Necessity is the mother of invention, and stupidity its cousin. We bring you a selection of instances where ‘Having the wrong thing’ (or forgetting the right thing) brought the family together. Don’t chuckle too hard – next time, it might be you. Thanks to our Forumites for their stories.
Words: As Told To Hannah
Intimate Solutions
Having had all sorts of past traumas I usually have a little ziplock bag full of all sorts of little bolts and grommets, from chainring bolts and rotor bolts to quick links, etc. I’m also the sort of smug git that pulls out the bag of magic bits when someone else has a trailside cock-up.
The law of sod bit me firmly in the ass when we were out in the middle of a big Welsh hilly ride and my rear brake lever decided to no longer be attached to the rest of the lever body at the pivot as the bolt had fallen out. (Muggins had just fitted pimpy aftermarket levers and not done something up properly.) After a panic and high-speed bailout with some choice words and lots of piss-taking, it should have been an easy fix… except I had left the little bag of bolts and bits on the workbench at home.
What I needed was a small diameter straight rod with bolts at either end. A quick furtle in some intimate areas and ta-da! Turns out a titanium body piercing bar makes a great emergency brake bolt (now referred to as ‘Tazzy’s titty pivot’ by the buggers I ride with).
Lots more piss-taking for the rest of the ride, but at least it got me home!
- tazzymtb
Wardrobe Malfunctions
Drove with some mates out to Ambergate, got there to realise I’d left my SPD shoes at home. My friend’s mate lived around the corner and said he’d have some flat pedals I could borrow. Great, I thought, the ride can continue. He only had one spare, so I had to do the ride on one flat pedal and one SPD in a pair of trainers with no decent grip.
- StuF
Turned up to ride The Gap in Brecon with only a builder’s site helmet. I live just outside London, so going back home was not an option. I had to decide if riding lidless or with the completely wrong helmet was the best bet. Risk compensation meant I rode the rocky descent fairly gingerly.
- Dickyboy
Arrived at the ride location with my Dad and everything was great… Then it was announced he forgot his riding shoes. Rather than abandoning the ride we mashed up his pair of Crocs and some tape, and rode 18 miles off-road at Wentwood Forest. Even Martyn Ashton said they were disgusting, but it worked. Proper trail bodge
My Dad was 81 at the time… he is still riding now.
- RedThunder
I turned up (from London) to one of the Hit the North races with my cross bike and realised I’d brought my full-face helmet, not a normal helmet. The feeling of dread when I realised I could either not race or have the combination of cross bike and downhill helmet. Suffice it to say I did enter and it was mentioned on the Forum at the time. My toes still curl at the thought.
- Plumber
Storms across Rutland and Northamptonshire meant that our normal night ride around Wakerley Woods was a no-go… only two of us were out riding and neither of us fancied riding in the dark and slop. A gravel ride around Rutland Water was on the cards instead.
After driving 45 minutes to the pub to meet up, I realised I only had a normal riding jersey and no waterproof coat – nothing to keep me warm. It was 3°C with an icy wind blowing across the reservoir. What could I do?! I popped into the pub and asked the barman if I could raid the lost property. He (very kindly) agreed. The only thing that was appropriate AND big enough to fit was a heavy-knit polyester women’s cardigan. I was apprehensive, [but] it was a 45-minute journey home. On went the cardigan (tucked into trousers), and over the top went the tech jersey.
Turns out it was PERFECT for the job. My core was kept warm, the rain was kept off and my riding partner and I had a mooch around 26km of gravel… ride saved!
- explorerboy
Damn Standards
Many, many years ago, perhaps not the dawn of my MTB fascination, but certainly quite early morning, I, and Phil, a work colleague, headed out to Edale for a loop. He had only just bought a bright yellow Specialized Stumpjumper, RockShox Judy up front, these wider 2.0in tyres that were becoming fashionable – when all’s said and done, quite a nice bike! I’m sure I was on my GT Zaskar, 80mm Manitou X-Vert forks and V brakes… As I said, a while ago.
