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I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to this. I for one find bike cleaning a real chore and I’m sure I’m not alone.
If you’re at a trail centre you probably use the installed/provided jet wash…lots of people now have a portable jet wash in the car/van and give it a quick blast to get the worst of the shit off prior to travelling home.
If you do neither and depending on whether it’s late after returning home from a long, tiring weekend away riding or night ride, it’s left til the next day…then it’s ‘urggghhh…here we go then’. If you’re one of ‘them’, would you trust someone to come to you (or you drop it off) and give your bike a thorough clean/some love, and lube so you get it back as pristine as it can be? If so, what would you consider paying?
There are all sorts of potential issues: being precious about your pride and joy - not doing it ‘your way’; do you trust the guy not a) bugger off with your bike b) not rob you at a later date?; using different lubes etc to what you use and probably a load more reasons. What about repeated use?
I’m curious to know if there’s a potential marketplace for this type of service. My wife said if her (albeit busy, time-precious and loaded) boss had a bike he’d pay someone to clean it - I suspect he’s in a minority for a lot of the reasons listed above.
Am I right or would someone out there pay for a nice clean ready-to-ride bike without the hassle of doing it themselves?
I hate cleaning filthy bikes, buckets, hoses, sponges, brushes, mud...
So, as I'm really lazy, I worked out a routine to clean it instead. And made sure the kit was easily available.
Longest it's taken since i got everything set up is about 10-12 minutes. 15 if i blast it dry with the compressor.
Pop back and lube it after i'm showered and dressed.
So no. I'd not pay. Unless it was less than a tenner, which probably wouldn't even cover pick up and drop off.
When you say 'clean', you mean spending five minutes hosing it down when you get back and squirting GT85 on the mech, right?
I’m curious to know if there’s a potential marketplace for this type of service.
I don't think people will pay enough.
They won't wait in a queue at the end of the afternoon while you take the time to do the 5 other customers who just arrived bikes.
You will stand around doing nothing until 3pm, when upon everyone descends and also needs to be back home by 4pm...
You will find the cost of doing it is high - from insurance and payments to landowner etc, let alone van, adverts, equipment etc and you will only ever be at one trail centre.
There used to be a guy in Nottingham would do a circuit, pick up all the posh bike in one run on a Sunday evening, wash and tune them all and deliver ready for the next weekend.<br />Combined with some service work, guaranteeing it's delivered back working perfectly, and doing all the collections/drop-offs in one run seemed to make it work.<br /><br />APF
IHN - there’s obvs a sliding scale of filth. I get what you’re saying and it’s def valid but when it’s caked-on clay shite it’s not really a quick job. Interested in all viewpoints - that’s the point of the thread 😉
When you say ‘clean’, you mean spending five minutes hosing it down when you get back and squirting GT85 on the mech, right?
GT85? Fancy pants. If I ride home in the rain I consider that a proper valet job.
No. Keep seeing too many people with jet washers spraying bb's and fork seals.
Wasting water that costs money? Just wait until the vast quantity of accumulated crud is dry, and heavy, enough to fall off by itself FTW 😉
GT85? Fancy pants. If I ride home in the rain I consider that a proper valet job.
One good reason to carry the bikes outside a vehicle - free shower off on the way home. #luxurious
no, i wouldn't pay and the hassle of arranging the pick up or dropping it off would make it more of a pain than cleaning the bike in the first place. It takes less than 10 minutes to do it yourself - turn on hose, spray worst of crap off, squirt some degreaser / muc-off in appropriate places, hose again, quick rub down with manky towel and apply lube to chain. having said that, i often go for the let the mud dry and brush it off approach, unless it's proper filthy
No for me, I actually like cleaning my bike, and, shock horror, my commuter does get washed after every wet commute to get the mud and dirt off it.
Minimum of £50, to cover an hours' cleaning, consumables, water, energy, tools and fuel/vehicle costs for the pick up. And insurance; you'd want to know there's cover if it's your pride & joy.
That's if the bike is just 'fresh' dirty. If it's more grime than bike after being left for months, then it'll be way more.
I dont pay anyone to do anything to my bikes. I'm the only person who touches them.
(For reference - I dont pay anyone else to service or maintain my cars either, let alone wash them. It goes for a £45 MOT once a year because I'm not alowed to do that myself!)
No.
My commuter doesn't really get cleaned, and I'd not pay someone to do that.
