[Closed] Your most pathetic crashes...

About 18 inches into a trail, front wheel jammed on a root and I toppled off sideways, impaling my starboard love handle on a sawn off branch.

The fatal words of "watch this" before I tried to do a dirt jump, landed wrong and went face first into a tree. Broken nose and dislocated shoulder.
I was due in for a twighlight shift that evening!!! And spent it in Salford Royal.

Years ago, took a non-cyclist for a local tootle around. Was showing off doing a wheelie uphill, slipped, hit the ground and smashed a cheekbone - visit to hospital needed.

Borrowed a mates bike at Woburn. Started off hard on the pedals to show the bystanders I meant business.
Chain snapped, lying on floor... 😳

First racer when I was a kid, toe clips, hopped up a curb, stalled, couldn't release, fell sideways....hit floor. We've all done that right?

Pretty much stationary, unclipping one foot while leaning the wrong way...

Not my finest moment that one!

In front of a group of work colleagues, managed to go over the bars from a standing start. Then lay on the ground unpicking my camelbak straps from the saddle before I could stand up.

I *knew* it was too steep before I tried it.

My last one. Embarrassingly slow sideways topple whilst clipped in on a washed out rocky downhill that I've ridden many times before. I was actually turning round to speak to another rider to warn him how rocky it was 🙄

Unfortunately it is looking like it really will be my last one as I've been off the bike for 3 months with a broken kneecap and torn tendons. Caused me major problems at work too...

Mountain Bike now sold. Hoping to recover sufficiently to do some road riding but currently have no idea what the long term prognosis is going to be.

Pulled up at a bus stop with my chaingang. Pack of teenage school girls waiting. Forgot to unclip and toppled sideways right in front of them. 15 years later I can still here the laughter.

I can deffo win this.

Canal.

Slow riding.

Front wheel disappeared in slow motion, down a rut.

Lose it.

Rather than fall into the canal, I fall the other way, over a wall, down an 8ft drop, straight onto my back and turn my head to the left to see a farkin' big rock next to my head.

Cue nearest dog walkers asking if I'm ok whilst I lay there, looking up at them stood next to my bike, which is perfectly upright.

Bregante - i've broken my right patella/torn all the muscles down the inside of my right leg twice now. Took a few months to get back to full use but i can still ride all day, ride audax' etc.

Cheers md. Also not my first time ! I'm sure it will recover in time but the problems caused at work put me in a position where continuing to ride a mountain bike (and risk further injury - as I'm a bit of a hamfisted, clumsy halfwit) would have been perceived as slightly taking the piss. 😀

I managed two in Spain last year

1. Misjudged a cut off tree branch, clipped it with my shoulder and ricoched off. Thought I'd scrape along the hedge on the other side of the path and carry on as if nothing had happened. No, the hedge was tinder dry and all the little twiglets snapped of letting me fall in the dry ditch below, about as deep as I am tall. Required assistance to get out as every branch I grabbed snapped off

2. I'm going to blame this on a puncture. Slight uphill dodging around a bush at very slow speed the front tucked and I toppled over failing to unclip. Unfortunately there was a several foot drop to the side and I landed pretty much flat on my back. I think the bike hit the inside of my knee and I was crocked for weeks all because I toppled over at walking pace. Good thing it was the last day of the holiday

Flying down the road at 25-35mph approaching a roundabout with stationary traffic perpendicular to my direction of travel. I could see that the traffic wasn't going to move, total gridlock so decided to maintain speed and cut through/across the traffic stream and continue. Picked my mark, a gap between the back of a Ford Connect and a blue Golf and went for it...of course, at the time, and partially due to the peak on my helmet, I didn't notice that the Connect was carrying a set of ladders on its roof which protruded from the back, my head hit those ladders at 25+mph and it knocked me out cold. I kinda remember the clang, or at least I think I do, but don't remember hitting the ground....my bike apparently continued for a good 60m. Full on Wylie Coyote school of cycling.

I rode straight into a tree while riding the start of a trail at Glentress called the Pie Run. The start of the trail is straight and easy, I'd ridden it dozens of times before and I'd helped build it. Yet one day a summer or two ago I just rode straight into one of the trees by its side. Not a big crash, no serious injuries or damage, just pathetic and in full view of plenty of witnesses.

I was riding FtD at Cannock Chase on my 29er. I'd got to Aunt Flow when I hit the rock slope onto the bridge a bit funny. I stopped abruptly, and tried to get my left foot down. But because I'd hit it funny, I was actually quite close to the left hand side of the bridge. I'm also very short, so despite the bridge only being a few inches from the ground, I could get my foot down on the ground without falling dramatically sideways, in slow motion.

My leg ended up going all manner of funny colours, and I still have some scarring.

