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Blocked sink so take off the waste trap. Need somewhere to pour away the junk in the waste trap so pour it down the sink which now has no waste trap!
Oh I'm amongst friends here 😉
- on a straight head tube somehow fitted the top and bottom bearings the wrong way round. Worse still didn't notice until some kindly soul pointed out the cause of the knocking.
- Forgot everything. Wheels, Axles, seat posts, pedals, shoes... and once a mate I'd promised to pick up. To drive to Scotland.
- Extremely hungover on a boxing day Gap ride forgot my helmet. Ended up with buying the only helmet from the only shop open in Crickhowell. Which was a kids helmet. Luckily the dog ate it a few days later.
- Spent two 12 hour shifts making copies of a master floppy disc.- remember those? - only to find I'd put the master in the copy drive. I didn't really enjoy that job anyway 😉
- Thought I'd booked a plane ticket to San Jose, California, but somehow ended up in San Jose (I think it was a long time ago) in central america and being robustly interviewed by gun toting drugs officers. They genuinely could not believe I'd been so stupid. Luckily I was able to convince them that I was in fact an idiot.
There are so many more. I like to think it of learning life skills. If I actually learned anything...
Got home Christmas Eve many years ago from a VERY boozy lads Beano to our newly finished renovation project cottage. Last job before the whole family comes round for the grand unveiling and a slap up Xmas dinner is to put up the curtain above the front door.
Mrs S "darling, would you mind awfully popping up that curtain pole"
Me "I think my liver is broken"
Mrs S "it's a two second job you lazy arse get it done"
me "I'd rather just curl up in a ball and die if you don't mind"
Mrs S "GET THE ****ING CURTAIN POLE UP!"
Me "yes dear"
I wobble up the steps and make the first unsteady probe with the masonry drill. At which moment there is a loud POP! and all the lights go out.
Me "**** my life"
Blocked sink so take off the waste trap. Need somewhere to pour away the junk in the waste trap so pour it down the sink which now has no waste trap!
Fitted a new bathroom one bank holiday weekend with a mate, him “taps are working on the bath mate”, me, “oh, did you do the waste already?”, him “oh, shiiiiit”
Next weekend spent replastering the ceiling below the bathroom.
Was building up a brand new Kinesis Tripster a few years ago. One of the last jobs was to cut the fork steerer.
I was now kind of rushing and wanting to take it for a spin.
Quick measure of steerer.
You know the old adage of measure twice cut once... well i didnt do that and cut it too short.
Where do I start...
1) French motorway, 4 bikes on the roof, Peage, restricted height lane. You know the rest.
2) Drove from Manchester to Hawes early for a ride. Put the front wheel in, pushed the bike forward and squeezed the front brake just as I remembered that I'd forgotten to put the new brake pads in. Instantly I heard the locating pin (old school Hayes Nine's) snap off the piston as it hit the disk. Turn around & drive home.
3) Persuading a seized bearing out with a hammer & chisel. Bearing exploded and a fragment of metal embedded itself in my eye. Cue a trip to the eye hospital to have debris cleaned out with a needle.
4) Helping my dad lash some sheet timber to the roof bars of the car, only to discover that we'd roped the car doors shut.
5) Not me this time, but in the 80's my uncle used to be a director of a shipping brokers in London that had recently taken on a new bulk carrier. The original crew had just been replaced by a new Greek team, and after an apparent breakdown in communications, the team in London received a rather embarrassing message to say that 2 days after setting off from Portsmouth en-route to St Petersburg in Russia, it became clear that they had actually set a course to St Petersburg in Florida.
I remember a ride once with the OP – up Hollingsworth Lake way i think? – where @binners got home, got out of the car and said “I’m sure I put two bikes on the rack before we set off”
He had.
Oh god! That was one of the most ill-advised ‘WTF are we doing?’ Rides ever. Bonfire night up at Rivi in torrential rain and life-threatening gale force winds.
Drove back in howling winds and as we got to the end of the M60, looked in the mirror and realised we were a bike short.
Immediately phoned the police and I was told that it had been run over by an artic and there was nothing left of it.
Thankfully (for me) Jo had put her own bike (Stumpjumper) on the rack, not me, so it wasn’t really my fault. Still felt really, really bad about it though
I've asked a lady on a treadmill when the baby's due: "I'm not pregnant"
&
So sir, will you be coming along with your mother: "she's my wife"
🙊
1. Managed to put one of the conical springs from the front QR in the wrong way round so the front wheel wouldn't sit properly. Thought I'd broken something in transit (southern Spain, flight bag had been damaged on the way out). Very miserable until local bike shop took a look, and grinned and pointed.
