[Closed] Have you ever had a wild poo?

This is the kind of thing that should be covered on The Cycle Show.

thekingisdead - Member

Going Slightly off topic.....but when I was refitting my a bathroom (natch, only one bathroom in the house) I had to carefully plan the schedule of work to ensure I was without the wc for as short a time as possible, needless to say one Saturday morning I was caught short. So I lay a bin liner in the new wc (stored in the lounge) and layed one out while watching tv (rather appropriately Saturday morning kitchen). Superb stuff.

i worked at IKEA when i was 16. the bathroom area was closed off with plastic sheeting as the area was being revamped. upon the grand opening there was a massive 1,2 or 3 week old log at the bottom of the dry pan.

. I really hoped at the time that Tarquin ran round the back of the car to get in the back seats in the morning.

again when we were younger we used to go to some ****y nightclub in Epping. a friend of ours, Fingers (his fingers used to shake if you watched him whilst he rolled a joint), would always leave early and go around and piss on the door handles of the flashy motors in the caar park. we would then sit in the car and have a smoke whilst watching all the rude & wide boys opening their car doors.

Great thread - but I'm surprised nobody has protested that curling one down at a trail centre isn't really a "wild" poo.

I have often enjoyed the feeling of fresh air tickling my bumhole while crouching in the undergrowth - all part of the outdoors experience.

I've done a couple of 4x4 trips to Morocco..

Last time we went we wild camped in the desert, miles from anywhere.
My mate goes for the 'long walk' with the little spade and loo-roll. finds a nice spot out of view behind a coupel of bushes, at the moment he drops his pants and gets down to business, what can only be described as the Dakar Rally appears from out of nowhere and an endless stream of quad bikes and 4x4s go flying past him.
All he could do was squat there and wave to them as they roared past!

I haven't read the whole thread, but I bet I'm the only one who's had a wild poo whilst (unwittingly) in view of the Harry Potter steam train. And wearing a police hat.

Taking baby wipes into the woods is hardly a [i]wild[/i] dump.
It is the equivalent of glamping, and saying you are an explorer.

Real men wipe with a handful of foliage, mud or woodland creatures.

The TransWales was my intro into the 'alfresco' dump - when ya gota go...

freeagent, you have made my morning!

It is the equivalent of glamping, and saying you are an explorer.

Glooing? Glapping? Glitting?

Glooing? Glapping? Glitting?

From urban dictionary- [i]Glamping

Going camping, but with glamour. A combination of the two words. It's like regular camping , but with nicer things than usual, being warmer, and more comfortable. Glamping isn't done by usual outdoor types who climb mountains.[/i]

This has come up before as I remember telling this story.

I was out on the mtb about 20 miles from home and had to have a dump. I rode up a track and had a search for some suitable erse scrubbage at the same time (no point dropping one THEN deciding to go drag it around the forest looking for something suitable)
Turns out I didn't have much choice of vegetation so I settled for a nice big clump of moss if I remember right..

Anyways, I used the moss and relief kicked in.. but not for long. I had grabbed a handful of moss with ants and swiped my ring with it. The pain over the next ten minutes or so was one of the most excruciating pains I have ever felt. Be careful out there. Ants can bring tears to glass eyes.

From STW dictionary- Glitting
see also glooing and glapping
Outdoor pooing, but with glamour. A combination of the two words. It's like regular wild pooing , but with nicer things than usual ie babywipes and nappysacs and done halfway round a trail centre

Cracking thread. I love poo stories, me.

There's a legendary incident amongst us of someone performing a mid-ride just-off-trial pooh, just as he gets back on his bike a walker + dog round the corner, dog runs into the trees and eats it.

Thanks, Donk. Glad someone got it! 🙂

Nobody's mentioned taking a dump in the sea......which incidentally is where I work. Occasionally you get caught short in the middle of a shift on the seabed & you've got to go. Getting it out of a hot water suit whilst underwater means going in your hand & removing the Richard the 3rd's quickly otherwise it ends up in your welly's.

My personal record is at 600 feet-ish at the base of the Magnus platform. The crabs go mad for the stuff <sticks fingers down throat smiley>

Does this count as a wild poo ?

Beachboss.

So its called "wild pooing" now is it? Is there a magazine with some specific "wild pooing" gear I can buy 🙄

Obviously, we all need to know what tyres for wild pooing.

this was my first ever wild poo up the side of Skiddaw, one I won't forget.
Anyone care to share?

When I was a lad a mate of mine dumped out of a loft hatch into a cardboard box on the floor below while we all stood at the end of the hallway giggling whilst watching a t**d magically drop out of the ceiling.

Does that count?

Does that count?

Save it for the circus, magic boy!

Anyone got any voucher codes for Wild Pooing gear from CRC?

Somewhere in the Torres del Paine (Chilean Patagonia), a ransos log is slowly decomposing...

