No time to ride (mtb vs family life)

my gravel bike got ridden more than anything else last year. its easy, it has full guards on it, its pretty capable xc bike and fast enough on the road. its nice to ride in shitty conditions. i can ride door to door and put it back in the garage and know it'll be good to go the next time I open the door.

I only get the mtb out now when the conditions are good.

I’ve constantly battled the wife to keep going out on my mtb at least once a week tbh. I don’t mind a road ride but mtb gives me far more satisfaction and chills me out more. Just stopping in the woods with no-one else about and just taking in the quiet / nature really helps my mind.

I also don’t get the same adrenaline rush with road riding - the consequences of coming off at the speeds needed to have fun / a rush aren’t worth thinking about for me.

If you struggle to get enough time to drive somewhere to mtb then a gravel bike could be a good option for you though - I think mainly fireroad bashing or very easy trails though. Should get you out in the woods - but I wouldn’t regeualrly want to try and hammer / pick my way down proper mtb trails on one personally.

Gravel bikes are ideal if you're time-poor and don't have trails from the door. Trails that are dull/a drag on the MTB can be enjoyable on a gravel bike in terms of being out and about, and they will do xc stuff & woodsy singletrack, albeit steep/chundery stuff is not it's forte. And quiet roads are not a chore, and can be perfectly pleasant.

I’ve constantly battled the wife to keep going out on my mtb at least once a week tbh. I don’t mind a road ride but mtb gives me far more satisfaction and chills me out more.

Absolutely this for me, I've now got a handful of mates that ride mtb (after years of going mostly solo) which helps with the 'sell' (ie they're going so why can't I).  The kids are a bit older / more self sufficient now which helps and I'm also hoping to get my youngest daughter keen on mtb (current poor weather and lack of light not helping) which will also help get me on the mtb more.

I also ride road in the week when WFH to keep the fitness up or a longer ride when no-one wants to play mtb (I have some roadie mates too) and will start commuting on the bike again when the light / weather gets better.  Gravel is OK but more like road than mtb to me (bear in mind my mtb preference is gravity / playing about in the woods rather than traditional XC) and the road is accessible out of the door, whereby I'd need to travel to get a good variety of gravel routes.

The opposite here. I'd love a gravel ride day, a beer, food.

It's all crazy descents, day in day out.

Summer I get 3-4 a week, winter it's only 1-2.

I could have written the OP myself. Gravel bikes are amazing just for getting out, despite the fact that some people just don't seem to understand them!

What form they take is up to you, drop bars or rigid 29er or even just a HT 29er they just work for jumping on and getting out.

I've got a Cotic Cascade and am just just about to try it out with some swept back bars instead of drops but it's great with drops anyway!

Get one and get out for a ride!

“ The opposite here. I’d love a gravel ride day, a beer, food.

It’s all crazy descents, day in day out.

Summer I get 3-4 a week, winter it’s only 1-2.”

Having one child who is old enough to ride faster than you do, is not a very relevant comparison to those of us with two or more younger children! Mine are 9, 7 and 3 and since starting another band I’m having to squeeze my MTBing into the odd longer commute as I’ve use up my one one night a week out making music.

Ive been here, ive got a 5 year old so riding time is very limited, espcially on the mtb so spent most of my time on the road bike, couple of hours here and there when i got the chance

Bought a cheap gravel bike to see if i could mix up a bit of off road and road riding, turns out i didnt enjoy ethier!

I found the gravel bike slow on the roads when using tyres that could handle a bit of off road riding and not that nice off road as there is no real gravel riding where i live so everything was quite rough

Best thing i found for short off road blasts for 1-2 hours was an e-mtb

I can load up the car, get to my riding spot, do 15 miles and 2000+ft of elevation whislt having loads of fun and be back home all within 2 hours

Maybe an ebike would take the slog out of your trip to and from the trails, and probably give an extra couple of descents in the same time?

I'd say it depends on your local terrain.
I bought a gravel bike (sold my fat bike and summer carbon road bike to fund) just before becoming a dad, as I knew that away days and time available driving to ride would be limited for the time being. My local area has lots of farm and estate tracks that aren't very exciting on a mtb but are still great for getting away from traffic. Gravel bike much easier (not necessarily faster) on the road than mtb, and makes mild off road feel more exciting. Was also a god send during lockdown as it kept off road speeds lower, while still enjoyable.
It's not the magical revelation a lot of people are hoping for and I wouldn't take one over an mtb as an only bike, but I don't regret selling the other two bikes for it.

