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Put your back out trying to learn to flat land manual..... ouch!
#tricksforkids
Up there with falling off while sprinting like its the top of DH track, keeping up wiv da kids....
Do yourself an injury simply by removing the bike from the shed or placing it back in there.
... have t-shirts or pants that are older than the 'yoof' that are in the pub.
... think that mpg is more important than top speed.
... hear,"Let's go upstairs" and you know that you both mean 'go to sleep'.
Apparently, you stop listening to 'new' music at 36.
Your eyes start to fail between 40-42.
When you open the door for a young lady and hear her say ''oh, what a lovely old man" to her friend. That hurt, that did.
When the women you look at on internet dating remind you of your mum.
Reach 65. Future science will mean I live to 130.
Ha ha, **** off - I pulled a muscle in my neck yawning today!
When the women you look at on internet dating remind you of your mum
Hhaha,..so true
Read the thread about Instagramming and think "life's too short for that bollocks"
Your eyes start to fail between 40-42.
I was about 7 when mine started to go.
- Realise you began holding your hand over one eye in order to read your GTA balance from 8 feet away
- Chew pork scratchings gingerly.
Set your medication out for the next week.. Every week.
You make an involuntary groan when you bend down to pick something up.
Need a nice sit down after the first climb of the ride. Maybe that's more a fitness thing...
When you have to suck your belly in to see if your favourite parts are still there...
You know you are old when you read a thread on vasectomys on stw and you start thinking it might be a good idea!
- Talk about riding road bikes
- Make all the young people leave facebook because of your weird stalking/spying/gauging opinion to justify your divisive politics and lies
- Pretend to be tolerant but......
- Planning meeting tomorrow
- Parking disputes
- ****ing neighbour ****s
- Sabotage trails whilst out taking your dog for a shit
- Potholes
- Boy racers
- It's all electric you can't fix it
- Defensive gnar and rad put downs
- I believe in saving the environment/get them scruffy old cars off the road
- Buy copies of the Daily Mail for each room of your house
- Hate anyone younger than you
- Everyone's a dickhead except you.
You Like to loosen your belt and top trouser button for comfort.
Increasingly, hate all the thing's that make the young happy and like all the thing's that make them sad.
When you hand your spanner to the apprentice and realise it’s actually older than him!
After crashing, instead of leaping to your feet and dusting yourself down muttering “that was close” you lay on the floor for 5 minutes groaning in pain and spend a week wincing every time you bash the affected part.
When your first reaction to somebody doing a comedy fall is “they might be hurt” instead of laughing your head off.
you start getting grey pubes or grey nostril hair.
Sitting down to don socks and then shoes.
And starting on the same foot each time...
When a change of font on a forum is the biggest disaster in your life right now.
When you read all of the replies above ( and those to follow ) and think ..yeah I can relate to most of that ..
You know you are old when you read a thread on vasectomys on stw and you start thinking it might be a good idea
Nope, it's when you think "it's ten years since my snip..."
<i>Your eyes start to fail between 40-42.</i>
Your eyes start to fail after 8 o’clock I the evening.
When trimming nose and ear hair takes longer than shaving.
When you think that the waitress/policeman/doctor is so young that you're favourite belt is probably older than them....and most of your underpants
When you have to stand for 10 minutes after having a poo 'cause your dot hasn't contracted yet
I think we're done here 😅
When you have to stand for 10 minutes after having a poo ’cause your dot hasn’t contracted yet
I was reading with a sigh and nodding to all the comments, until I got to this one..
Yeeeeehhhhhh, I'm still young.. 😉
When your drug of choice is a Beta Blocker......
Euro.
Funniest post ever.
Mines still nice and springy though.
Set your medication out for the next week.. Every week.
Don't know what that's about but it ain't middle-age..!
Sit-down wees
When you declare that mddle age doesn't start until 50
When you find that M&S jeans with stretch are ideal for you needs... *blush*
recognise that sex with your partner is getting less and less frequent but dont really mind that much.
The first thing you think of packing for your next snowboarding break is Gaviscon.
When you start worrying about when bin day is...and have panic attacks over the xmas break when you have to go 3 weeks without the bin being emptied...
When your first reaction to somebody doing a comedy fall is “they might be hurt” instead of laughing your head off
Phew, I'm safe. You can't beat seeing somebody fall over, it dosen't even have to be a comedy fall either!
When you don't have to make excuses for being slow...
When you wake up in the morning with a hangover and all you had the night before was tea.
