[Closed] Am I too strict?

My dad would have done the same when I was a kid.

I can understand your wife thinking you went overboard but it's a matter of basic manners and decency, Something a lot of kids seem to lack these days.

Good on you for trying to bring him up the right way I say.

I don't have children but am in my 20s (so it's not a million years since I was your sons age!!) and I would have got a bollocking if I'd helped myself too.

At the same time a very small reward for him doing a job would be fair?

In principle you are right but I wouldn't have...

a) gone bonkers
b) accused him of stealing

There's better ways of making your point.

No need to go bonkers. Explain to the boy that he's effectively taken out a pay day loan at approx 5000%, interest is calculated daily of course. Then offset the pringles loan against his pocket money. Let him choose how much he wants to pay back, He'll probably take the minimum amount of say 5p per week. Then when christmas comes around you can withhold all his presents as payment for the now outstanding loan which has grown to a couple of hundred quid.

There you go punishment and economics lesson in one.

That's 13yr olds for you.

My daughter generally asks, but it's not unknown for her to treat herself.

Certainly wouldn't have gone down the bonkers/thieving route.

If he's scoffed them before his meal, then a stern word - then maybe suggest he earns the couple of quid over and above fetching a loaf.

I'm pretty lenient with our daughter though and she possibly gets away with too much

was a tube of pringles a fair price for not walking to the shop yourself?

Remember doing the same when I was about five or six - sent into the shop for something along those lines, and bought myself an Action Force figure with the change.

Let's just say the point the OP is making in his post was explained to me extremely clearly.

you can withhold all his presents as payment for the now outstanding loan which has grown to a couple of hundred quid.

Steady on - the £2 was his Christmas fund, the tight bugger..... 😉

I'm 23 so again I remember being that age quite well. I think you are right to be angry at the behaviour and to explain to him in strong terms that what he has done is unacceptable. I also think that it is the same as fraud or stealing, he spent money that was not his on something he didn't have permission for. He has to realise at his age he has to start taking responsibility for actions.

+1

It's naughty, but not stealing. Different if he's tried to conceal it from you, big trouble then for dishonesty. If it was the first time, I'd just be telling him its not on and keeping the Pringles, and give him an opportunity not to repeat. If he did it again having been told it's not on, then there'd be a punishment of some sort. That would be mu take on it, but of course you know your lad and how obedient he usually is!

My lass helps herself to food, but she doesn't go for junk food so we let her crack on with it. The boys, conversely, are not allowed to help themselves to the crisps and cakes.

So you went bonkers - what are you going to do when he does something properly naughty?

Did you see the pringles, did he smell a bit 'cidery'? Just thinking back to my teens.

Sounds like you went off on one a bit but the principles pretty basic and you know that he knows better so a stren word would be the appropriate response.

To the payment for getting the loaf of bread brigade - going to get a loaf of bread is pretty fair for having a roof over your head for 13 years.

oh chill out, just wait until he helps himself to beer in fridge. came home from work gagging for a beer...none! see 17yr old sitting in garden with his mates knocking my beers back. life is too short, your kids wont be at home forever.

I think my issue is taking without asking. He is well rewarded for doing chores and had he asked beforehand I'd have most likely said yes. It's the sense of entitlement and rudeness that gets me cross. It's like a bloke who looks after the whip and regards the change as his, not major but really it is.

Stealing pringles @ 13.
On crack @ 14 with twins on the way.
Stamp it out now!!!!!! 😆

The actual circumstances are not that important but it pays to show your offspring that you mean business once or twice in their life before they become too mature.

You've probably cared for them all their life like most parents do but I think it's good for them to realise that there's another side to you

I [b]wouldn't[/b] have gone mental over it

I [b]would [/b] have enjoyed sitting there eating all the pringles that [b]I[/b] paid for 😈

The real question is what would you do if he posted in the wrong forum.

Better reaction would be take the pringles as a you got caught thing.

jam bo +1

Did he buy the Pringles for you , and / or the family?
Or were they a treat for himself as a reward for going to the shop?
How far away is the shop 1/4 mile?? 1 mile?

