Asking permission or seeking forgiveness?

Forgiveness. All the way.

As the old adage goes 'it is better to regret something you have done rather than something you haven't'.

Besides, you're grown man - make your own decisions!!

Lol I just say "oh we've bought new bikes"

It wouldn't shock me if there's 3-4 incoming/outgoing here before Xmas.

I ask permission ….. having already taken the decision…..

@weeksy I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I'd be shocked if it was only 3 or 4...

I spend ages looking at alternatives and trying to decide, weighing up pros and cons, and then I put it off until it either ceases to be relevant or becomes necessary.

Bigger decisions are easier, but things like bikes, skydiving equipment and other stuff is a lot harder to deal with.

i plant the seed early. so its less of a shock/surprise when something new and shiny arrives.

Also depends if you can click the buy button from under the thumb one currently resides (jokes) 😛

i plant the seed early. so its less of a shock/surprise when something new and shiny arrives.

Always this. Life skills for anything, be it new bikes/ nights out/ trips away.

nights out/ trips away.

You need permission?

I order it and then when it arrives ride it? Equally so long as the bills are paid and the house isn't in disrepair I dont expect him to tell me what he's buying or spending the money he earns on but we don't have kids so probably a different dynamic to most.

My wife used to teach accountancy amongst other things and pretty much knows what is going in and out of our accounts on a minute by minute basis.

And she doesn’t ride bikes.

A new bike typically involves something akin to a full blown election campaign crossed with a five year war strategy, several weeks of sulking, interspersed with arguments.

There is literally nothing that she spends money on just for herself that I can compare it to.

I don't do either, I just buy something if I want it and can afford it. Same with nights away, though I do check to make sure we don't already have something on!

Mrs Kilo a) bought me most of my bikes b) has more bikes than me, so it’s a non-issue 🙂

Just buy one the same colour and don't let her get too close a look at it?

I order it and then when it arrives ride it? Equally so long as the bills are paid and the house isn’t in disrepair I dont expect him to tell me what he’s buying or spending the money he earns on but we don’t have kids so probably a different dynamic to most.

This, but she rather than he in my case. I don't think kids make a difference, as long as there is enough money for necessary stuff of course.

Don't you have your own bank account? Some people's relationships with money (and each other!) are weird. If the bills are paid and there's food in the fridge, why is it even a question?

It is a joint decision.
And she arguably has nicer toys than me, as do the kids, as I usually do the 'put them first' thing too often when I should be fixing / upgrading / n+1 myself.

My wife used to teach accountancy amongst other things and pretty much knows what is going in and out of our accounts on a minute by minute basis.

Senior accounting types could offer Drac lessons on fun-sponging IME! 😀

We have a joint bank account that I pay my monthly salary into and our bills are paid from.

I get a 'Bonus' annually and when that arrives in the joint bank account we divide it by two and put half in my "Toys" account and half in her "Toys" account.

Therefore when I want a new bike I buy one - IF I have enough left in my "Toys" account :o)

@weeksy I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that I’d be shocked if it was only 3 or 4…

@doomanic beat me too it 😉

I ask permission, but really, it's a process of wearing them down psychologically until they realise the benefit of just saying yes. 🙂

I don't buy and sell bikes very much. My Mrs. knows that when I get a new one, my current one is hers and she can start riding again so I've pretty much got free reign on the next build. Only my own tight fistedness will decide what that is.

I buy one.

It's my money.

Much same as @golfchick if bills are paid it's all fine

I’m hoping to distract from an argument by focussing on the deal terms:

“Yes, I know it’s a lot but I got 15% off in the sale AND 4.2% cashback from Tredz and 1% cashback on my debit card… so I’ve saved us 20.2%”

😀

If I spend 2000€ on a new bike for me, that's 2000€ I can't spend on any joint activity/need. I'm not about to ask my wife's permission to spend 20€ on a new pair of gloves, but if I drop 2000€ on a bike that quite possibly means our summer holiday is going to be shorter or more local, we can't pay someone to repaint the house, etc.

