[Closed] Would you be 100% honest with the kids about your youth? Dadsnetworld.com....

Interesting question and one which I have also discussed with my wife.
my thoughts are aged before 16/17 or whenever I feel they can discuss it maturly 'No I've never taken drugs' - after that age well I wouldn't raise the issue but if asked I might casually respond with 'yes some of the best nights of my entire life were when I was off my face'

Yes.

Although I never did drugs, I tried smoking (didn't last long), took spirits into school, small-time shoplifting, usual teenage boy vandalism, and general bad behaviour in school (detentions/report etc), truancy. This was in the early 80's.

I use all this to explain to my daughter (13 now) why I came out with just two CSE's to my name and I could have done so much better. I was a 90%+ in everything kid until my last two years of comp when I got in with the rougher element at school.

I talk about it in a casual manor though, not a preachy 'thou must not do' way.

I come from a well-off background too, so no excuses and a completely wasted opportunity.

I wouldn't even be completeley honest with myself about my youth!!

It would depend when they asked. A 12 year old would be different to when they are 19. My first thought is that I wouldn't be totally honest no.

Similar position here, did lots of silly stuff and ended up in situations I would hate for my kids to end up in. Having kids does change your perspective. We've always tried to be as honest as possible, and will try to continue to do so, but I'm sure we'll steer them away form it at the same time. And they, like we did, will ignore it all and make loads of mistakes of their own. Being there to help out when it goes wrong is as much as you can do at that point.

Your kids WILL **** up at some point. It's part of growing up. They will do things that you don't want them to.

Your job is not to prevent that from happening, but to make sure they are as prepared for it as they can be, can be truthful about it with their parents, and make sure that they understand they are loved by you regardless.

Is my advice

[url= http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/ex-raver-dad-delivers-unconvincing-drugs-chat-20151103103498 ]This is obviously you[/url]

My eldest daughter is approaching the age where this is going to become an issue. In all honesty, I think that you're in a position to give them a more honest account of drug use than the ridiculous hysterical nonsense that is portrayed in the media

At the end of the day, me and my mates had the time of our bloody lives through the whole Manchester/Rave era. During the course of this we took - SHOCK! HORROR!!! - a lot of drugs. We now all have standard lives, university educations, good jobs, kids, and your standard boring existence. Nobody died. No lasting damage was done. It was bloody brilliant, then we grew out of it, and moved on.

So you need to be sensible and honest, and give them a balanced viewpoint. Nothing makes a kid want to try something more than all the adults just telling them not too IMHO

Yes I would, age dependent on what I share.

I hope they would learn from my experiences, and learn to make their own decisions.

Binners +1

It would be kinda hard to explain the earliest photos of me and his mum with eyes like dinner plates anyway.

I can also temper the conversation with the tales of the girl who had a complete psychotic break and dropped out of uni from over indulging on the pills. Even she's got 2 kids, a good job and seems to be having a lovely time of it though. Was pretty rough at the time though.

My eldest got quite upset with me when, after receiving several years of 'drugs are bad, m'kay' education from school she asked me my opinion on drug legalisation...

Still, that closes off another door on the 'how best to shock and rebel against my bossy parents' list.

Nobody died. No lasting damage was done

Not the case here. No, I'm not dead, Mark is. Another friend managed to get into a state where crack seemed like a good idea, and that had serious repercussions for years.

Don't tell your lad about when you were a drunken meathead and used to lift the backs of cars leaving a trail of them at 90 degrees to the curb on your way back from the pub.

Well, not if he becomes a meathead too... 😳

I would at some point, my Dads told me all sorts about when he was growing up in the late 60's and 70's.

They're too young at the moment but as they get older if we're having the conversation i'll tell them stuff.

I smoked and took lots of drugs in the 90's, but my wife has never even smoked a cigarette. So i think she might see it glorification sometimes. But i'm not going to lie to them if they ask when they get older.

I tried having a frank and honest discussion with my then 16yo slightly off the rails son and his response in a waily teenage voice "but dad I just want to make my own mistakes"

I've never taken any recreational drugs in my life. The idea just never appealed to me and i'm daft enough without additional enhancement.
My older brother , however, makes Bob Marley and Cheech and Chong look like bottom of the table amateurs in the weed consumption stakes. He is 3 years older than me but looks 20 years older and is like a living, breathing skellington.

I'll explain this to my kids and let them make their own decisions based on which one of us they want to turn out like.

