[Closed] Permission vs Forgiveness

I' don't know what's your mum's temper like?

Easy here as the cellar is full of the good stuff and theres no room in the snotter shed so I need to sell before I can buy the new commuter Im itching to get as the current one has been in service for 15 years

But basically its entirely up to you
- if you have the spare cash buy it
- if youre skint as a family then youd be a selfish t***

What is it??

Cheers

What bike? How annoyed will your wife / partner be?

yeah and basically you need to be able to have an honest conversation with your Mum/SO about cash & toys... unless you are really trying to live up to the caveman name

MTFU, Princess.

I just buy what I want

I presume you have a job, and your not relying on her earning and giving you money?

And buying the bike will not mean anyone in the family going without, or you getting into debt?

If so just say your buying it, and buy it. Simple really.

If you can't actually afford it, don't buy it.

Lol.. I built up a two grand PC a few years back.. Told the Mrs is was about £800.

She then saw a bank statement later with a £500 graphic card purchase.. She wasn't pleased she'd rather I'd spent it on a dirty weekend in Paris, but i basically shrugged and said it's my money I earned.. Happy to go on holiday.. We can go two's and chip in together.. She was pretty cool about it to be fair.

Your not much of a Caveman are you.

Yes, I'm main bread-winner but 4 kids to feed too. Finances are complex and actually hard to know how much money we have , but no it wouldn't be put on a credit card blindly.
Think I need to do the tax-return and find out how much I owe in January!

Make sure you use quidco / TCB for all online purchases and use it for any insurance(motor and home), utility changes, mobile phone contracts etc etc and leave the cash in there.. its amazing what builds up over the year. Almost like getting a free bike / nice groupset upgrade at the end of the year....

I'm assuming you love your wife. If so then why would you want to have two arguments with her when you could get away with one? If you ask for permission, you'll have the first argument, ultimately buy the bike then have a second. If you just go and get the bike, you'll just have the one argument.

After 18 years of being with my wife I think she's finally given up scrutinising my purchases. As long as it doesn't impact on the families ability to do stuff and the annual holiday, she would rather not know. And actually, unbeknownst to her (or maybe not as the case may be), its quite an effective approach as it does tweak my conscience when I am tempted to buy something I shouldn't, and as a result often I decide not to. If she gave me a hard time i'd probably do it just to spite her.

MY advice is to win it in a pretend raffle
]Go the full hogg though have her get the ticket free when you purchase a tube or some lube and then she really knows you won it-I seem to recall a STW thread on this matter.

Whatever you do dont be honest with her as that would be sheer madness

THat said I know mates who I think have to many bikes so sometimes they do have a point and some folk need help from themselves.

I stick to about 5 and never more than 6 as you end up with bikes you dont ride

1) When you can afford it, buy it
2) Until then, don't
3) When condition (1) applies ask for suggestions to mitigate the purchase

Buy it and tell o/h that you won it in a competition

I find honesty is the grown up thing to do. Seems to be unfashionable tho

MrsDummy is amazingly good about these things. I do earn the lion's share of the money and most of it is "spare", but I simply tell her what I'm going to spend, and then do so. She is usually very supportive.

Imcan buy what I like for my bike, but it tends to cost me twice as much as she'll then want the same (or better) for hers.

atlaz - Member
I find honesty is the grown up thing to do. Seems to be unfashionable tho
POSTED 1 HOUR AGO # REPORT-POST

Buy it then go "look at my new bike"? Suppose honesty like that would be ok.

OP, assuming she loves you, surely she would want you to be happy?!

I've still not figured it out. To be honest it got easier after I sprung "I'm off to pick up a boat at the weekend" on her. After that a fat bike seemed quite normal and reasonable.

TBH it's borderline misandry, can you imagine the uproar on mumsnet "my husband controlls my money and only lets me spend on the things he likes".

Buy it, and ask for neither permission or forgiveness, if you need either then somethings wrong.

My wife is cool about bike stuff. She did get a bit miffed when I bought a car we didn't need on Ebay a couple of years ago (Audi A2 in need of TLC).

I wouldn't quiz my wife on what she spends her money on
I wouldn't expect to be quized on how I spend mine.

Note I don't actually have a wife.

Note I don't actually have a wife.

