[Closed] Best and worst bike names EVAH!

Worst: 'Cove %'

Any XS size bike with Giant written on it

My road bike frame is called 'Kelvin'. To be fair it's an Issac Kelvin (Issac being a spin off company of Principia) so I can see where they were coming from but it's still a bit crap.

currently it's the Airborne Pathogen

Cube 'Agree'.
Must sound exotic to those Germans

and I acknowledge where you got the BMC name from!

Mmmbop

Best: Raleigh Rave or Raleigh Lizard......

Airborne Pathogen

my offerings for next [s]best[/s] worst:
Banshee Whale (fatbike obvz)
Cotic Sofa (what the rocket should've been)

Salsa Horsethief

Salsa Beargrease

Awesome.

[quote=rickon ]Salsa Horsethief
Salsa Beargrease
Specialized Roubaix

I like some of the Giant's names.

Reign
Glory
Anthem.

Full of win. But the best ones have to be

Santa Cruz Bullet (but I'm not sure that's how they spell it)
Bottlerocket.

Those are proper mountainbike names.

Raleigh Dirtcross, was a rare thing, good name, shit bike!

[url= http://m.gumtree.com/p/for-sale/raleigh-dirt-cross-bike-retro-look-doncaster/1044169930 ]Look![/url]

Winner: Intense Uzzi

Worst: Any Trek with just numbers.

Vauxhall Adam

humu humu nuku nuku apua

Bronson.

Horrible.

Anything with disc in it's name with disc brakes. We can see.

Arguing about pronunciation go the Giant Defy also makes me think they should change it's name.

I have to go with Specialized sentence long bike model names.

For instance, there are 11 Stumpjumpers hardtails! 🙄 WTF is the difference between:

- S-Works Stumpjumper HT World Cup
- S-Works Stumpjumper 29
- Stumpjumper Marathon Carbon HT
- Stumpjumper Expert Carbon HT World Cup
- Stumpjumper Expert Carbon HT
- Stumpjumper Comp Carbon HT
- Stumpjumper EVO HT
ad nauseam...

And the above doesn't include the 11 full suspension Stumpjumper bikes and 3 framesets! 😯

They must have a supercomputer to keep it all straight! 😉

JoeG, go and look at Cube Stereos, your brain'll explode.

Rose Bikes have all the best names. They're also the worst names. Granite Chief, Count Solo, Jabba Wood, Root Miller, Crystal Stoke, Uncle Jimbo...

And my personal favourite, The Duchess 6!

My Faves,
Rocky Mountain Slayer
Santa Cruz V10
Dialled Alpine
Nukeproof and Intense (for the brand names rather than the model names)
Commencal Meta

Worst,
Any Gary Fisher
Anything with lots of numbers in
Cube Attention

Never owned a Kona but I've always loved the names Kona uses; some examples:

Sex
Stab
Stinky
Kikapu
Wo
Big Kahuna
and supposedly the longest bike model name ever: Humuhumu-Nukunuku-Apu'A

glynn

JoeG, go and look at Cube Stereos, your brain'll explode.

Yes, Cube is up there as well. There are 12 Cube Stereos; 9x29ers and 3x650b. At least Cube doesn't use the same name for hardtail and full suspension...

Best has to the Dogs Bolx from Chas Roberts

Best and worst. BFe.

Nukeproof is my most hated brand name... Just lame.

I forgot Dave Yates D.o.n.k.i.s. K.n.o.b. - classic 2 fingers to Chas!

Kobe Ti or the famous Ibis Handjob from the 1990's with little hand shaped cable stop for the rear cantilever brake.

Best 'Uncle John'

🙂

I like the specialized classics, Stumpjumper, epic etc. The system of expert/pro etc is good for letting you know where you stand in the range.

My favourites though are Vassago, Bandersnatch, Jabberwockey - I like how they roll off the tongue 🙂

Worst - Numbers

Fat Chance "Yo! Eddy"

😉

Best: Niner [i]SIR.9[/i]

Worst: Raleigh [i]Bunty[/i]

I used to work at ToysRUs years back and they had some cracking names, 18" Black Invader been one of them.

Best

Maverick then personalised name for the frame

Dogs B from Chas Roberts

Yo Eddy

Worst any gun related.usually USA made

Tomac Magnum/Revovler
Intense Uzzi

Best: Orange Ms Isle (what can I say, I'm a fan of puns)

Best = Fat Chance Yo Eddy or Orange Clockwork.

Not Best = Any boring set of numbers.

Mountain Goat Whiskeytown Racer

Hands down the best bike name ever

[b]Canfield Jedi[/b]; not just the name either, a groundbreaking design to go with it.

[b]Evil Sovereign[/b] ditto

(By coincidence, I happen to own these 2 😉 )

Going back a long way:

[b]Off Road Toad[/b]... one of which was the 1st bike I ever saw with disc brakes.

Dave Yates D.O.N.K.I.S. N.O.B. - Around the same era as the Dogs Bolx, and at least is an acronym, unlike a Cove Handjob

Specialized Stuntjumper - bad I think, as it's ofter the same people who have a Sarcin.

Saw a Cube Stereo29 in Cycle Surgery not 40 minutes ago - and FS too boot.

I still miss my Planet X jack flash.

Best: Evil uprising
Worst: Canyon strive (even though I own one!!)

