How to get the wife...
 

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[Closed] How to get the wife into cycling/MTBing ?

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Mrs Weeksy has said she wants to come out riding, partly for fitness, partly so she can spend more time with me and the boy. I'm more than happy with this, as long as i get 'my' time on the bike as well to push on and improve fitness/training.

She can ride a bike, she's got plenty of power, so we're not really struggling there. But doesn't have masses of technical skills at this stage. Any riding in the last 20+ years has been purely cycle paths and canal paths etc.

Obviously i've done a fair bit of riding so can give her some pointers, but like everything in life it's sometimes a case of just GTF on with it and try, learn from doing rather than just from listening etc.
But it kinda brings me onto the best way for her to progress. Something like a bit of Swinley? Or is that a bit too much for someone who's a bit new to it all at the moment ? We've done some Ridgeway stuff a couple of times and she's been fine offroad, but admittedly that was summer rather than the slop of winter as it is now.

Just kinda wondering how others have done it ? Straight in the deep end (assuming you think Swinley is the deep end of course 🙂 ) or more gentle introduction ?

She'll be riding my T-130 which is fractionally large for her, but really only a tiny bit... it's a pretty decent fit.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 7:27 am
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Someone will be along shortly to mention a...... so I won't bother 😉


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 7:29 am
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new wife ? I'm not against the idea as such. But she'd have to be an improvement on the current one 🙂

If you mean E-bike, nah, that's neither required or going to happen. I've seen her do 25km (flat) rides, so she doesn't need any assistance in that context at all.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 7:31 am
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he means skills day you fool!


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 7:32 am
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Skillz course, if she gets taught some of the fundamentals it's a good foundation to start riding more technical stuff.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 7:33 am
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Hmmm that's a tricky one. Me and the boys have been to Jedi a few times, but i think that may be too large a step in for her this early on.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 7:43 am
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Swinley blue is probably the ideal place to start - you can pick and choose appropriate sections (mixed in with fireroad), easy to loop around to do stuff again, consistent and predictable (probably more so than heading out on to bridleways).. just mix & match to suit her current skill / confidence level.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 7:54 am
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It depends. Don't underestimate how hard mtbing is to a genuine newbie, male or female. Stuff you do without thinking they'll not do at all, whatever you say, and the speed can spook them so they go too slow and then nothing works properly. I've been trying to get a (male) friend into it recently and he's woefully bad. He's getting better, and has a go but it's a long long road.

re partners, I stopped proper mtbing with Mrs Gasket a long time ago but we do go out on the rigid 29ers for a canal towpath/mild bridleway/some road/rufty tufty session which works well. She gets mucky, doesn't sh!t herself, and we see the countryside.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:03 am
 kilo
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Swinley would seem a good starting point, friends starting to off-road with us also did bits around peaslake, just be aware that she won’t listen to your advice even if it’s perfectly correct (it’s a marriage thang). If you can get her to fix a puncture let me know how you achieved it, Mrs Kilo can barely put a wheel in a frame after years of riding.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:03 am
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IME it's not possible to underestimate what she will consider technical or demanding, or for you to underestimate your own skill base. Seasoned riders have a plethora of skills we totally take for granted and are hardly aware of compared to noobs, as well as a totally different mindset to the whole'off-road experience'.

This will create a chasm of your understanding of her riding, and her understanding of her own riding.

Be very aware of this, let her go at her own pace and try not to help too much unless she asks. After all, if you're married, it means you don't know anything and won't be listened to.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:05 am
 Bez
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Wait… is Swinley the new Oxo Tower?


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:10 am
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IME it’s not possible to underestimate what she will consider technical or demanding

^^This^^

My missus plateaued at canal tow paths and that's fine, I've taken her down woodland paths and a bit of Singletrack, didn't enjoy it. she also watched me race DH a couple of times (many years ago) so she's informed enough to know what she just doesn't fancy doing...