Thing is though the OP said 100% honest 🙂

If I had kids (I don't and don't intend to) I would be completely honest with them.
I've never taken drugs, smoked, or been in trouble with the Law. So whilst I sit on my high fence looking down from on high, I really think you ought to educate Kids. That means explaining the Good and the Bad and recall experiences where you found yourself in situations and came out of them.
IMO you have to be completely honest, don't and I think you'll end up suffering when your Kids end up in a situation you knew possibly could happen, yet never gave them the benefit of your experience for them to handle it.

BOL

Very dependent upon their age and maturity, when the time is right yes - to a degree though, maybe not the whole story and you need to balance the good story with one about the downside. I know a few kids for whom drugs have totally ruined their lives and one friend who got psychosis and it ended his marriage and he no longer sees his kids. Its not all fun and coming out he other side in one piece. With my own 3 kids now 27, 25 and 22 I am so relieved they made it through those years with no issues.

God no. I'd hate for them to realise how boring I was, and I'm hoping they'll be a bit less inhibited.

It depends. At thirteen, my stepsons weren't ready to hear the truth from me so I dodged the issue.

At sixteen, stepson two came home and asked me about cannabis in general. When I was his age, my father sat me down for an excruciating and hysterical chat about drugs. A little honesty was appreciated both ways.

I don't really want my kids to think that it's ok

If you have direct experience, then your words are likely to have much greater value than the standard drugs are bad message.

We all take drugs of some kind or another - I've just finished a coffee - but there's a line. And we might not all draw the line at the same place the law does. Responsible informed use is better than blanket prohibition, imo.

I'm as square as they come, but in all honesty I would not be bothered if I found out my daughter was enjoying a spliff now and then at uni. However I'd be f'in livid if I found out she was smoking cigarettes.

They need knowledge, and the benefit of our experience. Just like in all areas tbh.

Same as many above, good, balanced viewpoint. Also have some horrific stories of a girl in my year age 14 who died of a Heroin overdose and two friends and a colleague from the pizza place I worked in at 18 who all had very negative experience of drug use (Weed) One suicide, one multiple mental issues and one bumped his dad off with an axe!.

God no. I'd hate for them to realise how boring I was, and I'm hoping they'll be a bit less inhibited.

Same here.

I think my main focus will be on trying to get him to not drive like a testosterone-swamped dickhead, as that's the main thing that kills young lads (and their mates). He's only seven so maybe we'll have self-driving cars by then anyway.

I will always be honest with my kids. I feel that if I can tell them what I've done in my past, they might not feel like they have to hide things from me. Also as someone mentioned above words of advice are far better received from someone having had the same experience. The only lie I've ever told my kids is the whole Santa Claus thing and that doesn't sit very comfortably with me either!

Nobody died

Not the case here either. A few got seriously screwed up too and ended up in psychatric wards..
Its not all glow sticks and dancing.

It's a tricky one, I'd like my kids to not get into that side of life at all, but I did when I was a yoof, and don't regret it in the main part.

Amongst other things I smoked weed, and before I knew it I'd smoked away the early part of my twenties, and life is very short. I know this now, and wouldn't do it again with hindsight. I wouldn't want my kids to waste any of their lives.

Not the case here either. A few got seriously screwed up too and ended up in psychatric wards..
Its not all glow sticks and dancing.

Agreed, I have one friend who is a socially inept, jobless, alcoholic ex stoner, who freely admits his problems were caused by his ridiculous consumption of weed for 20 years.

No, I was never that wild but I don't want them thinking it is OK to do XX because their dad did it.

When they are old enough, I am sure they will work things out for themselves but hopefully they will be old enough to be making semi-sensible decisions by then.

Nobody died. No lasting damage was done

As others have said, not the case here either.

Me and my mates did a lot of stuff back in the day (no class A for me though). Some of them are in a right state - some through drink, others through drugs. One girl sadly died (well educated blah blah) from an overdose.

I was brought up to remain on the straight and narrow. Fine until I reached say 15, then there was too much fun (and peer pressure) to be had crossing that line.

I wasted 3-4 years of my early 20s as a result. Then my mum passed away and I grew up pretty sharpish.

As my mum used to say, "Education begins at home." I failed to acknowledge that then, but am hoping my experiences enable me to forge a strong relationship with my son that prevents him from straying too far on the other side.

I'll tell my kids the truth when the time is right.

Which means telling them I did have a few good nights which I can't really remember..

But also that I had one friend who died at 17 from an overdose, another who spent years switching between secure hospital and prison, and several others who totally trashed their lives, and were never able to hold down a job or relationship due to passed drug abuse.

Not the case here. No, I'm not dead, Mark is. Another friend managed to get into a state where crack seemed like a good idea, and that had serious repercussions for years.