Has anyone else found themselves in this position and moved to gravel riding?

Nope. We just bought a double trailer for the kids and kept doing mtb. 3 mile climb at 'degla with kid in trailer, send missus off round the black ( or just the red if she was proper pregnant at the time), head round the blue turfing the kid out to ride his tricycle/balance bike/weeb for little sections. Install wife and kid in cafe for 90 minutes then blast round the black.
As kids got older they rode more and more but up until at least 10 years old it involved me towing one or both of them up 3 mile climb.
Great way of getting exercise and getting them enthused for mtb

Buy a trailer

Oh good point @thegeneralist
Definitely buy a trailer. Got ours when he was one, just before the first lockdown. Have done over 600 miles with it over the three summers. He was asking to go out in it earlier today.

Having one child who is old enough to ride faster than you do, is not a very relevant comparison to those of us with two or more younger children

I never said it was, he asked "is anyone else. . "

Gravel biking sounds like the worst of both worlds. No smooth and fast descents like on a road bike and not the downhill fun of a mountain bike. Can't you negotiate some regular MTB riding time with your other half? My wife is into surfing so I frequently babysit on the beach whilst she's in the water. Equally whilst I'm out on my bike, she'll do a forest walk with the little one or cafe if it's raining. Fairly easy to coordinate IMO. Ultimately our son fits in with us and what we do. Hopefully he'll grow up a good surfer and mountain biker when he's a little bit older.

Road is for training, commuting and long distance exploring,

Gravel is for local exploring, or car then exploring. They're great versatile bikes that make gravel fun and gravel really is fun on a gravel bike.

MTB is for fun and relaxing, smiles and thrills. Mine may not gets used as much as my other bikes due to similar commitments to yours (and my local trails being destroyed by horses in the winter), but when it does, it's smiles I'm looking for, not miles. I'd never get shot of it, but relish the rare time I do get to spend with it.

MAKE time for it - it's like therapy for the busy life/mind.

What form they take is up to you, drop bars or rigid 29er or even just a HT 29er they just work for jumping on and getting out.

I like this. It’s not really that a gravel bike is a certain thing. It’s more about a bike that’s versatile on road and off road.

I do prefer the grave bike from the door. I have all the time in the world and the MTB stuff isn’t far away. But slinging the bike in the car often doesn’t appeal

To enable me to get out and have some genuine type one fun when having far too little time, I bought myself a dirt jumper. If I only have an hour and a half to ride, it's off to the pump track for a quick workout and some technique sharpening. There's a double that I'm currently eyeing up and have no hope of actually clearing without casing and scaring myself silly.
Gravel? Thats only type two fun. Why wouldn't you go enjoy yourself whilst rebuilding your confidence playing on shaped bumps in a park?

Gravel? Thats only type two fun. Why wouldn’t you go enjoy yourself whilst rebuilding your confidence playing on shaped bumps in a park?

Horses for courses innit, we're all wired differently. Skate parks/pump tracks just scare me, was never into skateboarding or BMXing as a kid, and have zero desire to start now.

Whereas a couple of hours out in the fresh air, exploring moors, woodland trails, quiet roads is just heavenly for me. I'd not trade it in for the fun & exhilaration of proper MTB, but gravel riding is definitely a type of type 1 fun for me.

Is this not why night riding was invented?

It’s a difficult one to be sure. I ride a lot less than I used to even with trails relatively close by. Don’t get any pleasure from road riding at all. If the option was road or nothing I’d give up completely. So it’s fair weather riding locally on the hardtail or towpath bimbling with the family for me.

The OP post sounds very similar to my own situation. There is no 'real' MTB on my doorstep so BC (Before Child) I would regularly drive to Thetford, Sherwood, the Peak district etc. and have weekends with mates in Wales or Scotland.

Since our daughter has arrived, it has been much harder to justify a 1hr+ drive each way for a couple of hours riding, as it ends up taking half of the day.
My mates now have kids too, so trying to arrange something we can all do seems virtually impossible.

I don't really enjoy road riding, but it has ended up being 90% of the riding I do - well, that & Zwift. Road riding to me is just a means of keeping fit.

I've got an Inbred with rigid forks that gets ridden relatively often locally & it is the bike I would use when I go out with my daughter locally.
My Stumpjumper FSR on the other hand....I bought some new brakes for it in Jan 2022 as the Avid Elixirs on it were in bad shape. They didn't get fitted until October 2022 & I still haven't ridden it once since buying those brakes. It seems pointless selling it, as it's 12 years old and has so many old standards it might as well have been found on the deck of the Mary Rose.

