[Closed] Have you ever had a wild poo?

waking up on a sunday morning in a tour van before anything that might have a toilet is open can sure lead to some creative solutions.

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poo with a view. Cant be beaten.

I got to the Marin trail in wales quite a few years ago and was busting, so i ran into the trees and did what bears do!!. Made sure it wasn't a) on the trail or b) downwind of the trail.

Lots,

I used to often get caught short when out running, only the once IIRC whilst out cycling though

pull down your pants and fertilize the plants
in an English country gaaa-aarden
pick up a spade and bury what you made
in an English country gaaaaa-aaaarden

Top tip...

Rest your back against something to allow enough horizontal distance between your arsehole and your pants. Saves filling your pants, which - after all - was the whole reason for going wild

Many times..

often....

the best/worst was in the australian desert with two girls that i met whilst hitch-hiking. nowhere to hide. no bushes, nothing.

the same was true whe one of them needed to go, too.

and have you ever tried digging a poo hole in hard, sun baked red earth?

Many, many times.

Most notably in my own back garden after a night shift spent eating a vast quantity of fruit. Upon reaching the main drive to my house, I realised I'd forgotten my key. I called my wife as the pressure increased, but to no avail, so I had to scale the back garden wall, strip down to allow the removal of my bib tights, then poo in the bushes...

another top tip, don't take my dog...I wild poo all the time as i really like doing it, but my dog has an annoying habit of trying to clean up the mess during and after I've released the chocolate hostage!! its not nice!

you can't beat a good outdoor poop, one of lifes moments to be cherished.

Laid a log this weekend at Big Dog as the bogs hadn't arrived before the race started.

Absolutely!

Can't get my head around people that can only poo at home etc...if I get a "20 seconds to comply" moment it's drop 'em and unload, whether that's work, plane, pub, supermarket or trail.... 😀

carlphillips - Member
I wild poo all the time as i really like doing it,

carlphillips, scatologist.

lots of times, just make sure its properly buried! my girlfriend was desperate for one when we were at about 6000m climbing a trekking peak in the himalayas and had to curl one off up there. it was on a ridge next to a 1000m drop and we could see K2! 😯

I use to work outside lots, in remote places. Wild pooing was what you had to do.

Whilst out working once I needed to go and, as it was foggy didnt worry too much about my location.

Midway through, the fog just lifted 😯

a farmer in the adjacent field trundles past on his tractor! I gave him a cheers "Morning" with a wave of the toilet roll, still squatting, still extruding.

...aaaaand at an xc race in Chalfont St Giles. I pooed in a clearing which later became part of the race course, oh how I laughed as everyone finished covered in little specks of faecal fun...

Yeah when necessary (rarely). Strangely satisfying.

Yes, when riding to Paris. Had to use the pahes of directions I no longer needed, was glad I kept them

Heading down a hill somewhere close to the French/Belgium border when the urge took me and managed to find (somewhat swiftly) a nice old branch just below waist level with a little drop directly below and a river view straight ahead. You couldn't make a better crapper if you tried...

Pah, get with the programme 8)

http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/trail-side-cable-laying-etiquette

i can advise not going too far off line on the marin 😳

Made sure it wasn't a) on the trail or b) downwind of the trail.

I hope you meant upwind 🙂

just make sure you pull the cheeks apart for the ''hollywood finish'' (no wiping)

and as mentiond above move the pants/shorts out of the way! best was is the seated position against a wall or tree. always carry a few sheets of loo roll in a waterproof zip-tied bag in your camelback!

had a few most memorable was at just over 5000m in the himalaya's what a cracking view there was as that one was passed.

Did you pick it up and put it in a bag, then hang it on a tree??

Shame on you, shame on You.

"tuts and looks stern"

In the woods to the right-hand side of the 13th hole at my golf club. Used the old "feet at the base of a tree, hang on to the trunk and lean back" stance to give room. Then used my undercrackers for the wipeage and buried both.

Strangely I never go looking for my ball if I hit it there now.

Too close for comfort with a follow-through at Inners Uplift 2 weeks ago, bl**dy people hanging around after being dropped off by the bus - can't they see me hopping around with a pained look on my face???

Used a grouse butt on the North York Moors once. Shameless 🙂

[url= http://www.streetmap.co.uk/idld.srf?x=199591&y=705922&z=120&sv=199591,705922&st=4&ar=Y&mapp=idld.srf&searchp=s.srf&dn=652&ax=199591&ay=705922&lm=0 ]Plop here[/url] Right where that arrow is

TBH I hadn't seen anyone in 3 hours so didn't worry much 😉

Having said that such was the ferocity of expulsion it missed the hole I had dug and sort of spread in a cone explosion up the slope!!!

jekkyl - Member
this was my first ever wild poo & up the side of Skiddaw, one I won't forget.
Anyone care to share?

