You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
This may of been done before but hey ho just for the crack, I will kick off with .... you take the dog for a walk where you go riding to check trail conditions and ninja some lines. 😀
Dear god no. 15 pager coming up.
You don't go out in crap weather anymore cos you've done it for the past 23 years & just sold the factory that made the T shirts that said 'I ride my bike no matter what the weather'?
you know you are a mountain biker when glupton has disagreed with you.
You have a weekly reminder in your phone to 'charge lights' the day before the weekly evening group ride. You still forget to charge your cheap chinese 5000 lumen death trap until an hour before you set off. It goes out halfway down a descent.
You buy a CX bike to ride on normal trails to liven them up and stop your proper MTB from getting trashed
You can't walk anywhere without making imaginary handlebars and hitting lines.
You start asking what road wheels / tyres for your new bike
You see a woman on a bike and you check the bike out first
You've ridden with black stuff in your camelbak tube
You see a newish car for sale for £2-3000 at the roadside and catch yourself thinking "hell that's cheap, you could buy a bike for that!"
Have genuinely caught myself doing this a few times 😳
You only ride your bike on a Sunday if it's sunny.
Your bike costs less than your Audi A6.
You have to go on a skills course to be capable of riding your bike.
All of your mountain biking is actually done just off the a525 near wrexham.
You can't bunnyhop.
You wear howies or fox branded clothing.
You nod your head when cycling up hill.
You started off on a full susser but now ride a hardtail.
You come across a drop in a trail when out walking and shout 'and throw' while jumping off the rock pretending your a riding god!
When the drive you do to get to the ride takes longer than the ride itself.
When you ride a mountain bike on a mountain.
you take the dog for a walk where you go riding to check trail conditions and ninja some lines
i haven't got a dog
When you're out for a walk in the hills.
And see different types of bike tyre tracks.
And know what tyres they are! 😳
When you ride on something other than tarmac - KISS!
(OK, not the humorous pseudo wisdom you were looking for....)
You think riding on the road is a load of crap!
You wear baggy shorts all year round. Even when going out for meals with family (they don't appreciate it).
Your wife gets tired at leaving the fireroads and following some barely visible trail in the hope of a new discovery.
You stop the car suddenly in the middle of the road, following some barely visible trail in the hope of a new discovery.
You go to take a swig from your Camelbak when sitting at a desk and realising too late that it's not there. Your colleagues now think you have an annoying tick.
Oooh someone's a bit bitter and twisted today!
But in response to the OP.... When your kitchen permanently has muddy camelbaks hanging on a hook, lights charging next to the cooker, a set of Allen keys on top of the microwave, 2 pairs of muddy MTB shoes lurking under the table, and punctured inner tubes slung across the back of the chairs 😀
Falkirk mark
+1 😳
At bedtime your partner whispers in your ear, "I'm feeling adventurous tonight. Do you have any lube?" and you reply, "There's some in the shed. Do you think the conditions dictate wet or dry would be preferable?"
You take the racing/riding walking thru shops
Bunnyhoping in me car seat when driving over potholes.
Oooh someone's a bit bitter and twisted today!
I think it's frustrating that the true hard men of mountain biking, who get up at 6:30 on a sunday to drive 4 hours to the lakes to then spend another 2 hours pushing up the Walna Scar road before they even get to ride their bikes that cost them 2 months wages get mentioned in the same sentence as those that get up late, drive to llangdegla and spend an afternoon walking round the black route and eating bacon butties in the cafe.
There should be two separate genres: mountain biking and trail centre cycling.
DTF, too subtle for the monkeys.... 😀
So being a "true Hardman of mountain biking" is related to how long I drive, push my bike and the money I spend on it?
Damn I thought just riding it would gain me this legendary status...
Well this is what mountain biking used to be about - mens men, proper jumps, proper music, no ****ing about
Now most seem to do this when they come across a three foot drop off.
[img] 
?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=ffiERWN700ATQ6EPSFtyG4ZMOeO1HIxREEED7ZjyJlIZMsJzvk2f%2BLNLulW9mefN[/img]
.........you spend more time on Internet forums talking about mountain bikes than you do actually riding mountain bikes 🙄
when you get in your car you try to clip in
...and hats worn sideways, never forget; it's all about the hats...
