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I almost came a right cropper today carrying some steel rebar by bicycle...don't ask...only my catlike agility stopped me sprawling across the road...fortunately nothing was behind me... it would appear I never learn...
What horror stories have you along similar lines??
I read somewhere once that you can't consider yourself a real cyclist until you've carried inappropriate things by bicycle!!
Cheers :o)
Well, slightly OT but myself and my wife rode round Cuba about 10 years ago and saw a bloke with a live pig strapped to his rear rack. It didn't seem overly happy.
A step ladder , nail gun , a pick axe , an offshore kit bag
27 m of copper pipe tied along the crossbar- that picked up a resonance that was entertaining. Another bike towed behind, two kitchen units in a trailer, a large double radiator ( that one was done by walking alongside the bike with the rad balanced on the bike) 8 x 2.4m lengths of 3x2 PAR. that wa a tad awkward.
Never been huckled by the polis which is quite surprising. Also a few escapades on a motorbike including 8ft xmas tree with root ball carried vertically and 6 rolls of loft insulation
Something like this?
Maggots.
Lovely, fresh bronze maggots.
Two pints of them.
Swinging from my mates handlebars as we sped through Lichfield on a sunny Saturday afternoon.
By christ did they go everywhere when the bag swung into his spokes.
Two pints of them don’t half cover some ground.
They were actually in one ladies hair.!!!
Two bags of stuff (possibly toys, can’t remember) on the ends of the drops. Didn’t end well when one of them went in the front wheel whilst I was going down hill at speed.
Woke up whilst being carried in to a house by a lovely elderly couple. Bit battered, bruised and bloody. In my defence I was about ten or eleven when this happened.
I'm sure I've done similar dumb stuff many times, but the one that stands out is the time I carried a microphone stand in one hand while riding several miles across town. I think my arm was pretty sore afterwards. I also shouldered a road bike up and down Snowdon once, a style of adventure that I'm unlikely to repeat.
Once upon a time B&q were doing a cracking deal on an apple tree sapling in a terracotta pot.
It was only once I bought it and walked out that I remembered I had cycled to the store...
Popped back in and tided the pot to my pannier rack and very gingerly cycled home with a 2ft tree on the back. Got it home successfully too!
Only my own arse, far too many tales to tell.
I think you've painted an extraordinary scene 😀
I always favoured the 'strawberry' maggots
Pair or rod bars sticking out of my panniers - I'd crashed that morning, and these were replacements (upgrades) - nothing other than a few questions from other cyclists
As a kid, carrier bag full of fish and chips for 6 of us, yep, bag broke, fish and chips all over the road
The park round the back of my parents house has several conker trees so we used to spend ages there in the autumn collecting bags of conkers.
A mate and i had collected literally two carrier bags full each and were cycling back to my house.
There's a narrow alley that leads into the road (circle at the end of a cul de sac) and the house on one side had a pebble dashed wall. I scraped one bag along the wall and as i bumped down the kerb into the road the bag split dumping hundreds of conkers all over the road, into the turning circle.
God knows who cleared them up - they were there for days though!
When I was working at a big supermarket, I got a smashing deal on a Weber 57 centimeter charcoal kettle grill... No car, and 10 kilometers home.
good thing I had aero bars on my mountainbike at the time!
I'd been after a campbed for a while and spotted one on offer at Halfords (25% off, aka a fiver).
I rode over and bought one, slung it over my shoulder and headed off back to work.
As I went round a corner it slid down my arm and swung into my front wheel, catapulted off at some speed and ****ted my carbon forks...
Saving 5 quid cost me a new wheel and a set of forks...
Does a filing cabinet and office pot plant in a Burley across Sheffield count?
@verses should've bought the carbon version of the campbed, it might not have done so much damage
and yes matt I think your filing cabinet does indeed count
Cannabis plants and a G4 computer.
Myself. I'm often inappropriate.
Oh, and a girlfriend that put her foot in the rear wheel. Twice.
D521s...what a waste
Blood going between hospitals to get tested!
When I was a bike messenger. It was always a super urgent delivery so we jumped all traffic lights to get it there in time. I dread to think what would have happened in the event of a crash.
10 years ago I thought it was cool, I feel slightly used now.