My race bike gets a full strip and rebuild after every ride. That has to be done my way, and to perfection, takes me 8-9hrs usually, which would be prohibitively expensive for someone else, even if they did it right
The other bikes, less frequent than the race bike, in terms of number of rides between cleans, but still done properly, so again far too expensive for that amount of time.
Might be some mileage in 'Bike Detailing' as a side-hustle, where you'd virtually strip the bike and get it back to showroom condition. But you'd never make a living from it.
OP to answer your question, it's something that I've thought that I'd pay for if/when I win the Euromillions Jackpot, however that was when I was riding a full suspension all year round, using wet lube.
Now that I'm lucky enough to have a hardtail with mudguards fitted and a waxed chain (Squirt, not hot) the amount of maintenance after muddy rides has decreased massively. Get home, hose it off, give it a quick dry with a micro-fibre cloth, takes 10 minutes maximum. Every now and then it gets a more intense clean. Because of this it also gets ridden a lot more in dirty conditions than my old full sus used to.
No, i wouldn't pay on the basis that it's just immediately going to get filthy again at this time of year. I also don't believe in regularly washing with hose/jetwash in that it can do more harm than good so just get the worst off then focus on drivetrain/brakes/moving parts at this time of year then, when the weather improves, do a proper strip down and clean
My race bike gets a full strip and rebuild after every ride. That has to be done my way, and to perfection, takes me 8-9hrs usually,
Say what now!?! Lots of potential questions raised here starting with what cycling discipline? How often do you ride it (just races?)? Do you genuinely find its necessary?
Say what now!?!
Yeah kinda. I had the forks, shock, wheels out of the DH bike on Sunday stripped out the linkages and headset, checked all bearings, in less than 45 mins.
No, I enjoy doing it (and doing it properly!) so the idea of someone else doing their (probably half-arsed) attempt at cleaning it is not on.
However, I do have a very good LBS just 5 minutes away and he does most of my actual mechanics because I can't justify buying specific tools like bleed kits or that one weird spanner to do the PF BB and I don't have a workstand (or the space for one). I'll do the basics like change brake pads, fit a new chain and cassette and so on, anything more than that goes to him and he's a mate so I always get a good deal and in return I'm happy to support his business.
I dont pay anyone to do anything to my bikes. I’m the only person who touches them.
Yeah, I've had mixed results from letting other people work on my bikes.
OP here - TBF it’s going as I thought it might. I’m not even sure I would pay for it! Maybe only if was a good price, but that’s not going to be good enough to make a decent living from.
It was worth gauging responses to see if there was any demand - seems like an emphatic ‘non’ 🤣
OP, are you considering starting a business doing something you yourself find a chore?
It was worth gauging responses to see if there was any demand – seems like an emphatic ‘non’ 🤣
I think (as muffin man says ^^) there might be a side hustle in full on bike detailing. A complete strip and rebuild. However you'd need a full workshop of every tool imaginable to make it work properly because you could be faced with anything from a DH bike to a road bike.
And the slight problem with doing things like that is you invariably find "issues" somewhere along the way.
The bikes I see in my LBS brought in for "can you just tune the gears...?" and then he discovers that the BB is shot to bits, the cassette is worn to sharks teeth, that means a new chain.... And then you end up chasing problems around the bike.
No, but I am tight and only wash my bikes when they really* need it.
* when the dry mud cant be knocked off anymore and I cant tell if it is actually my bike.
Nah.
Might work at a busy trail centre or uplift venue, as an add-on to an existing business.
Can't see it being feasible as a local pick-up-and-return service though.
I can definitely answer this one. Unfortunately mine have to live in the house due to lack of space, and I don’t necessarily ride the same bike each time so it might sit for a while before being used again.
I like a really, really clean and well maintained bike. After almost every ride it’s wheels off, derailleur lower cage off, jockey wheels disassembled, brake pads out, chain off, saddle off, dropper out then a full degrease, clean, polish, regrease and re-lube then reassemble, all bolts checked, indexing of gears if needed. When finished the bike will look and ride like new. Probably 7-8 hours of work, 8-10 if really filthy. I do it because my philosophy on ‘things’ is that you either buy very cheap and treat it as disposable, or buy the best and look after it. Bikes are the latter!
Long winded way of saying that I’ll clean like this for family and friends occasionally if they ask and debated whether it’s worth actually setting up a bike detailing service on the side.
When I added up hours, materials and a small profit and got to a figure the cost would be so high nobody would pay it, so not worth doing.
