[Closed] Who's a guilty rider then?

'Yeah' may mean yes, but the long pause before hand means, 'I'd rather you didn't, but I suppose we can get along fine without you until you get back, but I'm not really happy about it'.

I'm surprised after 14 years of marriage you haven't worked out that its the gaps between the words that carry the most meaning!

😉

My mrs has a habit of letting me go, then calling me mid ride to guilt me out.
Solution? Turn off fone.

She said yes. What is there to be guilty about? If she didnt mean yes she shouldn't have said yes.

Been with my wife 17 years in all. Discovered bikes 3.5 years ago.

Wife still finds it odd that I may want to disappear for a few hours now and then when before I was always around. I do most if not all my riding during the week.

I feel guilty until the first pedal stroke. After that, worry, debt, stress and all that disappear until I get back home

School boy error - the pause was clearly an unspoken 'not really'.

Enjoy your ride

Sorry but I really don't get all this asking permission stuff

Should be "who's an under the thumb rider then?" 😉

Sorry but I really don't get all this asking permission stuff

Its called having consideration for your chosen life partner. To have consideration for others is what you do in a marriage, or indeed, any relationship you value, is it not?

uplink - are you married and got kids?

I still ask, it's polite (and I like sex). We both know that unless something else is really urgent or I've forgotten about some other engagement, it means I'm going out for a ride... I may be some time 😉

uplink - are you married and got kids?

yes - 27 years and 4

I've never felt the need to ask permission to take time out of the house on my own, she trusts me to make the decision of whether or not it's reasonable
I'll usually just tell her or leave a note telling her what time I expect to be back.

I never ask. But i always mention that i've got a ride planned at the weekend, or that tomorrow evening i'm planning to go out. That way she has chance to remind me about something i've forgotten.

But that long pause, that means "i'd rather you stayed in with the kids while i stay in bed or get ready. You're so selfish, all you care about is that fu##ing bike. Fine do what you want. I'll see you later!"

Simple answer is that you are always in the sh*t its just the depth that varies when it comes to women, so just fill your boots and go riding as long as you know your still spending quality time with the family at some point, also if the phone goes mid ride ignore it as ruins the flow!

well i sneaked out the other morning for a ride it was chuckin it down thought sod this sneaked back into bed thoud ill try my luck whey hey i am in here whispered into her ear its chuckin it down out there she replied i know and that soft t##t has gone riding 😯

Mav that made me chuckle!

Nope 🙂

Apparenlty I get into the biggest grump ever if I don't ride so I'm usualy 'allowed out'.

The bit she anoys me with is I'll go out for a ride early on a Sunday, get home 11:30-12:30 ish, shower and get dressed, offer to go to the pub for lunch and she'll sit there and moan about how I've wasted our weekend together, etc etc, despite here still being in pjamas and sat on the sofa watching weekend/daytime TV! I once proved a point by cugging down a few thousand calories and going out for a second ride seeing as there wasn't enough of the day left to do anything together apparently, I coudln't see how she could possibly be uset if I used this spare time to go for a ride 🙂 suprisingly, she didn't see it the same way.........

No guilt as the mrs normally comes with and she used to put up with me surfing so the 3hr ride is nothing compared to being mia all day 😀

My ex used to moan about me going out on the bike and I would tell her that she was more than welcome to get a hobby and go and do it.

Never a pang of guilt.

Love this thread! Most of the lads I ride with are single or divorced and have no idea what it's like trying to balance riding with a family life.

The really confusing bit is when she says "why don't you go out for a ride tonight?"

The really confusing bit is when she says "why don't you go out for a ride tonight?"

thats cos Winston is on his way round!!!

Its the 'do what you think is right' comment that used to get me thinking.........and I was always right

(and I like sex)

Been riding since before I met my missus, so she always let me (and encourgaes me to) go.
That said, I always put her and our son first. (Don't tell Benji...)

I think if I had a wife who objected to me getting de stressed whilst enjoying fresh air and excercise I'd have married the wrong woman.

Happily I didn't.