Really sorry to hear that Rob. But when I said about having a balanced conversation, this is what I meant. The 'all drugs are bad! Don't touch them'!' approach just doesn't work. And it doesn't work because its a stupid thing to stay. Different drugs are very different. We all did the usual suspects that everyone was hammering in the early nineties. But we had big red lines that were never to be crossed. Anything with the big A, for addictive, in front of it was an absolute no no. So I would never ever have tried smack or crack. Wouldn't touch the stuff with a barge-pole even when I was at my most stupid.

So the answer is to educate kids properly in the different effects of different drugs. Its a very nuanced subject. But the way our society (fails to) deal with it doesn't allow for nuance. Most of the 'debate' such as it is, is hysterical to the point of being ridiculous. Not to mention totally factually inaccurate. 'Education' isn't anything of the sort, its just propaganda. And thats destructive because it doesn't work!

IMHO the most damaging drug, by a country mile, is weed. Especially the *ed up super-strength shit thats around nowadays! People get into an endemic cycle of daily use, and its absolutely debilitating. Sure, you're not going to be found dead with a needle sticking out of your arm, but it'll probably completely * your head up, make you paranoid, and sap all your motivation to do anything at all. If I was going to warn my kids off anything, then that'd be the one!

IMHO the most damaging drug, by a country mile, is weed. People get into an endemic cycle of daily use, and its absolutely debilitating. Sure, you're not going to be found dead with a needle sticking out of your arm, but it'll probably completely **** your head up, make you paranoid, and sap all your motivation to do anything at all. If I was going to warn my kids off anything, then that'd be the one!

Yup.

the most damaging drug, by a country mile, is [s]weed [/s]alcohol

....yet how many people on here got taken for a pint by their Dad when they turned 18?

Not sure you're qualified to say this:

the most damaging drug, by a country mile, is alcohol

When you've said this:

I've never taken any recreational drugs in my life.

You're right PP in that alcohol 'can' be really damaging. People need educating about everything. But aren't! Its ironic that the most damaging things are the most socially acceptable. Lets be honest, most of us have that attitude: 'oh its [b]JUST[/b] smoking a bit of weed". Like its not that damaging. IMHO it'll **** you up more than any other drug, including alcohol

These conversations need to be had. About everything. And the way as a society we do this is pathetically timid and infantile! And this might be just about acceptable, but it isn't, because the upshot of this cowardly, immature, head in the sand approach is the drug problems we have today. We have to have a proper grown up conversation about how what we have at the moment is failing completely, and needs to be addressed properly! And that means taking responsibility for educating your own kids properly, and not leaving it to others, crossing your fingers and hoping for the best

'oh its JUST smoking a bit of weed". Like its not that damaging. IMHO it'll **** you up more than any other drug, including alcohol

Mrs Blobby's views on this have changed considerably too since she's been working in mental health.

Not sure you're qualified to say this:

the most damaging drug, by a country mile, is alcohol

When you've said this:

I've never taken any recreational drugs in my life.[b]

Correctamundo. I'm entirely unqualified to say all sorts of crazy shit but I still do it.

I was merely pointing out the hypocrisy that we all fall victim to of trying to protect our kids from stuff that might harm them because society frowns upon it whilst simultaneously encouraging them to consume other stuff that's more likely to kill them like alcohol, sugar, fat and cars.

I hope my kids are sensible enough not to consume a car.

What binners said: it's ridiculous we lump all these very VERY different things (weed, mdma, speed, lsd, mushrooms, cocaine, heroin) under a single category and call them all "drugs". Include the legal ones in the category as well if you like, but it's still a ridiculous umbrella term. If we delivered nuanced messages about the good and bad of each it would be much more productive - the effects of each are totally different, it's not just a matter of degree.

It's like equating skating in the park with speeding down the motorway at 130mph which is also the same thing as playing scalectrix or using a circular saw. "Hey kids, moving things with wheels on are bad, mmmkay?"

Amen to all the sensible balanced truth stuff above as well (once a kid is old enough to understand anyway).

I hope my kids are sensible enough not to consume a car.

Ate a whole pack of Polo's once...

Notwithstanding the above, if you're going to mention the dangers of smoking grass, I'd be very keen to also point out how "legal highs" (fake weed) is much much much more dangerous.

Seriously, that shit has messed-up EVERYONE who I know who used it.

I was a good kid so if anything would want my kids to push the boundaries a little more and experience more in life when younger.