2. Left prescription riding glasses at home, found this out at the meeting point an hour's drive away from home. My regular prescription glasses weren't at all suitable for cycling with.
3. Left both pedals at home, finding this out after 2 days travel to southern Spain. Fortunately local bike shop were able to sell me new pedals and shoes.
4. A week long trip to the TdF in the Pyrenees cycling to a different place every night with luggage support. Discovered that I had only taken one cycling jersey for 5 days, and it was one of the early rapha nice and warm smartwool jerseys.
Not really our fault:
Helping mate rewire a couple of rooms, dead easy as stripped back to brick.
Check power off, yes. Sure? Back down to basement all switches off and pulled the fuses to be sure. Back upstairs. Absolutely sure? Back down to basement check, look for other sources, make sure, yep all off. Back upstairs.
Start on first plug, sizeable pop and a quick superman across the room.
Turns out that plug was wired into a different ring, well, next doors ring to be exact.
Getting married
I vaguely wondered what it would feel like to point the jet wash at my finger.
In the split second it took my brain to activate I’d drilled a hole in my fingertip and partially inflated it.
Lost coffee again and need a new keyboard now.
Was once on work experience at a plastics firm who had bought a 'new' delivery van. Boss asked me and the other youngster on work experience to clean off the residue of the previous van owner's company stickers etc. Cue hot soapy water - no joy. Cue hot soapy water and scrubbing brush - still no joy. Cue brillo pads and hot soapy water - by jove we've cracked it!!! The delivery foreman was less than impressed by the river of white paint running down the drain...
I went into a junction at a fair speed, the kinning park(Glasgow) junction that leads to the on ramp end of Scotland St,for the motorway so always busy with traffic moving into it from 3 directions. Thunk think think from the brakes and no stopping worth a damn, a bit scary really. Made it across and stopped using the foot brakes.
Forgotten to replace the safety pins on front and rear brakes so the pad holding pins had come out and the pads were no longer there 😆
Not me but a close friend. Back in our early twenties we’d arranged to visit another friend in Portsmouth. My friend Adam didn’t trust me or our other friend to arrange travel and took it upon himself to book train tickets. For days he badgered us like our mum “make sure you’re at the station on time” “no drinking the night before” that sort of thing. To be fair my other friend and I were a pair of utter space cadets and notorious for being late.
Anyway, we got to the station nice and early only to find out that Adam had booked tickets for the previous day. Our friend from Portsmouth had to drive up to Huddersfield to collect the three of us, turn around and drive straight back. He forced Adam to make sandwiches for the journey and we still rip him for his mistake twenty years later.
Two travel related ones from me:
Car full of climbers arrive in Dover en route to the Alps for the annual Chamonix all you can eat 4000m buffet.
'Bit early for your crossing aren't we sir?' said the nice man at the port.
'Well an hour is OK isn't it?' said I.
'These tickets are for tomorrow...' said he.
I'd booked them as well. Bolleux...
'Nuther trip, ski mountaineering in the Alps. Planned to meet chums based in Saudi in Geneva Airport, pick up the hire car, 2hr transit to our base.
Ring ring 'We're just coming through Customs, we'll meet on the other side' said one of my chums
'Oh' said I stood in my kitchen having just come in from a road ride. I thought my ticket was for tomorrow and had missed the flight. You can pay handsomely for a full fare, last minute BA flight to Geneva apparently. Who knew...?
Very early morning drive from North East Scotland to Southampton to catch ferry to France. Carefully lock the bikes to rack. Place key in a safe place. One overnight arrival later at Campsite in France all eager to go for a ride I look for the key and it’s no where to be found. Saw through lock/ chain with leatherman. Go to get something out of safe place in van. Find key. 🙄
Lovely hot day in the lake District, running jump off torver jetty into coniston water. Realised too late that my week old -£250- varifocals are (or were) pushed up on the top of my head….
@Binners do you want me to see if your axle is still there? I’m Keswick based, PM the details if you like.
Not me, but sort of related.
My brother in law, on a camping trip, went for a jolly in a sea kayak wearing his expensive prescription sunnies, which of course promptly vanished into the ocean.
We now, perhaps 10 years later, post pictures of found glasses in random locations on a shared family WhatsApp camping group, saying things like "Look, I found your glasses, yukyukyuk!".