Bianchi Camaleonte. It's their hybrid series, and is Italian for chameleon, it is a descriptive name but I always read it as camel toe!

It's a good looking frame though.

/ Orange Vitamin T?

x Checker Pig was a naff name for a brand was it not?

Best - Santa Cruz Bullit, T1 Barcode/Morsecode, Banshee Spitfire.
Worst - anything Specialized or Trek. They just sound boring!

Best:
Identiti Crisis (Didn't they do a "theft" as well?)
DMR Trailstar (I'm a sucker for a rhyme)
24/7 Dark Angel
24 Bicycles "Le Toy"

Best Brand Names:
Yeti (although their model names leave a little to be desired)
Spooky

Worst Names:
Anything that's full of numbers (e.g Yeti or Specialized)
Ragley Blue Pig

Bloke I used to work with had a BSO that weighed as much as Pluto and went by the name of Mountain Ridge Destroyer.
It only ever saw tarmac. Slowly.

Apollo Letdown

Universal No Worries with 'blowout technology'

Both not jokes.

gee - Member

Apollo Letdown

Universal No Worries with 'blowout technology'

Both not jokes.

Always wanted a GT Pantera as it shares it's name with the best band of all time! Someone had one at school - polished frame with totally inappropriate RST High Fives in red. I wanted one very very much.

Forgot too add worst, two that spring to mind from working in bike shops are MAGNA THORAX and BIG DADDY ROOSTER but maybe they are so bad they are actually good?

On One Inbred

Worst: Pro Lite 'La Felacio'
Best: Ibis 'Daddy Fat Sacks'

How have we not had On One Pompino yet?

Van Dessel, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

Evil anything
Intense anything

Oh yeah I ride an evil and an intense lol!

Santa Cruz Bullit

Rock Lobster

Marin B17

Cube Frizz anybody? Reason enough not to buy one.

Best - Santa Cruz Bullit, T1 Barcode/Morsecode, Banshee Spitfire.

I've found the key with the 'Banshee Spitfire' is to say it like Clarkson / Alan Partridge. "Crash Bang Wallop - What A Video!"

And on that bombshell...

Worst: Scott Purgatory

I know where it's come from but to anyone not familiar with mtb history, it's hardly an inspiring bike to try and sell to people...

Another:

Klein Attitude 😉

Van Dessel: Gin & Trombones
Brooklyn Machine Works: 4Q (crazy 24" wheeled street full suss bike)
Ridley: X-bow
Turner: Javelin
Vicious Cycles: Metal Guru

Anything by Spooky

Mountain Goat Whiskeytown Racer

The system of expert/pro etc is good for letting you know where you stand in the range.

orange used to do pretty well, vit T, ms isle, clockwork. Someone didn't like gary fischer, weren't they usually mountains/hills? seemed ok to me (ex montare owner) Canondale and trek aren't great, lots of numbers going on there. Cove were sort of funny originally, dunno whether it got a bit too "try hard" or I just grew up a bit.

Agreed Bronson is pretty pants.
mind you I used to own an ETSX so i obviously don't care very much about names.

I find Cotic surprisingly annoying despite owning and liking one.

Chromag Samurai always gives me a lazy semi just saying it in my head.

Mind you, if I was called Simon, I might try to cool myself up by calling myself Cy instead 🙂

Pompino. Hurr, hurr, it's a bit rude in foreign, hurr, hurr. Right up there (or should that be down there?) with most of Cove's pathetic names, and many of Kona's from the bad old days.

Cove HandJob 😀

Merlin Malt 1 - I used to have one and loved it but crap name

Fixie Inc is a pretty stupid name for a bike company that doesn't just make fixies. And Banshee lose points for never having made a bike called the Banshee Carrera.

Fixie Inc is a pretty stupid name for a bike company that doesn't just make fixies

I suspect Niner are going to start feeling rather silly soon as well! 😀

Mountain Goat Whiskeytown Racer

remember reading a review of that, mbuk I think.

MBUK Summer special, 1992, I think.
Was in a superbike group test with a Manitou FS, an Alpinestars and a Funk (had to google to get that last one though).
Free Mint Sox on the cover.

I was out riding with a mate this weekend on his fixie inc road bike - with gears. Made me smile.

Still, full marks to them for not letting their commitment to the fixie cause get in the way of business 🙂

Niner must be having all sorts of existential discussions given their commitment (and statements to that effect) to the 29er size.

Trek - isn't the whole point not to walk but to ride? 😉
Specialized - have you seen how many bikes a year they offer?
Giant - not if I fit on a large one
On one - until it breaks and you need the second under warranty

Banshee lose points for never having made a bike called the Banshee Carrera

I larfed. 😀

Trek - isn't the whole point not to walk but to ride?

Specialized - have you seen how many bikes a year they offer?

Giant? Well, they're just big, aren't they?

On-One? Well, it could have been worse. They could have called themselves Zak Tempest Cycles.

😉 flashy

Interesting to learn about trek

My stuff was firmly tongue in cheek!!

Sorry, just got my geek on! 🙂

Trek's origins were in the boom of touring bikes that came about during the oil crisis, IIRC.

And if spesh make loads of different bikes doesn't that mean that each model is more specific to its intended application so they are in fact specialised. though specialised in lots of different applications...

😉

Back in the dunces corner..... 😳