I bet it wasn't the last Skiddaw you saw that day either, if you just pulled up your cycling shorts and carried on your merry way.

lol @MrOvershoot providing a map, good effort.

My top tip - do a wee first to reduce the chance of pishing all over your keks as you squat.

Often have to go when out running as the impact forces everythign down. Luckily, I prefer trail running in the woods.

A large proportion of the world's population do not have access to a toilet so it's hardly a hardship having to crap outdoors occasionally. The numbers listed after the country's name are the numbers that do this. It seems really weird to a lot of people in the world that we choose to crap into [i]clean[/i] water.

1. India: 638 million. The world's second-most populous nation after China, India has the world's largest number of people going outdoors. Nearly 640 million Indians, or 54 percent of the 1.1 billion population lack access to toilets or other sanitation facilities. In some states, the problem was so bad that village women started a slogan: "No toilet, no bride."

2. Indonesia: 58 million. About 58 million Indonesians, 26 percent of its population, don't use toilets. Southern Asia, home to 64 percent of the world's population that still uses the bathroom in the open, has seen the practice decrease the most - from 66 percent in 1990 to 44 percent in 2008.

3. China: 50 million. China has 50 million citizens going in the open. That's only 4 percent of its 1.3 billion population. More than 267 million Chinese have gained access to improved sanitation since 1990, according to the WHO.

Six percent of the urban population - compared to 2 percent of the rural population - go in the open, according the WHO's 2010 update on sanitation.

4. Ethiopia: 49 million. Seven in 10 people in Ethiopia's rural areas don't use indoor toilets. The landlocked nation on the Horn of Africa has seen minimal progress over the past two decades in increasing sanitation access, with only 12 percent of the population gaining improved services.

5. ****stan: 48 million. Of ****stan's 177 million people, about 48 million go where they please. But ****stan has seen incredible gains over the past two decades, with 47 million people no longer defecating in the open, according to the WHO's 2010 update on progress on sanitation and drinking water.

6. Nigeria: 33 million. Africa's most populous nation, Nigeria, also has the world's 6th highest number of citizens going to the bathroom outside. Of 151 million people living in Nigeria, 33 million do it in the open. Still, more than 12 million people there have gained access to sanitation facilities over the past two decades.

7. Sudan: 17 million. More than 17 million people, or 41 percent of the population, in the northern African nation of Sudan use the outdoors as their bathrooms.

etc.

In the woods to the right-hand side of the 13th hole at my golf club. Used the old "feet at the base of a tree, hang on to the trunk and lean back" stance to give room. Then used my undercrackers for the wipeage and buried both.

Thats simply unacceptable behavior. Playing Golf. 8)

As an avid bothier it's what you do.

Dig a hole for the aforementioned and burn / carry out the paper

Wild poo. Grrr!
Probably about once a year.

Has anyone ever done a Paula Radcliffe when you can't even be bothered to stop?

always carry a few sheets of loo roll in a waterproof zip-tied bag in your camelback!

Wish I'd read this a few weeks back....went out the morning after devouring the wife's homemade chilli wearing 4 socks, arrived home wearing 3 and with one in a freezer bag 😯

If you need any tips, look at this [url= http://www.bikeandbivi.co.uk/php/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=280 ]thread on Bike and Bivi[/url]. 😀

I was walking through a graveyard the other day and I saw a chap squatted down by a grave.
I waved and said "Morning!" and he said "No, no, just having a poo!"

Once. What a waste of a sock 🙁

Yep, too many to remember them all.

grouse butts on the NYM

Ewwwwwww, I use those for bivi's, although after my missus was caught short in one I've always picked one well away from the track.

I've racked up many a wild poo in my time.I used to work in remote forests felling trees.No toilets out there!.Bit of a bitch in the middle of winter though.

Riding along the old railway from Keswick to Threlkeld one morning, we came across a runner squatting with his pants round his ankles about a foot of the path on the embankment. I know when nature calls you gotta go but at least make an effort to hide yourself!

Was it Paula Radcliff?

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only once in many years of riding, wasn't fun, damp weather, bib tights dodgy tummy and a complete lack of anything dry, absorbant broad leafed plants. Made do with wet moss and cut the ride short.