So canal tow path, on a sunny day, no cars to contend with, pack a picnic (which I'll carry), maybe a pub stop, whinging commences after about 8 miles. But that means I know the constraints necessary for a nice family ride...

Our 10 YO is more of a hardcore MTBist now TBH...


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:19 am
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Hmmm that’s a tricky one. Me and the boys have been to Jedi a few times, but i think that may be too large a step in for her this early on.

The sooner the better , before she learns bad habits and the confidence boost from Jefi will help massively .


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:27 am
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yes as others have said, i've been out riding with my wife and she was terrified of things i didn't even notice on the trail. A small stone, a root and so on. Best get someone esle to help her unless you want a divorce.   Same applies to skiing, i've seen couples have the most raging rows when one has tried to teach the other! Good luck!


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:30 am
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25km on canal towpath is very different to 25km off road even woods! I would definitely recommend a skills day, teaching ones partner doesn’t always go well even if your qualified, (used to be level 1&3 windsurf Instructor) Learning from another lady might also help more, the likes of Katy Curd, etc seeing a talented lady in a male dominated sport will show her she can do this too. & no it’s never too early to have lessons


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:31 am
 tomd
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Could you encourage or support her to go out and choose a bike and some kit for herself? Do a smash and grab in Decathlon? Also, point her in the direction of any local groups where she could find some like minded people to ride with so it's not just about following you and the kid around.

Riding hand-me-downs has two main downsides. 1) It not quite the right bike for her 2) It's still your bike and any faults and ongoing maintenance of it will be soley your responsibility.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:31 am
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Mrs Weeksy has said she wants to come out riding, partly for fitness, partly so she can spend more time with me and the boy. I’m more than happy with this, as long as i get ‘my’ time on the bike as well

Best to nip it in the bud. Fort Bill WC downhill track and say it's a blue? 😉

But yeah, chilled rides, towpaths and blue routes etc. I took my other half around the Verderers at FOD which I thought was a pleasant little pootle. She was scared...

Riding hand-me-downs has two main downsides. 1) It not quite the right bike for her 2) It’s still your bike and any faults and ongoing maintenance of it will be soley your responsibility.

IME this doesn't change no matter who owns the bike! I'm still the bike guy... 😁


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:38 am
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she was terrified of things i didn’t even notice on the trail. A small stone, a root and so on. Best get someone esle to help her unless you want a divorce

Yep. Oh yes. In fact slightly uncanny - last time I took my wife (who's fit er, aerobically, does a lot of gym and is far better coordinated than me) to ride a bit of local singletrack. Well, was the last time. I realised things could be going better when, somewhere down the fire road to get there, she got off the bike looking furious, picked up the bike and threw it back down on the ground.

Had we got to the singletrack then single is what I would be.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:41 am
 Yak
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weeksy - Hannah at P2P does plenty of women's only rides and coaching. Not too far away either.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 8:46 am
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Been through something similar with my other half.

Found skills sessions to be the best, an independent person is really good to provide confidence and stops trail side arguments....

Also I would re-consider bike size. We started with a T-130 which on paper was the right size but her new bike is slightly smaller and its helped a lot. Long bikes are great if your skills are good, but I believe for confidence your better with a nimble bike as flat out speed isn't really the concern.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 9:00 am
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What kayak23 said ,you need to dial down the GGnAAR and plan family rides ,at places where you and the boy can dick about but she can also enjoy time on the bike.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 9:14 am
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If you're in the Swinley area then there is a lot of non-technical woodsy riding in the area, with as much or as little extra singletrack as you want to add of varying technicality, and plenty of nice lanes to link up.

I would not suggest Jedi without knowing her. You have to *want* to do that kind of riding, and there is far more to MTBing besides pushing yourself technically.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 9:27 am
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Does she actually want to ride a mountain bike properly or just get out with you and the family and do a bit of exercise? If its the latter, trying to get her to improve on the gnarr is pretty pointless.

Stick to fire roads and towpaths and have fun with the family rather than trying to mold her into something she's not really into. That would just frustrate the both of you.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 9:35 am
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You're not a million miles from Reading IIRC. British Cycling / RCC run a ladies only CX skills session on monday nights at the moment.