Some classics there! 😆
Daftest one I did was the classic failing to unclip moment.One of the first times I tried SPD's,cycling along the Cheshire Lines cycle route I stopped to ask a twitcher what was in the adjacent field.I forgot I was clipped in & when I stopped the inevitable happened,cue bemused looks for bird watcher as cyclist hits the deck at a standstill.
I was telling someone about this & she did an even dafter one,she fell in the canal still clipped in!! 😯 Luckily there were lots of people around to drag her out..

Somewhere on the Edale Classic a few years back we'd stopped for a breather and as we set off I went about a foot and my wheel dropped into a hole between two rocks. Cue a slow and not particularly graceful half OTB followed by just falling off sideways onto my arse on a big rock. I had s multicoloured bumcheek for a while after that.

Rode the W2W at Afan a couple of years ago. Not a single dab and felt like a riding God. Then lost the front wheel on a man whole cover in the Glycorrwg car park in front of a crowded car park of people and went down in a heap. Smashed my knee and looked like a complete beginner.

Going too fast down a hill towards Polesdon Lacey(dorking)at sunrise,suddenly saw some overhanging branches in my path and foolishly thought I could "brush" through them. The damage caused to my right knee was apparently equivalent to knee hitting a dash board in a car crash. Took 18 months,physio, and a minor operation to sort.
Pillock.

Rather than fall into the canal, I fall the other way, over a wall, down an 8ft drop, straight onto my back and turn my head to the left to see a farkin' big rock next to my head.

I went for the canal

Riding over Boxhill, as I headed past the viewpoint, gently turning right to aim for the top track, my front wheel slid on the grass, dumping me on my shoulder.
As I continued to slither down the bank, I knew my collarbone had given in.
Snapped in 4 places!

Most impressive crap crash I've witnessed? Arriving at The Star in Dorking at the end of a group ride, I pulled up outside the pub and turned to see my mate hop off the kerb. Front wheel tucked under on landing and Rich used his face as a brake across the road.
Left him to it and bought me a Guinness.

I went for the canal

😀

As the saying goes, fall into Leeds > Liverpool canal and there's no point in getting out.

Too many to choose from sadly. Highlights include;

Built up new bike. In eagerness to give it a try I decided to ride it down the stairwell of the block of flats I was living in at the time. First three flights went ok, got cocky on the fourth and couldn't stop in time on the landing where the stairs turned, deployed the face anchor on the wall and broke my nose, much to the amusement of my flat mate (after initial checking the readily flowing blood wasnt life threatening) who said it was a stupid idea before I did it. Funnily enough the minor injuries clinic staff also found it highly amusing.

Whinlatter car park, unloaded bikes from roof rack and got kitted up. Dicking around in the car park whilst waiting for my riding buddy to stop mincing around. Decided to show off in front of a small group of hot looking biking girls and impress them with a stoppy. Got bike up on front wheel and forks instantly collapsed on me leading to inevitable face plant on the gravel. Hardly a surprise as we'd just driven a 150 miles at motorway speeds in -4 temperatures and the forks were covered in ice. Pride very much coming before a fall!

The first month of learning to ride clipless - all of it

Riding down a smooth, straight access track, hopped a small (4-5" height tops) rock in my path, somehow ricocheted off it and flew about five foot sideways, landing head-first, upside down in a massive spiky gorse bush, pinned under my bike. Tooks some serious wriggling to disentangle myself. No serious harm done but all the little scratches and cuts itched like buggery for days. As with all my best crashes nobody saw it happen, so I still have no idea how I managed it.

Ooh. There was also the time on an MNPR when we'd just ridden down Waugh's Well which is a narrow ribbon of single track with a **** big drop off to the right. After negotiating it successfully I then managed to do an endo and went OTB almost under binner's front wheel on the flattest, smoothest section of trail you are likely to ever ride on. Broke my thumb.

And....

There was also the time on an MNPR (there's a pattern forming here) whilst climbing UP Rawson's Rake in January when I hit a patch of ice and went down like a sack of shite and impaled myself on the end of my bars, leaving the mother of all bruises on my chest

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Basically I'm a bloody danger to myself.

Teaching myself at 4 year oldd to ride and shouted look at me!

Rode into a lamppost as older friends looked and lol.

Well today's was a bit bloody daft - hope no-one saw 😳 Flicked 2-step to LT for a set of steps - job done 😛 . . . but threw my weight forwards to re-engage short-travel and somehow managed to pull the front brake at the same time 😳

couldn't even manage to get over a small rock at inners lol

and from the rider in front who just happen to turn his go pro round for that run

[url= http://www.pinkbike.com/video/388396/ ]comedy off[/url]

Well I've done the leaning on a wall while clipped in, toppling over job - in front of a crowd. But better than that was putting a foot down to stop at the edge of the river while staying in the saddle, finding myself just past the balance point and topping in. Managed to get off the bike and leave it behind. My rowing crew (I was coaching), including my future wife, were most amused.