"Do we have anything planned on Saturday, do you mind if I go out on my bike?"

"Well I wanted to do something together."

"Like what?"

"I thought we could go shopping."

"Great."

My only entertainment is going into La Senza and finding massive bras and showing them to her "look at the size of these!", she does not find it ammusing.

Having a child has definitely changed a lot. All the riding I've done since Baby North was born has been - or felt it's been - to a schedule. Even commuting. It does kill the pleasure somewhat.

Does she ask your permission to buy shoes ?

"I thought we could go shopping."

*meanwhile in the spoon household*

me: ohhh, you know I hate shoping

her: but you're always buying bike bits

me: yes, online, thats different

her: how?

me: because then I can go for a ride at the weekend as i dont need to shop for bits

her: but we never do anythig together

me: I know, I keep telling you to come cycling with me

her: but I dont like cycling, thats your thing

me: and shopping is?

her: yes, but......

me: see........

her: but if I buy some nice clothes then we could go out more

me: so we need to spend some money in order to justify spending even more?????

Our relationship really shouldn't work out!

tinas you are using a logical argument, that wouldn't work with my wife. Being factually correct is not always [i]right[/i] apparently.

I chose to spend time with wife and kids at the weekend as this is quality time. My dirty pleasures are met almost entirely with mid-week night rides. It serves a purpose, creates balance by striking a good compromise. Weekend rides can be counted on my two hands over the course of the year. Perhaps when the kids are a bit older and doing their own thing more this won't be such a problem.

As for guilt, the way I work it there isn't any because I am already not going out most weekends.

As for under the thumb, no not at all. Its my choice to be with my family. I am at work all week dashing here and there doing the school run, getting tea sorted and everything else and quite enjoy the break.

However, I am looking to float the idea of nipping out to do Helvellyn on Sunday. I'll let you know about the pauses and how large the cases are for the guilt trip.

Well I'm glad to see it's not just me that feels guilty going out for a ride.

I'll normally tell the missus my plans for a ride, and ask if she minds. She rarely objects, but it's mostly a reluctant "Oh ok then", after the pause mentioned above. I do feel guilty going out leaving her to entertain a 4 year old and a baby, but I tend to get very grumpy if I don't get regular excercise.

I must say I enjoy my rides far far less when I feel time pressured to be home at a reasonable time to "avoid wasting the whole day". I had taken to going out in the mid-afternoon at weekends which seemed to suit both camps, but now that the baby is here, that's not so easy to achieve. Just need to ride it out for a year or two. Once the kids are a little older and able to entertain themselves a bit more, I should be able to get out for proper long rides just like the old days.

Much as I love cycling, my wife and child are more important. I've made Mrs R promise that if me going cycling is in any way a problem, she will tell me. Seems to work.

I think the pause means:

"no. But he'll be more useful after playing with his bike. Hmmm, it's in my interest to let him go... But if it's too easy he'll stop asking, add dramatic pause........"

Mrs Shake knows I behave oddly if I don't get to do the things which help me unwind (ride/climb/see some of my mates) and that I genuinely like to spend time with her. As long as I pull my weight elsewhere it balances out. I'm also building her an mtb so she can join me 😉

But we don't have kids yet. I'm sure I'll be posting the same topic in not too long.

Thing is a weekend ride is either a big local ride on my own (4hours [i]minimum[/i]) or a trip away to the lakes or peaks with mates. Either way I'm out for a big chunk of the day, leaving the mrs with 2 under 2s is a bit of a no no. Weekend rides are few and far between at the moment. Thankfully I get some decent offroad commutes and tuesday night rides are pretty much sacrosanct.

I did dabble with some properly big night rides but apparently still being out riding after midnight is frowned upon too.

I bought my wife a mountain bike so that she could enjoy my hobby with me...it back fired in a way as when she comes with me we end up pootling down the river or something equally flat for 10 miles instead of an epic afternoon doing 40/50 miles round the North Downs.

But I do enjoy going out with her though...it gives me a bum in tight shorts to follow.