It wont be as gnarr as a day with Jedi. But on the upside wont be you teaching her.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 9:37 am
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An Ex of mine would come mountain biking with me, and even got to be pretty good, we went to Cannock pretty regularly and even an Alps trip, but she really disliked the muddy wet rides of anything but mid summer, She much preferred roadie. It was cleaner, easier, you could cycle to a cafe or coffee shop, she loved all the kit. So we tended to do that more and more from Autumn.

It was great for fitness and we could do it together, but I must admit it did a little bit dull for me.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 9:51 am
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A bit of coaching wouldn’t hurt early actually to give her the right riding position etc. I don’t know where you live but Katy Curd at FOD was good when I’d had a couple of accidents and wanted to get my confidence back up.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 10:10 am
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All i can say is it has to be FUN. Thr secind it becomes a mega effort or in the slightest bit scary, then you will get a massive turn off.
We ride bikes, and we under estimate how competent we are to a non MTB rider. Just make it fun to get her hooked and then make haste slowly.
Oh, and have fun!!


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 10:12 am
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Taking my wife for a ride round local lanes ,she is fine when surface good but as soon as we hit the less used ones with grass up the middle she holds back and lets me go ,i just stop on regular basis to let her catch up or if i'm going for a segment section i warn her first then say i see you at the end. This works , but anything more than easy singletrack she finds a challenge so that's where her skill level is and she aware of that and doesn't want to push it any further.
I think a better bike would make life easier for her (old Giant Boulder,heavy with just front suspension and rim brakes so not brilliant in wet conditions ) she is slowly coming round to this and a 1x11 set up will be better as she has never got the hang of a triple front setup.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 10:20 am
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I would 2nd (3rd, 4th) the "don't coach her" contingent.
My wife is quite happy riding around the Verderers in FoD but has no desire whatsoever to progress to doing anything else. Skills courses - "Nope, why would I want to do that?".
My attempts at encouragement have been interpreted as dismissing the efforts she does put in. Now we ride separately. In my experience - the couple that rides together annoys the buggery out of each other.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 10:38 am
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Thanks all. Keep comments coming. I've pointed her to this thread as I don't want to push her into things and don't want to throw her in feet first if she only wants a toe.

Yak, Hannah is a good idea, she was great with our boy plus me and him could do the trails while she's learning etc


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 10:39 am
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You know Swinley well enough to bypass anything she might not like 1st go on fire roads.
I'm not sure I'd do a skills course until she's at least comfortable on the bike. Do some fireroads and bits of blue and let her work out where her comfort is first... if she's not used to suspension session some small rollable "drops" (like 6")

I'd just make sure you have a flask of decent tea/coffee in the car and dry clothes.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 10:42 am
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One thing I never get is why you see dad and son on very nice new or nearly new bike and the missus is dragging a 30lb length of gas pipe up the hill.
When she probably Weighs less, won't be sending it off a 6"drop or shredding anything other than the skin on her palms as she hasn't got any gloves.
Lightweight everything
Mahooosive gel saddle
No mountains
Padded shorts
Not swinley, too busy, too hilly, no decent grip bikes feel skittish and drifty on the cobbles


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 12:25 pm
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She'll be on my Whyte T-130. If she gets into it i'll buy her her own T130 in the size down from mine. I'll be on the HT while we're out.

She's got proper riding kit from a few times we've done it in France, helmet, gloves etc... Only thing she's lacking is a pair of 5'10s but trainers will be OK for now.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 12:29 pm
 ton
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touring and cafe's.

we have a 10 mile rule. and wife makes sure we stick to it. 10 mile, café, 10 mile dinner café, 10 mile café, 10 mile pub. ;o)


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 12:33 pm
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Lightweight everything
Mahooosive gel saddle
No mountains
Padded shorts

Agreed. Mrs Officer has a lovely old school cromo 1999 Orange P7 with XT transmission and fox Van R sprung for her weight. It's a bike and build thats entirely appropriate for our aspirations at the time (2003/4), but sadly it made not a jot of difference. MTB just isn't her thing.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 12:35 pm
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She’s got proper riding kit from a few times we’ve done it in France, helmet, gloves etc

Just bear in mind its decidely autumnal at the moment. Even mid day im wearing autumn gloves, night rides are already winter gloves.

