea about my money, let alone my OHs.

She knows how much money we have and doesn't think we have enough, ever. I just throw money into the joint account then anything left in my account at the end of the month goes on mortgage over payments, I don't tell my wife about them and occasionally give her mortgage updates. I don't know why i bother she seems to find savings accounts much more exciting than mortgage balances. Weirdo.

Basically there's visibility there, if we wanted it but generally we don't use it. Then we both build contingency in at every layer 😀

I earn a bit more than my wife but I would never consider that I should get that bit extra for myself.

I earn considerably more than my wife, we have separate accounts yet some how I don’t consider I should get extra either. Funny that it doesn’t need joint accounts for such things.

I have never, and will never, tie up my finances with someone else.  A number of partners have pulled their faces about this over the years but, well, I've had a number of partners and never had to subsequently extricate myself from a fiscal knot when it all went sideways.

At times I've been out of work, and at others I've had out of work partners.  I've been the primary 'breadwinner,' been on fairly comparable salaries, and had a partner on double my salary.  In all cases, whoever is in the best position to pay for things pays for things.  All the household bills come out of my account, and in the case where I wasn't the main earner we set up a direct debit to move money into my account every month.

A mistake I've made too often in the past is to consider a partnership as an amorphous whole, at the cost of any sense of self.  It's not, it's a team (clue's in the name "partnership") made up of individuals.  So no, I won't be merging our CD collections either.

 Just about every woman I know has an escape fund.

I'm male and I've got one too. And I'd be surprised if mt wife hadn't got her own. I also have a bag packed and hidden in the garage that can sustain me for a week or so if I needed to escape. I suspect I'll never use it, but it's good to know it there.

I earn a bit more than my wife but I would never consider that I should get that bit extra for myself.

I too earn more than my wife but she is adamant that we should contribute equally as we both use the same amount of electricity, live in the same house and eat the same. Given she instigated this and I challenge it regularly, does this make me a bad person?

Escape funds and packed bags seems strange to me.

However I do have a secret room under my shed 😉

I’m male and I’ve got one too. And I’d be surprised if mt wife hadn’t got her own. I also have a bag packed and hidden in the garage that can sustain me for a week or so if I needed to escape. I suspect I’ll never use it, but it’s good to know it there.

WTAF?

I'm quite surprised about escape bags.

How bad is it that the thought of running away is always there?

I don't have an escape bag. If things got that bag either

a) I'd just get a bag together

or

b) all my stuff would be on the front lawn, and I could get a bag together out of that.

what would a psychologist say about such things, do we have one in the room? it seems more honest and open to have shared accounts to me. will we extend that open account to our growing children at some point, i've never thought about that trust line.

I’m quite surprised about escape bags.

Much more a thing in the US, although they're normally stuffed full of Ammo and no food, so unless they're going to shoot and eat their neighbours, they won't last long....

Joint accounts here and total transparency. I earn the majority of the money now (MrsG is part time) however she has earned more than me in some parts of our relationship history.

Although if different money systems work for different relationships, then that's good.

On separate accounts - Mrs TJ and I have discussed this in the light of discussions on here about managing finances.  for her its three things.

1) she is adamant that she pays her way - its about her self respect its her money she is contributing to the partnership.  ~She simply is unable to understand those who choose to have only joint money

2) its a safety thing - if I start thumping her she can run away and have access to money I cannot touch

3) It means she does not have to account to me what she spends her money on.  Its hers

I know one chap on here IRL who is in a partnership of equals but they only have one pot of money.  I don't understand this at all but he does not understand our way.  Mutual incomprehension

Those of you with only joint money ask your other half if they have a wee stash of money as an escape fund?   If they are happy having no money to call their own?  On divorce threads on here its often said "freeze / empty joint accounts immediately" - thats why the escape fund

I think its really a hangover from previous generations.  Its only in the late 60s that a woman could actually open a bank account without either her father or husband co signing and thus many women would have no access to any money if they left hence the "escape fund"  Mrs TJ doesn't need one as she has her own bank accounts I cannot touch

Escape funds? Packed bags? Yeah, as drac says, marriage* is based on trust eh?!

Bonkers.

(*or not, in tj's case, but he knows everything about it)

if I start talking about bike helmets she can run away and have access to money I cannot touch

😉

Escape funds? Packed bags? Yeah, as drac says, marriage* is based on trust eh?!

The thing is, you never know.  You can be happily married with a mortgage and 2.4 kids and then come home one day to find the love of your life whom you trusted implicitly in bed with Terry from accounts.

An escape bag is a bit excessive, mind.

DezB - we have only been together 38 years and the trust is huge.

For Mrs TJ its about her self respect.

A few years ago she was made redundant.  She got a small payout and basic benefits ( no housing benefit etc as she lives with me).  It took a few months to get another job.  During this time she insisted on paying half the mortgage from her payout and was running out of money to do so.  She really got quite upset at the prospect of me paying for her - which of course I would have done without hesitation.  fortunately she got another job before the money ran out.

Her choice, her opinion and its one shared by many women

Never had joint accounts, perhaps it wouldve been useful for household bills, however, we just worked out based on percentage differential of earnings - I cover the mortgage etc, whilst she picks up some smaller bills and household consumables.  At times this has been a challenge, maternity, working around childcare etc., but it has worked for the most part.  Now, where there is less transparency is in over-spending and working debt.  We have a limited view of each others, and whilst this has never been a problem, we have both admitted to being a bit "spendy" recently - time for an amnesty and a stiff drink 🙂

I suppose as long as neither of you are struggling and/or secretly hiding debt, savings or spending, then its fairly good.