Lots of scope for ‘it was working perfectly when I brought it to you, you’ve knackered it’ too.
After almost every ride
Probably 7-8 hours of work,
What?!
Probably 7-8 hours of work,
What?!
Where's that GIF of Jason Bateman being speechless when you need it?
Depends what the cleaning is. While I'm not as fastidious as some on here, I will spend 30-40 mins when I'm back from a ride, getting it cleaning and any service parts sorted. I'd maybe pay for a "super-detail nut and bolt looks-like-new" but I'd only do that once or twice a year maybe, and again depends on how much
What?!
Yeah, I like a clean bike but I don't have 7-8 hours free after *every* ride to give it that level of clean!!
My commuter could go without a clean for weeks, sometimes months at a time and then it'd get a proper going-over (but that was a SS road bike, nothing really to wear or gather too much crap). The MTB gets a quick jetwash if I'm using it at a trail centre then a wipe down.
Road and gravel bikes get a perfunctory wipe down (they have waxed chains so need much less care on the drivetrain front) and then a more thorough clean (which even then is really just wheels off) every couple of months.
And maybe once every 12-18 months, a strip and rebuild when I'll do bar tape, cables, brake bleed etc all in one go.
After almost every ride it’s wheels off, derailleur lower cage off, jockey wheels disassembled, brake pads out, chain off, saddle off, dropper out then a full degrease, clean, polish, regrease and re-lube then reassemble, all bolts checked, indexing of gears if needed.
So your hobby is cleaning bikes, not riding them? 😆
I don’t think mine get that much attention all year.
unlikely, I don't bother cleaning it much any way as it only gets dirty again.
@steelisideal - How often do you ride, I'd imagine that level of cleaning means you don't pop out for an hour here or there?
I've been paid to wash bikes.
All part of running a rental service. You can get pretty efficient at it. A typical day would be washing a dozen or so bikes in the morning, then doing the safety check/service in the afternoon.
Some of these "cleaning" regimes are probably doing more damage than just not cleaning it at all.
I'm sure you know my opinion on this but just in case, not a chance! 5 minute rinse after the ride with the Hydroshot, job done.
After almost every ride it’s wheels off, derailleur lower cage off, jockey wheels disassembled, brake pads out, chain off, saddle off, dropper out then a full degrease, clean, polish, regrease and re-lube then reassemble, all bolts checked, indexing of gears if needed.
Sod that, that's things that get done as and when needed!
I have regular customers who choose "the clean one"
Frame/wheel/drivetrain clean
Say what now!?! Lots of potential questions raised here starting with what cycling discipline? How often do you ride it (just races?)? Do you genuinely find its necessary?
Longer distance XC, 6-24hr races. It is just a race bike, I have others for other riding. Usually three 24hrs in a year plus some others, 6-8 races would be normal, fewer last year due to long covid. And yes, a 24 does weird things to it, especially if it's wet, a dry 6hr much less so. Worth it? I've been racing since 1998 and I've had one DNF in all that time (and one in a running race, but that was a calf injury) I see lots of other people with mechanicals, could possibly have been avoided if they'd looked after their bikes better
Yeah, I’ve had mixed results from letting other people work on my bikes.
Yeah, I’ve had mixed results from letting other people doing my own work on my bikes.
Yeah should probably add some context!
Ride usually once a week or so, probably once a fortnight in the depths of winter, but full day and BPW/Dyfi/FoD. Unfortunately there’s nothing local to ride so never get the chance to get out for an hour or so, if I did I’d just run a singlespeed Stooge and never clean it!
It wouldn’t be everyone’s way to do it but it works for me. I love riding a lot more than cleaning but I hate a bike that’s creaky, noisy, squeaky or not working as well as it should. Touch wood, I’ve literally NEVER had a single ride spoiled by a mechanical issue, and I put that down to being a bit OCD on cleaning and maintenance.
Don’t get me started on how long it takes to detail a motorbike…
No.
So, as I’m really lazy, I worked out a routine to clean it instead. And made sure the kit was easily available. Longest it’s taken since i got everything set up is about 10-12 minutes. 15 if i blast it dry with the compressor.
This is me, too! Developed a crack on and get it done attitude and a process that is <10mins for a clean enough bike. I'd find (sorry) letting someone else in (and all associated) to clean the bike actually more faff
My race bike gets a full strip and rebuild after every ride. That has to be done my way, and to perfection, takes me 8-9hrs usually,
Are you de-lacing the wheels and rebuilding them after every ride? Actually that wouldn't take me more than about 4 hrs and I'm a very slow wheel builder. What are you doing in all that time?