I am currently eyeing up a stupidly long short-list of gravel bikes and if I get one I'd probably clean up the Inbred & sell it, which would leave me with (new) gravel bike, full-sus & road bike.

I'm kinda hoping my knees hold out long enough that when my daughter is a bit more independent & doing her own thing, I'll get back into it a bit more.

Anyone battling their spouse has the wrong spouse. Bring married is shut mutual respect for the things that are important to the other individual surely?
Context - 3 kids - youngest is 2 so not taking from a nul point of view

Anyone battling their spouse has the wrong spouse.

Indeed, it never fails to amaze me that mates I go riding with have to get permission from their other halfs to ride. My partners knows I ride Saturday am she rides Sunday am and mid week rides can be fitted in as and when I mean we have to check in and see what's on when but usually works out.

Trailers an interesting idea. Any one used one around swinley (not in full winter conditions obviously!)? Are they any good on the road - slightly anxious riding with one on the road if i'm honest. Two kids - one is 2 the other is 2 months.

Where is your other half during all of this? And i dont mean that in a harsh or rude way.... and i certainly know everyone is different and households have many things going on, but.... my wife knows that riding is my hobby and passion, plus is excellent for my mental and physical health, therefore i get to go riding on a sunday morning and generally return early to mid afternoon, allowing me 4 or 5 hours in the woods with my mates (and an evening or two a week during the better weather).

She doesnt have hobbies as i do, hers are more socialising with friends, which is mostly done in the weekday evenings and the odd friday or saturday night. So she gets to do her thing, i get to do mine, and there is still plenty of time left for my 6 year old, my 16 year old (when she is over, as she is from a previous) and for me and the wife to hang out.

With hectic lives, i know time can be a precious commodity these days, but its important you find time to do your thing! 🙂

Having young kids is a phase and although it may not feel like it at the moment, it does pass. My kids are teenagers now and either ride with me or are fine to be left on their own while I head out.

When they were younger I would ride 1 or 2 evenings a week, I'd help with bedtime and ride at 8. Sometimes from the door and sometimes I'd drive to the start point. Bike and kit was always ready, roof bars always on the car so I could make the most of the time I had. With limited sleep and time I was often tempted to just not bother but it really helped my mental and physical health. Even my wife could see the difference and encouraged me to go.

Anyone battling their spouse has the wrong spouse. Bring married is shut mutual respect for the things that are important to the other individual surely?

I totally agree, but for me it was a case of my priorities changing. Before kids, it didn’t affect my wife if I went away from 6 til 6. Afterwards it did. The days I did go I always felt a bit guilty. Wife breastfed so it wasn’t the case she could ever get away. Tried expressing and using a bottle, but he just wouldn’t take it. Longest she could get away for was 2-3 hours.
Now he’s older I do the nursery runs, so even on my days off I have times I’m tied to. Bike doesn’t fit in car with the child seat in, so if I do drive to ride I have to head home to swap it over at each end.
If you live somewhere with good riding from the door it’s easier, but for me, my local mtb woods loop is just over an hour. Bigger loops involve linking up various small woodlands which is quicker and more fun on the gravel bike.

As for trailers. I splurged and bought a Hamax with suspension. We do a lot on local estate tracks and country parks and I think it was worth it. We live in a small village and have a good cycle path running next to the main road, but also use it on the minor road heading out the other direction. Most drivers here have been really good at giving plenty of space, but obviously depends on your local roads. When I first got it, I did my first ride without my son in it. Takes time to adjust to braking, pulling away from junctions and especially avoiding potholes with the back wheels. Get used to hitting them full on, so the back wheels avoid them.

Get dirt jump bike or BMX. Much less time* commitment to clean up travel most of the time.

*If you have a decent skatepark or spot near by. If you get into digging trails then you will have no free time and be digging at 10:00pm in winter with a head torch.

I moved from somewhere I had great MTB on the doorstep to somewhere that, well, doesn't! Which means MTB requires loading the car/van and a 30 minute minimum drive to trails and same home so I bought a CX/gravel bike. God its boring. Sold it and started running more instead but have started blocking out Saturday mornings to at least try and get out early on the big bike. Luckily the kids are at ages where they're enjoying coming out too so I'm more than happy with a couple of hours out with them...

As above take up running.

Far less faff than any type of biking, and you need less time to get the same amount of fitness return.

Other than that its short turbo sessions.....

One of the joys/downsides of having kids, your own time disappears but you do have to try and find some balance

Get rid of the family, problem solved.