So , Im not a Dad , but I would speak to him about it , explain why its wrong then leave it.

Wow - what will you be like when he comes home and announces he has got his teenage gf pregnant ? Or you get the phone call "hey dad - guess what ? I'm in jail".

Aye it's wrong, but if you go mental at that kind of thing you have set the bar quite high !

I would have done the same and taken the Pringles off him.

Seems odd that if you do teach him right from wrong that he did it in the first place. Maybe you should start feeding the poor lad!

yes

When I was a kid (Im in my late 20's, just starting to forget!) I didnt do the same thing as we always had an au pair who would be with us. a bit posh maybe, but looking back I would have given anything to have my mum or dad tell me off and have the interaction.

At the same time I always had the utmost respect for my parents. These days, everything has slackened off, even from 15-20 years ago. You now need to sit him down and talk it out as he may not really know why. They dont just know why despite maybe telling him a thousand times. At the same time, kids will be kids.

and scientifically, they have proven that as teenagers brains develop they do not think about why, they just do. All down to the chemical mix.

went a bit bonkers and asked him when he'd be stealing from me

I hope you pointed out that he'll probably end up in prison, as someones bitch, and struggle with substance addiction, to numb the pain, as he sits in the corner of his cell, rocking back and too, weeping as he self-harms? For thats all his life is now likely to amount too

[img] [/img]

These things don't grow on bloody trees. They're 60p a bloody tube. I think its entirely proportionate that you went AWOL at him. Cheeky little sod is taking liberties thinking a packet of crisps might be a fair price to ensure you don't have to get off your arse and go to the shop. He needs to be taught the error of his ways

I presume you've grounded him this weekend too?

Before constructing a concise post with advice and options for punishment, can I ask what flavour the Pringles were?

What flavour and did he share?

EDIT: Darn it, beaten to it!!

I wouldn't have said anything.

Next time, I'd knee-cap him.

In 5 years time he'll be crashing your car. Let him have the crisps.

Too strict no, but the minute you got angry you lost all chance of changing the way he thinks. He'll now just be piseed of and annoyed with you. How do you respond when someone calmly explains why they don't like what you've done compared to when someone gets angry with you over it, which do you respond best to.

To the payment for getting the loaf of bread brigade - going to get a loaf of bread is pretty fair for having a roof over your head for 13 years.

I think if you're going to require your kids to repay their upbringing, you should give them the choice as to whether they should be born first.

man you're all lunatics on here.

Total overreaction. Are you absolutely, completely sure you are not venting out your frustration from an unrelated issue? Poor kid.

Where are you going to escalate your reaction to when he actually does something properly wrong. Mey I suggest the stocks and a good flogging, or maybe a spot of crucifiction.

Get some perspective.

Done a similar thing once with a topic bar at about his age....the reaction by my mother made sure I never done it again.

It is stealing and you're right to tell him off.

Is it stealing if the kid goes into the fridge and gets food out ?

how about when he has a crap, is he allowed to flush without asking ?

Turning his TV on allowed ?

An split of opinions. I'm surprised people think this is ok tbh different values I expect but I agree I could have been calmer. As for kids not doing little chores like this ... Really?

Well he won't be getting anything from the fridge, flushing the toilet, or turning the TV on if he's locked under the stairs, will he?

So I think that answers that question

it was your money - you should have got all the change from the tenner.
let 'em off at that point and i will have no sympathy when you are venting on here in 2-3yrs......

i got sent to the shop for 3 (somethings i cant remember) with a fiver.
i returned with the 3 things and £4 change, **** in the shop short changed me by a penny, i didnt realise and my mum pointed out that whatever the unit price, there was something dodgy going on.
cost me a damn sight more than that tho(cant recall if it was grounding or witholding pocket money £0.25/week (if b. probably cos she really didnt have it)), but i quickly learned to check my change, especially if it belongs to someone else.

Just out of interest, has their been some fault in the time/space continuum, and some of you were actually brought up in a Dickensian workhouse? I'm just waiting for the bit about the withholding of daily gruel rations

An split of opinions. I'm surprised people think this is ok tbh different values I expect but I agree I could have been calmer. As for kids not doing little chores like this ... Really?

