One couple is struggling to ride together as family dynamics have changed their lives. Can it be like it was in the beginning, and who needs to change their expectations?
Rebecca:
I just want it to be like it used to be, where we had fun on bikes together.
We met at our university’s mountain biking club, so mountain biking and outdoor activities have always been a big part of our lives. We used to go on lots of adventures, and although Simon was a bit faster and more confident than me, it was always fun to ride together and we didn’t seem that far apart in ability. Then we had kids. When they were babies I just felt too tired to ride much, and some post-partum physical issues made riding uncomfortable. Now they’re bigger and I’m getting stronger again, I’d like to get back into mountain biking, but I feel like I’ve been left behind. Simon is just so much fitter and more confident me, I feel like I’m holding him back. He says he doesn’t mind waiting for me at the top of the hills, and that he gets to ride the technical routes with his mates on their Saturday rides, so he doesn’t mind riding easier stuff with me. But I can’t help feeling like he’d rather be out on his own.
I have wondered if a new bike might motivate me and make me feel more confident, but it seems like an awful lot of money and there’s not really anything wrong with my Trek Lush. In fact, I barely got to ride it before the kids came along, so it feels like a waste. I don’t really know anyone else I could go and ride with, and riding on my own I worry what would happen if I fell off, so I stick to things that feel safe. I want to keep trying to ride with Simon, but maybe I should give up and ride on my own. We’re lucky that we both get time off mid week when the kids are at school or nursery, and I just want it to be like it used to be, where we had fun on bikes together.
Simon:
I think that her problem is confidence more than fitness.
I know I’m a lot better and stronger at riding than Rebecca, but that’s to be expected – I’m a big guy and I’ve been riding for longer than her, since she had time off having the kids. I think I’ve also got more confident by having riding trips away with my mates during this time – we always egg each other on if we’re at Dyfi Bike Park, or Morzine, or whatever. But I don’t mind taking a step back to ride with Rebecca, I don’t mind waiting for her to catch up and it’s nice to spend time together without the kids. I do try to be encouraging, I think she’s better than she realises, but I feel like she doesn’t let me help her or offer advice. She’s sort of already decided she can’t do something before she’s had a go. I know she knows how to do it really, she used to ride all sorts before she had the kids.
I know she’s bothered about her weight, but it’s to be expected after kids, and I think that her problem is confidence more than fitness. One time she tried riding my eMTB, but being easy to get up the hills didn’t seem to make much difference to what she could ride down, and she didn’t like how heavy the bike felt. Her own bike is in great condition, and it’s carbon and light, so it doesn’t seem like it’s worth upgrading it for the sort of riding she’s doing just now.
Sometimes I see women out riding in a group when I’m out with mates on a Saturday, and I’ve thought maybe Rebecca could join them. But I don’t really want to give up my Saturday rides with my mates. Which sounds a bit selfish, but I don’t know when else I’d get to ride. I think Rebecca should just try a bit harder to be confident and keep riding with me during the week. Eventually she’ll get used to it again and she’ll get better, she just needs to stop talking herself down.
What’s the solution to marital harmony? Is either of them being unreasonable in their expectations? Give your advice to Rebecca and Simon in the comments, and vote in the poll to record your verdict.
You decide!
Have you got a MTB moral dilemma? Send it in to editorial@singletrackworld.com and put your problem out there for judgement. Will you be given the lawn sausages of disapproval, or can you claim the moral high ground?
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