Agree about the trailer

An ebike does sound like it would help you maximise your time

For me I try and book a few race or ride weekends away with mates well in advance so the Mum in law is booked in to come and help the wife.

Embrace night riding too, I do a weekly night ride, usually Thursday (tho will change if weather is bad) and yes a gravel ride if really wet

“Anyone battling their spouse has the wrong spouse” - whilst I can see people’s reasoning for saying this, it’s never quite as simple in real life, and context is everything.

My wife absolutely has always understood my need to ride, but as a kayaker and mtb’er herself, it can be very difficult for her to see me go out every week when she doesn’t have the opportunity to go in the same way. She’d never want me to not go, but she’d feel bad about not going herself at some point down the line. For lots of reasons, she has had less opportunities to to out than me over the years (friends having kids and then not being active in the same way, confidence etc). It’s actually more about me feeling guilty than her - she never doesn’t want me to go, but feels low so I then didn’t want to go to add to her feeling bad.

Having a regular group ride / routine has helped me (Sunday morning mates ride), but the big one is making sure my wife gets out in some way as well. She feels good, I don’t feel bad about going, eberyone’s a winner. Starting a realationship with someone who was well into outdoor activity (incl mtb) I thought was going to be all positive, but after 16 years together I now think it’s a double edged sword. Wouldn’t it be easier if she was into shopping or coffee with friends as she wouldn’t feel bad about not getting out herself?

Try to negotiate a routine. You do a ‘shift’ at some point during the week to get your riding points.

Also, I’ll echo what others have said about road riding - yes it’s easier to get a ride in but my god it’s dull compared to mtb’ing (for me, yes yes I know different strokes and all that). It’s 100% purely a fitness thing for me to help enjoy my mtb’ing more. If I didn’t mtb I probably wouldn’t road ride.

We all go through the phase. I was 'off the bike' for a few years with young kids and a lengthy drive to work (30 miles each way) for about 8 years whilst my kids were young. I managed to get a job nearer that was back within a bike commute when my eldest was about 7, youngest 5, which meant I was back to cycling withing the 'work day'. Didn't need to be out at weekends, but when I did, say a sportive, my fitness was right up there.

Mine are now 19 and 22. I still fit in the bike commute as it's still the most effective method of training and still faster than the car (10 miles each way). Means weekend rides can be for enjoyment. Luckily there is enough good MTB'ing and road riding direct from my door, and I only 'travel' a few times a year to a trail centre.

Anyone battling their spouse has the wrong spouse.

Agreed mostly but some mates have wives with very little interest in anything apart from shopping and family stuff. These are the ones who struggle to get 'permission' to come and do fun stuff. Those with wives (or husbands) who also have their own strong interests, be that singing or biking or pottery, whatever, always seem to be far more understanding of the others need for some time apart to do their hobbies, which were often the reason they were attracted to each other in the first place.

My winter riding becomes about 50/50 gravel and proper trails off road.

100% trails as soon as the winter dark/bogs start to recede. Just can’t be doing with roads/drivers in this country at all.

Agree with Hooli, you're probably time poor at the minute and it's a phase. Mine are now 5 and 8 so things are getting a bit easier, but for the past few years, if I've wanted to go to the gym or swim, I have to be up for 6:00am so that I can be there for opening, and home in time to help get the kids ready/be ready to start work at 9am.

Was training for a sprint tri, so the bike part of the training had to be commuting to work on the bike instead.

Things like my XBOX, guitars, drums see occasional use these days, it's easier than it was when they were younger, but taking the XBOX as an example, I've done 8 hours on the latest 'Call of Duty'. My colleague at work, without kids, is up to 8 days.

Agreed mostly but some mates have wives with very little interest in anything apart from shopping and family stuff. These are the ones who struggle to get ‘permission’ to come and do fun stuff.

This, to a degree. The struggle we still have in our house is that whilst I'd be quite happy to hold the fort while my wife has some 'her-time' after I've been out riding all Saturday morning, she doesn't always seem so inclined to do it! I think her idea of 'her-time' is to potter about the house, so I need to up my game and take our 5 year old out for several hours on a Sunday morning I guess. Perhaps that's a good new-year's resolution actually, take the 5 year old out for a walk every Sunday to give my wife some breathing space...