A brisk lap of Swinley going quick enough to keep warm is one thing, a bimble is a different matter if your cold and wet and not warming up and it ends up taking 2 hours.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 12:39 pm
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Mrs Weeksy has said she wants to come out riding, partly for fitness, partly so she can spend more time with me and the boy

!= ride an MTB

Personally, I'd look at a nice comfortable hybrid or dutch bike with touring tyres, set a destination such as THE cycling cafe that's all the rage, and crack on. Thames path cycle route would be my first thought, off road, flat, good surface.

A too-large MTB and a technical trail will be a short-lived experience (marriage).


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 12:40 pm
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It depends. Don’t underestimate how hard mtbing is to a genuine newbie, male or female.

This, my wife will happily rip along the roads and towpaths but anything even vaguely narrow or technical is hard work. A "wide" bit of singletrack with a few bumps may be a walk in the park for you but may well give her a real challenge.
I've been riding off-road for over 25 years so line choice, body position, braking points, etc. are all dealt with without really thinking. It's a slow learning curve,

Does she actually want to ride a mountain bike properly or just get out with you and the family and do a bit of exercise?

This is also true. MTB to my wife is a gentle plod along the canals and maybe some fireroads in the woods. It's not techy singletrack and steeps.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 12:41 pm
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Answer is.... She can tell me in the next few days/weeks... As i say, i've sent her the link to read, what she decides to do with it is completely up to her. I'm not going to push her to do techie stuff, i'll help her do whatever she fancies though. If we do it right we can easily make everyone just as happy as me and the boy can do longer/techier stuff after she's finished etc for a play. If we were at Swinley for example and didn't fancy the climb on the last couple of swoopy blues, i can send her along the Fireroad and either me and my lad, or even just him can do the traily bit while she goes along the path.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 12:49 pm
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Makes me realise how lucky I am.
My missus was happily doing slickRock, porcupine rim, poison spider, high street, laggan black, beast etc 15 years ago. She could also board or ski any piste around.
She slowed down a bit whilst pregnant and stuck to easy stuff like llandegla black or slightly easier MTB routes in Skye and the Hebrides. She stopped boarding for a while and skied only on pistes whilst pregnant. (Back in the days when the Grand Couloir in Courchevel was designated a black piste (my son still rips the piss out of me on the basis that he's been down it and I haven't (as I bottled it)))

She's got more cautious and slowed down a bit now but love the fact that we can all do pretty much any bike/ski/ board down the mountain summer or winter as a family (MTB blacks excepted)


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 1:48 pm
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I dragged my mrs round 18 miles and ~3500ft of the peak districts finest, we stopped at a pub halfway round and it was all good 😀

Helps that she was used to riding mental horses so was a nice change that at least the thing she was riding wasn't trying to kill her as well.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 3:11 pm
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Some Zwift to assertain her fitness and stamina levels?

Women's Voodoo Marasa is currently £320, great spec hybrid for price, albeit another ~£130 would get something closer to ~11Kg with default spec and a carbon rigid fork such as a Boardman.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 3:45 pm
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She did a few zwifts back in the day about 18 months back, but not sure why, but she didn't really get into it.
If I'm honest, I think time with me and our boy is as it maybe more important than the actual fitness benefits for her.

The bike side of things isn't really an issue, if she gets into riding she'll get a good bike, pretty much as cut and dried as that.
Regards to spanner stuff, I do 99% of jobs myself and love spannering, so no issue with that at all.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 4:05 pm
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Their are other skill instructors than just Jedi.
I am sure there is a company that do skill training at Swinley, so if that local and be trails you ride might be good to do it there, it help with her been and doing trails she riding before etc.