This is either a joyful celebration of shared experience via. the medium of good-humored ribbing, or a decade of bullying. Not entirely sure which.
1) Less than 50 jumps into my skydiving career and out in Algarve jumping Alvor. I can see the clouds coming into the dropzone, but still get on the plane. First load gets out at 10.5K feet and there is still visibility over the dropzone. By the time we get to 15, it's borderline, but the first pair go out and I follow them about 8 seconds later. I turn to look back at the plane and see another jumper follow me out.
By the time I turn around to look for the dropzone, there's just a blanket of white below me. I spend the next 40 seconds trying t make my eyes work in radar and hoping I am still over the flat bit. I finally see something I recognise below me and head for that, open up early to avoid the cloud and then start dropping through cloud under canopy from about 5k to about 1500 feet. Landed safe after a really brief, no messing about approach.
But, that moment when there was nothing below me... Well, you can't get back on the plane.
2) This last weekend when I went to collect my motorbike from the winter storage and got a message to say my helmet ws still in the cupboard at home. I now have a spare helmet...
Flying out on holiday. Arrived at the airport nice and early for my crack of dawn flight, checked bags in, got boarding passes. Went to security and the boarding passes would not let us thru. Our flight is tomorrow!. Had to rush back and retrieve bags which caused huge confusion.
The challenges of modern technology: not once, but now twice, driving out for a mega ride out, unload bike, ready to ride, jump on bike, click up the gears, nothing.... AXS battery in the charger at home!!!! bugger!
To add to the various glasses ones.
We were on holiday in Macedonia, sitting on the beach. I'd been reading for a bit, then went for a bit of a swim. Came back to where we were sitting, dried off, though I'd do a bit more reading. Go to put my glasses on. Where are my glasses? Dawning realisation that I'd been wearing them when I went in for the swim. Bugger.
My fabulous wife says that she'll try and find them, as she has goggles so can see under the water. So, she begins swimming around and diving down, doing her very best, whilst I stand about knee-deep in the water trying to direct her to where I think I'd been. After about half an hour of this I happen to glance down. There are my glasses, on the seabed, right by my feet.
Had a vaguely similar escapade up in Malham back in 2009. Out for a walk up Gordale Scar - when the water levels are reasonable you can climb up the scar, hopping over the waterfall as you scramble up. I hung back to watch the others go up and take some pictures, then hurried to catch them
As I hopped a distance of maybe 3 feet from one rock to the next, I realised I'd misjudged. I wasn't going to make it. I was going to fall. It was inevitable.
It happened. I landed off balance and slipped to my left, falling into a pool of water about 2 feet below me, managing to twist my body so that I landed on hands and knees. The water wasn't deep and I was wearing waterproof shoes, trouser and jackets so I was almost bone dry when I leapt out of thw water. However when I landed I felt my glasses go. My brand new Quiksilver prescription specs with ultra slim lenses that cost me just shy of £300 and which crucially had "skull grip" arms, which mean they're straight and rely on gripping the head, rather than curving back down behind the ear. When I landed, then, and nodded my head with the impact, not being anchored by my ears the glasses just carried on down into the pool. The pool I'd then leapt out of. I was now essentially seeing like Mr Magoo - I'm longsighted and can see large shapes reasonably well, but seeing spectacles on rocks at the bottom of a pool? Ain't gonna happen. All I could do was roll up my sleeves, plunge my arms into the freezing water and feel around hoping to grab the specs before my arms started to burn with the cold.
crap ending, but I actually found them pretty quickly and was able to catch the others up. I was barely even wet. still felt like a prize pillock though
Lots of stories of people forgetting their shoes/helmets/whatever. I've done that too and have twice bought new shoes and cleats from a bike shop near the trails so I could save my ride.
Not me, but another rider turned up to the start of the Highland Trail 550 in Tyndrum having left the whole box of his riding kit at home. He borrowed some shorts and a helmet and bought some tourist tat plastic waterproof and some wool gloves from the Green Welly shop, then set off for a 900km ride! Kudos!
My mate bought a Whyte E Bike, I read a review on it and it got marked down by the tester out of spite because the battery dropped out on his toe. Just told him to warn him. So he put the bike in his stand to practice. Got 2 Allen bolts off but battery wouldn't budge. He noticed another bolt turned that and voila battery fell on his toe 😁
Here comes the best bit, he thought that bloody hurt dropping from about 3 feet I'm going to take the bike down and turn it upside down. Tried to put the battery back in jiggled it a bit and it promptly fell on the same toes 😂😂😂😂😂
Not me, but another rider turned up to the start of the Highland Trail 550 in Tyndrum having left the whole box of his riding kit at home.