I do enjoy an outdoor pee with glorious views but nah wild pooping I'll be quite happy never to have to do it again.

i did one in the heavy snow we had a couple of winters back. I was wearing all my waterproof gear with bib shorts underneath so I had to get almost starkers to do it adding an an element of danger which i enjoyed.

It looked wondrous sat atop the pristine snow, although the lack of vegetation made wiping rather problematic. All in all, 8/10, would poo again.

Stashed in my Camelbak is a small dealer bag with a few baby wipes, never had to use them but it's a nice piece of mind.

Poo with a view, in some scenic corner of Scotland is an experience to be savoured.

Had a marvellous dump in the river at CYB once. Caught short mid ride in the summer. Seemed a nice way to flush and cleanse all in one.

🙂

The poo prowess is alive and well on STW 😆

matt_outandabout - Member

Poo with a view, in some scenic corner of Scotland is an experience to be savoured.

Ooh, loads.

The most memorable one was probably just off the back of [url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burrow_Mump ]Barrow Mump[/url], one early autumn evening as the mist was just starting to rise on the fields of the mere. I'd found a lovely bit of shelter in the bushes, and could have sat there for hours watching the night settle in softly all around me.

*sigh*

Winter pooing on Burgh Island is an eye opener tho'. 😯

A couple of times whilst surfing. Not a getting a clean break isn't ideal, leaves a bit of mess in the wetsuit. Plus got to be vigilant when paddling about.

Off the front of snowdon, with this view:

[img] [/img]

Best damn sh1t I ever had. Until an aged walker came into sight, then I had to finish double quick.

A few wet wipes are a key feature of my saddle pack.

Can we get into the 'rules' before too many go crapping all over the place?
1. Go equipped - with a poo plan and ideal.
2. Hide it/bury it/not too deep (under turf layer=perfect)
3.Hide yerself - nothing worse than walking round a corner and finding someone midway through laying a line.
4. Not near water courses, not near the bothy, not near the summit, not too near paths, not near the car park. The more obscure the place, the better.

My favorite was while me my mate gav an my dog were out running we'd just got back into town an the call came 'GAV HOLD THE BLOODY DOG i need to go NOW!! i was lucky enough to be up one of the poshest lanes in my town one with them big driveways where you carnt see the houses from the road loads of trees an bushes so i snuck into someones garden i let loose missing my ankles/back of shoes by a matter of cms i then needed a wee so had to dance around wipping my shorts an kegs off avoiding my Poo before i had another bout of the squits at which time i could see some walkers thru the trees near my mate gav they didn't say ote to him but they must of seen me in a bright white top, cleaned myself up with one of my best pair of boxers, as i had my dog with me id tucked a load of Poo bags into my shorts picked my boxers up with one bag my turd with another put it in the nearest wheelie bin an finished my run home i found the whole experiance liberating

Too many to list some in truely spectacular locations. Best/worst I have had misfortune witnessing in progress was some unfortunate having a wild halfway down the 2010 megavalanche qualifying race on an open section. Had the headcam running so his indignity is forever recorded for posterity.

Can't remember a time when I have been climbing and not had to shuffle off behind a boulder or amongst some ferns to do a nature poo.
Trust me, trying to find somewhere quiet and out of sight at Stanage edge on a hot busy Saturday is quite a challenge.
Robin hoods cave any one.........

jono84 - Member

My favorite was while me my mate gav an my dog were out running we'd just got back into town an the call came 'GAV HOLD THE BLOODY DOG i need to go NOW!! i was lucky enough to be up one of the poshest lanes in my town one with them big driveways where you carnt see the houses from the road loads of trees an bushes so i snuck into someones garden i let loose missing my ankles/back of shoes by a matter of cms i then needed a wee so had to dance around wipping my shorts an kegs off avoiding my Poo before i had another bout of the squits at which time i could see some walkers thru the trees near my mate gav they didn't say ote to him but they must of seen me in a bright white top, cleaned myself up with one of my best pair of boxers, as i had my dog with me id tucked a load of Poo bags into my shorts picked my boxers up with one bag my turd with another put it in the nearest wheelie bin an finished my run home i found the whole experiance liberating

i suggest you try a diet of full stops and apostrophes. it might help with your verbal diarrhoea 😉

I'm a fairly regular wild poo'er 😳
Have built many a poo barn on walks, runs or cycles lol! I always try to take an Andrex on the go pack with me [img] [/img]
I recently was busting a gut at the top of Ben Nevis. It was fkn freezing too, lots of snow. On the way down, not too far from the top I had to stop, prob was my hands were too cold to undo me trousers! A mate saw me in distress and helped me pull em down 😳 I did the rest, but the fumbling of the wipes and general wiping of sh*t all over the place was pretty unpleasant! I ran the rest of the way to the YHA for a tidy up 😛
Also shat at top of Whites Level in Afan, sorry if you trod in it.
Running is murder! If I dont shat before a run, then I'm doomed! Fortunately my squash club is about 1/2 way through my regular run so I can stop off!