And a good instructor will teach to the level of the rider.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 4:30 pm
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To come out and join on a trail ride with you and the lad? at some point some technique is going to need to be learnt - that could be from you in a more casual drawn out way, could be a paid instructor as an intensive day, I guess you know each other and whether option A will end in divorce or not.
Expecting otherwise is going to leave at least one or probably all 3 of you having a bad time.
Do it right and there could be a family week riding in Morzine in a few years 🙂

Alternatively, a family countryside ride as a distinct, separate activity in addition to what you do with your son, could be what she's after... biking is quite varied like that.

Any healthy adult with the ability to ride a bike in a straight line and possessing a certain amount of will power can get round the Swinley blue (with dismounting and walking if required). That doesn't mean it would be a) enjoyable, b) a technique learning experience c) useful exercise.

Standing up on everything but the easy straight bits, using both brakes correctly, and leaning the bike into the corners are blindingly obvious to you and me but not to the novice. And is quite different (or even the exact opposite) to efficiently and casually riding on a road or bike path.

Getting those 3 points across could take 5 minutes or 5 years; but get them, a basic amount of fitness and hit the right balance between scared and kamikaze - and she'll be pretty much set.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 6:55 pm
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Oh and if I remember right - you're quite a classic technique, no dropper rider. Nothing against that but its a technique to be learnt.

Mrs W Starting from scratch - please try dropping your seat. Its a revelation.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 6:59 pm
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Can't realky, her seat she likes a bit low so isn't really able to drop it at this stage, I know that could arguably say the bike is too big, but her standover and reach is pretty correct. I think she needs the seat higher on flat so the dropper may help with that.
Either way, it will be fitted when she's using it yes.
We also have the option of a mates Zesty for winter in a M which will fit her better


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 7:20 pm
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Their are other skill instructors than just Jedi.

Be worth seeing, since the OP mentions has gone there in past, whether he could do a private session across an entire talent range but my guess would be it might not work. Having had a session from Jedi it was damned good but then again had some kayak coaches who whilst damned good I know avoided beginners since they knew they werent suited to it.
Places like Plas y Brenin do introductory sessions including women only which might be better suited and I suspect most trail centres will have an equivalent although cant see an obvious match for Swinley.


 
Posted : 05/11/2019 7:33 pm
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The club I am member of has male and female certified instructors. The female only sessions are always oversubscribed. I would look at a female only skills session if that is what you think she wants. Otherwise, just dial it back. Supposed to fun for everyone. I know i would have no fun riding with someone way beyond me in ability and fitness, why would she?


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 12:54 am
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I know i would have no fun riding with someone way beyond me in ability and fitness, why would she?

Where did i say that was going to be the case ? Whilst i may be above her in skill and fitness, i never said i'd try and force her to ride at my level.

Don't forget, this is her request, her want and her desire, i'm not trying to force her into something she doesn't want to do. She's requested to join in with us, so i'm trying to figure the best way to do that, both by asking her and asking others on here. I'm not dragging her out kicking and screaming down BPW blacks on her first run.


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 7:04 am
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If the zesty is a M, which will fit her better, then is the T130 a L?
That's gotta have a long effective top tube reach and standover, or is the T130 a M but newer geo, long tt etc
Still think small frame and dropper would be better so she had the pretend security of always being able to put a foot down to stop crashing
Why not ask Tony if he could a ladies learner day might become a thing and ideal birthday gift for the one you love
Center parks has soft mtb trails
New forest too and loads of ponies


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 7:32 am
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T130 is an L but a 16/17 so the older shorter geometry.
Zesty is a 26" wheeled M.


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 8:33 am
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All i can say is it has to be FUN. Thr secind it becomes a mega effort or in the slightest bit scary, then you will get a massive turn off.
We ride bikes, and we under estimate how competent we are to a non MTB rider. Just make it fun to get her hooked and then make haste slowly.
Oh, and have fun!!