I once turned up at the start of the Bealach Beag in Sheildaig having left the end nut of the front QR at home. That's a long drive for no ride...
Not so long ago, I decided that it was a good idea to swap the 11 speed Shimano on one bike with the 11 Speed SRAM on the other bike the night before a big day out.
Which after some snip-snipping and quick removal of cables ended up with me having two non-working bikes due to my 'stock' of gear inners not being long enough to reach the mech on my 29er and the internally routed gear outer I snip-snipped out the hardtail being unreplaceable due to to that roll of black stuff at the bottom of the box being brake house not gear outer.
9pm Friday night. Big Saturday ride cancelled. Idiot.
Oh and the past few times I've been out I've had to ride with the in-soles of whatever trainers I was wearing in the car, inserted into my 5:10s, as they presumably are still on a Radiator somewhere drying out from February.
I probably should go find them.
I once heated up some frozen rice in the microwave, but wasn't sure if it was hot inside or not so I stuck my finger in to find out. See if you can guess the answer.
In response to chrispo to the reply of 'getting married'. Ha, this surely wins!
I have been asked by the ticket inspector on the gate if I had forgotten my bike. Off I clip clopped in my road shoes back to the train... In my defence I was absolutely knackered and barely functioning.
Last Friday I was in a hurry to start work in my van, 5 minutes down the road I noticed in the wing mirror something bounce in the road. At the end of the day I discovered that thing was 2 keys to my house, 2 other house keys, the works lockup fob and my car key. Currently looking at £200+ for replacement. I wouldn’t mind but £165 of that is the key for a Renault Modus - if I claimed on the insurance it would probably be an uneconomical write off 😂
Blocked sink so take off the waste trap. Need somewhere to pour away the junk in the waste trap so pour it down the sink which now has no waste trap!
Yup, done that!
Oh, I also once locked my bike, spare clothes and car keys in the car after the one Triathlon I ever competed in. A few of my family had come to watch me, but had already gone home. Stood in running trainers and a damp wetsuit rapidly getting chilly. Luckily it was an old Nova so a borrowed welding rod and 15 seconds of fishing in the door sorted me out.
My mates were going to get t shirts printed with Muz, glasses! As i constantly left my riding specs everywhere we stopped.
Best was at the top of broon trout at glentress. Ran up to get them, ran down (still with the Garmin on) and got a strava pb 🙂
0
Getting changed after a muddy ride. Throw the whole outfit into a plastic bag, after removing my phone and car key, which I place on the boot lip, so I don’t lose them or bury them in the dirty clothes bag.
Fully changed, I stand up, pick up the obvious white phone, shut the boot.
Hear the clunk clunk as the boot has squashed they keys and in the process, pushed the lock button, trapping the keys.
Luckily already had my warm and dry clothes on, and had the phone. Still a cold and miserable wait for a smug girlfriend to come and rescue me.
One day I was putting my bike onto the roof rack of the car, when two of my offspring picked that moment to have a fight. After sorting them out, I got in the car and drove away, forgetting that I had not tightened the frame clamp. Went over a pothole and the bike fell and was left dangling by the straps holding the wheels. Both wheels were taco'd and I had a nice gouge in the roof of the car from where the pedal scraped across it.
Another time, I had just bled my brakes, when I got distracted before I had tightened the hose into the lever. Forgot about it until about 30 seconds into my first ride when I pulled on the brake, only to see a jet of fluid squirting out of the lever and no deceleration.
Oh, I also once locked my bike, spare clothes and car keys in the car after the one Triathlon I ever competed in. A few of my family had come to watch me, but had already gone home. Stood in running trainers and a damp wetsuit rapidly getting chilly. Luckily it was an old Nova so a borrowed welding rod and 15 seconds of fishing in the door sorted me out.
A friend of mine finished the Brighton Triathlon and decided, as it was quite nice weather, he'd go for a final swim in the sea before heading back to the car, changing and driving home to London.
Off he went for his swim, then he walked up the beach and across to the competitors car park. His car key, which had been in his wetsuit pocket was now somewhere at the bottom of the English Channel. Virtually everyone else had gone home but he managed to borrow enough money to get the train home (still in his wetsuit), get home, get the spare key and then (having changed into normal clothes) get the train back to Brighton to collect his car.