Oh, and plus 1 million for gravel/CX bikes if you're a time crunched MTBer. My poor Superfly just doesn't get a look in these days as it only trumps the CX bike on long/steep/gnarly descents, of which there are relatively few nearby (and I'm not wasting riding time packing/unpacking car and driving places). CX bike is nearest to MTB style kicks, you just need to find the muddiest trails you can (easy enough once you get your eye in, there's sections of skinny muddy dog walkers trail EVERYWHERE) and replace gravity with your legs. You can get it sideways everywhere if you just pedal hard enough!

My two main riding pals and I have had similar with young families and other time constraints.

One of them hardly rides at all these days, think he last had his bike out on the annual trip last May. Vicious circle as his fitness decline puts him off but that won't get any better while he's sitting at home.

The other went full gravel during lockdown after reading up about them. Sold his MTB and only has the GB these days. We had a couple of years with plenty of rides and he was fitter than he's ever been but that's really dropped off in the last year and I've been out with him once or twice since the May ride. His bike fitness will be pants now as well so the longer rides we used to do won't be happening any time soon.

As for me, I got a GB after my pal did, having not really taken any interest and found it great fun to just get out and ride. I'm a MTB'er at heart though so still have my full suss but time on it has been limited this year due to mates who don't ride and life getting in the way. I bought a Whippet as most of my riding was gentle but a trip to BPW made me realise I didn't need two bikes that covered the same bases so I sold that and started building a HT. That stalled as I developed a Tamiya habit again but it will be built by the time the weather improves and I'm determined to get out in the hills more in 2023.

I've been running and going to gym classes (HIIT, core, circuits, etc) rather than riding as time is limited but I not prepared to give up on MTB yet and my kids are getting older and less dependant.

I guess what I'm saying OP is that, yes, you should get a GB as they are great for what you are riding but try not to get rid of the MTB as you'll miss it!

I think it's an understatement to point out the reduction of 'hobby' time is just one of the smaller ways your life is turned upside down by parenthood. I think from a Dad's perspective, if you're not sometimes finding it tough and full of sacrifice/compromise, you need to look at whether you are pulling your weight. (Not aimed at any previous poster, more reflective TBF).

My two are now 10 and 6, and between school, swimming, Scouts, wrap-around clubs etc. the little time we have left as a couple we quite like to spend together. It doesn't help that Mrs LJ is an NHS worker (currently fun) and we both work different weekend rotas.

All that said, I don't think we do that badly. The last decade has featured a lot more dull road riding than it otherwise would have done, but we all ride and holidays and weekends away generally involve bikes. I also get a weekday off every fortnight to travel for some proper solo MTBing.

Anyone battling their spouse has the wrong spouse.

That made me chuckle 😀
I've long had a theory that 'If the Missus lets me' has long been a cut and paste excuse for blokes to duck out of social situations, rather than actually say 'I'm just not feeling it', or 'that other guy you ride with is a wally.'

In the same boat here really, and it's important to give yourself some slack. Parenting is bloody hard work, and family life does take up most of your life. Try not to be too hard on yourself for not getting out, because you then run the risk of not enjoying the times you do go out because they are shorter than you used to do, and you're less fit. And yes, the intensity of parenting young ones does ease, and it is a phase. I'm only just getting a sense of this with a 5 year old and 2.5 year old. But importantly I can see things are a bit easier and there are more opportunities to get out. Key things:
- Be prepared, make sure the bike and kit is ready
- 'Book' time in advance for a decent ride and stick to it no matter the weather or if you're tired
- Gravel bike has been my friend, as it's the best way to cover lots of varied terrain locally, and in the winter its got full mudgaurds and is less faff and mess than an MTB.
- Night riding in better weather/light: I find getting out on a damp evening in January bloody hard, as i'm usually pretty knackered by the time bedtime is done, and riding lanes and slop in the dark isn't so much fun for me. Different story in summer though.
- Change your expectations - key one really, you're not going to be as fit, have as much time, or be able to relax or ride with mates much. Embrace getting out in nature, embrace bimbling locally, embrace thrills in small doses.
You'll slowly get back to a version of how you want to ride, and have more time to do it.
EDIT - Yes, got a trailer and use it for school/nursery runs with them both and we all love it, excellent resistance training with 40kg of kids and trailer lugging behind you!

Has anyone else found themselves in this position and moved to gravel riding?

Sort of. I'd always ridden "gravel" pre-kids, using my commute home to explore local stuff. Kids/family life shifted the balance more towards that than extra evening MTB rides, although I still get out on weekly evening MTB rides with mates most weeks (or twice or more if weather decent). Weekend rides / away days took the kit though.