I can't imagine Mrsstu or myself having to ask each others permission before buying anything that we can afford.
Just seems weird.

It's an interesting question.

If unmarried and no kids, your money is your own unless your choices actively harm the other person.

If unmarried and with kids/houses/things you have joint responsibility for, your money is your own until your choices upset what you consider a fair balance of input into the shared things (could not be exact you might have different incomes).

If married, you have no money of your own save that isolated by a prenup. It's all joint. Everything after this is a negotiation.

If you can't negotiate to have the things you want if they don't harm the other person, sounds like you have bigger problems than bikes.

I tend to wait until the cycle2work scheme kicks in for another year and use the reasoning that I will sell one bike to fund a chunk of the lost income. The other ploy only happens once a decade and it is "ooooh I am 40/50/60 going to treat myself to a new bike/frame.

My wife is of the opinion that you should save up for what you want and if I did this there would be no discussion to be had. Unfortunately I am of the mindset of "ooooh shiny, want that now, I can pay later" and this is where it gets a bit tricky.

Those saying "Do what you want, don't you have your own money etc." When you enter into a partnership you tend to share responsibilitites, if I remove 5k from the savings for a bike then it is 5k that the family don't have for their annual fun stuff. I get it if you both agree that you have enough for both of you to have an equal dedicated "My Fun Pot" you can do what the hell you like, but life in a partnership isn't always like that.

Sorry, I went all serious, if you can afford it just buy it and smile sheepishly when it arrives, I am sure you will win them over

I have to justify it to myself as much as I do to my wife! As long as it's not getting in the way of other household outgoings, inc holidays, days out ect then it doesn;t really matter.

I'm currently selling an accumulation of stuff though, but find it's easier to buy what I want first on the premis thats it a bargain so can't be missed, then sell stuff to pay for it. But thats why I have loads of stuff to sell....

I always find it funny when these threads come up and you get the usual "why do you need to ask, it's your money #weird..." stuff. I assume these people are either single or millionaires. As others have said taking a few grand out of the pot when you're married with kids can have an effect on other things so need discussing first. I mean thats usually what you sign up to when you get married, kind of in the vows innit??...

Don’t you have your own bank account?

Nope, everything is joint. We don't see the point of committing to share the rest of our lives with each other, without committing to share everything we have with each other. Having money that is 'mine' or 'hers' doesn't come into it.

Some people’s relationships with money (and each other!) are weird.

Aren't they just.

To answer the question - I would say agreement, rather than permission.

If I spend 2000€ on a new bike for me, that’s 2000€ I can’t spend on any joint activity/need. I’m not about to ask my wife’s permission to spend 20€ on a new pair of gloves, but if I drop 2000€ on a bike that quite possibly means our summer holiday is going to be shorter or more local, we can’t pay someone to repaint the house, etc.

This, basically

Although, I do remember that Planet-X / On-One used to sell a certificate for a fiver that said "congratulations for winning this bike in our prize draw"

Negotiations / permission.

We have just the one, shared account so the spending of a significant amount of money is a joint decision. We don't have the disposable income for me to just splash out £2k upwards an a new bike, and any 'new' bike tends to involve the sale of other bikes/parts and building up from second hand (and some new) parts etc.

I always save, then tend to sell a bike as well.
Even when I saved and had the cash for the new bike it could still go down very badly.
I do tend to buy a bike every second year, the last one I bought was very expensive and got me in a spot of bother….and it was all saved for by me with no impact to the family.
(My last road bike was £10k, I’d mentioned it would cost me £6k…..but by the time I started adding all new components the cost sky rocketed)

We have just the one, shared account...

That's a mistake right there!

I did that with my ex. I once got bollocked for spending £20 on a t-shirt.

Lol I just say “oh we’ve bought new bikes”

Yes this is more amenable to significant others than “oh I’ve bought a new bike”. Though more expensive.

@woodster that IS weird. Saved bought and paid for? I don't even tell my missus beyond the need to wait for a delivery.