He did say that the one upside of it was that no-one sat near him for the entire train journey - apparently being dressed in nothing but a wet triathlon suit and a pair of trainers marks you out as a bit of a weirdo. 😂
Driving under the low barrier at the carpark in Mousehole with the roof box on.
The Wife: “Will we fit?”
Me: “We’ll fit.”
BANG!
I have been asked by the ticket inspector on the gate if I had forgotten my bike. Off I clip clopped in my road shoes back to the train… In my defence I was absolutely knackered and barely functioning.
That made me laugh. Sorry.
Oh, I also once locked my bike, spare clothes and car keys in the car after the one Triathlon I ever competed in. A few of my family had come to watch me, but had already gone home. Stood in running trainers and a damp wetsuit rapidly getting chilly. Luckily it was an old Nova so a borrowed welding rod and 15 seconds of fishing in the door sorted me out.
Been there.... Lucky it was a MK3 fiesta where just about anything flat and metal would open the driver's door...... One teaspoon later and we were back in.
A trip to Ibiza with my old raver mates, paid for by a guy who had done pretty well for himself, not in finance or banking but doing a real job selling actual things. Anyhow turn up at his house about an hours drive away, he says ‘right o everyone got there passports?’ Jokingly of course. I’m the ****, ‘er no’ he’s like, come on let’s go, I’m stood frozen ‘fuuuuuk’. Consider options, mate brings it on fireblade, I go later on Ryan Air and meet there. I’m proper annoyed to say the least but mostly cos we’re going in a private jet. In the end he gets it to land at Kidlington where my mate drives my passport down. Cool as... ended up being a fun start to the holiday.
Never flown in one since and it’s been a couple of years since we’ve spoken so I’m guessing it’ll be my only go in one.
QUITE A BOAST
I can tick the box for most of these -
Measure and cut set of Fox forks in a hurry leaving off the stem. Check
Connect syringes to rear caliper/front brake. Check
Forget to put bleed blocks in and pop pistons. Check
Garmin put on roof while loading bikes to be never seen again. Check
Driving away and hearing crunch, reversing back to see my front wheel that had been leaning against front bumper. (new disc and a few new spokes and it's still in use - wheels are amazing)
Discovering that parts of a car park are lower than the barrier at the entrance. Check
Finally did that 'forget most of your kit' for a weekend of riding last autumn. I realised I'd no shorts before we got to the campsite and diverted to pick up a pair. Didn't realise I'd forgotten my helmet until we were kitted up and ready to ride a few hours later.
Most expensive non-bike related idiocy is probably an overnight flight back from Bangkok. K and I had done a load of them over the years and never had a problem but this time both of us completely missed the fact that the checkin for a 0020 flight on a Thursday is on Wednesday evening until we reached the checkin desk.....
Heading over to see mates in Dublin for the weekend,me and my housemate were halfway to Manchester Airport from Sheffield.
"When did you say we take off?"
"12.30"
"No, that's when we land"
"Christ, hold on."
We got there after the final boarding call and the gate had *just* closed but through tears, pleading and pretending Sarah was pregnant we amazingly got on.
Can’t believe I am actually admitting to this one but here goes. On more than one occasion when bleeding radiators I have unscrewed the valve too far resulting in the core shooting out and water pissing out everywhere whilst I frantically search for it.
Can’t believe I am actually admitting to this one but here goes. On more than one occasion when bleeding radiators I have unscrewed the valve too far resulting in the core shooting out and water pissing out everywhere whilst I frantically search for it
I walked into the local docs surgery not that long ago to find the receptionist with her finger stuck to the end of a radiator to stop the water while one of the docs was crawling around the floor looking for the valve that he had unscrewed too far.
This thread is gold 😂 bravo 👏
Oh yes, not me (this time) but last visit to John Lewis the woman behind the till we approached asked us,
"Would you mind awfully using the other tills because I've stapled my fingernail into this stapler..." (shows us firmly attached digit and stapler, as if we'd not have believed her) "and I can't use the scanner until the first aider comes to free me." 😂
I'm sure that many of the members of the Bogtrotters who I used to ride with will probably look back through tears of laughter over the incident involving one of the members - Ben the vet, who had been holding a surgical staple in one hand whilst performing an operation on a horse when he slipped over and stapled his other hand to the horses penis.
🔚
Had one toady that could of been very expensive!
Parked up the car on a slight slope, got out locked it up and walked over to chat to someone
The person i was chatting suddenly said Your car! so i turn around to see my car rolling backwards down the slope gaining speed whilst heading towards a parked van
Some how i managed to sprint across the car park, grab the door handle (thank god for keyless entry!) open the door dive in and yanked the handbrake up!