This times 100!


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 8:56 am
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Dare I say - try a tandem?


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 8:57 am
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Dare I say – try a tandem?

Neither of us have any interest in that sorry.


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 9:07 am
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Just go to Swinley ... plan to use fire roads except the bits she's comfortable... then discover the bits she's uncomfortable. i.e. is it "steep" or (roll-able) "drops" or whatever.

There is nothing on the official trials can't be done on a road bike - the T-130 is more than capable but learning to trust the bike is different. Unless she is comfortable with the bike then anything can seem daunting but the brakes work and everything can just be done slowly.

If you do Swinley you know it so well you can just avoid any bits she is uncomfortable and then find some bits where she can push a little on comfort. (Even just rolling off a 6" root... and feeling how the bike adsorbs it ..)


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 9:39 am
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Neither of us have any interest in that sorry

Where did it say it had to be you and her? 😉 My best rides were on my kiddyback with the kids. My nephew now captains my nieces on the same bike.


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 10:04 am
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I'm with TJ here as I was going to say tandem too and I wouldnt dismiss it that quickly, it'll improve your riding, push both of your fitness levels and your skills a lot, my wife hasnt had her own bike for years now and we now just ride tandems when we ride together. Its a niche scene but good fun, its taken us loads of places riding that I may never have been such as the Kingdom Trails in Vermont this year riding the trails there with 10 other tandems. I'm not that far away from you I think, little bit south of Farnham if wanted to try it out for a couple of hours.


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 10:08 am
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Move on from the Tandems fellas, honestly.... move on... You couldn't be further off the mark if you suggested unicycles


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 10:11 am
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Mrs TJ and I have sort of been thru the situation you are now in and that led us to the tandem as the best compromise

years ago we used to tour a lot in a roughstuff style but both became frustrated with our different approach, skills level and fitness to the point we virtually stopped cycling together. The tandem ironed out these differnces.

Mrs TJ did buy a decent MTB and got some skills training but still found in general we had more fun together on the tandem than with her constantly trailing behind me and me constantly having to slow down to see where she was. We even had a few trips to glentress where she rode blues on her solo and me reds. But then that was two separate rides meeting up every hour or so rather than riding together.

Me trying to coach her caused rows

So eventually the tandem became the most used bike as on it was when we had the most fun together.

Try borrowing one for a weekend and see how you get on. Not all couples can cope with one but for us it certainly was the key to riding together and having fun. If you lived anywhere near me I would happily let you borrow ours.

Is astonishing how tricky stuff you can ride on a tandem so it need not spoil you fun of enjoying the gnarr ( so long as you do not scare her on the back) I was astonished how good it made us both feel to be able to do a nice smooth run down spooky woods on it and the day we finally got both wheels in the air was great.

Getting older now and bouncing less well means we have dialled it back a bit. However the tandem is still the best fun I have ever had on any bike


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 10:24 am
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I think a skills course only works once you have identified issues with your riding or have a hunger for certain improvements. That comes with getting out there and seeing features you want to beat.
I got my wife into it by starting as I did with the kids, small features and small triumphs, until they say OOh I wish I could do that drop or corner like that. Then boom the hunger is there and off you go to Jedi.
But you need to be patient, what to you is simple is terrifying to some.

And Tandems?


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 10:25 am
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I would just do local xc routes from the door. Build up the skills over time. Then go to swinley.
Treat the ride as a recovery one for you if you like. & a bike that fits.
Have you considered a tandem?
😉


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 12:01 pm
Posts: 28680
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Topic starter
 

I would just do local xc routes from the door. Build up the skills over time. Then go to swinley.

It's seeming the best plan. That way we can take in the cafe stop etc too to help there along with a few little woods sections etc. Only downside is some of the routes over to the woodsy bits are a bit dull, but hey, that's a problem we all face at times.
Going the other direction is into the clay/slop of the Ridgeway which again, is entertaining (in a bad way)


 
Posted : 06/11/2019 12:20 pm

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