I bought my wife a mountain bike so that she could enjoy my hobby with me...it back fired in a way as when she comes with me we end up pootling down the river or something equally flat for 10 miles instead of an epic afternoon doing 40/50 miles round the North Downs.

(chuckles) Hmm, that sounds strangely familiar! Still, trekking isn't as bad as it sounds. 🙂

Nah, I don't do any of that guilt business when it comes to riding. My wife has her things to do, I have mine. I earn good money for her to spend and she gets to have sex with me when she wants to, she has a good life.

Most people need 'me' time away from work/family etc.

As long as both sides understand and trust each other not to take the piss then it should work out OK
Both sides also need to accept that the other one having some personal time will mean they have to pick up more of the chores whilst on their own - it work both ways
Countless times over the years when things are stressful we've both urged each other to take some time out

I've been in the Alps for 6 months but have only been biking twice because I feel bad about leaving heavily pregnant Mrs Grips with a 2 year old, and I feel bad about leaving the 2 year old without her dad for yet another day of the week...

Mrs Grips persuaded me to go out these last two weeks though - I love her 🙂

Most people need 'me' time away from work/family etc.

Quite.

Although does anyone else get the impression that when you say, "I fancy doing something on my own on Saturday", or "I want to go see my mates on Saturday night for a lads night out", that it translates to "I don't want to spend any time with you".

Whereas when she says "I'm going to see my friend for lunch on Saturday" or something, I say "Ok, have a nice time" (and genuinely mean it). Probably cos it means that I get to do my own thing without feeling guilty about it!

my Mrs tell me to 'Go Fast!' when i go out 😀

Humans are free spirits, having to spend every waking moment of your free time with a female is bad for the soul! Most women don't like stuff like cycling and things of that ilk. I reckon if you find a bird who likes this sort of thing and she's hot with a cracking personality you have hit the jackpot! Most of them just want to shuffle about shopping centres and look at holiday brochures all day in there spare time. On the other hand Maybe its good to keep your hobbies separate from you partner. People need space to find themselves sometimes.

Sorry but I really don't get all this asking permission stuff

I agree

All the wife says to me is "have a good ride but be carefull love you see you when your back"

My wife has more bikes than me. I bought them for her. She uses them all regularly. This is not a problem with either of us.

I tell her what I'm doing so we can work around it. We do have a young baby though so she needs me to make up time elsewhere to give her a break. Not riding much at the moment but should be fit again reasonably soon. I'll just make sure it all balances nicely. It's definitely harder with a baby because they eat time. When she's older I'll be back out at weekends again no doubt.

For example, tonight I'm going out for dinner so I'm leaving work at 3.45 to give her a couple of hours off before I go out. I'll also be sure to be home reasonably early [s]and sober[/s]. My wife looks after Lili much more than I so I do feel a little guilty sometimes.

Doesn't really surprise me that a lot of stw forum members are under the thumb 😉

Being 'allowed' out lol

Snot about being under the thumb. I love my wife and daughter, and I care about how they feel. They also love me, and love having me around. So I don't like to ditch them on the two days out of seven I get to spend with them.

Seems normal to me the wife looks after the kid. Is this not what nature asks of a woman! 😛

Snot about being under the thumb. I love my wife and daughter, and I care about how they feel. They also love me, and love having me around. So I don't like to ditch them on the two days out of seven I get to spend with them.

Hear hear!

There's a huge difference between mutual consideration and 'being under the thumb'.

Seems normal to me the wife looks after the kid. Is this not what nature asks of a woman!

Ahh, didn't study nature then? Depends on the species!

Possible Solutions:

Option 1: Get some decent lights and wait for whatever tat she wants to watch on telly (Realist crap in my case) to come on or have a look ahead at the listings, and then say: "Youv'e had a Tough Day/Week/Year, you watch what you want to night, I'll get out of the way and play with my bike" Bosh! - Guilt free night ride...