Looking for a new house you put local trail quality and a man cave above things like it having enough bedrooms and being convenient for work.
[img] 
[/img]
Crikey DavidTaylforth, anyone would think there is only one way to do this mountainbiking thing! 🙂
Got to admit though - natural is best, although I do like a bacon sandwich and a coffee if I can get my hands on them! I do think you are an amateur though - I was up at 4am to ride the Sunday before last! 
When your mum's had a stroke on a Sunday morning and gets rushed to hospital, but you go for your weekly ride with your mate's instead.
When you rent your youngest son out to the local peado so you can afford to get your shock push tuned.
taylforth is correct..
add also..
When your spouse leaves you because you spend every spare waking minute talking on an internet forum with a bunch of argumentative and obsessive care in the community patients
You don' t care how many bikes other people have or how much they cost and what kit they wear, how many trips to Spain they've had or anywhere else. You just ride what you have and go where you want and ENJOY yourself regardless of how long or short a ride it was!!!.......oh, and don't give a toss what size wheels and what tyres you use.
mens men, proper jumps
Yeah... real cool...
........ your work diary has the usual weekly ride in it from 4.30pm just in case a meeting over-runs and also the same booked in on the day the ride usually gets moved to in the event of a postponement.
........ the hours spent not on the bike are spent wanting to be on the bike.
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSTR - MemberYou think riding on the road is a load of crap
^ This.
I also know I'm a bit of a roadie because the wine rack is full of bike bottles!
Yeah... real cool...
Jealousy isnt cool.
Some people just have the "gnar factor" - they can wear Sombrio clothing and get away with it
When 'going for a walk' involves a bow saw and 2 hours of dead tree clearance.
...you won't ride anything other than 26'' wheels.
Yup, hard as nails that! 😆
When you come across some tech fest and get so excited you make chimp noises! 😆
Jeezus !
I wish I was a REAL Man !
Then I wouldn't have had to nip off 22 Years in the Army getting pissed and gobbing off thinking ? I could be riding now not getting shot at and blown up !
Oh sorry where were we, Yes ! You know your a real MTBer when you can fool yourself into thinking that you really are that bloke you pretend to be on the Internet 18 hours a day ! EVERY Day !
Its compulsory to hate any one who can afford a Bacon Butty after filling up their Audi A6,
And become a hater of any one who dare stray from the boundary of the yokel village to ride, then realising that little red riding hood was a story to refrain narrow minded in breds from wandering into adjacent Parishes and diluting the gene pool !
Pinocchio !
When you come back from a ride that challenged you despite only containing 2 ft drop offs and you can still laugh at egotistical bellends who seem to think they actually have a clue about the true essence of mountain biking.
........ the hours spent not on the bike are spent wanting to be on the bike.
This. +1
...you love mountain bikes, but hate 'mountain bikers'. 😉
self censored
When your on a long distance flight but instead of sleep or the on-board movie your looking at the mountain ranges below thinking of lines to take.
when "Singletrackworld.com" "Pinkbike.com" "Chainreactioncycles.com" are the only things you can touch-type 🙄
davidtaylforth - Member -
There should be two separate genres: mountain biking and trail centre cycling.
nice, I tend to think there is 2 types, one for the pretentious ****'s/snobs and one for those who enjoy themselves.
you know your a mountain biker when?
no idea but sticking with the bike leaving the tarmac.
You steadfastly refuse to admit that training on the road is any use to you despite the fact that you haven't got any faster in the last ten years 😀 😉 🙂 😉
You know what tyres to use. 🙄
You know you are a mountain biker when...........
you ditch the 26"
You lot have got some right funny attitude about riding a bike in the woods.
When you're eagerly waiting for winter because it's more interesting then...
I think it's frustrating that the true hard men of mountain biking, who get up at 6:30 on a sunday to drive 4 hours to the lakes to then spend another 2 hours pushing up the Walna Scar road before they even get to ride their bikes that cost them 2 months wages get mentioned in the same sentence as those that get up late, drive to llangdegla and spend an afternoon walking round the black route and eating bacon butties in the cafe.
You get up at 6.30 and drive for 4 hours?! You are indeed a hard man and a true mountain biker. I doth my cap.