Easier for me to fit gravel rides in daily life compared to MTBing. It's riding from the door, e.g. 65min ride this morning on local forest paths and local trailcentre, even with breakfast with the family I was working from 8.30am. Compare that to the 20-25min drive to get to my nearest MTB-worthy trails which at this time of year are a bit of a mess, and I'm glad to have the gravel option.

I could never give up proper MTBing though.

once the kids grow up they then get into other things and need ferrying about. mine do cricket and music so there is always a pick up or dropoff time to meet.

i just rode less when the kids were smaller just because the wife needed a break and for family time.

i dabbled in road but it is not the same and its sat in the garage for 3 years not doing anything. i then started going to the skatepark and pump tracks, which was decent as the kids could bring their bikes/scooters and i got to scare myself and practice stuff. Again you only need an hour or 2.

luckily we have biking close to home and now i've an eeb now to maximise the time i get when i go to the steeper tracks/winter - i'll happily go to the steeper tracks just for an hour on the eeb as its worth it and you get a decent session in.

Has anyone else found themselves in this position and moved to gravel riding?

Got a gravel bike a couple of months ago and mainly use it as an alternative to running or quick from-the-door MTB rides of 1 to 1.5hrs. But I still do those as well.

Sounds like you're not that bothered about MTBing anyway? In which case a gravel bike might be just the ticket.

Get rid of the family, problem solved.

TBF it's a better answer than taking up running!!

I hate running but 5k once or twice a week is a very easy way of staying fit.

Wow this kicked off. Thanks for replying.

I definitely think that feeling rushed to get back for the kids is off-putting too. I can get out once a week if i want but the enthusiasm has been killed by the feeling of it being a squeeze hence the road bike. I think i would miss the MTB if i sold it but then again if i enjoyed gravel that would be fine. Lack of confidence is part of this too knowing lots of my local trails are an eye opener in the mud and are generally steep tech, not riding much is a confidence killer for me unless its trail centre rides.

I need to get on a gravel bike to try it. I have a loan offer i may take up on the next few week. Buying one as a third bike would be best but cannot justify that! Ebike would be better but i like the XC bits, the fitness as well as the down hills.

2 boys, 7 and 10 here. The best tip I can give you is get up early - really early, before everyone else. It's free time. Tough some days, but laying everything out the night before makes things easier.

I have a gravel bike and a mtb. The gravel bike is brilliant for when I need to get back, but still gets me to my favourite places on the hills, whereas a road bike can't do that.

Other thing to think about is riding the gravel bike in the week will keep you fit for when do get out on the mtb. That will make things much more enjoyable when you do get some mtb time.

Running is the answer. It’s the most time efficient way of exercising and getting out of the house.
An hours running will leave you tired as you like and requires no prep or planning. You can be out the door 5 minutes after you decided to go.
And, whisper it, but trails and single track are as much fun running as they are on a bike. Good fun at night with a headlight too.

I say all this while doing the grand total of sod all and being the least fit, least active and heaviest I've been since 2003 but,

Get up early and go out, the hardest part is putting your shoes on. I enjoy the trail running from my house. It's a different buzz really.

There's two days in a weekend, when we still had kids at home we took one each - leaving the other five in the week for everything else.

One thing though, my OH also has a time consuming hobby, and nothing comes close to the costs of horses so I've never had a 'budget' issue either.

Have noticed with friends that the biggest issues have always been where their OH didn't have a 'proper' hobby.

But, once they grow up and are independent (all were driving before 18), time expands 🙂

Have noticed with friends that the biggest issues have always been where their OH didn’t have a ‘proper’ hobby.

Yeah, if your OH just enjoys being at home with the family it sets up a bit of guilt/friction when your hobby is basically getting as far away from home and family as your legs can take you, as often as possible, on expensive equipment 😂

2 boys, 7 and 10 here. The best tip I can give you is get up early – really early, before everyone else. It’s free time. Tough some days, but laying everything out the night before makes things easier.

This is me for the past five years. Three times a week whatever the weather (well Queensland may be cheating).

I can commute on good gravel to one workplace or drive to awesome mtb at the other but it keeps me sane and my wife recognises how annoying I’d be if I didn’t do it.

I could have written the OP myself. Gravel bikes are amazing just for getting out, despite the fact that some people just don’t seem to understand them!

What form they take is up to you, drop bars or rigid 29er or even just a HT 29er they just work for jumping on and getting out.

Ditto, my Gravel bike has definitely kept me riding more regularly than my MTB, and it's been a useful part of the family compromise.

