Yes, it’s February the 14th. Time for some sort of Valentines-crowbarred themed listicle! No matter what happens, just remember, we will always love you.
1. Your parents are wondering when you’re going to stop playing with ‘toys’ and get into a proper sport like golfering.
2. The shoes. Oh the shoes. You have more than your partner.
3. They’re starting to suspect that those long walks in the woods are actually to find out where those interesting looking trails go. They are right.
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4. Your driving is constantly distracted by glimpsed trails seen from the motorway, playing ‘identify the bike’ on roof racks 400 yards ahead, as well as trying to see the bike being ridden by the pretty girl/boy that you don’t notice.
5. You’re meeting strangers in the woods every Thursday night while wearing special clothing and protection.
6. The washing machine isn’t going to last long at this rate.
7. Every time you come back after a wet ride, you either tramp through the house in muddy, soaked socks, spraying mud everywhere, or you strip naked in the hallway where all the neighbours can see.
8. You think that Peaty and Danny MacAskill are the best role models for your kids.
9. You only consider injuries worthy of medical attention if actual bone is visible. You apply this same measure to your kids.
10. You can’t shave your legs because you’d have to go round the scabs, leaving tufts.
11. You turn up to work on a Monday morning looking like you’ve been out fighting. How are you ever going to climb the career ladder looking like that?
12. Potential car purchases are looked at purely with their bike carrying capacity in mind. More than two seats are a bonus and a turbo is less exciting than fitted seat covers and jetwashable rubber floor matting.
13. Potential house purchases are looked at purely with their bike storing capacity in mind. You know there was a garage and a great shed, but have no idea how many bedrooms it has or whether there was central heating.
14. You ask if you can put a jet washer on your wedding gift list.
15. Living in a van does not seem like a signifier that life has gone wrong.