Got out and saw i was approx 1 foot away from the car smashing into the front of the van!
I always check the handbrake is on before getting out and even double checking before walking away but for some reason this time i never put it on or double checked it!
Took my wife & kids on our 1st camping trip with 1 year old twins & boys aged 4 & 6
To qecp day night enduro
Unload car.... No tent poles, wife is furious, rang camping shops nearby- no joy, it's getting late, race starts soon 😬
Thank fk @superfli lives nearby & leant me his family tent
I even managed to race in the end, no practice tho.
My wife has never let me forget it
I also finished a race at Qecp one time, put my bike & sweaty top in the boot, slam... Locked it
Scott of southern enduro fame even got me on the podium, shirtless & sad asking if anyone had a Ford key they'd try in my lock
Eventually my mates and I hooked the door open with a coat hanger, after everyone ekse had long since left
Hire car keys in the pocket of my shorts during a nice long swim in the sea and afternoon at the beach with the kids - luckily was a bloody hot day and we disamntled the key & left it in the sun. Unbelievably, that worked and we left only about an hour later than we'd planned
(not very) Near-death experience: Couple of years ago the new forest got one of its incredibly rare snowstorms, just as I got home from work. Ran in, got changed and took the fatbike out for a proper fatbike ride in a blizzard. Got pretty dark - ha, got my lights, so no worries there
Then hit a big patch of ice on the common, about a mile from home. Didn't come off but span around using one leg as a support and when I got ready to set off, realised I had no idea which way I was pointing. Realised I was actually quite cold, totally "lost" and briefly began to wonder if I'd become possibly the only blizzard-related fatality in the forest. No phone signal out there.
Man, if only there was a way of retracing your, err, well TRACKS in snow. Honestly must've taken me 5-10 minutes to work that out. Dickhead
This thread is gold..my wife thinks I’m crackers, suddenly laughing out loud at some these.
Exactly 1 year ago today with all my staff furloughed and just me at work I decided steel toe cap boots weren’t necessary as it was warm and my feet were hurting. Moving a loading platform I promptly dropped the end of it on my big toe, I reckon about 200kg. Funnily enough Nike trainers don’t offer much in the way of protection and after nearly passing out I removed my sock and blood was leaking out from around my toe nail. Toe nail dropped off about 8 weeks later but has grown back. Still painful sometimes. I have pics but some of you might be eating.
@kimbers my wife would have been raging! She hates camping at the best of times, let alone without a tent lolz!
Finally realized today why Cliffsend is named as it is. Only lived in the area since forever.
@icic that would be fine, if it wasn’t an identity management solution I was implementing. When they go wrong they go horribly wrong: I was once sent into a large auditing company to troubleshoot some issues. Got there and all hell had already broken loose. HR had accidentally sent the IDM solution a blank feed that morning. Our (at the time) dumbass solution had taken that as a signal to disable everyone in the company, in every application, in every part of the business. All 225000 of them. Very shortly after that dev produced a patch allowing us to include some threshold checks.
On one motorbike tour ‘round Europe we accidentally ended up at Octoberfest in Stuttgart. The day after the night before we went to set off on the bikes and I heard a clunk, the bike stopped dead - forgot to take the disc lock off. €280 for a new disc later + an extra night in Germany and we were off again.
Too many to list:
Packing kit back into the car after a ride - backed the car out of the parking space - crunch - that would be my helmet I'd not put into the boot.
Turned up at a ride without my spd shoes - luckily a friend happened to have one flat pedal in the car - so completed the ride with one spd and one flat.
Recently refitted my kitchen - in trying to fix the leaking joints of the new taps I'd isolated the hot tap, opened the tap to remove any pressure in the system, undone the pipe, daughter asks if she can fill up her glass of water - yeah no problem I thought I've only been messing with the hot, that's odd water pressure is a bit low and why does it sound like water is pissing all over the new kitchen cupboard.....
Many years ago went to Austria with a couple of mates to bum around for the ski season. Night before we flew one of me mates pulled out a big bag of weed he planned to bring along, after a brief conversation we persuaded him to leave it behind, he stuffed it into his pocket we went to the pub and forgot all about it. And yes, he flew with the now forgotten bag of green in his open jacket pocket, only realised when we finally got to our digs and he stuck his hand in his pocket. He was one of 'those' mates, no-one normal would do something so silly...
