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It used to happen once a year. Then you got savvy to it, learnt to second guess. But sometimes you get it wrong. Sometimes optimism gets the better of you, or maybe desparation.
It starts with a message. 'Fancy a ride one night?'. Yes. Yes you do fancy a ride. But it's rained a lot since you last went out, it's been too cold to dry and too warm to frost and there's not much wind.
But it hasn't rained that much, has it? Not really. And there's been a pretty stiff breeze. At least it felt that way on yesterday's commute.
So you reply. 'Yeah, let's give it a go.' How bad can it be, right?
There's a clear sky when you rock up. Stars. That's always a good omen. Up the road to the trails is a greasy, slimy mess. That's not so good.
Then you're through a gate and into a field. Maybe it's not so bad, you remember when this was a real swamp, and it's not too bad today. Just a bit greasy. You conveniently forget that it was resurfaced a couple of years ago.
Through the field. It's a slog, but manageable. Another gate. A quick comfort break. And the first climb proper.
Dry line? Nah. Grip? Not tonight friend. You slog on regardless, simultaneously envious of your riding mate's skinny tyres that seem to shed mud that little bit better and regretful of your fat knobblies that are beginning to resemble fat bike tyres.
You power on for a while, rear wheel spinning in the sludge as it becomes ever more slick with thick, viscous clay. Then finally, inevitably it breaks traction completely and you stumble to a halt.
Trying to push is no use; the front wheel refuses to even turn. Which goes some way to explaining the decrease in forward motion. There seems little point in clearing it only to repeat the process, so you shoulder the bike and slip and slide your way up the last section of rooty climb like Bambi on ice. Carrying a bike.
Discussions are had. The rest of the route is looking increasingly unappealing. This isn't even the worst bit. After a cursory poke at your wheels with a stick you're able to get moving again.
With a sigh you fly past the turning for the next section of singletrack, following the road back to the car, mud flying in every direction like a filthy blizzard.
Looks like that BMX might have been a good investment after all.
Excellent.
Were any dummies thrown from prams?😃
I assured myself on Saturday that under no circumstances was I going to go off road(cx) and only a fool would ride the sheeptrack of doom ( bridleway near essenden herts). I went off road & I was that fool. Got some funny looks riding into civilisation covered in slother.
It was actually all remarkably good humoured to be honest. Might have been different if it was pissing down.
What gets me is the NOISES that the bike makes. Sometimes within 15 minutes of starting out it is grumbling like an arthritic greyhound that would much rather be at home by the fire thank you very much.
Added to that is the feeling that with each and every pedal stroke you are wearing away chain, cassette, rings and possibly even chainstays...
Were any dummies thrown from prams?
Last time we went on THAT ride, no toys were thrown. Bikes, however, were thrown. This did remove some of the built up mud at least.
Oh THAT ride. I bailed on Monday night in favour of a trip to the pictures. 1917 the film was, the terrain covered was a lot less muddy and harrowing than that ride would've been...
Yes but that next trail you bailed from was perfect with grip just on the right side of hero dirt. You gave up too early ☹️
It actually probably was. The one after that, not so much. And the long one down the side of farmers fields to get back... Definitely not.
Is it wrong that I take a sadistic pleasure from enduring one of THOSE rides once in a while? Reminds me of how good the rides are with Hero Dirt! Getting angry at the time doesn't help so I just laugh at it all, take a picture of the bike resembling being made out of plasticine (that always goes that horrible brown colour when it gets all mixed up) and share it with my riding mates on WhatsApp.
Pic shamelessly stolen from Wessex cx facebook from Sunday’s race:
That pic is a great avert for Challenge Limus tires though, it's the only thing not got mud stuck to it!
Since riding the cross bike more this winter I've found I revel the challenge of a horrible muddy climb a bit more. It's the right tool for the job, and there's always a nice, surprisingly well drained trail somewhere on the ride, you just have to work hard to earn it!
That was me a few weeks ago. I was being over taken by walkers until I gave up and carried the bike. After I had fallen off into deep slop twice.
Returned home via road.
That pic is excellent. There are people around here who would claim that if they'd been using Plutoline it would all have remained clean.
That pic is a great avert for Challenge Limus tires though, it’s the only thing not got mud stuck to it!
I had a Limus on the front. That bike had definitely been ridden along the trmac path for a few hundred yards before the pic, believe me
(mine didn't have a tanwall though - I'm not a pro 🙁 )
Oh lordy, this reminds me of a time I decided to go for a lunchtime ride in the local woods where I worked because I wasn't able to commute for some reason. Had been round the woods before and knew there was some nice paths. What I didnt know was that after a wet winter some of the paths turned into proper swamps. Dragged the bike round and went down a track under a pylon and got stuck. Thought the mud would probably ease if I kept going... but no, it just got thicker, more clay like, but also with more and more overgrown brambles and nettles down the sides, so walking the bike (there was no way to ride through this stuff) was painful and my legs were slashed to pieces. It went on for ages, I was practically in tears, until I eventually came out onto the gravel track back to work. Sort of ride that made me question riding offroad!
Sounds like my local trails this time of year.
It's basically like riding through a clay swamp at times, and the horsey folks don't half make a mess of the trails when they're moist like this.