It's important to realise that almost no-one designs their joint financial arrangements from a blank sheet.

A friend of MrsDummy's married her boyfriend, and he moved in. It took her 2 years to realise that they were both earning some money, they had separate bank accounts, she paid the bills and bought the food. It was her house as well. His contribution to the joint finances was to spend whatever he earned on whatever he wanted.

🙂

It's taken me 6 to realise she actually takes home more than I do. At which point I stopped offering to pay for the lions share of dates/holidays and bought a boat.

A few years ago a bike box turned up.
I hadn't told my wife.. Instead I was very flippant and let her start ranting about spending more money on another bike. I then asked her if I should send her new bike back. Gobsmacked is an accurate description.

Work more, get noticed for working more, bring more money in, sell a bike and then announce a daddy of a replacement or upgrade.

or

Clean house for a few weeks, start cooking dinners, get home earlier from work, take a sudden interest in sprucing up garden, clean the bathrooms before she gets up, be the first to leap up from sofa to get the mite to all the clubs and the last fate sealing deal always put socks and underwear in the laundry basket and not randomly discarded.

Ok, so guess the question is posed tongue in cheek. But the answer? Neither.

Timba and altaz have it above. Honesty and integrity in a marriage is > imp than a bike. MTB is a luxury. Buy n+1 if you have the genuine disposable income that you won't miss. Otherwise stick to 1. That's all you need.

Buy it, and ask for neither permission or forgiveness, if you need either then somethings wrong

including kids bikes there's [s]10[/s] 11

and a number of spare frames, forks, wheels and components secreted around the place.
😳

I'd need to have a discussion with my wife before I bought another bike.

My approach to the last one was to bring it up casually over a coffee that I was debating a new purchase, she asked why? How much? and can you afford it? The first 2 questions were fairly unimportant, the 3rd was the key, the answer was yes, I bought a new bike.

The one before then I tried the stealth method in that I bought it, collected it and rode it for 3 months before she saw it (she rarely goes into the garage). Her response on finally seeing it was "is that a new bike?" "why didn't you tell me you were buying it?" "You should have picked a better colour, that's dull". She was more annoyed that I hadn't told her than that I'd bought it, this lead to a new, more honest, approach.

My wife and I spend about an equal amount on stuff that we like.

For her it's photography, aikido seminars/weekly training and clothes.

For me it's bikes and odd bit of clothing/footwear.

She earns more than me nowadays (used to be the other way round) but everything we have goes into a joint account and gets shared out equally after family stuff and the kids stuff has been done.

Is that weird?

My wife is [s]easily[/s]expensively bribable...

Whatever you do dont be honest with her as that would be sheer madness

Dunno what's up with you lot. I just idly look at bikes on the internet or talk to mates about racing and she then tells me I should go buy a bike.

Isn't that what's supposed to happen?

including kids bikes there's 10 11

and a number of spare frames, forks, wheels and components secreted around the place.

I'd need to have a discussion with my wife before I bought another bike.

I dont count the kids bikes in my bike count as they are not mine.

This is always a minefield.

My wife would never stop me, but I would never not consult her unless it cost less than a £100.
However she always asks is it a WANT or a NEED.
It has also been useful in the past as I have mentioned I wanted a Pashley for summer rides, she scoffed and said NO, that's silly.
Then went and bought one for my Birthday.

Remember the wanting never stops, and next month it will be something else, if it is a need and you can justify it, not just financially then you should have no worries.

Talk to her, always the safest approach, she wants you to be happy, and deep down she would rather you were riding that bike than her best mate. ( don't use this as an argument though).

Best of luck.

Why not sell the old one - unless it is a commuter that you are also using for your main bike.

What benefits has the new bike got - will you use it more and therefore be fitter and therefore be a better and more reliable breadwinner, and possibly less likely to succumb to the daily grind and even suffer from depression.

Is it just a play thing - but will mean that you will socialize with other riders more, and therefore be happier generally and less likely to succumb to the daily grind and even suffer from depression, and will therefore be a better and more reliable breadwinner.

Cyclists (at least the ones that get fit because of it) live on average 10 years longer, and the fitness benefits means you are less likely to become ill, and will therefore be a better and more reliable breadwinner and are likely to be around longer for your kids.

Compare it to the gym memberships that a lot of people (inc my wife) have and never use.