I guess there's two parts to this really, the compromises in family life and routine that are required for both parents to feel like more than just a parent, and the compromises required to be able to hang onto some version of the bike riding you want to do.

Pre-kids, packing up the bike in a car to go ride in Wales wasn't such an issue, my missus wasn't interested in it though so it was "my thing" and I could take a day or two out to do it whenever. Now I'd say a trip away comes with guaranteed recriminations and complaints that she's short on "me time" after the fact.
So I ride locally more than anything. For my local riding road and Gravel bikes suit best, we're not in an MTB hotspot. That compromise is pretty much invisible to my missus a bike is a bike she sees very little difference between and MTB and anything else with wheels...

Our kids are getting older, but their interest in bikes and riding is just not on par with mine and you can't bully them into loving bikes. I'd say my missus gets plenty of 'her time' but generally squanders it (I keep that opinion to myself and support the things she wants to do) Gyms are apparently where exercise happens, driving yourself to things is for peasants I fill the gaps where I can but still get the occasional quip about "doing your own thing".

Meh, they're entering teenage years now and becoming more self sufficient (to a point). So I am getting some time back but still not enough to go off roaming on bikes all weekend, and I do need to spend time with the missus that isn't just parenting or sitting watching crap on telly.

I've got a few bikes now (all relatively cheap) the gravel and road ones see the most year round use, the rigid 1x9 MTB gets some use and is the default for offroad night rides currently it's simple and cheap and if you're going to have chunkier tyres you might as well have sensible width bars IMO. The full fat FS is pretty much a summer only bike now that's a conscious choice on my part, if I'm going to get limited chances to use the thing it might as well be in optimal conditions.

The way to look at it is that a bike is simply a piece of equipment for your leisure/enjoyment, but that has to fit in with your wider life. Right now if time is limited then doorstep riding may well suit a gravel bike better, but that's only the current situation.

People get a bit hung up on their cycling tribes and struggle to adjust when circumstances means a change would be beneficial, You're not an 'MTBer' or 'gravel rider' you're just a bicycle rider, the bicycles you ride can vary with your current needs.

I'm Very much a gravel bike evangelist, and if I had to go down to a single bike for the rest of my days, it would probably be some flavour of gravel bike, but that's only because my particular set of circumstances has landed me there, give it another decade and who knows what hype train I'll be riding 😉

Similar situation to OP. My little one is 18 months old, OH suffered from PTSD the last year too, so riding time has been very very limited. I got myself a gravel bike in September and love it. I've had to change my mentality to riding, so just seeing it as a way to get some headspace and keep that dad belly at bay. I ride at lunch a couple of times a week, mostly road but have found some nice little forestry tracks, droves and bridleways to pop down. I'd rather ride slowly and take in the countryside and enjoy being out than trying to blast everything and see it purely as a 'training' type ride.

I do lament lost riding at times, but I've done that since relocating to Devon and not having any friends down this way.

I do only see the lack of riding as temporary, as long as I can get a bimble or two in a week then I am happy. I'd much rather at the moment enjoy time with my daughter, who is the most amazing little thing ever.

@cookeaa much of your post resonates with me. Our 2 eldest are adults and our youngest is nearly 16 so well past the most demanding ages(time wise). When they were young you just have to fit stuff in when you can, at drop offs for activities I used to go for a run or something, saves driving there and back twice or pretending you are interested in watching your kids do said activity 😉

You’re not an ‘MTBer’ or ‘gravel rider’ you’re just a bicycle rider

I don’t agree with this though, if MTB is your passion then road or gravel just doesn’t satisfy that itch.

My kids are 7 and 5. For a few years it's been a real struggle fitting stuff in but as others have said you have to try and adapt what you're doing.
The best tips I've seen here are:-
1. Be prepared, make sure your bikes are all in working order and you have riding kit available. You have to remove as many obstacles as you can. This helped massively for squeezing cheeky pre-work rides in (helped massively by WFH which obviously doesn't suit everyone!) The point here is it will help you carve time out to ride, even if it's just a quick spin on the road.

2. Book the time in with the family. I'm a bit rubbish at this and find adopting my old approach of just ride whenever there's some free time without any real plan causes friction and allows the guilt levels to ride once you're actually out! If it's pre-arranged then the guilt reduces significantly lol.

3. Adjusting expectations. I used to race enduro and riding focused on riding techy trails and shuttling trails etc. on a longer travel enduro style bike. Once we had kids I replaced that with a hardtail, then a SS and currently a rigid 29er.I find that these different style bikes reignite the challenge and also focus you in a different way. Riding tech trails on a rigid 29er is really quite fulfilling as is the constant pain of riding a SS. By all means try the gravel bike, it may just help reinvigorate your enthusiasm for riding.