If it's not then of course I ask, the answer invariably being yes.

I’m not being serious, at all. If I want a new bike I’ll buy one. But it’s more a case of convincing myself it’s not a stupid choice.

Man maths incoming.

I’ve got my Charge Plug for sale. I’ve priced it very optimistically. It’s not worth what I spent on it. If I could get £300 for it I’d be over the moon. Someone buy it, please.

I’m going to split my Kona Dr Dew. It’s got loads of older Hope kit on it. Optimistically £300.

I’ve got £200 in the bike fund from selling unwanted kit.

There’s £85 in my “arsing about with crypto” account.

So that’s £885 in the fund. It isn’t, but that’s man maths.

The bike is in the sale at £1300.

So that’s £415 for a new bike. Basically free.

I’ve also got other kit to sell. So I’ll be up on the deal. Yep, definitely.

willard

Bigger decisions are easier, but things like bikes, skydiving equipment and other stuff is a lot harder to deal with.

I'd have thought new skydiving equipment was pretty easy to justify. You can't really have dodgy/bodged kit for that, I'd imagine 🙂

That's pretty good man math's, don't forget there is no point having cash in the bank at the moment due to inflation* so you are actually better off having the bike that you can always sell in the spring when the weather is better and bikes are worth more*.

* Possibly/maybe/complete bollocks 😉

I bought another shed.

Following a few deaths of close friends/family this year MrsMC has recently expressed a lot of "live for the moment/you can't take it with you" sentiments.

I strongly suspect this doesn't extend to the purchase of more bicycles though!

Buy a whole bike? Nah, I just do it piece by piece.
But I do need to consider getting rid of one or two perhaps, My sister is due to take delivery of various kids bikes which should see her daughter through to at least her 10.

I've also just embarked on assembling a dedicated CX bike for next year (rather than changing the wheels on my gravel bike), again starting with a (cheap) frame...

The boss has no idea what bike is what, when ay of them turned up and what they're for, she doesn't really venture to the garage unless she wants to dump something of her own in there.
Ultimately My expenditure on bikes is substantially less than hers on various things, not that we're keeping score, but if we were I would 'win' I reckon.

We have good set up. One joint account for all family expenditure, one joint savings account for things like holidays, plus one personal account each. Each month we both contribute to the joint account such that we have the same amount left in our personal accounts (e.g. if I get paid 2,500 and she gets paid 3,000 she contributes 2,000 and I contribute 1,500). The money in our personal accounts is ours to do with as we please, but if the joint account needs topping up we match payments.

We've got a joint account that we both pay equally into that covers the house, holidays, food etc.

I still get it in the neck for buying bike bits.

I'm not sure I could spend that sort of money without running it by my wife. I doubt she would say no, but there's usually some sort of deal to be struck.

Unless you're rolling in cash, £3k + is a significant purchase. And let's face it, it's hardly a necessary expense.

There is literally nothing that she spends money on just for herself that I can compare it to.

Yeah, it's annoying isn't it? My wife buys loads of small items that she thinks she needs but seemingly bring her no joy. I rarely spend money, but when I do it's usually something expensive that I'll enjoy. I'm sure we spend similar amounts overall.

I bought another bike, (it was a bargain and couldn't resist), but made sure it was the same make and (near) colour, and as long as I kept them apart, the fun police/ Financial Advisor didn't notice, having about 6 or 7 other bikes help keep it hidden. 🙂

We have a joint account for bills, shopping etc and our own accounts for whatever we want to spend it on.

So as long at the new bike isn't coming out of the joint account then all's fine. Mostly... 😉

I did some maths on this before and I reckon I've spent about £25 a week on bikes and kit over the years. Not a huge amount of money, and probably more than what the wife spends on stuff she likes.

It's only when you total this up over the years that it starts to look Like a lot (17 years). 😳

I start early, sow the seed that the new bike will solve all my biking woes, cheaper than replacing all the worn out bits. I drop wee hints over a few months until she screams 'just buy the bloody thing!!!'