The weather was horrid but we went anyway. I can’t remember exactly which route we took, but we definitely dropped down Oxlow Rake. I know that because Phil had a puncture. Punctures were not uncommon and spare tubes and repair kits were always carried so new tube, tyre levers and pump were produced. What Phil hadn’t realised was the new Stumpy had wheels with a racy Presta valve-sized hole in the rim. For reasons that aren’t clear we’d always run tubes with Schrader valves. None of our spare tubes would fit. Not a problem, we’ll just get the patches and glue out.
Now, I’d mentioned the weather was horrid. It was a proper cold and wet Peaks day – not quite sleet and snow, more thick rain. The glue just wouldn’t cure. Maybe we were impatient because it was cold and wet, who knows, but the patch wouldn’t stick. We were also at the furthest point from the car so a plan was hatched that I’d go back for the car and Phil would walk as far as he could until I met him. As we passed the farm at the bottom of the hill the farmer was pottering about in a shed and Phil had an idea. We explained the problem and could Phil borrow a drill…
He then set about drilling out the valve hole to take a Schrader valve. It did work and we got a tube in, thanking the farmer we headed off up the hill. There may have been swarf in the tyre, there may have been a sharp edge from drilling, or there may have been an unseen thorn in the tyre, but it didn’t take long for the tube to lose all its air again. We changed tubes again, checked the tyre, but again after a few minutes it was flat.
Plan B was then put into action and I headed off to collect the car while Phil began a longish walk. Fairly shortly after, new correct tubes were sourced, and the rim suffered no ill effects despite being attacked with a fairly blunt drill bit!
- MartynS
Learning The Hard Way
A friend’s daughter is bikepacking through Europe and Northern Africa. She did a bike maintenance course before she went. So far on her trip:
She bent the rear mech, and when she went to replace the hanger she couldn’t work out why the QR axle didn’t fit. It was because the bike had replaceable dropouts to swap between QR and thru-axle. Talk about learning the minutiae of bike maintenance the hard way.
On the same trip, it was only when she got her first puncture that she realised that her replacement inner tubes were Schrader valve, and her rims were Presta.
Both easily done. Our riding group does have a yearly award for best mechanical failure, so she’s probably going to win that, but there’s no shame in it and there but for the grace of God go the rest of us.
- Kramer
Don’t Lose Your Head
Camping. Turning in for the night, I realised with horror that the rubber bung for the airbed was missing. Not relishing a night on the floor, I improvised with a Maglite and a mallet. It held all night.
- Cougar
Left for summer holiday with bikes a day early, intending to overnight in a hotel. At the hotel car park when I’m unloading the bikes for more secure storage I find out that I don’t have the correct key to the rack to unlock the other bike from it. I then recall ‘organising the keys’ just before we left. Breaking the lock was way too easy, I’ll never trust them again for anything.
- Mmannerr
We occasionally use a van to shuttle a part of a ride, for example starting Jacob’s Ladder from Castleton, leaving a car at the bottom of Mam Tor, shuttling bikes and riders up the first boring tarmac hill in a van, then at the end of the ride driving the car back to retrieve the van. One individual, who shall not be named but is a partner in a law firm, has not once, but twice, left his car keys in the shuttle van at the top of the hill, rendering the whole plan useless!
- Mattkkitch
About six of us took a road trip to do some of the 7stanes, with the first ride at Kirroughtree being about a five-hour drive away. Got there, unloaded the kit and bikes, everyone mega excited. I go to fit my rear wheel and something isn’t right – it doesn’t fit in the axle properly with a weird gap (this was years ago before any of us understood how bikes work). Cue lots of head scratching, but we all eventually agreed that some of sort of fitting was missing (the hub endcap, basically). I was adamant it was fine when we left home, so we all went on an intricate search of the car, my kit and the surrounding area to find something that looked like a washer. We all knew what we were looking for, without knowing what it actually looked like. Eventually we gave up, and the bike shop rescued me with a cheap washer that fitted OK.
Later in the pub, discussing the ride, one of my friends casually put his hand in his pocket and said “By the way, lads, I found this on the floor, what do you think it is?” He produced a little red hub end cap. Again, we didn’t know exactly what I’d lost, but it was so obviously this little red circular component… Turns out he’d found it just before I realised something was wrong, popped it in his pocket for safe keeping and then took full and enthusiastic part in the detailed search, even loudly saying things like “Lads, I reckon it must look something like a thick metal washer.” He then took it all the way around the ride.
- dan30237