I'm not sure people think it's ok - it's just that it's not very important.

weeksy:
food - yes (do not take)
toilet flush - leave it as you found it, clean!
tv - how would a kid have a tv, if you want a tv, get a job, move out, pay rent, bills, tv license and enjoy whatever programs you like.

Bit over the top in my opinion but I understand why. I would have docked the pocket money if they get any and explained why they're wrong.

tv - how would a kid have a tv, if you want a tv, get a job, move out, pay rent, bills, tv license and enjoy whatever programs you like.

Exactly - If you wnat a bike, move out, open a steel fabrication workshop, buy a rubber plantation, mine some metals, build a forge, lay yourself a few hundred miles of road and piss off while you're about it.

now come on thestabiliser, i dont mind if they want to ride off road, but the trails dont maintain themselves eh.

*high fives*

What's more important to you? The relationship with your son? Or the 2.00 he spent on some crisps? Did you not maybe think that he thought it would be ok? That its just some crisps?

Seriously, you went 'mental' over some crisps? have a word with yourself

OP - unless you had notices stating 'DO NOT BUY PRINGLES WITH MY MONEY' on either side and above your front door, and on the doormat, and perhaps at various points en route to the shops, then I don't really think this is your sons fault.

As for kids not doing little chores like this ... Really?

Well I suppose if you don't want your kids to be your servants, then yeah. I am surprised that in this day and age so many people still follow a quite authoritarian model of parenting. This thread is a good example. I remember when I was a kid I spent a lot of my time feeling unjustly punished and unfairly treated by my elders. It didn't teach me values, boundaries, morals etc, I worked that stuff out for myself, all it did was left me feeling rather resentful and angry.

This has reminded me of the time I ate most of the carrots from my dads veg patch and he went insane and chased me half way across Shropshire.

Ahhhhh memories.

Choose your battles. Especialy when savoury snacks are involved. If you want crisps issues that are really worth going mental about , then my girls eating all the decent flavours out of the bloody multipacks, and leaving just the sodding smokey bacon, or roast chicken flavour.....?

Well.....

[img] [/img]

see 17yr old sitting in garden with his mates knocking my beers back. life is too short, your kids wont be at home forever.

They will if they drink my beer without permission, under the patio forever!

I think you went over the top why not explain to him the value of a good quality snack,and explain next time ask.

How ever in my house it was my job to do the small shop runs, it was a mile each way. but we had an open fridge rule, anything could be eaten as long as we ate our dinner. (obviously within reason)

Im fully in the oppinion of brining your kids upright, but going off it over a packet of crisp when you could have just had a civilised word.

Seriously, you went 'mental' over some crisps? have a word with yourself

+1

Your son now thinks his dad's a dick

When I was 11 I was given £5 to go and get my haircut.
On the way I bumped into a friend who invites me back to his house.

A few hours later I arrived home hair uncut having lost the lot playing 3 card brag.

My hair grew quite long that year. .D

I went mental because my kid took money that wasn't his to take and would again reading some of these replies explains a great many things.

I went mental because my kid took money that wasn't his to take and would again reading some of these replies explains a great many things.

It explains that when you've asked if you're in the wrong, you're not very interested in the answer.

Why not focus on the fact that he went to the shop for you and bought what you asked?

reading some of these replies explains a great many things.

Such as....?

* makes 'Bingo Card' list of the things about to be mentioned *

[b]joolsburger[/b] - Member

I went mental because my kid took money that wasn't his to take and would again reading some of these replies explains a great many things.

So, you've asked everyones opinion, the majority say you were OTT, yet your reaction would be the same if it happened again?

Why ask?

can i just use my dailywail bingo card?

I went mental because [s]my kid took money that wasn't his to take[/s] I have a short temper and an inability to control it in response to a challenge to my authority and would again reading some of these replies explains a great many things.

FTFY.

I went mental because my kid took money that wasn't his to take and would again reading some of these replies explains a great many things.