Then I buy it, it wasn't really my decision then.

There is literally nothing that she spends money on just for herself that I can compare it to.

You need to get her a horse. Bike parts are dirt cheap in comparison! 🙂

reeksy
Full Member
My wife used to teach accountancy amongst other things and pretty much knows what is going in and out of our accounts on a minute by minute basis.

And she doesn’t ride bikes.

A new bike typically involves something akin to a full blown election campaign crossed with a five year war strategy, several weeks of sulking, interspersed with arguments.

There is literally nothing that she spends money on just for herself that I can compare it to.

Ha, this is my wife also! Except she's not an accountant....just her main 'hobby' is being a 'moneysavingexpert' - which inevitably means that she doesn't spend money :-/

Couple of options:

1, Get one the same colour as an existing one so the regulatory body doesn't notice.
2, Buy the parts individually and just pretend like they are replacements for wear and tear.

On a serious note, if you aren't using then frequently then get rid. Cash in pocket is better then a sad unloved bike.

We have always earned about the same amount, so we pay enough into a joint account to cover the household running expenses, holidays etc leaving the balance for ourselves. That way, daily frittering expenditure is our own look out. Despite my throwaway comment earlier, most of our bigger interests are shared so major spending tends to go through The Committee

You need to get her a horse. Bike parts are dirt cheap in comparison! 🙂

I thought parts of horses were fairly cheap, i mean tescos kept putting them in lasagne.

A bit of come and go. My wife has said I can go touring in the USA for a month or two next year. Then she saw an expensive bit of jewellery she liked.

It’s only more recently that I’ve realised we’re the weird ones for having just one account. When we first moved in together we paid in to a joint account for living and joint stuff etc but now everything goes in & out of just one joint account.

We warn each other before we make big purchases, but there’s no permission needed & it definitely doesn’t need weeks of election campaigning & sulking 😳

There is literally nothing that she spends money on just for herself that I can compare it to.

See, now, MrsIHN thinks this is the case with her, but her hobbies (running and swimming) seem to need a lot more frequent, smaller, purchases (trainers wear out, swimming cossies wear out, event entry fees, etc etc) that, I'm sure add up to the amount I spend on biking (which has been literally nothing for about five years, until I spent £2k on a bike last year). She doesn't seem to think this is the case though...

It was a bit different when the kids came along.

Before then I could buy what I liked, but now apparently I'm selfish if I get something for the bikes instead of buying the kids new shoes 🤣

We have good set up. One joint account for all family expenditure, one joint savings account for things like holidays, plus one personal account each. Each month we both contribute to the joint account such that we have the same amount left in our personal accounts (e.g. if I get paid 2,500 and she gets paid 3,000 she contributes 2,000 and I contribute 1,500). The money in our personal accounts is ours to do with as we please, but if the joint account needs topping up we match payments.

Are you me?😁
Or rather, am I married to you?😂

Back to the OP...
I got grief off the missus a few years ago for buying a Spec Enduro in the sale and then going to the other extreme the year after and buying a Giant Anthem in a sale.

She basically said to stop pissing about buying shit bikes because they are reduced. Work out what bike I really, really want and then just buy the bloody thing. 🙂

So I did.

Helps that I'd also just bought her her dream Spec Stumpie Carbon Expert earlier in the year.

Of more concern to me is that she's currently planning to spend 15 times the cost of the stumpie on bloody bathrooms.

Should have left her to buy her own bloody bike..... 🙁

We just have a joint account we share for everything and only buy stuff if we can afford it. I don't need to ask permission or seek forgiveness.

Bills are paid, house is ok, kids have clothes, we have food in the fridge and the cars are looked after. Like MoreCashThanDash says above, we only get one shot at this so carpe diem.

My wife has said I can go touring in the USA for a month or two next year. Then she saw an expensive bit of jewellery she liked.

Are you those events happened in exactly that order?