There's a reasonable market for this with the minted London / Surrey roadies, but there's already folks serving it. Very much a minimal hassle service, pick up the bike, return it later all perfectly clean, lubed ready for the next weekend run.
I wouldn't for MTBs, although I do like to do a full strip down and clean at some point over the winter, I'd consider it as an add-on to a full service / bearings swap sort of work.
There was a guy on BBC News this morning who seemed to be very busy cleaning peoples' trainers for them, so there's a market for everything I guess 🤷♂️😂
Probably 7-8 hours of work, 8-10 if really filthy. I do it because my philosophy on ‘things’ is that you either buy very cheap and treat it as disposable, or buy the best and look after it. Bikes are the latter!
Surely
a) you spend a fortune on cleaning products / degreaser / fresh grease / oils
b) can actually cause more issues by constant stripping down and replacing things such as jockey wheel and cage
c) have a hobby of cleaning bikes, not riding them? Dull Mens Club for you...
I don't clean my bikes unless they're covered in properly wet mud or they're going into my LBS for bits of servicing that I won't want to do. I hate the idea of putting more water onto a bike - dry mud doesn't matter as long as it's not abrasively rubbing anything. But water washes away grease and oil and corrodes.
Only takes me 10-15 minutes to make the bike spotlessly *clean* after a 100k marathon event. Or a CX race. Or our clubs midwinter XC race, (regular axle deep dippings into a mixture of mud, rain, ice and random bits of forest).
It's all about the process. Hose, buckets, degreaser, sponges, brushes, soap... I even still do the exes bike as it's so quick for me to do it while she's getting the kids sorted out to go to hers. And it saves her a fortune in parts (as i can spot the bits she's wearing out/breaking before she has to spend 100 quid an hour at a shop for labour).
Then the *service* to fix the damage and/or wear after a long event is another hour or so (if i have all the parts) probably including a couple of mugs of tea.
Only way i'd spend 8-10 hours is if it included basic fork, shock, dropper, hub, headset and pedal servicing. Plus cables, brake bleed etc.
No. I clean all the family bikes, I find it therapeutic. I also like ironing
I'd pay Henry Quinney not to clean (/work on) my bike 😀
Video: A Mid-Winter Downhill Rebuild - Pinkbike
As I said above, I only get to ride about once a week. In the summer when it’s dry, unless the bikes have got really filthy then it’ll get a wipe down with a microfibre and a cassette/chain degrease/regrease and brake/ stanchion clean.
Answering your points:
A. No. Washing up liquid, car shampoo, Aldi silicone lube and lithium grease from Toolstation. I’ve tried all the expensive stuff, this works better. 30g of SRAM butter lasts a couple of years.
B. Maybe, but I’d argue people’s lack of maintenance causes more issues. My cassettes and chains go on forever, because they’re checked with a measuring tool after every ride and never covered in a gritty paste. Similarly I’m lucky to have a couple of bikes, so it isn’t being done weekly.
C. Bit harsh. I just do what works for me. Again (touch wood) I’ve never had a ride spoiled by a mechanical. I’ve twice had a badly indexed drivetrain, and that was my fault for taking shortcuts.
I’d never judge anyone for not having a clean and tidy bike, and I also run parts that are strong, overbuilt, simple to rebuild and easily maintained for the home mechanic.
I’d pay Henry Quinney notto clean (/work on) my bike 😀
Haha, I had to stop watching that after about 30 secs.
And I'm no princess when it comes to bike cleaning.
Would I, nope.
Would "people", yep. Plenty of people get all their maintenance done at an LBS, my local always seems to have the same few bikes in the queue every time I go in there, just there for a service and brake blead. It's just adding a wash on top of that.
Trouble would be finding the local market. You need an affluent enough area that you're not driving hours, a local riding scene that's busy enough to generate the work all year round. The market is people who are time poor / cash rich enough that spending £50/week , £2600/year on the service, and you need to find 40+ people like that (i.e 40 bikes a week). They definitively exist, it's the ones that justify the extra cost and expense of a van to avoid having to take the front wheel on and off when they go riding, it's probably a lot cheaper than T6 ownership!
I hate cleaning my bike (especially in Winter) but I wouldn't pay someone else to do it.
