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tomhoward
Why?
Its explained in the first 2 lines of the roadcc article.
Not that the "rant" is worth reading.
Doesn’t this just get people cross at stuff that’s been made-up?
Isn’t there enough of that sort of shit without adding to it?
A like for who correctly guesses this is written in the style of:
Ladies and gentlemen, let me be perfectly clear – the time for romanticizing these antiquated, gas-guzzling relics on our roads is over. In an era of fiscal responsibility and environmental consciousness, we must reconsider our love affair with the combustion engine.
Now, I understand the sentimental attachment some may have to their cherished automobiles, but let's face facts. The true cost of these metal behemoths extends far beyond the pump. It's a drain on our economy, a sinkhole of resources. The incessant demand for oil not only puts our national security at risk but also contributes to the volatility of global markets, leaving us vulnerable to the whims of foreign powers.
And let's not turn a blind eye to the environmental toll – a topic that's as fashionable as it is pertinent. Climate change is not a fad; it's a reality, and our addiction to cars is a major player in this unfolding drama. The carbon footprint left by every joyride is a debt that future generations will have to repay, with interest.
Now, I'm not suggesting we return to the days of horse-drawn carriages, but surely, in this age of technological marvels, we can devise more sustainable means of transportation. Electric vehicles, public transit, and innovative solutions must replace the outdated, inefficient, and pollutant-spewing vehicles that clog our streets.
In these trying economic times, every penny counts. The financial burden placed on households by the maintenance, fuel, and insurance of private vehicles is unsustainable. Let us redirect those funds towards investments that truly matter – education, healthcare, and infrastructure that benefits society as a whole.
So, my fellow citizens, it's time to embrace the future. The days of lavish tax incentives for gas-guzzlers should be behind us. Let us incentivize clean, green alternatives that align with our commitment to a sustainable future. It's not just a matter of policy; it's a matter of responsibility – a responsibility to our planet, our economy, and the generations yet to come.
That's deffo a Boris pastiche.
The thing that works best, knowing its Clarkson, is his voice is in my head when I read it...
What a daft complete waste of time.
Jeremy Clarkson writes in the style of Jeremy Clarkson because that’s his USP.
If he wrote articles saying cyclists are brilliant he wouldn’t be popular or get paid
The Dangers of Cycling: A Cautionary Tale
By Mary Shelley
It is a common sight in our modern cities to see people riding bicycles, as if they were the most harmless and innocent of creatures. They claim that cycling is good for their health, the environment, and their wallets. They boast of their speed, their agility, and their freedom. They seem to enjoy defying the laws of nature and society, as they weave through traffic, run red lights, and ignore pedestrians. They are, in short, a menace to themselves and others.
I speak from experience, for I have witnessed the horrors that cycling can bring. I have seen the mangled bodies of cyclists and their victims, the blood-stained pavements, the broken bones and shattered skulls. I have heard the screams of agony, the cries of despair, the curses of rage. I have felt the shock, the grief, the guilt. I have been a cyclist, and I have been a monster.
Let me tell you my story, and perhaps you will understand why I abhor cycling, and why I urge you to renounce it as well. It was a fine summer day, and I was riding my bicycle along the Thames, enjoying the breeze and the scenery. I was young, happy, and careless. I did not notice the carriage that was approaching me from behind, nor did I hear its horn. I only felt a sudden jolt, a sharp pain, and then nothing.
When I awoke, I was in a hospital bed, surrounded by unfamiliar faces. They told me that I had been in a terrible accident, that I had been thrown from my bicycle and hit by the carriage. They told me that I had suffered severe injuries, that I had lost my left arm and my right eye, that I had fractured my skull and my spine. They told me that I was lucky to be alive, but that I would never be the same again.
I was horrified by what I heard, but even more by what I saw. I looked at myself in a mirror, and I did not recognize the person staring back at me. I saw a grotesque figure, a patchwork of flesh and metal, a half-human, half-machine. I saw a creature that was neither living nor dead, a thing that had no place in this world. I saw a monster.