We have always had a joint account but when my wife fell pregnant we dropped the individual accounts and now only have a joint account.  She took 7 years out to be a full time Mum.  Now shes back at work I earn a lot more than her but wouldn't dream of not sharing everything 50/50.  Isn't that what you agree to when you tie the knot...

The only time it became an issue was when I  bought myself a new bike from her for my birthday.  Then I needed an escape bag...

1) she is adamant that she pays her way – its about her self respect its her money she is contributing to the partnership.  ~She simply is unable to understand those who choose to have only joint money

2) its a safety thing – if I start thumping her she can run away and have access to money I cannot touch

3) It means she does not have to account to me what she spends her money on.  Its hers

Exactly this.

She really got quite upset at the prospect of me paying for her – which of course I would have done without hesitation.

And also this.

In context, myself and Mrs Lunge have been together for a loooong time. But, we are both fiercely independent and the idea that either of us would rely entirely on the other is a bit of a scary thought for both of us. Mrs Lunge has an escape bag too, only her is disguised as an emergency bag in the boot of her car, I don't have a car so mine lives in the garage! I have no plans either to run away or to cause her to need to do so either, but for both of us it's reassuring to know the money and means are there if needed. I don't expect this to make sense to other people, TJ excepted, but it works for us.

Those of you with only joint money ask your other half if they have a wee stash of money as an escape fund?

Will do.

Can I post her hilarious laughter as a sound file.

WARNING ,it may go on for a few minutes.

My friend has never heard of this escape fund business, but wishes she had had one when her husband ran off with his secretary.

All one account for everything

I know what I'm getting my wife for her birthday now:  https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=escape+bag&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwja04TI8LzbAhVIWBQKHZ32DQ0Q_AUI4QMoAQ&biw=1536&bih=875

Again it goes back to - " it doesn't matter what your deal is only that you are both happy with it"

The other aspect for Mrs TJ and I is that we have very different attitudes towards money.  this way the bills are paid and we do not argue about money cos she can save hers even when there is stuff I would like to buy and I can spend on stuff while she still saves.  Its often house stuff I spend the money on - like the £12000 refurb I am in the middle of.

I'll count myself in the 1 in 4.  I only got together with my OH (we're not married) after I'd got a house and a fair amount of financial stability.  He also had a house and finances of his own.  We could each get by independently, but he ended up spending more time at my house and eventually sold his.  I've never asked how much for or what he did with the money, and neither do I itemise my bills/mortgage and ask him for half.  He gives me a bit of a contribution towards bills but I actually just put it straight into a S&S ISA as my salary covers everything anyway.  We did pay half each towards a new car but that's the only real joint purchase we've made.

If finances were tighter then there might be more of a conversation to be had, but we're both fairly relaxed about it at the moment - it's less that we're trying to hide stuff from each other and more that it works so why mess with it.

... come home one day to find the love of your life whom you trusted implicitly in bed with Terry from accounts.

An escape bag is a bit excessive, mind

Yeah, I reckon the hammer under my side of the bed'll do just fine for that eventuality !

(My wife earns WAY more than me - probably has an escape fund too.  Her bike's a shitter though, so I'm winning)

This is one of if not the MOST astounding threads on STW... Escape funds ? Escape bags ? That's just absolutely remarkable ! I can't honestly fathom how some of your ideas of happily married and mine differs.

it seems more honest and open to have shared accounts to me.

Why?  I know what my wife earns, I know what she spends her money on, I know what she has saved etc,. and vice versa.  We have a very high level of honesty and trust in our relationship so why would we need a shared account to 'seem more honest'.

While I trust my wife 100%, the way she handles money does my head in so a shared account would be unnecessary stress.  I have aspergers and am very particular, she is not....

One account

But

We are very similar in outlook and spending habits so it works well.  Splitting accounts never used to make much sense to me but one of the good things about this place is that I now get it after many threads like this.  I don't think it's for us but neither do I think it's crazy.  I think we would find splitting accounts quite hard to do

Just bought a house & got a joint account with my partner...

Feel that as she earns approx double of what I do then perhaps I need an escape bag & to squirrel some funds away.

But hey I can always sell some more bikes... I don't really need 6.

Interesting thread... can't say I'd ever thought about an escape fund, much less an escape bag.  I guess I always thought that if it came to that, I'd grab my favourite guitar, jump in the car and drive off into the sunset.

As MissusBond earns considerably more than me and has pretty much maxed out her pension, she covers the mortgage and some of the bills and a significant proportion of my salary goes into topping out my pension, ISAs etc.

We've always had separate accounts, never really argued about what we spend money on (although I'm regularly reminded about a pair of Ti Speedplay pedals I bought and she accidentally saw the receipt).

To be honest, I don't really know what other accounts and savings she has but as I'm generally rubbish with money and she's an accountant by trade I'm very happy divesting that responsibility to her.

some right crazies on here, just packing my escape bag, what do i need, long dated food i guess..

how many pants / socks

it seems more honest and open to have shared accounts to me.

Although you can't have joint pensions and ISAs they are individual accounts by (legal) definition....