When Chipps got married last year, inevitably there was a stag gathering in the mountains with bikes. Much to everyone’s relief it was a rather civilised affair with lots of good wine, many cheeses, and acoustic music from Chipps’s personal troubadour ‘Jazzy Brian’. No one got shaved or tied to a lamp post. Most of us woke up in another country… but that was no big deal as we knew we were going to Wales before we set off. However, after so much high-grade civility we found ourselves somewhat physically embarrassed the next morning.
So, with a stinking hangover, I set about breakfast, pulling in a bunch of food tricks I learnt on the road and at Scout camp.
Crumpets are the industrial sponge of the larder, a giant carb-y killer vacuum cleaner consuming all eggs in its path. And the drink… that was discovered one morning in a shack beside a dirt road in dusty Baja in Mexico, whilst grappling with the world’s worst tequila hangover, which it fixed in about 15 minutes. How does it work? It simply gives your body issues that are more immediate than the hangover. ‘Oh, I have a headache…’ ‘No problem, allow me to set fire to your face and we will see if that pesky little headache is still an issue.’
Real Beans
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- Chopped onion
- Can of mixed or pinto beans in water, drained
- Tomatoes, chopped up
- Chilli, sliced
- Smoked paprika
- Soy sauce
- Tomato purée
Fry the onion until soft. Add the beans, tomatoes, chilli, paprika and a slosh of the soy sauce. Add some water. Stir it up, add a squirt of puree, stir, and low simmer for 20 mins.
Eggy Crumpets
- Eggs
- Smoked paprika or chilli powder
- Crumpets
Whisk the eggs with a little chilli powder and smoked paprika. Dunk the crumpets in the mix and soak up as much eggyness as possible. Gently fry in a pan, flipping a few times.
Michelada
- Chilli powder or Schwartz Cajun spice mix, on a saucer
- Lager, cold
- Tabasco sauce
- Tomato juice, chilled
1. Take your glass and rub the rim with lime juice.
2. Invert the glass and dip the rim in the saucer of spices. These have now stuck to the lime juice.
3. Half fill the glass with lager, then a good few sloshes of Tabasco, a squeeze of lime, then top up with tomato juice.
4. A gentle stir before you pop a wedge of lime on the rim.
This is easily scaled up for large groups of people. Simply pop the crumpets in the oven while you fry the next batch. We served this with lots of sausages, also cooked on a baking tray in the oven for top level convenience. It is also dead easy to make, with almost no kitchen skills required… which is handy when you can’t make the payments on a civility-induced physical overdraft.