A bugle in a duffle bag on my back when I was about 12 and in a scout band (happy days) - fell off and bent the bellend at right angles 🙂
A 6ft by 2ft painting across Edinburgh in a gale. In the right direction i was bombing along. When the wind caught it it was terrifying. Luckily i was quite drunk.
8x4’ sheet of MDF on my Brompton!
I still look back on this with wonderment- walking out of school when one of the athletics team cycles past, carrying a javelin. Somebody calls out to him, he swivels round, and the javelin gets caught in the back wheel. You can picture the rest.
We thought it was hilarious of course, but never gave a second thought to what on earth was going through the head of the teacher that lent out a spear to a 16 year old to take down to the local park to practice with. Ok, it was back in the 70s in small town NZ but even so...
Lol, excellent thread!
I've obviously led a sheltered (biking) life!
130kg of titanium powder in a 1wheel trailer. The leg strength required to keep the thing upright at junctions was just ridiculous. So difficult to get going without falling off.
3m lenghts of wood tied to my top tube. A policeman told me to get off and push.
All the food shopping for a small venture scout group weekend camp in panniers, big rucksac and front carrier of a post office bike. Ineffective Rod brakes would have made stopping going downhill somewhat impossible.
Mad skillz:
Not a pushbike but a motorbike - my late and much-missed Irish pal used to ride his MZ250 from Leeds up to Aviemore to ski with a pair of very long skis - 205cms I think - slipped underneath his soft panniers and tied together at the tips behind his number plate. He says he got a few curious looks from Police officers but never got stopped. He was a legend - he once experienced a nasty tank-slapper at speed on the road to Stranraer to catch the ferry. Stopped and checked the oil (having previouly blown up a Honda 750 engine through forgetting to put in oil) and carried on to Norn Iron for the weekend. Took the bike in for a service the following Monday and told the mechanic he thought the handling was a bit skittish. Later that morning the mechanic rang him and asked: "Did you really ride that at speed all the way to Newry and back? Only your rear tyre is showing its carcass and the front has lost an entire strip of tread all the way round!"
Both times on the main road outside Stirling University, I saw a guy cycling along in the rain with an open golf umbrella and another guy with a full length, old school plastic kayak on his shoulder.
Respect!
2 kids bikes and other paraphernalia! It was a cargo bike though....
DrP
My personal favourite. Not me though.
No accidents but i have carried a 25kg sack of potatoes on my Hybrid and a boxed up road bike again on my hybrid
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I went to India about 10 years ago on business. They are masters at inappropriately loading any vehicle. Here's some things I captured from a speeding taxi on the way to the airport (please excuse the qaulity of shots, my camera took a beating from the humidity.:
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I regularly cycle with a bucket of freshly resected colon from theatre to pathology department (only a 2min cycle)*
And then with pieces of colon tumour the pathologist has kindly removed back to our lab (about 15 min cycle)
* It is double bagged and then inside a biohazard courier bag,
This is how we got our boats around in Uganda. Awesome.
The worst thing I've carried by bike was....a bike.
A friend broke his wrist out in the Alps and so I had to get his bike to the bottom. To this day I'll never understand why it was that I took MY BIKE apart and rode HIS down... 😂 Must have been the stress clouding my decision making.
Spesh pizza rack ftw!
Added bonus was cars gave me lots of room for some reason?
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I borrowed the OH cannondale HT years ago to collect our dogs ashes from the vet. Lots of hills and road action on a bloody hot day in June with a rather elaborate box containing a tub of cross staffy ashes made it all the way home squeezed inappropriately into a camelbak
Always fish and chips after a ride with my mates as a kid/teenager, hooked over the bar end (oh yeah, judge my age!). Never ended in tears, but made for interesting steering.
I also used to like building balsa wood model planes, so quite a few sheets of balsa wood strapped to the top tube. So many other things I've just asked for some tape in the shop to put it on the top tube too, can't remember what though.
Bolt croppers (the longest Toolstation had in stock after I locked myself out of the house by leaving keys in the garage).
I've used the kids trailer to transport bikes to the ex's flat for rides.
BITD used what I seem to remember were called Roubaix wheel holders (my dad used to use them to transport his "good" wheels to TT's) to take wheels to the bike shop.
Er, huge fireworks. Can be a challenge.
