[Closed] another failed attempt

Why were you still there at 6.20 if the alarm went off at 6?

Eating breakfast. Next thing was outside. So close!

^ +1

I find unless I'm out of the house by 0603, then my daughter senses i'm awake and demands that I feed her. Then the cats wake up.....until the whole plan turns to toss.

Ideally I'd like a completely silent version of the machine from Wallace and Grommit, which tips me out of bed, gets me into my riding kit and drops me into the garage onto my bike!

Seriously, anything you can do to speed up leaving the house is worth it's weight in gold. I lay out kit, pack my rucksack, check the bike etc., the night before.

Matt

Rookie error, be up and gone before anyone realises. If I ride early I'll be out the door a couple of minutes after getting up else my son thinks im making breakfast for him...

Yea next time I will just leave. Everything was ready to go apart from loading bike into car. Now dealing with a tired, hungry grumpy toddler. Instead of enjoy a sunrise on my own across the moors. This is the 5th time this year my ride has been cancelled for one reason or anothee

+1 to all above. Most of my rides are like this. Forget breakfast. Have your riding kit ready by the door. Sneak in that direction, ninja-stealth like, and then straight out ftw. Enjoy your hour or so.

It will get better. I'm lay here contemplating a spin. Kids at 11 and 14 so no excuses. Just my glass back holding me back...

And get a road bike. I managed squeeze in a quick 45min blast yesterday after breakfast and before going to the zoo. Up the nearest big hill and back down again. Admittedly in payback my wife was away last night and my son was up with coughing fits about five times last night....

Bike lights and go at night...until they are a bit older you will always have this 'risk' so go out once all 3 are in bed.

Tried to get a cyclocross as ideal for local 'trails' and commute but wife has completely blown her lid about it. But I do want one for a quick blast with no requirement to drive. Wife just came downstairs and said you're running too late to ride now. I asked how she didn't hear our daughter in the next room when I was downstairs?!?!?!

If this morning's ride time has been agreed with your other half then this morning's ride should really have happened absent a good reason not to.

If it was your unilateral choice that you were going that's where you can end up unstuck.

Is Mrs coping OK with the two? They are at that age where that are hard work and two is definitely worse than one (it gets easier once they start playing together). Her reaction could be because she's frazzled not because she doesn't care about your leisure time?

Is there any suggestion of pnd?

Are you agreeing leisure/kid free time for both of you? Can you take the initiative and give her a couple of days or afternoons of at the weekend.

Can you take the MTB to work and head off to the trails for a couple of hours without going home in between (90% of my riding)? This works well for us, little impact on family time, it's predictable and is rarely cancelled for anything other than work reasons.

Yeah, definitely get yourself sorted to ride from the door when you are on limited ride time. Even if this means one bike in, one out. Not as good as n +1, but needs must.

And it definitely gets better. Mine now 6 and 4. They'll get up and watch a bit of telly, my eldest took the dry washing off the airers and folded it yesterday before waking us up 😯

I was up at 6:30 with eldest_oab today - he was dragging me up, as he is off to the Borders MTB DH round at Selkirk. The tables have turned.... 8)

Garage-dweller has hit the nail on the head. Try to find an interesting extension to your commute too - always helps. I've kids the same age as yours, so know what you're feeling.

Or try to all get involved. My wife is anything but a cyclist, but will happily potter along while I tow the kids in a trailer, and then sit eating an ice cream or cake with them while I do a short "proper" ride. Works even better if there's a playground nearby... Sherwood pines is ideal for this...

Otherwise, get up earlier, keep your kit by the door, ride from home to avoid the wasted packing & driving time. Maybe get a trials or BMX bike so you can nip out for a short play anytime - even makes going to the corner shop an interesting session of learning manuals and 180s off kerbs...
Good luck!

What you need, is not a road bike, it's a pair of balls. If your wife is going mental about you going biking, then a conversation is required, that's not a good place to be.

There's a little give and take required. My Mrs knows that I WILL generally go for at least one ride over a weekend. That could be first thing in the morning but she isn't really a morning person so it is usually as soon as she gets up.