First racer when I was a kid, toe clips, hopped up a curb, stalled, couldn't release, fell sideways....hit floor. We've all done that right?

Yep. Hopped up and clipped the kerb with the front wheel. It's so hard to look cool lying down clipped into a bike.

Riding around trail centre car park (not one of the 'rad' ones).Low sided.Anterior dislocation of my shoulder (had to have general anesthetic to reduce).

Then there was the easy evening road ride I took around Sandbanks and back through Poole Park to Poole Quay....police, life boat crew and ambulance involved but I don't remember a thing. One of the coppers told me later that I'd approached them asking for help because I couldn't remember where I was going. Under interrogation it turned out I also couldn't remember who I was or where I lived or anything I was told since I kept asking the same questions every five minutes

The last one reminds me of a mate's crash when we were riding out together. Going up through Hedley on road bikes, me in front and him following. I heard a noise and turned around to see him sprawled out on the road. Going back to help he was sparked out. I got him to the side of the road and called an ambulance. As far as we were able to remember (he couldn't remember a thing) he must have reached down for a water bottle and slipped since his hand had gone into the front wheel, then jammed it onto the fork. He broke all his fingers, when OTB and smashed up his face, all on a flat straight road.

Riding along a footpath beside a road starting a nightride - helmet light was on so I turned it away from the traffic to avoid blinding them
... and rode into a telegraph pole

Once did a "perfect" 270 degree OTB and landed totally flat on my back on a load of rocks. I'd been looking at the rocks, deciding how I'd get through and the front wheel hit a big grass-covered hole just in front of them. Luckily was in Les Arcs and I was all stormtroopered up, plus backpack, so I got away with it completely

Braked on a road downhill, bolt came off releasing caliper from frame and locking the front wheel instantly 10cm later. Night in hospital for neuro obs and skinned my back and half my face - my only major biking injury so far. I'm better at pre-ride checks these days

Built my new bike (04) jumped on it in the little Street below the flat which had a bunch of old ladies shopping in. Lent forward forks compressed to full travel (no air in them) then couldn't unclip as the new spa's were on full tension. In a heap in front of the old ladies. Later that day had a you first no you first moment and went off sideways into some nettles as I hadn't backed the spd tension off enough.
More recently exited a trail and looked back to read the sign to check were I was, looked round to see the rut I was about to hit panicked went over and bent the hanger along with some bruises

Waiting to be picked up by the OH at the bottom of cheddar gorge after a night ride with the dog. Chatting to a drunk local outside the pub when I see her pull into the car park not the lay by I told her to pull into so start off to head towards her. Dog gets freaked out by the pubs pavement sign and pulls me sideways just as I get along the raised curb. In slow motion I just keel over sideways as clipped in and break my left wrist 🙁

All these tales of inadequacy have reminded me of several more...

Out with my friend Anni and had just done a route around Hayfield, me being on my newish disc-braked Inbred, this was a few years ago now mind. We decided to swap bikes for a play around in the Hayfield car park, just to compare as she still had V-brakes... what I hadn't quite realised was just how digital her V-brakes were compared to my discs...

Ended up over the bars just outside the car park and tore all the ligaments in my shoulder! Over 6 months off the bike after that one, but I probably ended up fitter than I have ever been as I bought a turbo trainer and used that endlessly instead!

Another time, was at the Dyfi enduro doing the ride on the Saturday before the big day. Was having a great time until I completely misjudged the exit from one of the singletrack sections and instead of just riding straight out onto the fire road, I somehow managed to hit a rock and somersault onto said fire road leaving a rather large amount of skin from my right arm behind as I slid along.

Somehow I did manage to ride the Dyfi the next day even though I was bleeding through a rather large bandage wrapped round my arm! Even managed to fall off during that ride as well!

Slowed down on a descent to let three fit horse riders pass up the hill. Front wheel in rut, fell over in front of the horses. Hurt like hell but had to pretend I was fine.

I've had two...

steep little climb up to a canal going about 2 miles an hour, back tyre hit a root, felt like someone just shoved me - busted hand - 3 broken bones.

and...

marquis drive cannock - rode 2 yards from back of car, into a ditch that separated the road from the trails, wheel got stuck flipped me head over heels, the bike flew in the air and the crank landed on and punched my achilles!

both shameful

...and

In les Arc had a great day not coming off once, came down the last trail onto the tarmac about 300 yards from the chalet - road works, with those 2 meter intermittent plastic barriers, i was one side then ducked through a gap, handlebar and finger caught the edge of the barrier sending me into a sprawling heap in the middle of the road, grazed back badly bruised fingers, no more riding!

more shameful

Yesterday, managed to fly down a DH section of trail and then started to peddle over a dam to the next section, rails on either side of the 1.5mtr wide path.
All going well with the adrenaline started to fade when I looked to my right hand and noticed a spiders web dangling in the breeze, and a whooping big spider (reality, maybe an inch across) desperately clawing its way up the web to my hand.
I panicked, waved my right hand about to try and break the web and then promptly hit the railing with my left side of the handlebar and went toppling over.
As I lay on the floor bloodied and buried I noticed the spider causally walk past my head and drop down the dam wall.