Basically, there is always a way, but I've not
In Finale - I saw 2 people on different bikes carrying a large inflatable unicorn float between them - still fully inflated
There's an old crusty dude round my manor who works as a window cleaner. Been a local institution for years. Wears a suit and pushes a cheap bso about with massive extending ladders across the top of the bike.
Never is riding the bike, just pushing the ladders on it. 😊
In edinburgh at one point you could by alcohol at vastly inflated price afte 10pm when all the normal off license had shut.
I’m 6”4 and borrowed my 5”0 mates bike to get some vodka.
The vodka went into the front wheel and smashed our hopes and dreams all over the street 😢
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My truck broke down and I had some sheep on a neighbours ground down the road. The ewe had a bit of mastisis and needed treatment so she followed the lamb in the pannier back to the sheep shed. Carrying the hurdles was ok until you tried to corner...
I love that Ute, here's it setup for a lightweight bikepacking trip...
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Not terribly inappropriate but I went fishing when I was a teenager with the rod tied to the top tube of my 10sp Raleigh. It was only at the first bend that I found I couldn't turn left, only right.
Pictorial Spoonerism ?
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I've carried one of those floor to ceiling aco prop style bike racks strapped to my top tube.
An empty snowboard bag strapped on my courier bag. It was one of the boxy ones with wheels that is designed for a couple of people's kit. It was folded in half, but that is still something about a metre wide on my back. I had no way to check over my shoulders before manoeuvring in traffic. It was a mildly scary ride home.
A rubbish bin strapped to my courier bag. One of the black plastic outdoor ones we all had before Wheely bins. That journey was mostly along the towpath so no issues, but I got funny looks and comments.
Now I have a car so inappropriate cycle carriage is a thing for past.
Love the Alps disassembled bike on back pic.
The lamb is my favourite!
When I was living in Holland we used to go on trips to Amsterdam or the coast in groups with a crate or two of beers bungee strapped to racks on a couple of bikes and when your beer ran out you simply rode to a beer bike and swapped it for a fresh one using the bottle opener placed in the crate. Of course drunken antics involved trying to get others to drop their beer and there was a devastating moment where the beer bike rider accelerated away into the back of another bike and the resulting crash lost about 8 beers.
A shovel ... stupidly at this point transferred across the bars until I tried going between 2 trees... you'd think it would be hard to forget you had the shovel but hey ho
Best thread for ages! Loving the pics... Apart from one obvs.
These are all restoring my faith in human stupidity, I feel truly humbled, good work.
Forgot to mention I managed to cut my nipple with my rebar **** wit incident
Back in the early days of the Lidl / Aldi cycling specials- when the deals seemed to good to be true - it was funny seeing cyclists who'd impulsively splurged on too much cheap cycling gear trying to negotiate riding home with it 🙂
These are all restoring my faith in human stupidity, I feel truly humbled, good work.
Forgot to mention I managed to cut my nipple with my rebar **** wit incident
Yeah. TBF I reckon the shovel is quite possibly the least inappropriate ..I still can't work out how I could forget and try and ride between trees though... so I'm claiming the stupidity for the least inappropriate.
I have done that in B&Q Bought too much stuff then had to go back in to buy sticky tape to fasten it to my bike as it wouldn't go in my rucksac
nealglover
Member
Pictorial Spoonerism ?
Jesus, how old is Peaty ?😉
I have done that in B&Q Bought too much stuff then had to go back in to buy sticky tape to fasten it to my bike as it wouldn’t go in my rucksac
Far more frequently I buy too much stuff, and have to use all my domestique skills to stuff pockets and spare bottle cages with beer and wine. (don't drink as much these days for various non-serious reasons, but it's still often necessary).
As a student I cycled up Putney hill with a couple of pieces of flat packed furniture’s in a large rucksack. Very unstable. Of course it was not made.
That propane tank track stand is fabulous. I know why mine are so poor now!
5 litres of pink paint that fell off my rack. For years afterwards I'd drive past and be reminded of that day.
I also recall an OTB after getting a can of tuna stuck in my front spokes.
When I was working in Faversham I used to see a chap taking his kid to school by butchers bike. The child was sitting cross legged in the load area of the bike and the bloke was puffing away on a cigar as he pedalled!
An entire business model based around carrying inappropriate things by bicycle:
Great vid. Go Alfie!