Partly because on some weird level I'd be a bit embarrassed about having someone else do it and also because the cleaning process is quite useful for spotting future maintenance jobs and other things that may need looking at, e.g. flint slowly working its way into the tyre tread or loose spokes or whatever.
If I was on a riding holiday or event of some kind then yeah, absolutely I would pay then.
I'm not sure if this is fully related but I have read a few times somewhere that there are various people trying to make bike leases a thing- i.e- you "buy" your bike the same way people buy cars now, on a hire-lease basis. I wonder if that took off, whether there'd be opportunities there for washing/basic servicing as part of those types of hire-lease package.
I run an angle grinder over mine after every ride…. Comes up a treat after.
Yeah, I’ve had mixed results from
letting other peopledoing my own work on my bikes.
This is also true. Nothing like ****ing something up to make a lesson memorable.
I take the view that I'd rather pay someone to do DIY than spend my own time on it and I'm sure there are people out there who'd have the same attitude to bike cleaning. Technically it's no longer DIY I guess, but you know what I mean.
Whether there are enough of those people in your envisaged catchment area is the question. How you work that out is the obvious next bit.
Personally I'd always rather clean my own bikes. It tends to be the time when you spot stuff that's broken, wearing out or on the point of breaking before it ruins your next ride / front teeth / bank balance. I don't think I'd trust anyone else to do it.
And besides, next door's Westie would miss the excitement of trying to drink hose-water through cracks in the fence and I don't think I could bear to deprive him of that experience. The rest of his time is spent rolling around on plastic grass and trying to reach the cat which taunts him be nonchalantly sitting on top of a wall while the dog runs around barking pointlessly at it.
So not me, but I'm sure there are people, whether there are enough of them is hard to know. My gut feeling is not, but then I don't live in the Home Counties and work in the city.
As a potential yes but heres the thing.
Im lazy.
So if you've got to pickup, arrange a time to come to me or require anything like that im not interested.
So i can only see it working (for me) if i was to travel somewhere. (like a bike park) and after i had finished i could drop my bike off with someone while i went and got changed. it would need to be secure for me to leave it and then pick it up some short time later completely spotless.
id pay for that but it would be a max of something like a tenner.
What happens if someone gives you a bike covered in mud and you wash it off to find a crack. they didnt do it obviously!
would-you-pay-someone-to-clean-your-dirty-bike
No
would-you like someone to come round right now and-clean-your-dirty-bike
Yep. Gravel bike is caked at the moment, was frozen stiff after I got in, thought I'd do it after a shower, didn't. Pick the bones out of that.
on some weird level I’d be a bit embarrassed about having someone else do it
also this, coupled to being embarrassed to turning up to rides with bike looking as it is. Apart from when I was a dedicated SSer, when turning up with filthy bike and ostentatiously knocking a bit of mud off in the car park before running the chain through an oily rag was part of the identity. Gears - pah! Maintenance - pah! At times I think it was only the mud that held bits of it together.
Lots of people pay someone to clean their car. Either a big machine that you drive through, a service whilst you are in doing the shopping or a "mobile valet" who comes to your house/workplace whilst the car sits outside anyway. BUT those are almost zero hassle. There are other options which are more hassle, as well as DIY or ignore - but I think they give a good idea what people prioritise.
The one way I could see this working is in a city with lots of small houses/flats and limited storage if it was tied to a secure storage service it might work. If you could open a locker, put your bike in it and pay a fee for either "store" or "clean and store" it could be attractive.
Never.
I'd not trust them to not **** up something or jet water into places where it'll cause damage that only manifests itself in 6 months time, at geat cost to me.
Lots of people pay someone to clean their car.
The thing with cleaning a bike though is it's an opportunity to identify bits that are worn, about to wear, in need of maintenance etc. So I want to do that myself because when I'm cleaning it I'll have a look at the brake pads, the tyres, the drivetrain etc.
Cleaning and maintenance are the same thing in a bike whereas they're not for a car. So paying someone to jetwash the bike and hand it back sparkling clean doesn't actually get to the nub of the problem that there may be parts on their last legs but which have not been made known to me.
I've had to charge customers before for cleaning because their bike was so covered in dog poo we couldn't work on it. Doesn't usually go down well.
Cheers all - some valid points. The ‘idea’ is dead in the water now BTW
I’ve had to charge customers before for cleaning because their bike was so covered in dog poo we couldn’t work on it. Doesn’t usually go down well.