Play a long game, convince your other half to acquire a horse and then you get free rein (boom boom) as bike purchases pale into insignificance

There is an option you didnt mention. Missdirection!
Distract them with dogs while putting the bike in the shed. Knowing that once its in there they will never count the number of bikes or even really notice the difference between your CX bike or your DH bike. puppies work best. Videos of puppies are cheaper than actual puppies but you have to be quick.

Puppies? Really?

The Wife wants a dachshund, have you seen the price of dachshunds?

irc

A bit of come and go. My wife has said I can go touring in the USA for a month or two next year. Then she saw an expensive bit of jewellery she liked.

Schoolboy error, she says yes, you book the flights then and there

my wife is the breadwinner in our house, so i feel it’s only polite to ask, and since becoming a parent i can feel guilty about spending large sums of money on myself.

my strategy is to tell her about an amazing new thing, then i soften her up by talking about how great the item is, reading reviews to her and showing her pictures of the item. eventually, when i’m over my parental guilt for taking food from my child’s mouth, i ask if i can buy it. she says, “yes”.

i secretly think that she enjoys listening to my talks on bike parts.

edit: but if i ask for something too cheap or from a mainstream company, she will question my request.

"as a responsible adult, i have concluded that a sensible limit on the number of bikes i have is: as many as i want"

Same situation here as the Muffin Man. MrsG has a horse so that my biking expenditure can never compete with that (stabling, vet, insurance, farrier, kit, events, tutoring, horse lorry etc…). Never have to ask permission for bikes… my other “toys/hobbies” however……..!!!

nights out/ trips away.

You need permission?

I thought we needed permission, just to make sure one of us was around to deal with the kids, but LittleMissMC casually mentioned the other day that her mum is having a few days in Budapest in December 🤷‍♂️

Operation New Bike is a-go. I repeat, Operation New Bike is a-go.

“As long as more are leaving than arriving, then I suppose so. 🙄”

Going to have a look and a sit on a bike tomorrow.

Man Maths Part 2.

I’ve just found a small collection of Thomson seatposts and a surplus Apidura seat pack I didn’t know I had. There’s also £24 credit on my credit card that was a refund. It’s practically free. Actually there might be the startings of a new bike fund.

I love man maths.

If I order a Hope HB.916 will someone on here pretend to be the person I just bought it from second hand and write me a receipt for about half the real price?

Mrs llama encourages me to get bikes and kit so she can justify buying even better for herself

I have a friend who got a bike shop owner to pose for a photo so that he could pretend to his wife he won his new bike in a raffle

i secretly think that she enjoys listening to my talks on bike parts.

I mean of course she does!

I just buy things. You can always find justification. Always.

I need a new slide mitre saw. So did I buy a new slide mitre saw ?,no i did not. I bought a plunge/track saw, and an expensive one at that.

Justification - It can act like a slide mitre saw, but with far greater capacity.

So you would think i no long need a slide mitre saw now i have the track saw.

WRONG 😆 I'm still going to buy a slide mitre saw.

My friend who owns a bike shop is regularly asked for two reciepts. One of the insurance and one for the partner/wife/husband.

So you find a bike that is twice as much as the one you want, and put in the groundwork...you need a new bike, it's perfect for the type of riding you do, but it's a bit expensive, you're not sure what to do etc.

Then you 'find' the one you originally wanted...it's nearly as good, it's half the price, you would have felt guilty about buying the expensive one (this is key, you're the victim here 😊) you're saving money etc etc.

New bike arrives, everyone is happy.

I tried to impose the "one in, one out" rule to Mrs Vlad's spending on shoes and was met with a withering guffaw...

Similarly, I work from home and despair at the number of times per day I have to answer the door to Amazon delivering yet more crap she's bought...

So, in the Vlad household, she's the "problem", not me...

Forgiveness. Every time.

So far: a fat bike (5 days before wedding), an orange crush, a very large KTM, my Giulia, renovation of my track car, a motorbike trip around Europe at extremely short notice...

She's a keeper.