I wished that I had died, but death would not come. I was condemned to live, to suffer, to endure. I was shunned by society, rejected by my friends, despised by my family. I was alone, miserable, and hopeless. I cursed the day that I had taken up cycling, that I had dared to challenge the natural order of things. I cursed the bicycle, the instrument of my ruin. I cursed myself, the author of my misery.
I write this now, not to seek pity or sympathy, but to warn you, my fellow citizens, of the dangers of cycling. Do not be deceived by its apparent benefits, for they are outweighed by its dreadful costs. Do not be tempted by its false promises, for they will lead you to your doom. Do not be seduced by its wicked charms, for they will turn you into a monster.
Cycling is a vice, a folly, a sin. It is an affront to God, a violation of nature, a threat to humanity. It is a plague, a curse, a scourge. It is the enemy of all that is good, true, and beautiful. It is the source of all evil, misery, and horror. It is the modern Prometheus, and it must be stopped.
I beg you, I implore you, I beseech you: renounce cycling, and save yourselves. Do not follow my example, do not share my fate, do not become a monster. Choose life, choose health, choose happiness. Choose anything, but cycling.
AI will eat itself.
What a daft complete waste of time.
Jeremy Clarkson writes in the style of Jeremy Clarkson because that’s his USP.
If he wrote articles saying cyclists are brilliant he wouldn’t be popular or get paid
The irony being he now sees that Climate Change is real, understands that resources are finite and accepts that cycling had it's place in cities and short journeys. All thanks to becoming a farmer. Even his writing style has evolved to reflect this.
Plus the dried up rivers in Asia
https://amp.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2019/dec/13/the-grand-tour-review-jeremy-clarkson
Me: "write an anti jeremy clarkson essay in the style of jeremy clarkson writing an anti cycling essay"
ChatGPT
Why Jeremy Clarkson is Wrong About Cycling
Ah, Jeremy Clarkson. A man known for his love of horsepower, roaring engines, and all things automotive. But when he turns his gaze to the world of cycling, well, it seems he's pedaling up the wrong hill. Let's take a moment to dissect Clarkson's apparent disdain for cycling, not as a personal vendetta against the man but as a counter-argument for the sake of rational discourse.
Firstly, let's address the 'war on the roads' argument. Clarkson often laments the supposed battle between cyclists and motorists. While it's undeniable that there are instances of conflict, painting every cyclist as a road menace is a gross oversimplification. In reality, the vast majority of cyclists are law-abiding citizens just trying to get from A to B without contributing to pollution or traffic congestion. Should we really punish an entire group based on the actions of a few?
Then there's the claim that cycling is a mere "fad," something that will eventually fade away as people come to their senses. But history tells us otherwise. Cycling has been around for centuries, with its popularity ebbing and flowing based on various factors, including urbanization, environmental concerns, and health trends. To dismiss it as a passing phase is to ignore its enduring appeal and benefits.
Clarkson's arguments often pivot around the notion that roads are built for cars, and cars alone. While it's true that many roads are designed primarily for motor vehicles, it's essential to recognize the need for multi-modal transportation solutions. As cities become more congested and environmental concerns intensify, promoting alternative modes of transport like cycling becomes not just desirable but necessary.
Moreover, let's not forget the health benefits of cycling. In a world grappling with rising obesity rates and sedentary lifestyles, encouraging people to hop on a bike can be a lifesaver—quite literally. Cycling improves cardiovascular health, strengthens muscles, and boosts mental well-being. Shouldn't we be applauding initiatives that promote such a wholesome activity instead of ridiculing them?
Finally, there's the environmental angle. Clarkson's love affair with gas-guzzling machines is well-documented. However, the undeniable reality is that our planet is facing a climate crisis. Encouraging cycling is not just about reducing traffic; it's about reducing emissions, combating climate change, and ensuring a sustainable future for generations to come.
In conclusion, while Jeremy Clarkson's wit and charisma have earned him a legion of fans, his views on cycling miss the mark. Rather than dismissing cycling as a mere inconvenience or fad, we should recognize its myriad benefits and work towards creating a more inclusive, sustainable, and healthier transportation landscape. So, next time Clarkson takes a swipe at cyclists, perhaps it's worth taking a moment to consider the bigger picture. After all, in the grand scheme of things, a world with more cyclists might just be a world worth pedaling towards.