...fast forward to 4 years ago, i'm flying to Dubai, sat on the plane an hour or so from landing I stick my hand in my jacket pocket to discover with horror its full of weed, not even in a bag, loose! I'd grabbed the jacket on the way out of the door that morning, last time I had worn it had been to a festival a good six months before. A dash to the toilet to empty the pockets down the toilet and for good measure give everything as thorough a wash as possible in a plane loo. Must admit I walked through Dubai customs with clenched buttocks, especially when the person in the queue in front of me was pulled aside by customs. To think what would of happened if I hadn't stuck my hand in the pocket...
Left my bike on the train once and realised it after I'd walked about 5mins....lucky that Bedford has 2 stations about a mile apart so I legged it to the other one to find the guard with my bike at the platform.
I used be an electrician and have had that sinking feeling a couple of times after realising that I've forgot to fit the glands shroud on the 240mm 4-core armoured cable (quite large cable) after you've been wrestling to terminate it for the last hour. 😤
Forgot and lost numerous bike bits whilst either travelling or out riding like: lights, gloves, shoes, helmet, the list goes on....
Or those little silicon doughnuts that stop your cables rattling, often forget to fit those when changing cables.
Too many to mention however one does sticks in my mind.
Booked to guide an uplift day on Exmoor. Turned up and while waiting for the clients realised to my horror that I'd left my bike lock key 300 miles away at home. Bike locked up securely in the back of my van! Try finding an angle grinder on Exmoor at 9 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday. Eventually rescued by a very friendly farmer.
I've done most of the bike related ones, including threading a bottom bracket into a new frame only for it to get a bit tight after a few threads.
The first time I was stupid and put the wrench on it, thinking I was just too weak. It went a few more turns then got really stuck.
Cost me a £50 bottom bracket and £200 for a chase and face tool to clean up the damage.
Then about £400 off the price of a non damaged frame when I sold the frame after only having it six months. Still worked fine tbh, just didn't feel happy not declaring it when it was sold.
I say first time as I did it again a couple of years later. This time only hand tight but it was enough to damage the btm bracket thread when taking it back out. Didn't cost so much that time.
Also had a fair few non cycling related 'doh' moments. Best of which was taking a work mates car during lunch as mine was in for service. Went to the supermarket, bought lunch, went to get back in his car to find it was unlocked. Figuring I had just pressed the wrong remote button instinctively through it being an unfamiliar car, I got in unpacked and made my cheap ass DIY bread rolls and packed meat sandwich. Then went to turn the radio on. Somebody had swapped his touch screen thing for an old school tiny radio with knobs on !
A quick double take and I'd gotten into the wrong damn car - his was 3 bays down and looked remarkedly similar. Nobody noticed thankfully.
realise I’d fenced my van in the garden.
By far the best. Nicely done.
I cycle to work, my wife used to always drive. One day the logistics required me to take the car home. I rode there, approached from the driver's side, front wheel off, bike into the boot, got into the car. It was a parking space facing onto a busy road, I waited for a gap for about two minutes - wanting to turn left. Saw a small gap but I'd have to time it perfectly and then boot it. So I did.
Unfortunately I hadn't seen the very large, very solid wooden bollard near the passenger side of the car. Managed to damage the front left wing, both doors, rear left wing and the bit that runs beneath the doors. $6000 of damage, just shy of writing off the car.
Thought I’d booked a plane ticket to San Jose, California, but somehow ended up in San Jose (I think it was a long time ago) in central america and being robustly interviewed by gun toting drugs officers.
Having said which, this is also a peach
realise I’d fenced my van in the garden.
Looks like you aren't alone in that little exercise.
I'm being oppressed 🙁
Aw Northwind turn that fork frown upside down.
I plan to retire it at 10 so not long to go...
Best thing I've done on this front relates to a rental car, parking and somewhere in Spain.
Went to watch the F1 at circuit de catalunia for a weekend away, was the last year of the v8s (incredible noise).
Fly there, rent a car, drive around and watch F1, fly home. That was the plan at least.
First time driving in a foreign land on the wrong side of the car and the wrong side of the road was interesting. Stayed in a little town around an hour from the circuit, found a normal looking car park (hotel hadn't any parking), asked the locals of all was good to park there (I definitely cannot read Spanish). All good, or so I thought. Onto the hotel for drinks etc.
Next morning, breakfast and excitement to go watch some fancy noisy cars do their qualifying. Walk to the carpark to find that an outdoor market was taking up the entire carpark including where I'd left the car, car was gone, cue sinking feeling.