Either or that or come to an arrangement that she gets up early with the kids one morning while you nip out for a ride and then the following day you get up with the kids while she has a lie in.

And yes - it does get better.

Nobeerinthefridge had hit the nail on the head.

We have two kids and have always tried to be understanding about each others hobbies and free time otherwise it just doesn't work.

I was up yesterday doing 75 miles on the road bike and she is out now running a half marathon.

Ordinarily I'd be out already, especially such a nice morning, but have Beavers Church Parade this morning.
As said though, have to have kit set out for stealth manoeuvres.

Had a spin round yesterday, to the park on my still heavily mud encrusted semi fat SS.
Whilst sat in the park a chap comes rolling past towing a child trailer, on an equally mud encrusted SS. Knowing, respectful glances were exchanged, a bit like stray dogs meeting, but there was no sniffing of backsides involved.

Same problem with me. Happened to me quite a few times as well. You will get used to the disappointment soon.

My solution is to get everything ready the night before including loading the bike in the van and getting something that I can eat in the van.

Also have a cross bike for the quick local blasts pre breakfast (just got back from that)

OP does the other half get free time as well?

Take up running, much better when you have young kids

Definitely no pnd. She is happy as can be.

She has always been obstructive to cycling. Just one of those things. Says it Takes time away from us/family. Which is why I try to go early.

When I say her hobby is our kids i really am not kidding. I have tried to get into other things but she just isn't interested. Nothing makes her happier than our kiddies. Which is great unless she doesn't hear them at 6:20am

Tried all the arrangements thing. Got up early all last weekend and yestersy

I have three kids and get out when I can. getting out without the kids in important for both parents. Your wife is being selfish so unless she has a serious case of PND she needs to MTFU. One thing is we often go to comrie croft as a family as there is stuff for the wife and middle child to do while the baby (around 5-6 months last year when weather was nice) was happy. So long as your wife gets time on her own without the kids there shouldn't be a problem.

If I try and go out early I go out the back door as the front one squeaks, have suggested oiling it but the boss likes the squeak so she can tell if any of the wee ones are escaping.
Don't think I've been out this year yet with one thing or another just a few late night sessions on the trainer to try and keep my legs from seizing up.

Suggest a Scandinavian Au-pair.. should open all sorts of riding options.

No kids here so can't empathise but you do deserve some you time.
Book a ride in, tell her you are doing it so she can prepare then ride whatever happens.
I should imagine you have to hold the fort while she gets her hair done .
After all ,you being fit ,healthy and happy is to your families benefit.

Just take it in turns and plan. I am home alone with the 3 year old and the 6 month old for three days whilst my wife is away. Means I've earned some credits .

If you hvae tried everything to make this work and your wife genuinely has nothing else but you and the family, then you need an uncomfy chat with her and get your needs on the table and factored in.

If it is 'all about the kids' then you are going to get shot down at every chance - so either announce you are now working an extra 1.5 hours each day and won't be in until later (and go ride your bike then) or get an arrangement where you can ride your bike.

If it isn't talked about (apart from on a bike forum where most folk will be sympathising but also thinking 'ride your bike!') then is is just going to get worse - you'll end up considering road riding and running - FFS - no-one needs either of those in their life! 😉

Spent last night doing laps of centreparks with the boy and buggy. I'll be lucky to make it through the day no chance of a ride.

Spent last night doing laps of centreparks with the boy and buggy. I'll be lucky to make it through the day no chance of a ride.

So many euphemisms in one post. Bravo (and possible high 5)

Actively encourage your OH in a hobby / interest.
Mrs Cloudnine started getting into running last year. For Christmas i gave her an entry into a half marathon. She has started training for it so obviously i get my turn to go out riding bikes.

Trailer and take one or both kids with you.

Her hobby is your kids, except when it's inconvenient for her at which point you have to drop everything?