Also remember, as the kids get older, things change. They grow and become their own people and spend time playing with each other (if you have more than 1) or doing their own thing. Admittedly this is where the taxi service comes in and you find instead of being around them to entertain/be present your time is required to deliver them to/from various parties/activities!

My two are 17 and 14 now and both keen cyclists. I know exactly how you’re feeling and it is difficult when the kids are young.
A trailer meant that I could ride with the kids to give the wife some time and luckily for me they both loved being towed around the woods and getting muddy. Looking back, it was very good training!
It’s not long before they will be riding their own bikes although rides were much slower than if i rode on my own but still fun.
I still get up early on a Saturday and get a couple of hours in before the family gets up to get my fix and as others have said, night rides are great especially this time of year with not a lot of daylight.
Involving the kids in my cycling from an early age has been great for the family as a whole and I love it when they now ask me to ride with them.

And, whisper it, but trails and single track are as much fun running as they are on a bike.

Mate, I know you've got a lot of shoes you need to justify buying, but just no.

😛

And I run just as often as I ride, actually more often this time of year.

if MTB is your passion then road or gravel just doesn’t satisfy that itch.

Yeah, I used to be quite "mono-cultural" about bikes, I wasn't interested in anything but MTBs, but you do end up shutting off other possibilities if you do that. Gravel bikes may not fully "scratch the itch" of MTBing but they can help, and I can't honestly see me wanting to ride MTBs the way I like when I'm approaching 70, but gravel bikes could well see me through to old age with a moderate degree of satisfaction. I think once you get past your mid 30s a degree of pragmatic realism helps.

I used to go for a run or something

Yep, again I'm not a runner, but I do occasionally go for a run, doesn't blow my skirt up, but beats doing nothing by a long way...

Oh, I’m totally with you on that. I ride my gravel bike more than anything else by a long shot and I probably get more enjoyment out of it than MTB, mainly because my appetite for injury risk is very low these days. But I know people who need that adrenaline hit at least once a week.

Edit: Also, full length mudguards just doesn’t get old at this time of year.

Mate, I know you’ve got a lot of shoes you need to justify buying, but just no.

😛

And I run just as often as I ride, actually more often this time of year.

Yep, running is not fun but a means to an end.

As for the OP, how about a second set of road wheels for the GB and sell the road? I binned off my RB after getting the GB but, I guess I was never really a roadie.

i bought a gravel bike under similar circumstance. been used about 4 or 5 times, gravel riding is pretty shit. not as shit as road riding but just does not provide that mtb fix. in fairness i have enjoyed some longer rides, when the conditions have been perfect, that i wouldnt bother doing on my mtb. i thought id use it more in winter but its definitely only getting used in summer if i keep it.

where i work i can build up 30mins of flexi per day then every couple of weeks have a free day off and just go riding all day somewhere!! dont even tell the fam what im up to!! works for us.

The other thing I'd say is actually getting out a bit is important because it normalises that for the kids. I've always thought that it's good for my children to see mum and dad taking some time for themselves to indulge their passion and going off to do something cool and active in the outdoors.

I'm through this now. Eldest goes to uni in September and the other one is doing A-levels.

It depends how hungry you are. Although its begining to fade a bit now, I've spent most of my life feeling like a caged bear if I can't exercise adequately.

When they were born I took 9 months off from riding for each and ran from the front door instead.

Once I got back to riding, I used to be up at 04:00 on the weekend and be back for about 10:00 and out late after the kids were in bed once or twice a week.

My eldest was a poor sleeper for 5 years so I just slept in her room to sooth her instantly if she woke, which meant everyone got better sleep and meant I could give mrs officer a decent stab at proper sleep so she was cool with me extending morning rides a little after the kids were up.

I've never really got back to very regular full day rides at the weekend, but generally get an 8:00 to 13:00 ride in. Tbh, there way more other stuff for me to be getting on with at the weekend, so I'm content to ride a bit less and more locally.

I didn't have the option of gravel back then, but tbh off-road touring isn't my bag.

I'd not get up that early now though.

I used to get up at daft o'clock to squeeze a MTB ride in before family time started.

I work shifts now so can go to the woods for a few hours while the youngest is in nursery. He starts school proper in September so "me" time should improve. Although I'll be hammering the jobs around the home to make sure family time is just that.