This is brilliant, so glad I'm not reading this at work as there'd be coffee all over the keyboard. I don't know if I'll laugh or be horrified when some photoshop guru comes up with a 'wild pooing' magazine front cover ala mountain biking uk.

ok here goes

I was once fishing a pike competition in Ulverston, when I felt the urge, it was very early in the morning and still dark, so I pooped by my peg. Later a posh lady came by with a dog wearing a tweed jacket ( dog was a jack russell) the posh lady proceeded to ask me detailed questions about pike fishing as her tweed wearing dog gobbled up my fresh poo!

NEVER LET A DOG LICK YOUR FACE!

Best pants for wiping?

Plenty of al frescopoops, as I used to spend a lot time carp fishing and often there was little choice.
Best not to position yourself near stinging nettles I've found. Toppling backwards with your pants round your ankles stings the sack and crack a tad.

Double post

Was running in central London in November, round one of the large central parks, about 7pm or so (after dark). It wasn't very well lit and there were very few people about, which is good, cause I got a sudden stomach cramp. Had to run to the nearest flower bed and add my own compost...

I used to spend a lot time carp fishing and often there was little choice.

Am I childish that I found the fact I had to 'log in' to reply to this thread amusing?

In March we went up to Brechfa. We combined the Red and Black Trails starting at the beginning of the Red in Abergorlech.

Getting near to the end of the ride at the point where the Black joins the Red at the top of the last Red descent we realised we had dropped one of our mates.

He caught up with us quite a few minutes later and we realised he had been doing some different dropping of his own.

Caught by sudden attack of stomach cramps he had to dive into the woods and use the non-facilities. In his rush he realised he had chosen a spot without many wiping opportunities.

He did however spot a rather comfy looking mossy tree trunk and decided to use this for a wipe. As he told us the story he re-enacted his 'wiping' action by bending his knees and poking his arse backwards towards the trunk performing squats. A movement I had always imagined bears to use when performing their oblutions.

Now I know this was at a trail centre but considering he didn't have any paper to hand was this a 'Glit' or a 'Woo'?

Explosively once at the top of porter clough in Sheffield. Luckily I was the first up the hill by a long way so by the time the rest arrived I was all cleaned out and considerably more comfortable.

There's an ace branch at just the right height for an optipoop.

Now I know this was at a trail centre but considering he didn't have any paper to hand was this a 'Glit' or a 'Woo'?

The comparison with a bear makes this a full on gnar woo.

I had to shit whilst climbing on Tryfan once. I scrambled off the route and found a suitable ledge. Post deposit the climb continued to the summit. A little later 2 Auzzies summited on an adjacent climb. Typically they were loudly praising the wonderful route and rock, but then added 'only problem was that some bastard had shat on our belay ledge!'. Oh dear. Clearly this wasn't my finest hour but it still cracks me up.

Yep halfway up the main climb for Dead water Fell in kielder. Nothing like having cold northern wind whistling around your bollocks. Having no proper bog roll on me meant I had to improvise with my first aid kit bandaging. Didnt fancy using the antiseptic wipe in case it stung a little.

few times when I was in the cadets at school, but hardly wild pooing as we had paper and all sorts from the rat packs. A mate did once lay one in a burnt out car, and then proudly stuck loads of sticks in it and invited people to come and look at the hedgehog he'd found.

But my favourite wild poo story was in a book of squaddie anecdotes. On an NBC exercise (Nuclear, biological, chemical) a squaddie in his all in one hooded activated carbon NBC suit set off for a poo. He dug a hole, dropped his top half to his waist, squatted and produced. But then on turning to evaluate his productivity, found nothing? How odd?

The realisation struck home when he pulled his NBC suit back up and pulled the hood back over his head.

Has anyone ever done a wild poo in front of 40,000 people and a TV audience of millions?

No amusing poo stories! - however on our recent LEJOG trip we soon overcame our inhibitions and learned to pee just about anywhere. Being gentlemen tho, we generally avoided "showing off" - however on one memorable occasion, I was standing having a p+*s on the cycle path on top of Slochd summit with mates behind me, and A9 to front of me (too knackered to realise) it soon occurred to me that I was giving an indecent display to passing motorists.
My how me mates laffed!!

^^ we often used to piss off a bridge onto the M25 when we were kids. yay!

Yep, on a number of occasions. It's a fine feeling if it all goes OK, but if not, you'll be tight cheeked till you can reach civilization.

Most memorable experience was not me but when we were driving about france in a big van. young lady who's name I forget said she needed to go so we stopped on this country lane and waited. As we did we looked up and saw a road bridge that had about 30 French road workers all hanging off the edge cheering,.

She thought she was hidden but had chosen a spot where she was in full view of the bridge, we debated whether to tell her but eventually decided she shouldn't know.

Did a Three Peaks charity challenge a few years back by rail- Snowdon was first up, which we did in the dark. Had eaten n manky pasty on the journey North and started with shocking case of the squits on the way down off the hill. Was forced to carry out no less than 5 tactical bowel movements on the descent. The rest of the team were in stitches seeing me hare off behind boulders every 20 mins.

Really horrible. Immodium was my friend for the rest of the weekend...

Used to do it all the time in my dh days. Squat leanin against a tree... Beautiful