Which is great unless she doesn't hear them at 6:20am
Tried all the arrangements thing. Got up early all last weekend and yestersy

So just go, it was arranged. She'll hear your daughter in due course and sort her out, you didn't know she was screaming, you'd left. Unless she was awake and knew you were still there, but thought she'd sabotage your plans...

Doesn't sound healthy to me. She has no other interests so you're not allowed to?

For those first few years, I found you have to be very crafty. I used to book the odd half days holiday (shush, don't tell mrs asbrooks) and get out that way. It was easier for me as half the commute is by car.

She has always been obstructive to cycling. Just one of those things. Says it Takes time away from us/family. Which is why I try to go early.

I don't think that's anything to do with the kids. I've had the same argument without kids. She wants you to herself. But at the end of the day, you [i]need[/i] at least a little bit of time away from that. Otherwise it's going to turn into a constant source of stress and resentment. It's not healthy and she needs to understand that.

I've cancelled overnight trips on the day, struggle to get a morning every two weeks, don't have time to look at the bike. Rarely get time to come on here anymore.

It's all very depressing but hoping for better with longer nights

I'd have been out of the bloody door whether she was stood there or not. In the same way that I played football and cricket for years before I turned to bikes. She's got you by the bollocks and she loves to squeeze them - it's time for a talk.

Sounds like you need a new wife!
Give your kid a redbull and a kazoo, and leg it

She has always been obstructive to cycling.

Some have even booted me into touch once the full scale of the biking "thing" has been fully mapped out. Apparently cycling isn't a proper job. Not in the UK anyway.

Her hobby is your kids, except when it's inconvenient for her at which point you have to drop everything?

Get the kids outdoors and playing / trailering / riding as soon as they are old enough. Consider it an investment for the future and also counts as you doing "family time".

Then wind on 10 years - Just done a stupid fast 1.5 laps of Gisburn today being seriously stretched by my 13 year old son. Feeling properly battered but couldn't be happier 🙂

She has always been obstructive to cycling. Just one of those things. Says it Takes time away from us/family. Which is why I try to go early.

This would concern me - if it relates to all outside activities not just cycling. We all need a little time for ourselves.

My wife has many qualities, but one thing she still hasn't fully grasped at 35 is that people are DIFFERENT. Now in our house this does not manifest in the same way as the OPs because mine also likes biking and swimming, but it does in other ways.

She likes/needs 'chatting', I don't - she doesn't get this (I still do it because it matters to her).

I'm an introvert, I need time on my own to recharge. She doesn't and consequently doesn't get why I do.

She likes to point out everything anyone does wrong, which grates somewhat but to be fair she points out her cock ups too. I'm content to (usually) not say anything. Just different characters.

So it sounds like because your wife doesn't need biking time or time alone or time away from the kids, she doesn't get it that you do, and thinks that you are just wrong, when actually it's just that people are not all the same.

There a few people coming across a bit harsh, but you do need to put your foot down with a firm hand. You are entitled to a bit of time for yourself.

*hugs awesome wife* (mine not ravingdaves)

Sounds like something that needs addressed really.

Mope around miserable until she realises it's actually better for her to kick you out the door and go for a spin.

Well, we had a little girl at the end of October last year and I have managed one 50 min ride since then and that was in my lunch hour at work....what average fitness I did have has all but disappeared and I do wonder when I will be able to find the time again...

Taking my bike in tomorrow for another lunch time ride...

As an example, I looked after our son this morning whilst my missus rode her horse, then she looked after him whilst I rode my bike for four hours. She swapped this around too as the fog affected me more than her. Then we spent the afternoon together.

Family time is about quality not quantity- if being denied cycling time ends up making you resent family time then it's not really family time worth having.

You're not being selfish- you're being inspirational 🙂

(Whoever said they lied about holiday to get biking time in is in a far worse boat mind you 😀 )

My wife really wanted me to sell my motorbike when my son was born. As a new dad I totally understood why and that I needed to be pulling my fair share of the parenting duties but an early morning weekend blast was my 'me time' the issue being sneaking off quite ly was completely out of the question given the fire breathing race pipes I had making more noise than all four horsemen of the apocalypse learning to play drums and bagpipes.