Remember some pretty epic long drops on the way up to Mont Blanc, small wooden outhouses perched over massive abysses, bog paper and stuff all stuck to the roof from the updraft..

Then there is the urban myth about a post curry caving trip and a "hot slurry" follow through in the wetsuit. Tales of it emerging around the collar and cuffs due to the writhing around in a cave....

Hadn't poo'd for five days due to medication.
Overwhelming urge to "carbo unload"
Lent against a fur tree
Dropped my Lycra
And heaved out a colossal poo, as large as my forearm, steaming in the cool winter air, gently hissing at first, and now leaning up against the tree.
A family to walkers were heading my way, so I cleaned up and cleared off.
They appeared to pause near my titanic poo.
I then stopped further on at the picnic bench, and the family walked past me, and the father said... "no Thomas you dont get bears in England"

But this is the best poo description ever....

always carry a bog roll in the bag - andrex do a nifty one without the tube which is quite small.

you know the top of innerleithen red climb - there is a sole tree also known as my personal toilet!

Very nearly this weekend on my Wales Coast to Coast. Was just outside Llanwrtyd Wells and was planning/contemplating it. Mercifully I found the public toilet there. The loo was a bit too 'Trainspotting' for my liking so perhaps I should have sampled a wild poo…

Urban, suburban, countryside, wild. I've lost count of my al fresco log-laying

not in recent years ,but in my youth i did a curly in the tenth(i think i was very very drunk) hole of temple newsham golf course in leeds,HOLE IN ONE 😈

😆
durty boy.

and the father said... "no Thomas you dont get bears in England"

LOL

Used to get drunk as teenagers on a golf course - the holes found themselves 'filled in' more than once...

Most recently had to go while walking the dog in the local woods this weeknd. No roll, so bracken used for wipe-up and wearing a bright orange t-shirt in sparse bushes didn't help the camouflage.

And most enjoyably, walking home from town after a few beers, going downhill proved to jog the goods too much and walking through lah-dee-dah territory Stockbridge I dropped em right behind someone's shiny new Audi and let loose. I really hoped at the time that Tarquin ran round the back of the car to get in the back seats in the morning.

Loads more stories of pooin' al fresco, its good shit.

I dropped em right behind someone's shiny new Audi and let loose. I really hoped at the time that Tarquin ran round the back of the car to get in the back seats in the morning.

WAC

Going Slightly off topic.....but when I was refitting my a bathroom (natch, only one bathroom in the house) I had to carefully plan the schedule of work to ensure I was without the wc for as short a time as possible, needless to say one Saturday morning I was caught short. So I lay a bin liner in the new wc (stored in the lounge) and layed one out while watching tv (rather appropriately Saturday morning kitchen). Superb stuff.

I shall refrain from sharing the most grim of my dumping tales and stick to these:

- lots in the wild, the worst of which was up Skiddaw with food poisoning
- in the downstairs bin (in the middle of the night and later that morning) as the result of a bug
- outside a mate's shed (at about 3am) because he and his missus had the audacity not to answer the door to me and a mate as we walked home from clubbing

I've done many outdoor poos.. but the [i]wild[/i]est poo was in a sweaty dark little nightclub under Edinburgh station in 1991(ish..)

I'd had a couple of dodgy E's, my bowels were opening very quickly, the toilet was like the one in the bookies on trainspotting.. and Moby was performing Go and other tracks on a tiny unlit stage in the corner of the club..
I had to wipe my bum with one of my favourite socks

I had to wipe my bum with one of my favourite socks

Can't beat a quality cotton sock...and it can be turned inside out for a second pass 😆

I cut a sock up into little handy squares when I ran of bog roll once.

........often! 😳

the last was DURING a mountainbike race..........when you gotta go you gotta go!

I've just remembered what happened to one of my mates on a school trip to the Lakes. He got caught/grassed doing a wild poo and one of the teachers made him gather it into a plastic bag and carry around inside his rucksack for the remainder of the day. This was the late 80s when we had some seriously hot summers - and on this occasion it was proper scorchio. Not nice.