I had a spell as a bike messenger in London and first job every day was going to a 'tile' distributer in Battersea and delivering samples to architects allover the city/up to Camden. Basically, 'we're going to fill up your bag with bricks. Off you go'
Madness!
During school holidays I used to cycle seven miles each way to labour in a friend's garden and one day I got the strange idea of leaving a trail, so I filled my Dad's plant spray with water, roped it onto my rack and attached the spray so that it was sending a jet down onto the road and off I went. Teenagers do unfathomable things sometimes.
in my early teens swimming kit in plastic bag hanging off the bars, went into the front wheel on the fastest hill in the village. I was propelled/tossed out of saddle like I was a caber landing on my head (according to an eye witness) I have no memory of it or the week following due to being hospitalized with serious concussion/temporary tourettes.
3 ft breaker bar on a 24 inch top tube ..could steer both ways but turning circle was 1 1/2 metres..and at the same time some other tools in a pannier one of which was a screwdriver that punctured the bag narrowly missing my right upper leg..
Scariest load..another pair of wheels on the rear rack the wheels strikes were an absolute nightmare..and nearly had a van plough into one wheel on the back passing too close..
Rode to school carrying a trombone in Primary 7, much to the annoyance of the music teacher (school trombone). It was cycling proficiency day and I also had a school orchestra rehearsal. No problem on a Puch Calypso with flat bars and Sturmey Archer 3 speed hub. The horror story was my brother snapping the trombone slide over his knees the following week.
As per his wishes, I rode the Claife Heights and Parkamoor loop with my dad's ashes in a rucksack on a rainy day in January. The best non-breakable container we had was a plastic quality street jar, but it was slightly too big for the pack so stuck out of the top. Happily nothing went wrong, but christ he was heavy.
Cello. Regularly on the back of my BMX - 2 miles to school, along the roads, round the roundabouts. It was only a soft case too, but with rucksack type straps so why not.
Never did have a nightmare but it wouldn't have taken much for it to result in a very awkward conversation with my dad about why I had a case full of splinters.
Can't believe fridge bloke didn't fall off. Mental.
I had a pack of beers across my pannier rack in France many years ago. I didn't think much about the fact that it started to rain on the way back from le supermarche until the cardboard wrap dissolved and launched a load of stubbies into my back wheel. My mate was carrying the bread - same thing, less dramatic.
On my way home from a ride today I carried a 12ft length of guttering across town liberated from the same skip I got the rebar from :o)
Incident free this time.
That Alfie and his T. W. A . T. bicycle odd job business is inspirational.
Used to regularly carry an Angling seat box on the rack of my Raliegh Winner with the Rod bag over my shoulder. Until I decided I'd have just as nice a time if I left all the fishing crap in the shed.
These days it's most likely to be an inappropriate amount of beer carefully stored in my belly.
A few years ago my uncle told me that his window cleaner decided to retire, he was still carrying a wooden ladder plus bucket on his bike.
He was 90 when he decided to call it a day. Respect.
All these make popping to the shop for my mum and getting a large bag of Tilda Basmati stuck in the front wheel, seem tame.
Most uncomfortable was an empty but large suitcase that I was returning to my parents' house, as well as the rucksack that contained my own stuff for the trip. I had to ride about 5 miles to the station. The best way was to put it under my armpits but I could then only just reach the bars - pretty uncomfortable 5 miles that was.
Then there was the time me and three mates (I was 15) wanted to get a non-starting moped to his Gran's farm which was about 8 miles away on country lanes. We tied three ropes to it so we could tow it, but someone had to steer it, but so he could get back he also needed a bike so one of the riders had to ride one handed whilst pushing the spare bike. This had a few problems - the person on the moped had to steer to keep tension in as many ropes as possible; but the riders also all had to keep the same pace otherwise the ropes would slacken. Also if the moped rider steered sideways, when tension was taken up it resulted in a hefty sideways tug on the seapost which was highly destabilising. Add to that the fact that our fitness levels varied a lot and it was basically just me towing a fat 12 year old on a moped whilst pushing a BMX and being clattered sideways by my mates. Took about three hours IIRC.
The other notable one was me carrying my mate and his bike along with our camping gear for the last couple of miles of a Polaris challenge in the early 90s.
Rice all over the road...nightmare...I bet it covers the ground even better than maggots (see earlier post) :oD