The mountain bike replaced the motorbike and it's a given that I sneak out the house at 0600 and am back in time to be happy daddy during the day.

It gets easier as the kids get a bit older.

Well I've got two kids aged 7 & 3 and I get f*** all me time. It gets worse believe me.

You say you ride to work and back so how far is that , if it's not far you should just leave a bit earlier and return home a bit later . That way your ride becomes accepted as part of the day . This tactic worked well for me 17 miles each way . Any other rides will then become a bonus .

Night rides are the way here. I used to do bedtime and then get out for a couple of hours.

If your wife gives you a lot of pushback (in the absence of good reasons like sick kids/sick her/mental health issues/you not pulling your weight at other times/having more free time than her) then tell her it's that or a divorce. Be very clear that you mean it.

You'd at least get every other weekend to ride, even if you were poorer.

Well I've got two kids aged 7 & 3 and I get f*** all me time. It gets worse believe me.

Same age as mine and it's easier now than a couple of years ago.

I guess all kids are different as well as wives. Hope it improves for you anyway.

Threads like this make me feel lucky to get my six-ish hours a week, whereas I usually feel like I've not got enough time.

When my eldest was able to sit up in rear mounted seat(2 roughly) i'd wrap him up n out early sunday mornings,road n light mountain biking.
No2 on scene he wasn't keen on the seat ,so had to be crafty then ,diversion on homeward trips light evenings.
Oldest now lives on bike now 28,No3(16/17) does rides out now too with me,but not much longer now as into motor bikes thanks to farther in law.could be worse stuff thou .

Other half prefers walking which is fine,so ride in the morning walk after lunch.
Or my days off as work shifts ,n nights i ride out while she works .

A lot of this sounds very familiar. Don't know what the answer is unfortunately. Any discussions usually end in a massive argument and 'you love bikes more than me' type responses.

"My wife has many qualities, but one thing she still hasn't fully grasped at 35 is that people are DIFFERENT."

I've never heard anyone say this before, but this is my Mum to an absolute tee. She finds it very difficult to understand why anyone would do any thing different to her.

Its very very frustrating.

My wife is in someways similar to my Mum (arent they always), but this is one thing she doesn't do ! And Im very thankful for it !

This is all very familiar here too, although I can say from my experience that it gets better (kids now aged 4 and 6).

Like all things in life, it's a matter of give and take - and I think it's more than clear to my wife and me that we both put in as much as we get out. I've needed to show that I'm doing my bit though. N.B. showing that you are pulling your weight is different from actually pulling your weight IME: there's no point getting in a huff about all the stuff you're doing if the other half doesn't see / understand.

I've also adjusted my expectations, such that I really only ride my local trails regularly and ride real mountains or road tours just once or twice a year. Thank goodness my local trails (10 minutes from my door!) were upgraded to a trail centre standard in 2011. I can do a nice loop in under an hour.

We've recently settled on a weekend pattern whereby she gets Saturday mornings off (running) and I get Sunday mornings (biking). There needs to be some flexibility to things like weather, family events etc - but it's been working well since around Christmas.

Thankfully my wife doesn't view my cycling to work as "me time" - although I'm happy enough if that's all I do in a week, as it gives me the fitness to do whatever cycling I can when the opportunity arises.

There's also a whole heap of fun to be had with the kids! I get so much pleasure from watching the kids "mountain biking" on their own bikes and *loved* using things like a Tagalong, kids' bike trailer etc. 🙂

Having read thegreatape's post I am concerned that MrsMC is a bigamist!

Agreed time is agreed time - wife is a Guide leader and evening/weekend Guide activities mean I get "Daddy Time", and then I get an evening and half a day - or a full day for events - at the weekend for riding.

She now runs and understands why riding is important to me. Times when I have not been able to ride as much have coincided with my anxiety and depression issues, I now get kicked out to ride if start to get mopey.

It gets easier if being outside and riding together is part of the family time. as someone else has said, places like Sherwood Pines where there can be a family ride, a play area and then a Daddy ride, are fantastic. Pines, Carsington and Hicks Lodge are great around here for that.