Option 2: is to over state the number of rides/races you want to go on; give these fictional rides a date and time and make out you are definately going on them, make plenty of reference to these dates well in advance (put them on the calendar if you have one) and when the enevitable happens and a few hours before you are due to go she drops a bombshell, then be all reasonable about cancelling your fictional rides say things like "Well I can always go for a ride but your operation/manicure/coffe morning is a bit more of a priority" when a real ride rolls round you have plenty of "Personal sacrifice" stored up to offset her complaints, maybe even make her feel a bit guilty...

Option 3: Make constant references to how little you get out on the bike, how you feel less fit as a result, but then feign acceptance of the whole thing with "Still I suppose once you get older and Kids/Mortgage etc come along you have to give up some things..." She might see this as an early indication of a pending Mid-life-Crisis and allow the riding to make a come back for fear of a sportscar and a Leggy mistress...

Basically it's all mind games with women, it's all OK though they often say one thing and mean another, which is effectively lying, so you might as well do the same back...

Ultimately though not all women are the same, some posters seem to have very understanding missus's, my wife is not a practical/pragmatic person (Much like the OP), she will geet very animated if I screw up her plans but think nothing of pissing all over my parade if I want to go out for a ride, the best solution is to plan and let her know what and when I plan to do, f I'm going to be gone for a Day at some point this weekend I make sure I let her know ASAP...

My partner just comes with me on the ride, she's into stuff like that and is a keen kayaker so it's never an issue if we want to do something. 🙂

My partner is a horse, so we go out riding together.

Seems normal to me the wife looks after the kid. Is this not what nature asks of a woman!

I enjoy looking after my baby 🙂 And kids require compromises from both of you, much more from the woman generally. In Poland, where my wife is from, the traditional gender roles are still firmly in place. That's not how either of us think though. If you want a wife who cooks, cleans and looks after the kids on her own there are likely to be plenty out there. You're missing out on a lot though (apart from the cleaning, that's shite! And rarely gets done in our house) 🙂

Basically it's all mind games with women, it's all OK though they often say one thing and mean another, which is effectively lying, so you might as well do the same back...

Ultimately though not all women are the same, some posters seem to have very understanding missus's, my wife is not a practical/pragmatic person (Much like the OP), she will geet very animated if I screw up her plans but think nothing of pissing all over my parade if I want to go out for a ride, the best solution is to plan and let her know what and when I plan to do, f I'm going to be gone for a Day at some point this weekend I make sure I let her know ASAP...

Once you start putting up with this behaviour you are effectively under the thumb.

My girlfriend is very demanding and we have had many arguments about me riding. Same situation applies, she thinks she can do what she wants, but if I want to do something all hell breaks loose.

After some time she seems to have got the message that I need my own time alone, away from her and I am going to take it regardless of how much of a fuss she makes.

Never give in to a woman's unreasonable behaviour. Ever.

Have you thought about getting another girlfriend? That would do my head in a bit. The OP has 3 kids though, there just won't be a great deal of spare time for either of them...

It's not about being under the thumb, looking after children is hard work and it's only right that I do my share. I would love to ride more, but it is a struggle at the moment.Also I think it depends where you live, if there is great riding on your door step you can get a riding fix without using too much time, but as soon as you stick an hours travel at each end it becomes a long time out.

I'm already feeling guilty about my bank holiday Inners trip, I know if I was me looking after our baby three days straight I would find it tough.

I have a good life, married for 8 years & 1 child aged 7. I share responsibility throughout lifestyle & respect plans. I get to ride whenever I like because my wife, bless her, knows that I love it.

What loving partner would deny you something which you like to do if you have been pulling your weight in the house? That's just unfair...

My girlfriend loves cooking, so when I go out riding she makes the dinner and often gets a wee apple crumble on the go as well. She tells me to go out and have fun, and to make sure and invite the lads I ride with back for dinner after.

Obviously no guilt here!

I willing to bet 90% of the people scoffing in this thread about "being under the thumb", or "lololol i'd never ask a woman for anything" are either:

A) Virgins

B) Single

or

C) Single Virgins

It's not about being under the thumb, looking after children is hard work and it's only right that I do my share

That's how they get you - Right there.

Hard work is hard work, looking after kids is a pleasure and a doddle to boot.