A couple of shops i've worked at have a fee attached to cleaning. Which is stated up front, on the quote.
Basically "We will charge you a minimum of an hours labour to clean your bike if we decide it's too dirty for the workshop, make sure it's clean".
Can't recall anyone ever getting charged twice.
There was a guy on BBC News this morning who seemed to be very busy cleaning peoples’ trainers for them, so there’s a market for everything I guess 🤷♂️😂
Has anyone predicted the return of shoe shine boys in the Brexit benefits thread?
I don’t clean my bikes. That mud has too often turned out to be structural.
In real life I don’t typically trust others to do the jobs that I know how to and have the tools to do myself.
Cleaning and drying a bike properly makes them look new for ages. Well worth the time.
I do mine properly - takes a good 30mins. And that is cleaning, degreasing and drying. Drying makes it right to me.
Paint clean, polish and tidy up on top. Another 30mins.
Good call OP but MTBers know the price of everything and value of nothing. (See discussions about the nervousness of paying more than £10 for a bike rack that is hanging up £5Ks worth of bike. Steadyrack - just in case you ask.)
I guess some folk just aren't that fussy. Furry nuff. They will sleep better ...
Probably 7-8 hours of work, 8-10 if really filthy. I do it because my philosophy on ‘things’ is that you either buy very cheap and treat it as disposable, or buy the best and look after it. Bikes are the latter!
You obviously don't place much value on your free time if you think 8 hours of admin per ride results in a net saving!
20 minutes to give the bike a good clean.
Rapha Travel used to do this. Rapha Travel was Rapha's road bike accompanied touring holidays - and was as expensive and luxurious as you would expect. Whilst the participants got a massage and some fancy food in the evening and rested their heads on luxury feather pillows in an upmarket gite or downmarket chateaux, their bikes got a proper scrub up and lube and a tinker if needed so they got a minty fresh bike again the next morning. Kind of a ride like the pros experience for the middle aged and well heeled. Probably the only scenario bike cleaning is going to make sense - a captive audience of comfortably off bike obsessives and a whole evening to do the job.
I spend a fair bit of time cleaning my bike(S) after each ride. Maybe an hour for the properly muddy MTB and 30 minutes on the road/gravel bike.
I'm a bit anal about my "toys" including my car which gets a wash each week.
I think if you give your bikes a once over after each ride you can spot issues quickly.
After all, I've spent a chunk of my wages on stuff, so why not look after it?
I hate cleaning my bike, in fact I don't think mountain bikes should look too clean (it just looks like you've either just bought it or are using it like a fashion accessory).
However as others have said it gives you an early call if anything is worn out, needing replaced etc. I don't clean my bike every ride but it gets a good inspection when I do clean it, so for that reason - no, I wouldn't pay someone to clean my bike, even if it was reasonably priced
As a Service Manager this is often an issue. In shops I've worked in, a wipe down tends to be covered as part of the service (i.e. 5 mins). Customers have the choice of paying for a full clean but I can't remember anyone ever taking this up (or wasn't offered by the Service Writer....). The mechanic ends up cleaning the bike anyway because "that's what customers want", so the shop pishes away 30 minutes free labour and impacts our turnaround time.
No, it’s not a difficult job and I need to save money rather than pay for something that takes less than 10 minutes to do.
Not a fan of washing bikes, they get put away dirty, especially the daily commuter. So I would be happy to pay someone to clean it every so often if convenient and reasonably priced, but most important if, I earnt more money.
OOooooh and I challenge anyone to clean my bike in under five minutes!
I can’t believe how much spare time some people have.
After almost every ride it’s wheels off, derailleur lower cage off, jockey wheels disassembled, brake pads out, chain off, saddle off, dropper out then a full degrease, clean, polish, regrease and re-lube then reassemble, all bolts checked, indexing of gears if needed. When finished the bike will look and ride like new. Probably 7-8 hours of work, 8-10 if really filthy.
Private Pyle?
NO
I don't even wash my own very often. Brush off the mud when dried, wipe down with a damp cloth. Its tricky washing bikes in an attic flat.
Edit:
Cleaning and maintenance are the same thing in a bike whereas they’re not for a car
Not for me. I can check the bike without cleaning it and do every ride. Front brake on and bounce the fork checks head bearings and fork damping etc etc. My bikes are also set up to be low maintenance ie IGH, putolined chain, sintered brake pads