You have your own [url= http://www.mountainbikerides.co.uk/ ]mountain bike web site[/url] and [url=
page[/url] and spend more time on the internet than on your bike!
...your shins bear the scars
And you wear them with pride like medals
vickypea - MemberWhen your kitchen permanently has muddy camelbaks hanging on a hook, lights charging next to the cooker, a set of Allen keys on top of the microwave, 2 pairs of muddy MTB shoes lurking under the table, and punctured inner tubes slung across the back of the chairs
Are you single? fancy a [s]drink[/s] getting dirty......
vickypea - MemberWhen your kitchen permanently has muddy camelbaks hanging on a hook, lights charging next to the cooker, a set of Allen keys on top of the microwave, 2 pairs of muddy MTB shoes lurking under the table, and punctured inner tubes slung across the back of the chairs
Are you [s]single[/s] me?
Sate here working, wearing Troy Lee DH pants, with a newly trues wheel resting against my desk, 8 new pairs of brake pads just arrived piled beside the PC, with most of the week in my diary labelled as "Out Of Office" so I can go DHing.
You know you are a mountain biker when.....
.You come to the end of your ride due to time constraints and feel sad but elated because you've only done 20 odd miles and no-where physically exhausted.
.You waste time (by whizzing from side to side on the track or trying to pull wheelies or similar) or ride slowly when coming to the end of your ride, almost grieving because it's been such a great ride but now it's over.
When you go for a "quick ride to clear your head" the morning before a job interview, end up getting carried away and next time you check the time it's 2 hours after the interview time 😳 I do think not going to that interview was one of the main contributing factors to me only getting to stay in Whistler for a few months rather than the planned year, as I didn't get many other interviews - those I did manage to turn up to I didn't have enough experience for!
tbh I don't think I'd really call myself a "mountain biker" any more as I very very rarely ride anything that would be considered a mountain. More like oversized bmx tracks which are too rough for a bmx to be much fun. Even a full sus is over kill but I don't like the unbalanced feel of hardtails any more.
When you spend £1200 on a frame you don't need!,
The flat places in the world are totally dead to you.
When you agonize over how to pronounce any of the following...
EssRam,
Bontragger
Comenkal
Skwommish
Lez Getts
..And still come to the wrong conclusion.
Apparently knowing how every tyre combination feels for every trail condition and every season makes you a mountain biker! Degla gets a dogging on here but I reckon its good fun hitting those jumps every now and again I suppose if you can't jump its a bit crap, as for hard men riding Walna Scar go check out Ben A'an that's where real men ride I tried couldn't manage it all respect to anyone who can!
Llandegla jumps aren't really very good jumps, they're more like weirdly designed/laid out lumps that are a bit too easy to overshoot.
When you ride as often as you can, but notice you've been a bit "slack", because you have enough shorts and other kit for four or five rides starting with clean kit, but do the washing once its all been used in one hit and the stench of the pile of muddy kit even overwhelms you, let alone the wife and the cat.
ftfythen spend [s]another 2 hours[/s] most of the day pushing
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
Do I qualify? I like natural trails and trail centres too.
Also my contribution. ... You're miles away from civilisation and you think "nice view let's find a rock to stand my bike on so I can include it in the picture!"
Awesome pictures!
yesterday I went to investigate some woodland near the M6 between junc 15 & 16 just because whenever I drive past it I wonder if there's any track worth cycling there. I went all the way there and there was but mostly just overgrown fireroad which runs parallel with the m-way for about 3 miles so had some fun bombing up n down that.
[img][url= http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7363/9915511576_93d069fa2a.jp g" target="_blank">
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/13146208@N08/9915511576/ ]IMG_1161[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/13146208@N08/ ]100%of thetime60%ofthetime[/url], on Flickr[/img]
You see this in the park and wonder if Tim is still a postie..
When you don't recognise somebody who introduces themselves as a regular riding buddy from many years back, until 10 minutes into the conversation his wife mentions his Chas Roberts, and you instantly realise who he is 😳
You know you're a mountain biker when...
You read end someone approaching a roundabout coming off a dual carriageway in your car because you was busy looking at what bikes those 2 blokes were riding!