But when the kids were little, commuting and night rides were the way I got rides in. No such thing as a bad ride imho.

I have three kids, 8, 6 and 3. Still go riding a couple of times a week. My wife goes running and to an exercise class. Guess I have it good but it's a partnership y'know, she needs to understand your needs outside family time. That said I did sell the GSXR 1000 when she was 6 months pregnant with number three. Although I also bought a Blackbird when she was 6 months pregnant with the first one. For commuting you understand.

I reckon it's time for a bit of a heart to heart. She needs to understand the difference between commuting by bike and riding for fun. It took my other half a while to understand but she now recognised that I get grumpy and moody if I don't get out. It's been a month since I was last out and she's been begging me to get out but we are going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment and I'm finding it hard to find the motivation just now. It doesn't help when you finally get round to fitting that new chain only to discover it's now time to replace the cassette.

It took my other half a while to understand but she now recognised that I get grumpy and moody if I don't get out. It's been a month since I was last out and she's been begging me to get out

I bet she hates jeffsy...

or is that sexist?

You lot are making me feel like a bad parent. Number 2 was born in December and I've already clocked up 86 rides this year.

Blimey, and I thought our house was bad!

My 'problem' is a lack of any kind of frequency, she'll happily tell me that "you can go out on your bike on Saturday if you want", and consider that my allotted bike time for the month as it's a 'whole day'! But fails to grasp that as there has been no bike time for the last 6 months, actually riding for more than about 90min isn't going to happen!

Ditto (or even more so) sailing! No, no I can't just turn up to the national championships dear. Because much as I enjoy sailing, 3 days of racing back to back races requires a degree of fitness! And that's before we get to the fact that I've not been on the water in 6 months and I'm a bit rusty to be sailing at that level!

However once I've turned down either of those opportunities I'm deemed to have forfeit those brownie points!

Nobeerinthefridge - Member

What you need, is not a road bike, it's a pair of balls. If your wife is going mental about you going biking, then a conversation is required, that's not a good place to be.

This, I've got two kids as well, admittedly my eldest is 10, but my youngest is 18 months, I try to be fair, but that's not the same as equal. I give myself one evening a week for Gym/Riding (depending on the season, I hate night riding) and Sat or Sun Morning-ish I've usually home by 1ish.

My Wife goes to Gym one evening a week and out for an evening whenever she pleases - I'm not really into 'night life' so it's a 2-3 times a year thing for me.

I suppose one thing that "helps" is that I'm a complete bloody nightmare to live with if I've not been riding.

my tactic is to plan ahead and block out time on weekends well in advance for rides and note it on the family calendar. That is for bigger/longer rides or events. Easier to get stuff agreed when it is in the dim-distant future! And then when the time comes it is much harder for it to be argued with or find that a play-date with little johnny has been organised for the proposed date.

We also have an informal system that each of us gets one exercise/free-time opportunity each weekend. So I use that for shorter rides or gym (say 2-3 hours total including getting ready and showering afterwards) and she runs or gyms.

Also only one of us gets up to deal with the kids on weekend mornings so the other gets a "lie-in" (up at 8 rather than 6.30). It does not take 2 adults to look after 3 or fewer kids. As they get older it does get easier. I consider looking after mine at ages 2 and 4 to be pretty easy (and good fun).

This all keeps me and the missus relatively sane. And that can only be a good thing for the kids.

I get 'aren't we enough to make you happy'?

Being in a couple is supposed to add to your life, not replace it.

Turn that logic on it's head. You're offering to do something as a couple, and being a couple means [i]so little[/i] to her that she'd rather you spent time apart than come out on a bike ride with you. "Aren't 'we' enough to make you want to come with me?"

I'm an introvert, I need time on my own to recharge. She doesn't and consequently doesn't get why I do.

This is actually really important. Some people thrive on company and [i]need[/i] social interaction to recharge their batteries; whilst I love company it can be draining and I need solitary time to recharge.