Many thoughts going through my head, first being shall I just go home and hope the rental company never ask for their car back?
After flapping around for some time I spotted a police station so headed over to ask.
Fortunately it was them who moved it into their secure compound just behind that station. Most expensive car park I've ever paid for, think it was 120euro to release the car.
I parked elsewhere the 2nd night.
Forgot my shoes last Sunday and only realised 75 miles from home. Pair of new shoes later…
Dropped car off for service, was 20 miles away when I received a call to let me know my immobiliser wasn’t deactivated…
Some years ago five of us did a 100 miler south to north Devon coast to coast mostly off road between Paignton and Ilfracombe. Spent weeks planning the route and equipment. 95 miles and 14 hours in we got to Woolacombe beach, north Devon and it was getting dark and starting to rain. Time for a bit of night riding! Only one had forgotten his lights, two sets of cheap eBay ones failed almost straight away and I’d brought my light and battery but the lead I put in was the charging lead with a three pin plug on the end! We were left with one light which was basically an old EverReady torch for the last very, very long five miles.
While screwing down some 8x4 marine ply sheets to lay tiles in my bathroom refit, I sprayed a red line where the plumbing was routed underneath.
I must have been completely hypnotised by the repetitiveness, after 100 or so screws, and promptly put one straight through a pipe - at least I knew I'd marked the pipe location correctly.
Although the water was off, there was still enough pressure in the pipe to soak the ceiling below. Luckily I didn't have to cut and replace any plaster sheets. (I saved that for the shower trap)
Went for a wee canoe after work. I was camping and tied canoe on the roof but just slide the 2 paddles on the roof of the car. Slept in the car and then headed off to work in the morning. Coming up to a roundabout the car in front brakes sharply causing me to do the same. 2 paddles fly forward off the roof narrowly missing the car in front rear window. One survived one cracked. Lesson learnt.
Oh also ride in spds but carry a set of flats in the spare wheel well, no need to ask me why.
Sledging on Arthur's seat. Great day, but couldn't find car keys at end. It was the festive period so quickest solution was a train to home 450miles away to retrieve spare key and back.
Keys were handed in to police 3 months later and got them back.
After months of careful planning I drove down to do the 2013 Mega.
I’d packed everything, so I thought.
I built my tent under the main lift feeling accomplished
I was gutted when I noticed I hadn’t packed the pump for the Air bed. Luckily I soon noticed I’d also forgotten the air bed.
Borrowed a tent for the Easter santapod drag racing, many years ago. No tent poles, got drunk and burnt my coat to keep warm...
More recently, spent ages carefully replacing a turbo and cleaned the whole engine as I went. Really took my time. Started the engine and pumped 3litres of oil from the high pressure fitting I’d forgotten to tighten. Greenpeace were outside cleaning seagulls. The mess was horrific.
There are loads more.
If it involves mechanics i seem to be completely unable to do things first time without doing it wrong. It's an effective, albeit expensive, learning method, except if I repeat the mistake.
Bike-related I had a nightmare in the forest a few months ago. On my way home decided to take a particularly extreme singletrack through thick rainforest. Climbing to the top of one of the gnarly sections I got the chain stuck twixt cassette and a hard place right on the chain link. After struggling for ages I ended up having to break the chain with my EDC tool to be able to get it off. It was getting towards twilight (no lights) and i was being swarmed by a combination of mosquitos and March flies (like horseflies) which was making it even more frustrating. Then ... i put a second chainlink in and was all happy with myself, before realising i'd put the chain on the wrong side of the chainstay!!!! Yes. Proper stupid. It's not getting any lighter and I figured it would be a quick job to undo the chain link and correct... surely the EDC tool has a chain link breaker, right? Luckily i had phone reception so i found the video showing how it worked, but bugger me i couldn't get it to work. I was absolutely howling and slapping myself silly with the mozzies. Nearly bawling.
Ten miles from home, no way of getting the back wheel to turn unless i cut the chain again, and on a hillside with the options of walk down with a bike on my head in the semi-dark or riding in the absolute dark.
After watching the video umpteen times I eventually got the piece of crap to work and managed to get down all the rock slabs before it was properly dark.
Next month it'll probably be something equally stupid. I'm resigned to this stuff happening to me, but having the bloody-minded tenacity to try and make it out alive.
@db - genius. I'll be doing this, and also a spare helmet.
Oh also ride in spds but carry a set of flats in the spare wheel well, no need to ask me why.