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What are the best dismount excuses you’ve heard/made?
Chose the (road) touring bike last night for a short spin around the lanes and commons of N Gloucs. It was a conscious choice as MTB from the door hereabouts involves much climbing and I’m still nursing a recurring transverse abdominal tear.
So me and a fellow lockdown lardarse are heading back up from Welland. Me on old tourer. Him on a lightweight MTB with triple.
I have to keep on dismounting and walking every time I feel my groin creaking. But I keep going #humblebragalert
I look back and MTB boy is now also off his bike, not pushing but standing there, about 200 yards behind me. Looking a bit shocked/pissed-off. I can’t be sure.
I circle back a little.
Me: ‘Everything ok?’
MTB boy: ‘yeah well, it’s OK for you on the hill parts, I’ve got a mountain bike’
🤣🤣🤣
‘Yeah, well...’
Last time I used that was when first getting lardy post-wheelchair, many years back. An old riding-buddy visited so we headed up Earnslaw. He was mashing the pedals of his Patriot and disappeared up round the first corner out of the car park. He waited.
Him: ‘Alright, chunky?!’
Me: ‘Yeah well, these new tyres are slipping’
What are the best excuses you’ve heard/made?
An old cycling buddy who only buys rigid fatbikes these days, as it gives him an excuse when you have to wait on him at the top of every climb, and the bottom of every descent...
A guy who rode in our group complained it was "the wrong kind of dirt" to explain why he was pushing down the trail.
the wrong kind of dirt
could be a follow-up MBUK straight-to-VHS title for the Class of ‘95
"I was slightly under-skilled just before the point of impact'
'My granny ring isn't working' / 'you don't have a front mech' / 'exactly'
'That's not a dab. If you dab with your head first, it doesn't count'
'Dirt Bunny came out and grabbed my front wheel'
and the obligatory
'I'd have cleaned that sober' 😉
These days, mine is usually "I rode off the edge of the trail, for no reason at all"
I've regularly used "Nah, I've run out of talent" when making a mess of anything technical.
On a long-ish 7 Stanes weekend with a group including my Dad, then in his late 60s, he bailed out of Kirroughtree Red and rode the fire road back to base with the words "The last two sections I've ridden on luck more than judgement" - he'd exited the trail into the bushes at least twice.
‘I’d have cleaned that sober’
Used quite a lot round these parts. I get it though - your reactions are just that tiny bit slower when you're hungover/ drunk
"Everything alright there Stu?"
"Yes thanks, was looking at those flowers, and ran off the edge of the trail."
A friend of mine rode at two smallish steps about 5 feet apart. Front wheel hit the second step as the back wheel hit the first. Straight over the bars he went. Apparently his bike didn't have enough travel.
"I forgot how to corner" was my best.
nicko74
Used quite a lot round these parts. I get it though – your reactions are just that tiny bit slower when you’re hungover/ drunk
First time we went to Kielder, I was possibly still a little drunk, and certainly sleep deprived, for the first lap. By the time we set out for a second, the hangover had well and truly arrived. We arrived at Dougie's Day Off, a short black section, and I went "**** off, I'm not riding that, it looks insane". ChrisL says, you rode it 2 hours ago you div.
I fake a mechanical issue if I’m struggling climbing. Get off, look at rear mech, forks, brakes, dropper (pick one) and shake my head whilst prodding said bit of bike and tutting.
Going downhill falling off is what normally happens, followed by “I don’t know what happened there”
MR,what is that recurring tear thing? Sounds nasty!
Well...I failed to make it up a hill for the first time in about 20yrs the other day. I was trying to justify it to myself all the way home.
Too hot
Gears too big
Not enough water
Not enough food
Started too fast
etc etc
By the time I got home I'd resigned myself to the true fact that last few months have made me overweight and unfit. So its Covids fault.
Bikepacking/touring the Trans Cambrian Way over 3 days, on the last day of a pretty sedate pace, my mate came out with "this would be a nice route if we didn't have to carry all this heavy shite". He is pretty unfit and did have a lot of shite! We still enjoy bikepacking and are looking forward to getting out very soon.
Dirt Bunny came out and grabbed my front wheel’
Nicking that one. Thanks.
I genuinely got dropped from a road race once because I was thinking about my cat.
MR,what is that recurring tear thing? Sounds nasty!
Don't have exact name for it really. (2nd) hernia-specialist says (quote) ‘unfortunately not a hernia’ but ‘complicated tissue-damage around the pubic tuberosity‘. Lifting/slipping (beer casks) injury from 2008, got better (so I thought) but twanged it badly in a gym in 2016, and twice since, most recently two weeks ago (solo) wrestling a small chest freezer from boot of car as all our fresh food was going off 😡
Seated climbing on bike is pretty much always dodgy nowadays. I know worse things happen at sea, but the frustration can get high with the never-ending cycling/swimming setbacks/months of inactivity/insomnia. Have cancelled touring/bikepacking plan/s for many years now, am actually getting close to knocking it on the head/taking up walking and drumming instead as more realistic goals. Weird though, as cycling (in many forms) has been a huge part of my life.
Maybe it can strengthened with physio, I should probably nurse it again right now then see some (private) sports physio maybe next year when/if stuff has died down some. If anyone has similar experience or possible advice do share or PM thnx
https://www.physio-pedia.com/Pubalgia
(Sorry for diversion)
I genuinely got dropped from a road race once because I was thinking about my cat.
(Genuine tea-spit)
Definitely having
"Do you think the cat is okay?"
Printed on the back of my jersey.
I've been using Osteoporosis and crushed Vertebrae in my spine for 10 years now 🙄
My favourite though is one my mate keeps reminded of. One of our MTB holidays a few years back on the last ride of the trip. A particularly spicy section 🤔 I said " I would have rode that but I've got a plane to catch tomorrow" 😁
Best wishes MR,sounds really frustrating.
"special line for tandems" when I miss a corner
Thanks ogri
I genuinely got dropped from a road race once because I was thinking about my cat.
4th?