Back in't good old days it was a bit of squidgy or rocky and thai stick if you were lucky, the gubbins they're smoking these days is like psychotropic kryptonite with hundreds of times the psychoactive ingredients in, legal or 'proper'. If one of mine came back telling me he was smoking weed I'd be going batshit mental, not least with the nursery.

I was merely pointing out the hypocrisy that we all fall victim to of trying to protect our kids from stuff that might harm them because society frowns upon it whilst simultaneously encouraging them to consume other stuff that's more likely to kill them like alcohol, sugar, fat and cars.

Understood. Death and physical health risks aside, weed is far more detrimental to your mental health and ability to function than alcohol imho. It has no obvious short term ill effects, no hangovers etc. I think it's easy for kids to get caught up and end up smoking it all day, every day.

[quote=perchypanther ] the most damaging drug, by a country mile, is alcohol
....yet how many people on here got taken for a pint by their Dad when they turned 18?

Except the proportion of alcohol users who have serious problems due to it is far lower than for any of the other drugs. Yes, for society as a whole it might be the biggest issue, but how much of that is because it's the most widely used?

"I'm just an occasional social smackhead and it really doesn't affect my health"?

Of course alcohol is bad when taken in excess, but even taking into account the latest medical reports about moderate consumption, if consumed sensibly it's really not that big an issue. Don't think I'm in denial about this or unaware of the issues either - my normal consumption is comfortably under even the most recent guidelines and my aunt died of alcohol related issues.

Given all the comments on here about education rather than prohibition, then surely being taken to the pub by dad on your 18th (for a pint, not 8 ) is actually a sensible thing to do, to help give the idea that alcohol is something to be consumed socially in moderation. I'd like to think that drinking a glass or two of wine with a meal (once or twice a week, not every meal) in front of our kids is also giving the correct idea.

Will I be honest? As in completely open? **** no. Got off the hard stuff after half a decade of daily use, started drinking, rehabilitated (cycled through all of it).

So no, I'll just drop mysterious hints and knowing looks whenever the subject comes up with our son. And all the money not spent on drink and drugs will buy him whatever bicycle is most suitable for him 🙂

Before this gets derailed into a drugs thread, (which inevitably has a vast range of nuance concerning the types of drugs involved, legality, context of drug taking and frequency, plus the experience of drug taking, personally or by acquaintance of the poster) what about being honest about other stuff?

Sex? Nicking stuff? Violence? Driving offences? Not that I've erred in all of the above! There are some things I'd be more prepared to talk about than others though, mainly because I think it could be more instructive...

I'd certainly never admit to them that I posted a thread in the wrong forum.

I remember as a teenager saying I was off to a nightclub in down. My mum says, where's that? I explained she said, "Oh, that used to be The Place! I remember scoring Purple Hearts in the toilets there..." then realised what she'd just said 😆 (*) TBH I took her much more seriously after that, up til then it was kind of "what does she know?"

Way I see it, you don't have to be an angel to tell people to stay on the straight and narrow. I didn't decide never to smoke because of PR campaigns or great examples, it was because my mum and dad were both addicts and I just went "no ta". And my dad's always been a functional alcoholic if I'm honest and likewise, there's no drink advice I'd take more seriously than his.

(* it was almost as good as when I got my first motorbike... She went absolutely radge, proper end times. Til my grandma heard, and quietly said to her "That's how I felt, when you got yours". FATALITY!)

Not the case here. No, I'm not dead, Mark is. Another friend managed to get into a state where crack seemed like a good idea, and that had serious repercussions for years.

It's a funny one. I dabbled on soft stuff and drank a lot, but never wanted to try the harder stuff as the fear of losing control was too much. I was also scared I'd like it.

I also watched a friend get into speed in a big way and drop like a stone - he went from being great fun on a night out to being an utter nightmare and getting thrown out of uni in the space of a term.

I think, at the end of the day, you've just got to be straight. I also think going in screaming DRUGS ARE BAAAAD!!! will just make them more interesting.

Endless surveys and the direct experience of more grown-up societies, show that the shift away from (completely ineffectual) prohition towards a more mature, and liberal system of education results in a reduction in drug use, but more importantly a vast change in the detrimental effects of that drug use.

Yet here we are in 2016, still with our fingers in our ears going 'LA LA LA WE'RE NOT LISTENING!!!!'and our aproach as a society is best summed up by [url= http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/sacked-ndash-for-telling-the-truth-about-drugs-1812255.html ]this attitude[/url]

So in answer to the original question: Our government and the authorities will not only refuse to provide a sensible approach to drug education, they will actively prevent one taking place. So as parents, we'll have to do it ourselves. Which we should be doing anyway