When you can feel your belly 'jiggling'whilst riding your bike.
you remember when all this was maroon and beige!
You are attempting a seated start that requires a big explosive burst of energy and then pass wind really loudly...
You've spent ages trying to find the biggest car you can to fit tents kids and bikes in and decided that you are unimpressed with the size of a Ford Galaxy.
Anyone got a decent Dualiner for sale?
When somebody asks you for directions and you use the towns old cinemas as reference points not pubs as in "just down the road 200 yards , turn left by the ABC another 100 yards right at the Odeon etc ."
The 80's were cool.
The barber asks if you need your ear hair trimmed
That new starter in work is old enough to be your kid
The new starter was born the year Top Gun came out
You can remember manual chokes and carburettors
And leaded fuel
When you’re watching The Brits and the Foo Fighters come on you say “about time they had some proper music on”.
When you calculate how many years it's been since you left education and start having a nervous breakdown.
When you know the girl flirting with you on the train is the daughter of a friend 😳
Genuinely flitting between laughing at this thread and agreeing with it...
Middle age? Pah! I can barely remember it
Dez B I had a heart attack whilst mountain biking at bpw @42 yrs
Half of my oppos are on Meds of some description, I personally blame the 90's rave scene
Dont feel angry anymore and just resign yourself instead to a "tut" and move on.
Find yourself reading tips on dealing with Prostate "issues"….yes, that was me last week…..
Oh, and watching Question of Sport tonight thinking "mmmmm, Gail Emms"
Death In Paradise.
Not giving a shit.
Ken Bruce.
Hangovers from hell.
I think that about covers it.
Worryingly,I seem to be more angry/irritable these days.But then I'm old not middle aged.My politics are getting a bit more reactionary as well. ☹
Patience and tolerance to bullshit, particularly at work becomes non existent.
When your idea of a great Friday night is to be in bed by 21:00 reading or watching something on Netflix.
I think most of you are talking about being old, not middle aged. For me, middle aged is spending half your time taking kids to/from/or waiting while they do one of their hobbies and thinking, "this used to be time I was riding my bike." And then when you do get a chance you're too knackered.
...have spent a fortune on a bike that's been doing nothing but hanging proudly in the garage for a year, and are still pondering what you can buy to make it perform better.
Don’t care if the new font is better or worse, the site is more user friendly or a not and you don’t care if the search function works as you never knew it existed anyway. As for copying pictures into the forum..... forget it....
.......... had forgotten you started a thread a few days ago and have just come back to find it's going rather well..... 😉
Just experienced another one tonight - debilitating cramp - where, exactly, has that come from? Never used to happen…...
Wait until both legs cramp at the same time from your thighs to the tips of your toes in the middle of an off road ride miles from anywhere ..that ages you straight away !
... get your first State Pension payment into your bank.
They think I'm old, I think I'm middle-aged.
You start getting obsessed about something, ie cycling.Or you buy a flash sports car and run of with a young filly.I only managed one out if three.
You use words like young filly
You order afternoon tea for two (I did today)
... know it's all a load of bollocks.
I think most of you are talking about being old, not middle aged. For me, middle aged is spending half your time taking kids to/from/or waiting while they do one of their hobbies and thinking, “this used to be time I was riding my bike.” And then when you do get a chance you’re too knackered.
I think you're talking about having kids. You don't have the be middle-aged to have kids, or have kids to be middle-aged.
For me, at 35, it's been thinking "I really should put more in my pension, and get out of the default fund...".
And realising some people I work with hadn't seen Die Hard 3 (the one with Samuel L. Jackson) because they were 22, and it was released BEFORE THEY WERE BORN. Argh!
Tutting at the thought of adults watching nonsense like die hard.Resulting in feelings of superiority towards my fellow humanoids.
The barber asks if you need your ear hair trimmed
And eyebrows!!
recognise that sex with your partner is getting less and less frequent but dont really mind that much.
recognise that sex with your partner is non existent but dont really mind that much.
..... take your nine year old to the newly constructed pump track and mince round to show him how safe and fun it is before falling arse over tit over the lip of a berm and taking a huge lump of skin out of your elbow, whilst trying to pretend that it didn't hurt and knowing that your hip is going to ache for weeks afterwards.
Meanwhile, the assembled bunch of teenagers are simultaneously pissing themselves laughing and showing each other a YouTube video of some **** pulling off a back flip in the exact spot you've just fallen
21:45 in this if you're interested in joining the mockery