I've done a bearnecessities on a towpath. Lifted the front wheel up a little step, stalled, failed to get my foot out and toppled sideways over the little wall next to me. Dropped 12 feet onto my back and lay there bewildered and winded while my 11 year old son thought I was dead. Rode the two miles back to the car ona bike with a bent saddle, drove home and was persuaded by the missus to go to casualty. Two crushed thoracic vertebrae. Thank the lord for hydration packs.

My mate regularly reminds his daughter of this one. As you leave Cannock Chase car park heading out onto FTD through the GoApe ropes courses, there a sign on a tree under a zip wire that says: Dont look at the zip wire. He was directly behind her, saw her read the sign, saw her look up and watch the zip wire, till she is lookiing backwatds and crash straight into a very large tree most people manage to avoid. Split her lip right open. Blood. Tears. Muffled laughter.

Couple of weeks ago on the road bike. Guy had sat on my wheel for 4 miles including up a big hill then passed me on the descent. I decided to drop him so after following down the hill I attacked on the next rise.
Got to a corner within 50m of passing him, front wheel went out from under me and I went down like a sack of spuds.
He stopped to see if I was ok and said "I always back right off for that corner, it's claimed too many of my riding mates"...
I had to pretend I was fine so he would leave me to straighten my bars and saddle & pick the grit out of my hip & elbow.
Trashed my brand new jacket too.

Set off for a ride to try to get me more comfortable on a bike I hadn't really taken to. Bars wider than I was used to. The entrance to the trail was a hundred metres or so further down the road from where we'd parked.

Set off, took an arm off the bars to indicate the right turn while looking behind me, yanked the other end of the bar more than I'd intended and tipped myself into the road. Very sore ribs for a few weeks after that one...

Crossed a stream too slowly. Bike level, front wheel halfway up the far bank, back wheel halfway down the near bank, feet dangling above the water as I came to a stop...

Crossed a ford that was signed "Don't cycle across, slippery surface" or similar, I did and it was

Glad its just not been me on that dammed tricky gnarly leeds - Liverpool canal Toepath - riding along thought someone behind me looked over my shoulder - and the bars caught a tree - down I went - not in the canal - but I heard a distinctive "plop" checked rucksack - sh*t car keys!

Picture me lying as close to the canal as possible with one arm in the canal fishing for my car/ house keys - and miraculously i found them!

Rode all the way home with one arm bloody freezing ....... Kids and wife laughed alot......

On a shoot for Grit.Cx I was standing, one foot on the floor, one foot clipped in. One moment I'm talking to the photographer, the next I am hugging a tree and the photographer is laughing. I have no idea how it happened. Does it even count as a crash if one foot is already on the ground?

Summers day outside a very busy Cannock Chase cafe after a ride, I had a "clipless moment" getting onto my bike and toppled over. Very pathetic and a tad embarrassing 😳

My last pathetic one was both embarrasing and painful.

Riding down lower cliff at Cannock for the first time after it was deforrested. On the bottom third, came to a family that really shouldn't have been there. They were walking down the trail and didn't think to move over (another story), so I followed them to the bottom and just enjoyed the view.

Decided to have another go and enjoy the last bit. Got to the same point I met them the first time and looked over to see them all stood by the exit watching chaps come down.

Shortly after I sat down for a breather and failed to notice the small hump that proceeded to launch me into a comedy front wheel balancing act before spitting me off superman style.

Also managed to hit my head on a rock, crack my helment, wind myself and suffer a seperated shoulder. They had gone by the time I got to the bottom but, I can picture the laughter and comments if they'd seen me crash.

2 weeks ago at Thetford. Perfect trackstand for a minute or so while waiting for Katie to catch up. Went to move off, caught end of (newly fitted, longer) bars in leg of shorts, OTB into big muddy puddle.

Still can't work out how - I can't seem to get the two anywhere near each other when I consciously try.

First ride out on new bike after a couple of years not riding at all.

Ride without incident to the first bit of single-track which is very easy roll-in and let out a let out a whoop and a little shout of 'I'm back'. Front wheel gets hooked up in the smallest rut possible at the top and I'm OTB and cartwheeling down, laughing at the fact that I've crashed within 3 seconds of my return to mountain biking. What a dick.

Actually as I've been typing this whilst sat in the back garden, one of our cats has just attempted to walk along a sloping roof, slipped off and fallen into bucket full of dirty water below. It must be catching