Ah come on OP, did you honestly think you would get a unanimous response from STW that what you did was 100% correct and totally awesome and exactly what everyone on here would have done?

What no hummus? You need to put your house in order mate!

Sounds like you're probably stifling his creativity, and limiting his self-expression too. You monster! 😉

My dad had a jar of change when I lived at home (probs still does) it was full of brown coins mostly but if you rummaged around you could come up with the odd 50p or even v occasionally a quid!! I used to help myself to it.

How would you have reacted? As my dad was pretty much not bothered.

Your son probably understands the concept of stealing, and maybe technically he sort of did, when he helped himself to your loose change, but is it really worth going 'mental' about it?

I hope he came back with an empty tube, smiled at you as you were 'going bonkers' and said to you "well you know how it is dad, once you pop you cant stop", that should have softened the blow for you that your son was stealing off you.

Way too harsh reaction IMO, you're going to be a v stressed out individual by the time he is 16, maybe even dead from stress.

It's true I'm a monster Binners

BoardinBob - Member
Seriously, you went 'mental' over some crisps? have a word with yourself
+1

Your son now thinks his dad's a dick

He is meant to be a parent not a mate. The kid was in the wrong he stole money he needs to know it is not acceptable at that age.

Out of interest what punishment did the OP dish out?

He is meant to be a parent not a mate.

I think being a parent means trying not to flip your lid over a minor transgression.

He is meant to be a parent not a mate. The kid was in the wrong he stole money he needs to know it is not acceptable at that age

Can you not be both ?

Stealing money is taking it from your mums purse without permission. Not buying a bag of Pringles with the change when you're given money.

I've had him killed so all sorted now

You asked you 13 year old son to do an errand and they did it without complaining or making a fuss - great result
You gave them far too much money for a loaf of bread (assuming this isn't an Islington artisanal loaf we're talking about) so they used some change for an alternative source of carbohydrate as well as the bread - fair enough
You flipped out - not cool.

You sound like the mum in Jack and the beanstalk...

I've had him killed so all sorted now

You fool! You've just cut off a potential household revenue stream

[img] [/img]

Poor lad, he must have been thrilled to be entrusted with the tenner and was overcome with consumer lust and a feeling of wealthy recklessness when he saw the Pringles on the shelf.

I'd have told my own lad aged 15:

1 - You should really ask when you spend other people's money, as a courtesy.

2 - You should have brought them back to your Mum as a present; she would have said "no thanks I'm on a diet" and then you could have scoffed them with a clean conscience.

He won't forget the scolding though - I went to the shops when I was about ten and emptied my piggy bank onto the counter to buy an Airfix model but it turned out I was 3 pence short. The shop assistant told me to take the model and come back later so I went to my Mum to ask her for the 3 pence because I knew it was important to pay it straight back. She bollocked me for borrowing money, a lesson I never forgot.

Edit: kids in their early teens are desperate to please and be popular, my own son is currently curling up with embarrassment because while watching the TDF go past he shouted out "Come on Brad!" in a moment of enthusiasm. We keep assuring him that nobody heard but he is mortified anyway.

Taking something that's not yours without asking is wrong I'm amazed anyone would disagree. But fair enough I am just old fashioned and too strict. I'll get some coke and he and I can talk it over on the gak.

Finally.... some bloody common sense. Don't forget the hookers for later

joolsburger - Member

Taking something that's not yours without asking is wrong I'm amazed anyone would disagree.

It could be argued he was given it... never took it.

"bring back the change" is what my mum would have said to me ...

I'm staggered that someone who's a parent would act like this towards their own child. I'm all for instilling values, morals and scruples in mine, but there are ways and means of doing it.

weeksy - Member
He is meant to be a parent not a mate. The kid was in the wrong he stole money he needs to know it is not acceptable at that age
Can you not be both ?

Stealing money is taking it from your mums purse without permission. Not buying a bag of Pringles with the change when you're given money.

Shit I've been getting this whole stealing thing wrong!

Right I'm going to buy myself a Liteville 301 on my GPC after all I did use it for my train tickets for work I will use the rest on a new bike.

It wasn't his money....